Eternal Refuge

by Annabelle McInnes

  The sob was there. It was in Nick’s throat, his chest, his eyes, his head. The grief. The utter desolation. Despair was an understatement. This choice was no choice at all. There was only one true option.

  It destroyed him to consider it. Let alone speak it.

  Euan knew it too. The look in his eye was laced with sorrow, rage, dread. To separate was to signal the end. To admit defeat of themselves, of their connection, the tether that pulled them close and made them whole. Their individual journeys would be coated in blood and death, and they would not have each other for protection. Their backs would be vulnerable, their hearts exposed. Separate they were weaker, but separate, they could achieve more.

  Maybe, just maybe, separately they could save Kira from the motherfuckers that held her.

  Nick choked on his words. His voice broke. He tried again. ‘We split.’

  At his acquiesce, Euan’s strength left him. He crumbled. His forehead hit Nick’s, and his hands fell from his face to land on the tarmac. His fingers curled into fists that shook.

  It was Nick’s turn to bring forth his courage. He took Euan’s hands into his own and pulled them to his chest. He forced open those large palms and pressed them over his heart. His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke. ‘I came back from it. With our love, she can come back from whatever happens. We won’t have it any other way.’

  Despite the chill in the wind, Euan’s forehead was slick when he nodded against his brow.

  Knees to the tar, fingers entangled, emotions held at bay by threads of gossamer. They both comprehended the risks, the dangers, perils and threats. Not just of the odds of success, but of even finding each other again in a world without communication channels both modern and archaic.

  Euan’s voice was soft. ‘I’ll find you, I swear it.’

  The kiss that came next was desperate. It was aggressive and terrible. They tore and bit at each other’s faces. Their hands pulled at their clothes, their skin, Nick’s hair. Both of their cheeks were wet, from whose tears, it didn’t matter.

  After a moment that was both too long and too short, Nick pulled back and stood up on weak knees. The iron taste of Euan’s blood was on his tongue. He licked his lips and savoured the reminder of their humanity.

  ‘Follow the tree line. There’s a lake, smooth as glass beside a cliff face. If they’re there, they’ll find you.’

  Euan nodded, struggled to his feet. It was then that Nick saw the truth behind Euan’s steady agreement to separate. He could hardly walk. The damage he’d done in his attempt to save Kira had ruined him. Nick’s throat finally closed, locked down, clogged with too much emotion, too much sorrow. Jesus. The weight on his shoulders so heavy he stumbled.

  Euan was there to hold him up. Hands as large as his courage took his shoulders into his grip and pulled Nick to his chest. The scent of sweat and man, wood smoke and earth. Euan. It surrounded him, enveloped him and he was lost, so fucking lost. He couldn’t do it.

  ‘Shh, kid. You have to, you must. She needs you.’

  He must have spoken his fears aloud. ‘Not without you.’

  Words were in his ear. ‘You’ve done the impossible before. You’ll do it again. I trust you, believe in you. You’ve got this. Feel me?’

  Nick’s hands gripped fabric. The hold he had on the man brought pain to both his arm and his soul. ‘Fuck, I love you.’

  Euan only nodded against Nick’s hair. Nick understood it was all he could do.

  Breath eased, the tension in their hug lessoned. Euan was the first to move. ‘Take this.’

  In his hand was the picture Kira had given to Euan as they had fled from the house and the bunker. The sketch that had been placed beside Nick’s head the morning Euan had left them to seek vengeance. A faded image drawn in lead of himself and the missing half of their hearts. ‘I can’t.’

  Euan’s swallow was audible. ‘Give it to her when you see her, she’ll want it. I know she will.’

  The paper was brittle, the edges stained brown. He took the picture, put it in a pocket close to his heart. It was all he could do.

  Packs were retrieved and shouldered, wounds were tended, weapons were palmed, triggers were stroked. Their eyes were hard, but their hearts were breaking. Each step that disconnected them further destroyed what was left in his chest. Nick’s heart shattered, the remnants shrivelled and turned to dust.

