Charis

by Francis, Mary

  “It depends on the individual case,” David told her. “Naturally, she should report it then try not to be alone until the case is resolved. In most cases it's just a nuisance, intimidating and frightening to be sure, but not a real danger, although there have been exceptions.”

  “What about phone calls or letters?” she added.

  “The same,” he said. “Sometimes ignoring them works, but not always. Each case should be examined individually. It’s hard to make a general statement. Why? Do you know someone who has a problem?”

  “Oh, no,” she replied. “The news report just started me thinking, that's all,” and she changed the subject, feeling pretty much the same as before she’d asked the question.

  *****

  Twice more Charis had her nightmare, waking up sobbing and terrified. Ben was worried and tried to get her to open up to him about her childhood years after her father died. He was convinced that once she was able to talk freely about it, to remember it all and bring it out into the open, her nightmares wouldn’t be as intense or as frequent, and maybe they’d even stop altogether. But it was obviously so traumatic for her to even speak about it - trying to resurrect the old fears seemed worse than the nightmares. He contented himself with being there for her, to calm and comfort her when she awoke, hoping that eventually he could persuade her to tell him all about it.

  Only a few days after Charis' second nightmare, while working in one of the NHS hospitals, Ben met up with Tim Markham. They’d been medical students together in their early years of training but Tim had gone into psychiatry and they hadn't seen each other for some time. They sat and ate lunch together.

  “Saw you on TV the other day – doing well for yourself,” said Tim with a grin.

  “Enough said about that,” was Ben's response. “I got bulldozed into it – definitely not my kind of thing.”

  They caught up on news. Tim was married and now the father of two and was enjoying his chosen field of medicine.

  “The mind is an amazing thing,” he said. “I find my work fascinating. And what's more, I'm able to keep to regular business hours, not like your lot…delivering babies all hours of the day or night.”

  “Maybe it's more than a coincidence that I've run into you today,” Ben said. “I could do with a bit of advice,” and he told Tim about Charis' nightmares and how she couldn't, or wouldn't, talk about a lot of her childhood experiences.

  “What happened to her?” Tim asked.

  Ben told him as much as he knew and then said, “I was hoping she would talk to me about it. I thought it might help her if she could open up. What is your professional opinion?”

  “I agree with you,” he answered. “But she may need to talk to someone else. What if I popped round to see her sometime? I may be able to induce her to talk to me, then she won't have to get all nervous and worried about making an appointment and coming to my office.”

  “You'd be willing to do that?”

  “Of course. What about this weekend? Janet's busy this coming Saturday afternoon. Her sister's just had a new baby and she's taking our kids to meet their new cousin…not my bag at all. I could pop over if you're not on call.”

  “No,” Ben said. “We’ll be at home. Thank you. I'd appreciate your help. But I don't know how Charis will feel.” So it was arranged.

  Saturday came. They had a quiet morning. Charis made broccoli and cheddar soup for lunch which they ate with bread rolls followed by some fresh fruit. After cleaning up the kitchen they went upstairs so Charis could practice the piano. The concert was in only a matter of days. Ben thought her rendition of the music beautiful…and perfect…but Charis felt she could use a little more polish. He sat with a medical book open on his lap, half listening to her and half listening for Tim to arrive – he hadn't said a word to Charis about him coming.

  The front door bell rang and he jumped up. “I'll get it,” he said. “You just keep practising,” and he ran down to get the door.

  Within a few minutes they were both upstairs and Tim was looking at his surroundings.

  “What a beautiful room!” he exclaimed.

  “I can't take any credit,” Ben said. “It’s all Charis' good taste,” he added with a smile.

  Charis had stopped playing and politely stood to meet their guest.

  “Sweetheart, this is a friend from my student days, Tim Markham. Tim, my wife, Charis.”

  They shook hands and Tim said, “Was that you playing? You’re exceptionally good.”

  “Thank you,” she said, looking a little embarrassed.

  “She's a very talented lady,” Ben said proudly.

