iFeel

by Marissa Carmel

  Justice grimaces. He doesn’t seem very talkative this evening.

  I try to swallow Daniel’s words, but they are just as hard to digest as Justice’s this morning. However, instead of getting up and storming out of the room, I sit right where I am, listening, waiting; waiting for it all to make sense.

  “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to sound rude, but this all so preposterous to me. I mean, my entire life I’ve been plagued with a disease that has me walking a fine mental line, and now I’m afraid I’ve finally reached its fateful end. Where, in my true reality, I am strapped to a metal table in a white padded room.”

  Justice’s eyes grow wide as he realizes what I’m saying, “You think you’re insane?” He asks appalled.

  “Well, you go around sucking up the emotional energy of every person in a three-mile radius and let’s see how mentally stable you are.” I say defensively.

  Justice gives Daniel a disgusted look, as if I personally offended him. Daniel just returns a calming stare.

  “This is quite interesting,” Daniel comments. “You say you can feel the emotions of people around you?”

  “Yes.” I answer calmly; I would much rather speak to Daniel at the moment.

  Justice crosses his arms frustrated and falls back into his chair staring strongly at Daniel. The silence between them makes me feel like there is some A/B conversation that I just can’t C my way into.

  “Liv,” Daniel says, “there are things in this world that are beyond the norm, beyond the scope of basic human abilities. Things that were incepted from the planet’s birth and that have evolved with time and space. Few know of this clandestine world, but to be a part of it is very special.”

  “Do you understand what Daniel is telling to you?” Justice asks forcefully.

  “Not really.” I admit; my mind is rejecting the insinuation.

  Justice huffs, as his patience grows increasingly thin.

  “You. Are. Supernatural. You have magical abilities, do we need to draw diagrams?” Justice fumes.

  I don’t understand why he is being so short with me; his patience runs out faster than a New York minute. I give him an implausible stare; I wonder how he would react if it were he on the receiving end of this conversation.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologize unconvinced. “There’s just no such thing as magic unless you’re talking about Chris Angel.”

  “I thought we went over this morning.” Justice said irritated.

  “We did, but it just doesn’t feel real to me; it makes more sense to believe I have finally cracked up.” I stare straight into his frustrated Caribbean blue eyes. For a moment, a thought I saw some sort of sympathy on his face, but if it was there it quickly disappeared.

  I know that expression well; my entire life people have seen me as this poor tortured creature, someone who’s different, who can’t handle the life that’s all around her. I hate that look, that pitiful stare. It makes being different worse. It makes it feel worse.

  I look away, back to Daniel, ignoring what I thought just I saw. Justice is the last person on earth, I would ever want to feel sorry for me.

  “It seems we’ve come to a small impasse.” Daniel said tapping the tips of his index fingers together. “Liv, what if I can help persuade you that you haven’t, cracked up, as I believe you put it.”

  I shrug “I guess you can try.” I don't know what would be more frightening, believing I was sane or believing in the phenomenon.

  Daniel smiles, “would you like some hot tea?”

  Not really I think to myself; it is already warm in the room, but I’m the only one who seems to notice the temperature. I would much rather prefer a cold bottle of water, but I don’t want to be rude, so I say “Ok.”

  Daniel looks quickly between Justice and me. His kind, tranquil eyes take on a cunning stare. He doesn’t move from his seat as he runs his long graceful arm over the glass tabletop. His palm stretched wide above the void. I watch cynically, confident at any moment I’m going to wake up in a white padded room.

  My eyes follow his movements. My attention is grabbed as his hand starts to illuminate and the cavity trembles. I question what I’m seeing. And then, like it was pulled from thin air, an entire antique tea set appears. A sterling silver, English style, tea set! My jaw falls open as I peer at the materialized service.

  “It's real Liv.” Daniel assures me.

  I stare dumbfounded. Justice’s trick was cool, but Daniel’s blew me away.

  “Do you know why I choose tea, Liv?" He asks as he pours a cup.

