He looks at me adoringly “personal reasons.”
“Well, I’m a person, you can tell me.”
He bites his lip before he speaks, “I never really got much out of my first life; I would want a second chance to do it right.”
“How do you mean?”
“The most influential memories I have from my human life are love. The way my father loved my mother, the way Derrin loved Neve. I would want to experience that.”
I suddenly realized that it doesn’t matter if you’re supernatural, superhuman or supercilious, there are the same basic wants streaming into everyone; longing for companionship, a house that is really a home, and a family to grow old with. I never really wished for any of those things, up until recently they seemed off limits, and I foolishly accepted that. Maybe it’s because I didn’t know any better, until now-until Justice.
“You can’t experience love as an immortal?” I ask as several hundred emotions swirl inside me.
“It’s not the same, human love is pure and natural, not, tainted.”
“Well, I’m not exactly sure what your definition of tainted is, but I’ve felt all kinds of human love, and yes; it is pure and beautiful, but it’s also messy and painful. First life or second, I have a feeling it’s all the same.”
He looks at me with an expression I can’t quite interpret, like he knows something I don’t.
He brushes my hand gently across his cheek, and merely smiles. “Your way to intuitive for your own good,” he tells me.
***
We are the last to arrive at Tattoo.
Through the crowd, I can see the group of Seraph’s sitting around a VIP table overlooking the water. Tattoo is a lounge in Point Village. The establishment got its name from the muraled walls that look Ed Hardy inspired. It is also known for its high-priced drinks and even higher priced clientele. The band of Seraph’s fit right in; they are the personification of elite.
Aayden and Jayden’s attention is occupied by a cocktail waitress whose pleated skirt is so short even I look. Derrin, Melenia and Jocelyn wait impatiently as the boys take several minutes too long to order.
The crowd is alive and aware, mostly because of the bronze and the beautiful sitting in VIP. I can’t help feeling a little VIP myself as Justice and I walk through the mingling mob, all feminine eyes on him. Every emotion from desire to envy penetrates through me, all of them wanting a piece of the sexy Seraph. It’s amazing, the effect he has, like he radiates magnetism without even trying. The best part, he doesn’t see anyone else except me. We walk through the crowd as if we are the only two souls in existence.
We sit down at the table just as the long legged blonde departs. Four very intrigued eyes follow her wayward path. Then Aayden shoves Jayden abruptly “I saw her first bro.”
“No way man, she was totally into me; you snooze you lose,” Jayden stares sharply in the direction of the light-haired girl like she is a prize to be won.
“Oh please!” Melenia crudely interrupts them, “there are twenty other girls who look just like her in skirts just as short, go fetch.” She gestures to the buffet of singles in front of them.
The boys have this look about them, like they are thinking the most devilish thought imaginable, yet somehow mask it with an endearing smile. Aayden is giving Melenia that look right now. He scans the room, and within seconds finds a new object to acquire. He gets up from the table and makes his way over to the light-haired girl with the ridiculously tight skirt. I watch as the spiky haired Seraph in a polished Gucci shirt has her eating out of his hand within seconds. I don’t even think he had to speak.
“You know, if you could bottle that stuff you’d have a weapon of mass eroticism on your hands. It could be the next underground club drug.” I say pointing out Aayden’s God given influence. Observing the girl, I hope I wasn’t that easy for Justice to win over. She looks spellbound.
“Oh my God!” I turn to Justice, “he’s not compelling her is he?”
“What?! Of course not, we can’t make anyone fall in love with us; it’s like some unwritten magical rule. The only thing that drives the attraction is the intensity of the intended party. That girl is so hot for Aayden all she can see is a headboard. It’s sort of our curse, there’s usually never love behind the draw, just raw animalistic desire.”
What he said makes sense; Melenia is so sexually attracted to Derrin sometimes I need a cold shower. But even with that, her heart is full of him. She loves him deeper than the blackness inside her will allow me to feel. It is almost limitless.