  “Please, won't you sit down? May I offer you something to drink?” Charis asked him.

  “No, no thank you, I'm fine.”

  “Come sit with me,” Ben said to Charis as he settled in on the sofa. When they were comfortable, he looked at her and said, “I have a confession to make, sweetheart. I asked Tim to come. I met up with him a few days ago – we hadn't seen each other for years – and I told him about your nightmares.”

  “No, Ben, no,” she started to protest.

  “My darling girl,” he said. “You can't go on like this. It's been years now. You need to get some help. Tim is a psychiatrist. He can help you if you let him.”

  He felt her tremble and put his arm around her, pulling her to him. Her hands were in her lap, twisting together, so he put his other hand over hers trying to calm her.

  “Charis, Ben tells me that these nightmares began when you were a child after you were locked in a garden shed overnight. Is that correct?”

  She nodded.

  “How old were you then?”

  She thought for a few moments. “I think it must have been the summer I turned nine,” she said softly. “I know it was after I was sent away to school.”

  Gradually, Tim managed to pull it all from her. She told him everything; about her father's death, the funeral, being “sent away”, the strict regime she had to live under at home.

  “And what had you done to deserve such punishment?” he asked.

  “Well, I'm not really sure, but I think it was the night she found me reading in bed when I was supposed to be asleep and she screamed at me and I said something like, ‘You're not my mother! I don't have to do everything you say.’ She slapped my face for being rude and dragged me out of bed by my hair and pulled me down the stairs and outside.”

  Charis was sobbing so much that she could no longer speak and Ben held her close to him and kissed and stroked her hair.

  Tim said, “Well done! I think we just made a breakthrough here.”

  After she managed to stop crying they sat and talked some more and for the first time Charis was able to talk about her childhood experiences in full, about Mildred and Henry and the nightmares. Then they went downstairs and Ben made hot chocolate for them all and they sat and talked but about happier things.

  When Tim stood up to leave, he said to Charis, “Anytime you want to talk to me, just call. I can come here or you can come to me at my office or my home, okay?”

  Charis nodded, smiled and said, “Thank you.”

  “But you must talk to Ben about it all. Let him share the burden. He's a big strong boy. He can cope. I think you'll be just fine. Today has been a catalyst for you.” And as he left he said to Ben, “The key was when she said she was ‘sent away’. Her father dead and she was ‘sent away’, punished because her father died and it's all been jumbled together in her head. If you can get her to talk it out with you, she won't need me anymore.”

  *****

  They spent another weekend in Hampshire with Ben's family and Emily asked if they had any plans for Christmas. Ben and Charis looked at each other a little surprised. They’d been so busy they hadn't given much thought to Christmas coming up in just a few weeks.

  “I know that you may want to be establishing your own traditions for your Christmas celebration,” she said, “But I want you to know that you will be very welcome to come and s
pend as much or as little time as you wish with us.”

  “It'll depend a lot on when Ben has to work,” Charis said. “May we let you know a little later? But we’d love to spend some time with you all.”

  Emily smiled and nodded. “Well, just to let you know that we don't do gifts for everyone - the family is getting too big for that now so we have strict rules. If you’re here on Christmas Day you will be asked to provide one gift each and will be assigned a person to give it to, and no one is allowed to spend more than £20. If you don't come until later then there are to be no presents at all.”

  Charis smiled in agreement. “That sounds like a great idea,” she said.

  But before Christmas was the Music Academy concert - the last Saturday in November. It was a beautiful early winter day – it dawned bright and crisp. Ben lay in bed watching Charis still sleeping. It was one of his favourite things to do. She woke and smiled at him.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead,” he grinned as he tucked a stray tendril of her hair behind her ear and kissed her softly on her forehead. She placed her hand on his face and caressed his cheek then sat up, grabbed her dressing gown from the bed post and slipped it over her naked body before she disappeared into the bathroom. Ben watched her go, smiling to himself. He loved the way she was still so modest with him, except when they were in bed making love. She certainly had no inhibitions then. He’d commented on the way she still shut the bathroom door on him.