  “It's an English pastime?” I answer in a shaky voice.

  “Not exactly.” He smirks.

  “One, because, you can physically touch it, taste it, and smell it. Second, it usually helps to calm a shocked nervous system.”

  “I don’t think the word shocked quiet captures it.”

  He passes me a saucer, and I grip it tightly with both hands, trying to keep the liquid from wobbling right out of the cup. I take a sip. I feel like I just stumbled after Alice into Wonderland. My thoughts are a hurricane in my head; this cup is real, this table, this chair, this house, these people, and me. It is all real. As the actualization sets in I accept it. It’s way better than being crazy I convince myself.

  “So are we confident there is no straight jacket and padded room?” Daniel asks.

  I nod staggeredly.

  “Good, now that we have that out of the way we need to address another issue. Your fickle aura. As far as I can tell, what you think is a mental disorder, is really an empathic ability. You feel what others feel and therefore, take on their emotions as your own. I understand why your life feels so overwhelming; it isn’t uncommon for Empath’s to lead very sheltered existences if they can’t control their gift. The world can be a suffocating place.”

  Suffocating, he hit that nail right on the head.

  “An Empath.” Justice comments curiously.

  “Is that bad?” I ask him.

  “No, just interesting.” He says and leaves it at that.

  I look to Daniel for more answers.

  “Are you saying I’m like, some kind of psychic?”

  “Yes, you can call it that, it’s not an uncommon trait. Many humans have this gift even without supernatural abilities. They are just tender to emotions. Yours tenderness is magnified tenfold because of the magic inside you.”

  I start to think about all the conversations I’ve had with Nikkee, was it so apparent to everyone else but me?

  “You look a little upset Liv,” Daniel observes.

  “I was just thinking about something that happened recently,” I said rubbing my forehead like the stupid idiot I am, “I think I was in some serous denial.”

  “Denial or not, you know what you are now, and we need to know more. Justice will take you to see Cross tomorrow.” It sounded more like an order than a request, but I’m not exactly sure whom it was directed to.

  “Ugh, Cross.” Justice grunts disgusted.

  Daniel gives Justice a passive look. “You know he’s the only one who can help.”

  Justice just rolls his eyes.

  “Liv, we need to understand what you are, and Cross is the only person who can dig deep enough to do that.”

  “How?”

  “Oh, you’ll see.” Justice remarks.

  His obscure answer doesn’t exactly comfort me.

  “Liv, would you mind excusing us for a moment?” Daniel asks with an eye on Justice, “I would like to have a quick word.”

  I look up at Justice “You can wait downstairs in the media room,” he tells me. “It’s through the kitchen; I’ll come get you.” His tone is even and calm, like all the hostility from the day magically melted away. He is so curious to me; he can control his face to hide any inkling of thought he is having while his moods swing at you like a razor-sharp pendulum. I’ve never met anyone so restrained and yet so tethered.

  I left the beautifully decorated room and slowly walked down the hallway towards the stai
rs trying to process the elucidation about my life. It was strange, even with this new knowledge, I didn’t feel any different; I still had the same hesitation when it came to the world. And even stranger, being in his house, I haven’t felt anyone but myself; an awareness that has just come to light. It’s a bizarre sensation, and for the first time ever my emotions are mine, and mine alone.

  Meet the Fam

  As I walk down the curved staircase, I can hear voices echoing through the house. I follow the sound, and through the kitchen, I can see the media room Justice spoke of. Around a large, blue felt table, three boys are grossly involved in a game of pool.

  I watch them timidly from behind the door frame. All three have empyreal beauty with acute eyes, jeweled like Justice’s. Their movements graceful and controlled like the contours of a cat.

  “You can come in,” the one with the broad shoulders says to me. He has a playful smile and warm green eyes, like the color of perfectly irrigated grass.

  “I’m Liv.” I introduce myself timorously after I emerge.

  “We know,” he answers putting out one hand. “I’m Aayden.”