  When Euan’s broad shoulders disappeared into the trees, Nick clenched his jaw until his teeth ached.

  He swallowed all the emotion, the fear, the worry, the panic. He packed the feelings inside himself, chained the door to the cellar closed and threw away the key. There was no opportunity for sentiment now. He had to save Kira. He had to find Euan. After that, he didn’t think.

  He couldn’t.

  Chapter 15

  Euan

  Bravery was a concept that defined a man. It was an attribute that required forethought, courage, determination. It necessitated grit, the ability to take risks, gamble on an innate drive. It relied on a stout heart, a valiant soul, and an astute mind.

  That was Nick.

  It always had been Nick.

  From the moment Euan had witnessed that blond, green-eyed man dash through the dust in the refugee camp built for the damned, he’d known, felt, saw the bravery that resided inside that beautiful man’s soul. He was fearless, gallant. Perfect.

  He was perfect.

  Always had been, always would be.

  His steps had been sure, his pace swift. In moments, Nick had disappeared down a black pathway that pointed towards the entrance to the underworld.

  Euan had been at this crossroads before. He’d been at the point to envision the two pathways to judge. Twice in his life, he had stared down the fork in the road and evaluated the outcomes, the probabilities of success.

  In the first, surrounded by the devastation and the evidence of Nick’s torture, he had decided not to pursue the attackers that had brutalised the man he loved. It was a decision that he still questioned. Nick had needed him, yes, but the thirst for retribution had been great. If he had chased those bastards down, killed them, destroyed them, would they even be here?

  But he would not have found Kira. Without her, he would not have been able to stitch the pieces of Nick’s soul back together.

  The second had almost caused his death. He had stared at a starry night’s sky and sworn to save humanity. He had given an oath as a skinny boy had huddled into him for warmth, and a silent woman had slept in the dirt. He had stared into the eyes of fate and said that he would save what was left of the world.

  Instead, he had suffered torture, loss. A heartache and a guilt that would never abate. That was the outcome. Michael Rodgers had been killed, a bullet in his brain had sent him to his maker, but it had been by Nick’s finger that had pulled that trigger while he’d been strung up on a meat hook to be butchered.

  He had been. Butchered, maimed, tormented. The pain that still swamped his feet was proof of it.

  Now again, he faced a choice. A choice to crumble and succumb to his wounds? To find an army and be an apathetic member. To be part of the pack, a sheep waiting for instruction?

  To maybe take the chance again, and rule what was left of the world?

  Or, he could be the fucking monster to take humanity out of its torment.

  Euan was so fucking tired of waiting for virtue to prevail.

  He stood alone in the place where they had lost their humanity. Snatched, stolen from their care, their fucking arms, she had taken it with her. Kira was everything that made a man human. To lose her was to destroy that part of the soul. In her absence, he became the beast he needed to be to get her back. Euan was no longer man, he was animal. A primal creature that would see the end to this. Nick would save their fairy, but Euan would bring down the destruction of humankind, and he would savour its demise.

  He was going to slaughter every last one of them. He would remove their hearts with his hands so he could see them beat. He was going to
gnaw on their bones, chew on anything that was left of their carcasses. He was death, he would bring the destruction of a thousand burned out suns to their door. He would rain a terror so violent, so terrible, so destructive that it would make the plague look like it had been borne by the hands of a gentle child.

  Euan James McKay would become a God.

  And he would be a vengeful one.

  His ass in the dirt, he now did what he had to in order to proceed.

  He bit his lip as he undid the laces to his boots, only allowed a grunt to escape when he peeled his socks away from the bandages. But his eye was focused when he saw the damage. Blood, pink and bright soaked the dressings. Sodden with his own life fluid, they told him what he had suspected as he had held Nick in his arms and made a bargain that would see them lose each other, but potentially save the one that held their hearts.

  His feet were destroyed.