  Her reply had been, “You don't need to see me shaving my legs or putting on deodorant or even brushing my teeth. And you certainly don't need to see me sitting on the toilet.”

  So he’d asked her, “What about when you're in the bath or having a shower?”

  “Oh, I don't mind you being there then,” she’d answered.

  “Do you mean you don't mind me being in the bathroom or in the shower with you?”

  She thought about that for a minute and then said, “That might be quite an interesting experiment.”

  So they’d tried it and interesting was not the adjective Ben would have chosen to describe the experience, which they had repeated several times since.

  He waited for her to return, when he knew she would slip back into bed and come lovingly into his arms before they had to get up and begin their day.

  The concert was in the evening but Charis was planning on spending some time at the Academy in the afternoon helping to get everything ready. Jennifer, Emily and Giles were coming up from Hampshire for it and would be staying with them overnight, catching the train from Winchester and a taxi at the London end of their journey.

  The concert was used as a fundraiser for the Academy and Ben had bought twenty tickets which he’d distributed among their friends and his colleagues. He knew that David was planning on going, barring an emergency at work, and James and Helen would be there, but he wasn’t sure about the others. In the end, Charis had quite a large entourage come to cheer her on. Graham and Allison were there, as were Tim Markham and his wife Janet, and Kathy, the receptionist from St. Anne's, with her boyfriend. The Chandlers came and Frank and Isabella Norris. Charis was surprised, and pleased, to see Imran and Mariya there, but the most surprising of all was Mrs. Everett. Ben had felt terrible about the way he’d snubbed her and as a peace offering had taken a ticket to her and offered to drive her. Because Charis had to be there early, he’d taken her first and then come back for his parents and their next door neighbour.

  The first half of the programme was the younger and newer students - Charis' two students were in this group. There was a variety of instruments played, not just piano, that included the violin, harp, flute, clarinet, cello and even drums. They all did an excellent job. The second half began with a choral group, including a couple of soloists, followed by three of the previous years’ outstanding graduates, then Charis on the piano.

  She was wearing the dress she wore for their wedding and Ben thought he’d never seen her look lovelier. She played brilliantly, putting depth and feeling into her music. A few more of the top current students performed, a couple of singers took the stage, and then Charis again. She’d changed into her dark blue dress that Ben liked so much –he always thought of it as her magic night dress – and she sang. She sang the Canzonetta Sull' aria by Mozart, A Little Song on the Breeze from The Marriage of Figaro. Her voice was incredible, sweet and pure. Ben thought she sang like an angel and was once again in awe of her talent and it seemed as though the rest of the audience appreciated it, too, if the applause was anything to go by. The finale was the Academy orchestra playing a medley of Andrew Lloyd Webber tunes and then the concert was over.

  The Academy director invited everyone to stay for refreshments which were to be served immediately in the hall behind the auditorium. DVD’s of the performance could be ordered by anyone who wished to buy a copy on their way out. Several of the students were sitting at a table in the foyer waiting to take their orders.

  Suddenly Charis was with them and engulfed in Ben's arms, as the rest of the group stood close by. “Oh, my love!” he smiled. “What did I ever do to deserve such a beautiful and talented wife?”

  “You liked it?” she asked.

  “Liked it? Oh, Charis, what an understatement! You are incredible! I could listen to you all day.” But he had to let her go. All their friends and family wanted to talk to her, too, to give her a hug and congratulate her. She looked and felt overwhelmed so Ben eventually rescued her by reminding them all to go and get some of the refreshments.

  As Charis and Ben leisurely followed behind towards the refreshment table, Charis smiled and thanked those that offered compliments on her performance. A movement to her left caught her eye and as she turned her head, there stood Henry, leaning on a column, slowly clapping at her.