“That’s why we hold onto love so tightly, it’s a scarce commodity in our eternal life.”
I wonder if that’s what Justice meant when he referred to love being tainted.
“Is Aayden looking for love?” I ask feeling a melancholy weight choke up the air.
“No,” he laughs, “he found exactly what he’s looking for. A way to buy the time.”
I hesitate to ask my next question, but I have to know. “Have you ever been loved before?”
He looks down at me with soft eyes. “Not in this lifetime.”
I want to profess my feelings right here and now, but the audience around us prevents me from doing so. I wonder if he thinks I’m only lustful for him and that in reality, I’m just a temporary fix in his eternal existence. It saddens me to think so, my feelings run so much deeper than that.
“Jus, I-” before I can articulate another word we are interrupted by several bottles of alcohol being placed in front of us.
“Liv, we didn’t know what you liked to drink so we ordered a little bit of everything,” Jocelyn says.
An array of flavored vodkas, champagne, and one very decadent tequila liqueur is spread out on the table. It’s like an alcoholic buffet. I can’t believe my eyes. They must have spent a small fortune on bottle service.
“What’s your poison?” Jayden asks.
“The tequila,” I say with an eager smile. I know coffee flavored tequila might sound grotesque, but trust me; it is smoother than the silk in a Dove commercial. Justice doesn’t have anything to worry about; I know where my shallow lusts lie.
“I knew I liked this girl.” Jayden says as he pours the dark liquor over ice. Justice gives him a forewarning look; I don’t know what he said, but Jayden takes the hint.
“No worries man,” he says aloud with an oblique smile.
I hate their private exchanges, especially when they’re about me.
I sip on my tequila contently, as I take in the public scene. For the first time ever, I don’t need to down a bottle of vodka to enjoy myself in a social setting.
The Stalkers’ earlier advances are still unsettling though. The threat of him is never far away.
I snuggle into the large plushy red sofa and tighter into Justice’s arm. He regards me warmly, almost reassuringly. Can you read my mind? I never imagined I could be this happy, underlying threat and all. It’s what I always wanted; a social life that doesn’t suffocate me.
After two drinks deep it’s time. I stand up and adjust my jeans. Justice immediately rises with me. “What’s wrong?” He asks distressed.
“Nothing,” I laugh looking around at the attention he’s grabbed. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have some human issues to tend to.”
“Human issues?” He says confused.
“She has to use the bathroom genius,” Melenia clarifies. “Do you still have that much to learn about humans?”
He glares at her, “you date an Empath, and then we’ll talk.”
“Well, all this Empath needs is the little girl’s room.” I pat his chest lightly.
“I’ll come!” Jocelyn announces as she swiftly moves next to me. “I need to reapply anyway.”
I find that ironic since she doesn’t need a stitch of makeup. I hate her for that. It looks as if she carries around the Caribbean in her compact, but I don’t mind the company. I like Jocelyn; she is down to earth and nurturing, with this natural streak of feral runnin
g through her. I envy her, to be that free.
My freedom is coming in small doses. My life is better now than it ever has been. Even if I never have the absolute autonomy I dream of, just being able to leave the house without a mental breakdown is enough for me.
We stand in front of the full-length mirror with impeccable lighting. Every girl passing jealous detestation at Jocelyn, I hate to admit I share a little bit of their jealously; her beauty far surpasses any of ours. Just like Justice, her linear lines and luminous skin makes her look like a Japanese anime character come to life. I watch as she polishes her pouty lips with an Yves St. Laurent lip gloss that looks like it was made specifically for her.
“Wanna try?” She hands me the tube.
“Yeah!” I grab it and gloss my lips with pleasure.
“Looks good,” she says with a smile. “Justice will love it. He loves everything about you.”
I study her. That was a bold statement from out of the blue.
“And how do you know that?” I ask curiously.
“I can read his mind, remember?”
I snap the cap back on the gloss. “I’m not so sure he loves everything.”