  “That’s Jayden,” he nods across the table to a thinner boy with the same dark spiky hair and green eyes. “And Derrin,” who is rock god gorgeous in a royal blue shirt that matches the color of his eyes.

  “Nice to meet you.” I am incredibly intimidated; the only time I have ever been around this many good-looking guys is when my Vogue subscription piles up.

  “Wanna play?” Aayden asks. “We could use a fourth.”

  “No, that’s ok,” I never learned how to play pool, and I would like to forgo looking like an idiot in front of the three phenomenally beautiful boys.

  I sit down to wait on the ledge of one of the huge bay windows that are cushioned with pillows in crimson and cream. If my parent’s house is a snow globe, Justice’s is a display case.

  I admire the view; the sun has faded, and only a crescent moon hovers over the dark water on this beautiful summer night.

  I watch quietly as the boys shoot pool. There was that same uncomfortable silence in the room, as if they are partaking in a private conversation. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  “So what happened up there?” Aayden asks.

  All eyes immediately focus on him.

  “What? I know you’re both wondering the same thing.” He says beating Jayden and Derrin back with a verbal stick.

  The three boys fixate on me, and I flush. They’re dazzling eyes, and luminescent skin is encroaching.

  “I found out I am kind of a psychic.”

  “Really?” Jayden says extremely interested “What kind?”

  “An Empath.”

  “Uh oh, you’re dangerous.” Derrin abruptly interjects, gripping the pool stick tightly in his hand.

  Dangerous? Me? “Why?”

  “Because, you deal in emotion, not just fortune telling.”

  “I hate it when you call it that!” Jayden snaps.

  “Don’t be so sensitive,” Derrin snaps back. “I’m trying to explain.”

  I listen to the boy’s sibling banter trying to keep up.

  “Clairvoyance or divination deals with visions, past, present or future, it can’t enter a person’s mind or soul. It can’t show what someone is thinking or feeling; only doing. You’re dangerous because you can see the real in people.” He walks around the large pool table to come closer to me. I watch him intensely as he leans on his pool stick, tilting it in my direction. “It’s impossible to lie to you; people can manipulate what they do or what they say, but emotions, they’re impossible to control. No one wears a mask when they’re around an Empath. That’s why you’re dangerous.”

  I sat there absorbing his words. I guess I never look at it that way; I never wanted to know anyone’s secrets it just kind of came with the territory.

  “Jayden over here is on the clairvoyant end of the psychic stick, he uses reflections to see one’s path.”

  “Reflections?” I glance at him. “Like, Mirror Mirror?”

  “Something like that.” Jayden smiles brazenly. “Would you like a demonstration?”

  I guess if I can deal with leaping immortals and materializing tea sets I can deal with this, I thought. I might as well start getting used to Wonderland.

  He walks over to the immense rectangular mirror that is framed in black leather.

  “Stand here, next to me,” he pulls me close to him. In the mirror are our reflections, Derrin and Aayden stand behind us also wanting a show.

  Jayden touches the mirror’s surface, and it ripples like water being skipped by a stone. I watch amazed. The image of us quickly fades as the glass rolls over with grey shimmery smoke.

  “Touch it,” he says, “and think of someone.”

  So I do.

  I place my finger on the smoky plane almost expecting my arm to pass right through it. My wonder provokes me. I think of Nikkee. The smoke clears, and I can see her patrol car come into view. She’s leaning against it dressed in her work blues. Her hair is pulled back into a low blonde bun; her makeup light and fresh and her clothes flawlessly pressed over her perfect figure. And she’s not alone. Davis is there. I can see the excitement in her eyes and the smile on her face, but it shocks me to feel the thrill in her soul.

  “Who's the hottie?” Aayden asks. “I love a girl in uniform."

  “Nikkee.” I tell him.

  “Sister?” Jayden looks at me.

  “No. Not by blood anyway.”

  I am entranced by the scene unfolding before me, their voices merely vaporized in my head.