  Charis’ breath caught in her throat and she stumbled over her feet. The blood rushed from her face, leaving her pale and her forehead clammy. He’s here! Ben was looking in the opposite direction. Charis closed her eyes and attempted to take a deep breath. She would not let him ruin this night. He cannot hurt me anymore. Opening her eyes slowly, she was determined to show him that she was no longer scared of him…but he’d disappeared.

  *****

  Later that night as they lay in bed together, Ben had a thought. “Has Helen ever heard you sing or play before?” he asked.

  “I don't think so. Why?”

  “Well, I was just thinking. She's always on the lookout for talented people for her TV show.”

  “Oh, Ben! Don't say that. Don't even think it! She couldn't, could she? Anyway, I'm not good enough for that,” Charis tried to reassure herself.

  “Well, it certainly wouldn't surprise me at all,” was his response.

  And Ben was right. Just two days later, in the evening as they were relaxing after dinner, Charis' phone rang. She made Ben answer it, shaking her head as she handed it to him and saying, “I'm busy. Take a message.”

  She heard Helen's voice on the other end but couldn’t make out what she was saying, just Ben's answers.

  “Yes, it was good, wasn't it? I'm glad you enjoyed the evening.” And then, “Yes, I agree, she has an incredible talent. No, I don't think she would. She's always said her music is for her own enjoyment - not for a profession.” And then, “Well, I'll pass your message on to her but I'll be very surprised if she'll agree.”

  Charis began pacing in front of her husband as he continued. “No, I couldn't do that. You see, I'm with her on this one and she certainly has no ambition in that area.”

  And all the time Charis was shaking her head and mouthing, “No, no, no!”

  “Yes, I promise I'll talk to her about it but don't get your hopes up, Helen. By the way, how are the twins doing?” When he finally put the phone down he said, “Well you don't have to worry about anything yet. The series is finished for a few months. She's just trying to line things up for next year.”

  Charis breathed a sigh of relief and pushed it to the back of her mind.

  *****

>   Suddenly Christmas was upon them. Ben had three days off – Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day but had to be on call the weekend before and the weekend after and at work the New Year holiday. They decided that as Charis hadn't had a proper Christmas since she was seven years old they would spend their three days at Willow Bend. Emily was overjoyed. There was nothing she liked better than having her family around her. They were assigned two of the children to buy gifts for; Jessica who was four, and seven year old Stephen. They had enormous fun shopping for presents. For Jessica they bought a set of gloves, scarf and hat, a matching pair of tights and some pretty things for her hair, and as they had a couple of pounds left over, they got a colouring book and crayons. Ben said that they were the kind of things his family would give. Charis had a harder time deciding on Stephen's gift but ended up with a couple of computer games that were all the rage that year.

  As they weren't going to be home for the important part of the Christmas season, the decorating of their home was minimal. But Charis bought a wreath for the front door and a garland and fairy lights to go down the staircase bannister, and another for the upstairs fireplace mantelpiece. A small tree sat beside the french doors in the upstairs sitting room and a Nativity set was placed on the Welsh dresser in the living room downstairs and they were done.

  They also shopped for each other. Ben went back to the little boutique in Knightsbridge and bought Charis the negligee set she’d admired and Charis bought Ben a new leather briefcase, as she thought his old one was getting decidedly shabby. They also debated long and hard about getting a gift for Ben's parents and finally decided to give them a holiday. It had been months now since Giles had retired from his law firm – up until then he seemed too busy to spend much time away.

  After much discussion and research they bought tickets for a two-week Mediterranean cruise in March, at the end of winter when it would be nice to get away for some sun. Giles had always earned good money as a leading barrister but he had a large family to support, a big house and six children to educate. There was never a lot of money to spare for holidays. Ben and Elizabeth were both quite wealthy with an inheritance from their biological father, but Giles refused to touch their money even to pay for their education at the best schools. So Ben and Charis paid for a luxury cabin on a cruise ship and several day trips they knew would interest them at various ports of call. But since this was an extra present, not included or expected in the family Christmas gift giving, they would have to give it to them quietly…privately…without the rest of the family around, which is how they exchanged their own gifts.