  To change the bandages was both essential and pointless. He had a long way to travel, to march over terrain that was unforgiving, relentless and destructive. He had to find what was left of a battalion of men, of weapons, of hope. He had to discover their hiding place, a destination designed for stealth and concealment, hidden in a mountain range.

  He had to do it all with haste.

  The insurmountable odds were against him.

  He didn’t give a single fuck.

  He was a lone wolf, an alpha that had suffered the wounds of battle. He was scarred, wounded. He still bled. But the violence that was in his heart eclipsed it all. There was no light left. They had taken his Kira, they had forced him to separate from his Nick. They did not know the wrath that was now about to destroy them and all they held dear.

  He made quick work of rebinding his feet, layering it up twice. He didn’t focus for any length at the damage, but he did notice there was no infection, just the destruction of the healing skin. He chewed on outdated painkillers and antibiotics as he laced his boots and was on his feet again within moments, and did what he had to do.

  He marched, with a ‘fuck you’ to fate.

  Chapter 16

  Kira

  The truck lurched and spluttered. The engine whined and the exhaust backfired. Kira flinched each time the snap of sound clapped around them. Her muscles were tight, joints locked, jaw hard.

  Her cheeks were wet.

  Her big protector had been so close, within reach of the vehicle when the driver had finally found the right gear and launched away. She’d held his agonised gaze through the grimy back window as his large figure had grown smaller and smaller with each breath, each heartbeat. He’d reached for her, his palm outstretched, his long fingers splayed in a desperate attempt to grasp her, to stretch his body as the distance between them increased. His fear was in every line of his face. The downturn of his mouth, the creased brow, the deep furrows in his cheeks. The eyepatch hid that eye, but when he bellowed her name, she felt the acute burn of two irises instead of just the one.

  His cry resonated in her soul. Its echo built a fortress, created a stone foundation and erected walls fortified with iron. She knew with every single beat of her heart that both Nick and Euan would search for her until their dying breath. She just had to stay alive, and maybe, use her own brain to escape, and find them first.

  But in Euan’s face she saw his fear, his terror for her. It made it real. This situation was no dream, no movie where the girl was just the right type of clever to trick her captives. This was truth. She was alone, vulnerable in a world built on depravity and degradation. Where the victims suffered the loss, and the villains owned the triumph.

  A horrible swirl of dread began to pervade her stomach. It was an anxiety that seized her muscles, crowded her head with the very real horror of her situation. She imagined things, terrible things, and then realised that her imagination probably didn’t equal what she was about to experience in truth.

  It evaporated when the man who had captured her grabbed her wrist and pulled her from where she had leaned over the back seat to witness Euan and Nick disappear.

  A sickness of alarm had taken hold, and Kira had no control of her fight or flight instinct.

  When he yanked her close, she attacked.

  Her rage was significant. She used her hands, her boots, her nails and her teeth. He swore, she kicked. He snatched, she bit. Her cries were guttural, her anger was akin to oxygen in her blood. But in the end, he was able to overpower her with nothing more than brute strength.

  The man who drove ignored the scuffle, his intentions solely on getting them away.

  They both panted, Kira’s face wet with unnoticed tears. Her captor’s cheeks dribbled crimson from lacerations on his face from her nails.

  He seized her hands before she could escape. The rope he used to trap her bit into the skin at her wrist. She twisted her hands, but it only caused the twine to dig deeper. It hurt, the coil in her stomach tightened.

  She was unprepared for this. The combined stink of the truck’s exhaust, the fetid odour of the unwashed men who held her captive and the sweet perfume of her own fear. It all made her nauseous. She had seen the horrors of what could happen to a person and when they were misused.

  Euan had told her that the new dystopia was now driven by one man. A man who had hurt Nick, a man who had hurt Lily, a man who had killed Smith.

  A man who likely intended to hurt her too.

  ‘Pull over, let’s have a taste before we hand her over.’

  A filthy hand gripped Kira’s knee and pushed its way up her thigh. Her adrenaline spiked, the nausea grew. She clamped her legs together and swiped at his wandering fingers with her bound wrists. He cackled and leered into her. ‘We’re going to have so much fun with you, pretty-thing.’