“Why do you say that?” She insists.
I look up at her unsure. “It’s just, sometimes I feel like he’s holding back.”
“Nonsense,” she retorts. “I’ve never seen Justice smile the way he does when he looks at you. Like you unearthed something in him, he didn’t even know was there. Cut him a little slack, it’s the first time in one hundred and fifty years, he’s found someone worth living for. It seems to be something the two of you have in common.” She winks. “Give him some time, he’ll come around.”
The girl standing next to us gives Jocelyn a strange look. I giggle uncomfortably. “She just exaggerating time for effect,” I say as I push her out the bathroom door.
As we walk back to the table through the mob of people, I can’t help but think about what Jocelyn just told me, he loves everything about you. I wonder if she used the word love in the literal or figurative sense. I’ll admit Justice has me feeling some serious emotions, and I’m not talking just some whimsy, light-hearted feelings; I’m talking some Mariah Carey Emotions. He has me hitting all the high notes. But I wonder-
“Oh! I’m sorry!” I say absentmindedly as I bump right into someone, his beer spilling down my arm. Looking back at me is a pair of very familiar hazel eyes. “Kerri!” I’m at a loss for words after that. I hoped I’d never see him again after the horrible way I left things. And to make sure that happened, I did the only logical thing and avoided him at all costs. I stuck my head in the sand like a coward with the expectation he would just go away. For the most part, he had, until now.
“Hey Liv,” he says with his sweet smile.
“Hi,” is about all I can muster. My face starts to flush from the uncertainty of the situation.
“Are you here with Nikkee?” He asks trying to make some light conversation. Too bad there’s nothing light about his feelings in the air.
“Um no, some other friends.”
“How have you been?” His eyes lock mine.
“Fine.” I try not to let his sweet soul penetrate me to long; I look away quickly.
I can’t stand having this big black ambiguous hole between us. So I do the unthinkable, and spill my guts.
“Kerri, I’m so sorry for the way I left things; it’s just my life was very complicated, well; it’s still very complicated, and I’m just starting to figure things out; I didn’t want to lead you on; I like you; I like you a lot, but there’s-”
“Someone else?” He interrupts me.
“Yes.” I answer shamefully.
“Nikkee never mentioned you had a boyfriend.”
“He wasn’t really my boyfriend at the time, and she didn’t, well, she still doesn’t know.”
His eyes sweep over my face after I’m done spewing. He knows there’s no chance for us to be together. I feel horrible as a slight pain rushes through his chest, luckily it’s nothing he can’t get over with a night out and a meaningless hookup; which makes me feel selfishly better.
“So is he here?”
“Yes, over there,” I point to the VIP table teeming with beautiful Seraphs.
“You’re dating one of the immortals?!?” Instant inadequacy pours over him. But that doesn’t bother me as much as him using the word immortal.
“Why do you call them that?” I ask with an uncomfortable smile.
“Look at them. You don’t look that perfect without some kind of genetic engineering. They’re all anyone can talk about tonight.”
“It is kind of sickening, isn’t it?” I say dryly.
He nods.
Kerri leans in and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek. His adorability reverberates all over my body. “It was really good to see you again Liv.”
“Ya,” I agree, a little sad about our parting. If my life were different, if I were different, I wouldn’t let Kerri be the one who got away.
“See you at the wedding?”
I nod, “I’ll be the one on the altar, standing next to the bride.”
I watch with overwhelming relief as he walks away and gets lost in the crowd.
Closure is good.
I turn back to the table, and it is painfully obvious our brief exchange had an audience. I walk towards Justice; his stoic expression peaks over the crowd. I know that face; something has made him very unhappy, and I think it’s me. His eyes smolder as they stare gruesomely past me in Kerri s direction. I’m not exactly sure what to say, so I just do what feels natural and wrap my arms around his waist and dig my cheek into his chest. He isn’t warmly receptive.
I never took Justice for the jealous type, but I have been wrong about things in the past.