  Here’s a first, emotional ease dropping through inanimate objects. I feel a bit like a peeping Empath. I spy uncomfortably as Davis embraces her. The kiss is long and passionate, and in that moment, I know she was his. It breaks my heart in a way, to watch her move on, while I’m oppressed in the camp of confinement.

  I want nothing more than to pull my attention away from the magic mirror; the intimate scene was not meant to be shared, with me, or the scrutinizing immortals, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

  “Do you like want us to leave the three of you alone for a while?” Derrin asks snidely. “You seem to b....” he traces off. His distraction distracts me. I pull my hand away from the haunting scene and follow his gaze; I swear I just heard him growl. His attention is fixated on the bay window, and it is alarmingly intense.

  “Did you hear that?” He asks Aayden whose face is just as stern. However, before he can respond, there’s a loud crash that throttles my heart. I can’t see anything out of the large dark windows, but the room suddenly becomes bone chillingly quiet. It unnerves me. Unexpectedly there’s another crash and a blur of a young woman busts into the room. She’s carrying something in her arms like a quarterback running a football.

  “Incoming!” She yells, and within that second, there are bodies scattering everywhere. Before I can process what’s happening, Jayden locks his arm around my waist and forces me into a corner, the motion is sudden and effortless. He shields me against the wall with his body. There are things crashing all around me, but I can’t see the advances. There’s hissing, growling and yelling from every direction, as if chaos ensued. I can feel Jayden’s breaths get deeper and his body quiver, like he’s trying to control a beast from within. I don’t attempt to move; the sounds are enough. I put my hands over my face and keep my body impaled to the wall shaking with fear.

  It’s over in a few long seconds, then Jayden releases me from his guard.

  “Liv, you can turn around now.” A familiar ear pleasing voice says. Justice’s tone is soft and his touch consoling. With my body still plastered against the wall, I lift my face out of my hands.

  When I finally muster enough courage to turn around, all that’s left of whatever it was, is a spot of black dust and a stained pale blue carpet.

  “What happened?” Daniel looks down at the ruined rug.

  “A stray followed Jocelyn home.” Derri
n announces, glaring in her direction.

  “It isn’t my fault!” A soft voice echoes from beyond the kitchen. “He was stalking us all day! I tried to lose him, what else was I supposed to do?”

  A tall, thin young woman enters the room carrying a small child, who seems to be remarkably calm. Which is more than I can say for myself.

  She has piercing Sapphire blue eyes and golden corn silk hair cut bluntly at her neck; with pouty pink lips and the same golden glow as the rest of her family. If I was feeling any kind of inferiority before, I might as well be that dust on the ground compared to her ravishing beauty.

  “Don't let the innocent act fool you, she is a lioness on the inside.” Aayden leans over and whispers.

  “I heard that.” She says with a stifling look.

  “Daniel, I'm sorry, but really what other choice did I have?” She said bouncing the small baby in her arms.

  “Jocelyn I know, don't worry; you did the right thing; I just wish my carpet was spared.”

  Daniel leans over the mess and slowly moves his hand across the soiled rug. Before my eyes, the stain disappears, like there had been no confrontation at all.

  I’m impressed; it’s definitely cheaper than calling Stanley Steamer.

  “What was it?” I ask peeking over Justice’s shoulder.

  “It was a Vim” Derrin says. “They’re a force that dangles between this world and the next. They target young children to sustain their existence; it's their easiest prey. He wanted Danika because she’s magical, and her energy would sustain him for a very long time.”

  “Savages.” Jocelyn spit.

  “It was after your daughter?” I say alarmed. The little girl looks just like her minus the striking blue eyes.

  “She’s not my daughter.” She laughs, bouncing the baby. “I’m her nanny.”

  “Her nanny?” I can’t help but eye her up and down. Jocelyn is definitely no Mary Poppins. She looks more like she should be sporting a Hermes bag instead of a diaper bag.