  The bile was there, it rose up her throat, drowned her senses. He was predator, she was prey, and she had never known vulnerability such as this in all her life. She thought taking the chance to approach Euan and Nick all those months ago had been the greatest challenge she would face. Living this, she had been such a fool. A naïve, ridiculous fool.

  The driver grunted and the vehicle slowed. Fetid breath was husky with vile desire, fingers wormed and pried, hair was in her eyes, the taste of terror was in her mouth. It was with a moment of sudden clarity that Kira realised this was reality. Horrible, inexplicable, real.

  The truck rumbled to a stop. A clatter and a clang shortly followed.

  Kira marshalled her courage, pulled her strength inwards and faced her captor. Lip curled, she was proud of herself when her voice didn’t shake. ‘They’re coming after me. They’ll never stop. They’ll destroy anyone who touches me.’

  The man laughed again, a wet sound of soggy pleasure. ‘Then they’ll be killing quite a few lads by the time they catch up. The Reaper likes to share his toys.’

  He leaned forward. Black teeth, black gums, skin ruddy from too much sun and not enough vitamins. Instinct was still in command and she kicked out. Her boot jarred him, forced him backwards, but it wasn’t enough. He pounced, gripped her, shook her until her teeth snapped, her ears rung, and her will waned.

  But she wouldn’t cry, she wouldn’t cower. If she had learned anything, she understood that love didn’t come in linear shapes, and it certainly couldn’t be tainted by something as physical as scars or abuse. Euan’s determination, Nick’s belief. They had suffered and they had survived. Their confidence in her was invincible, and no matter what happened, they would love her still.

  What she had to do was simple. Survive. She just had to survive.

  The door to the cab was opened, but the exit was full. The second man peered down at her through the portal to safety, stealing the light and the seeds of hope.

  His smile was terrible. His eyes were eclipsed with a malevolence so deep and so black that his humanity was lost to the vile beast that roamed his soul. Dirty hands gripped her, pulled her from the seat. She tumbled and fell into mud at his poorly shod feet just as the clouds rumbled and roared. They flashed their anger and Kira wa
s emboldened by their rage.

  She swallowed the scream. She quashed the instinctual need to cry for Euan and Nick. She scrambled to her feet and hissed as they advanced. Her hands were tied but not her courage, not her stamina. Euan thought her brave, and in that moment, she challenged the demon that held her and thought of herself as brave as well.

  The man’s thin lips kicked up. The dark stubble around his mouth moved with his dry skin. ‘That man was a fucking brute. I bet he made you bleed.’

  Kira shuddered, took another step back. He had made her bleed. But it wasn’t blood that had poured from her body. She had bled untainted love and devotion. She had felt whole in their combined arms. Never in her life had she considered more than one man. Then she had been wrapped in the safety of both their bodies and she had known that life couldn’t be lived any other way.

  Her knees trembled. In her periphery, she watched the second man round the truck to thwart her escape. Between the vehicle and their bodies, they caged her. If only she could fly.

  She had no weapon, just her wits. If she was honest, she would have been better with a club. They closed in, confined her, each step they took forced her to move closer to the open door of the truck.

  An idea came to her.

  She didn’t think it through, just acted. She leapt inside, slammed the door. Locked it. Then the rest. She was in the driver’s seat before they could react.

  Even with her hands bound, the key was easy to turn. The engine roared to life. She hadn’t driven a shift stick since she had learned to drive, but the adrenaline flowed and so did the memories. She pumped the accelerator, pushed the lever into first and let out the clutch.

  The car lurched, shuddered, shook. But it moved. And it moved forward.

  The two men banged on the hull, attempted to open the doors. They hollered and cursed. But Kira was oblivious. She was about to escape, and too busy trying to get the spluttering thing to move faster to care.

  A smile, a hoot. She found second gear and the truck grunted, revved. It picked up speed and so did her hope.