What is he thinking?
After several long seconds, he expels a familiar breath, a happy, peaceful one. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. I look up at him, and then kiss him gently on the lips. My nerve endings light up. I can feel all eyes on us, but I don’t care. I just want him to know that he is mine, and I will forever be his.
I hear Jocelyn’s voice inside my head. It’s the first time in one hundred and fifty years he’s found someone worth living for…give him some time he’ll come around. I’m going to take her advice and hope that one day he’ll trust me enough to fully let go.
Justice’s attention is abruptly drawn away from me, as it periodically is. His eyes focus heavily on the door. I wonder if he is mutely communicating with one of the other Seraphs, but they all seem to be preoccupied. He pulls me away from his chest. “I‘ll be right back,” he says in a distressed tone, then vanishes quicker than I can ask ‘where are you going?’
A foreboding sensation scrambles up my spine as Jocelyn pulls at my arm. “Liv, come back and sit with us, I know Jayden is dying to pour you another drink.”
I do as she asks; I think it is definitely time for another drink. The night has hit some speed bumps. It’s amazing what one quick trip to the bathroom can do.
I can’t shake the bad feeling. I sip my drink slowly as I eye the crowd, waiting for Justice to appear. Every mouthful is another sip closer to the bottom of the glass, and time away from my immortal. I scratch the stemless tumbler with my finger nail, trying to hide my restlessness. I listen to the conversation Jocelyn and Melenia are having, but I don’t hear a word. I just keep sinking.
As I suck the last bit of tequila from the ice, I decide it’s time to look for Justice, I have to know what’s going on, and I can’t wait another second. I get up from the table, all eyes focus on me, but no one objects to me parting. I walk along the crowded horseshoe bar looking for the face I love, but he is nowhere in sight.
I walk out into the brisk night; my breath smokes in the cold February air. I should have grabbed my jacket; I rub my arms to keep warm. It’s quiet. Point Village is desolate in the winter; the only sounds are the faint club music coming from Tattoo and my heels taping agai
nst the plum boardwalk. I look out into the parking lot scattered with cars; it’s too dark to see anything far away. I worry that his disappearance will last another three months.
I suddenly feel a familiar energy stain the air. I know that stain; it’s haunted me in my dreams, and killed another unsuspecting innocent today. A pair of soulless black eyes with fiery vermilion rims is all I can see. I turn to rush back into Tattoo, but I’m stopped abruptly by the body in my way. I gasp. I know who he is without ever having seen his face. I recognize the agonizing pain of his heartbeat.
“A.J.! You startled me!” I put one hand over my rapidly pounding chest.
“What are you doing out here alone?” He asks drilling me with magnificent topaz blue eyes. A.J. has every striking quality of the other Seraphs, except his hair is a light sun-kissed blonde, like Jocelyn’s.
“I…I was looking for Justice,” I say a little terrified. His gaze is so intense it feels as if it is penetrating right through me. A.J. doesn’t repel his feelings from me. He lets me feel everything; his heartbreak, his necessity, and his giving protection.
“Then look behind you.”
I turn to see Justice hovering over me. They sandwich me in like two Athenian guards there to defend me.
“Something’s wrong,” I tell him.
They look at each other in that covert kind of way.
“What is it?!” I demand.
Justice looks down at me. “We think it would be best if you stayed at The Cliffs tonight.”
“What? Why?” I can feel the panic vibrate in my voice. It’s the Stalker; I know it. My first thoughts are of my family; he’s found them and possibly done something horrible and unthinkable in order to get to me. My body starts to quiver.
Mind fuck.
A.J. glances at Justice, the intense look in his eye tells me they’re conversing.
“Stop that!” I command. “Tell me what’s going on! Now!”
I can’t take the suspense any longer, just tell me my family is alive, and they are ok, before I explode. I can’t live with myself knowing they perished because of me. They have suffered enough on my behalf; death should not be their recompense.
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