Scary Dead Things (The Tome of Bill Book 2)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “Once we get in, I’ll go to his office. I want you to walk around and see if you can get rid of any stragglers.”

  “Snapping their necks would be the quickest way.”

  “Not funny,” I replied. “Unless you come across Carl from the project management office ... then it might be a little funny. Just use your feminine wiles. Chances are, most of the people still here are guys. Trust me when I say a little T&A would probably motivate them to fly down the stairs.”

  “Is that all I am to you, a piece of meat?”

  “Not at all. Without you around, who else would I rely on to piss away the coven’s money?”

  “Flatterer,” she replied and then quieted down again as I pulled my employee ID from my wallet and let us in.

  Nothing and no one greeted us upon entering. I was correct about the ghost-town nature of the place at this time of night. I sent Sally off to the right to do as I had asked and walked straight toward Executive Row where I knew Decker’s office was. Part of my plan for Sally was to legitimately make sure there were no bystanders around. If the office turned into a battlefield, I didn’t want any non-combatants to worry about. The other part was a contingency in case Decker was waiting for us. If so, he wouldn’t get both myself and Sally with the first salvo. Not the best of plans. Then again, Decker hadn’t exactly shown himself to be a strategic genius either so far. With any luck, our mutual ineptitudes would cancel each other out.

  I got to his office and heard voices coming from within. It seemed he wasn’t alone. It was possible that Christy was with him. Both of them had proven to have limited endurance in battle – although more than enough to take out a vamp – but if they were together, that could definitely tip the odds in their favor.

  I put my ear to the door to listen.

  “...can’t put that out there. Yes, Stefan, I know those are market rates, but I want some banners thrown in with that print ad.”

  Jesus Christ! All of that buildup in my mind and the fucker was on a conference call, of all things. Screw that! I opened his door, walked in, and plopped myself into one of the empty seats in front of his desk.

  The party on the other line kept blathering on about print quality issues. Decker, on the other hand, locked eyes with me, obvious surprise on his face. Finally, never taking his eyes off me, he said, “Sorry, Stefan. I’ll need to call you back tomorrow. The CEO buzzed me on the other line, have to take it.” He reached over and disconnected the call.

  “Hey, Harry,” I said casually. “Burning the old midnight oil?”

  “Someone here has to get the job done,” he replied with a guarded tone.

  “Judging from last night, that obviously isn’t you.”

  “Seems to be a lot of that going on. I’m surprised to see you. Those fellows who interrupted our recent chat looked a little out of your league.”

  “Nothing I couldn’t handle,” I lied.

  “Let me guess: you ran like a little girl?”

  “A lot of that going around, too,” I shot back

  “I suppose you’re here to finish what we started. If so, you should know I’m not prepared for battle. It would be cold-blooded murder.”

  “What’s a little murder amongst friends?” I quipped. “But sadly, no. You’re not gonna believe this. Shit, I don’t believe it. But for the second time in as many days, I’m actually trying to save your life.”

  He started to open his mouth to respond but, of course, that’s when his office window exploded in a shower of glass.

  Maybe I should have let him finish his call after all.

  A View to Die For

  The shattering glass muffled the soft THFFT noise that accompanied the shot, but it was audible to my enhanced undead hearing. Even had it not been, I probably would have still noticed the arrow sticking out of my shoulder. On the off chance I’d been too preoccupied to notice the arrow, I would have definitely noticed the silver arrowhead which was even now causing sparks to shoot from the wound in my arm. Goddamned assassins! Oh yeah, and also, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”

  I was knocked backwards off the chair by the force of the impact. Despite being skewered, though, I was probably luckier than I had any reason to be. The windows on office buildings were pretty damn tough compared to your normal pane of house glass. I was betting the assassins hadn’t known that when they shot at me. The glass had still given way against the projectile, but the course had been altered just enough so that Harry Decker wasn’t sitting there having a meaningful conversation with a pile of ash.

  After the initial flurry of glass shards washed over him, Decker dove over the desk and crouched down behind it, using it as cover. He wasn’t entirely stupid. He had killed one of Nergui’s buddies. He wasn’t their prime target, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that they probably wouldn’t bat an eye over turning him into collateral damage.

  “You led them here, vampire!” he hissed at me while I was busy writhing in excruciating pain.

  I gritted my teeth. “Yeah, but you’re the one who pissed them off.” I grabbed the arrow and finally tore it free from my smoldering shoulder. If you’re thinking that doing so probably hurt enough to make me wish I hadn’t been born, you’re correct. Hell, it hurt enough to make me wish that my parents hadn’t been born. No wonder, the fucking thing was barbed. I now had a large, blood-spouting hole gouged into my shoulder that wouldn’t be healing shut anytime soon. Oh yeah, this was going well.

  I was busy trying to get my feet under me – and not cry like a little baby in the process – when I heard another window shatter. This one was followed by what can best be described as cannon fire ... Sally! Oh boy, no way was I not getting a pink-slip after this one.

  But probably best to worry about unemployment later, like maybe when I wasn’t in danger of becoming someone’s hunting trophy. I took advantage of Sally’s cover fire to crawl back into the main office. There was bound to be less chance of arrow-related fatalities in there.

  Despite my better judgment, I gestured for Decker to follow. He did, and together we ran to put at least one wall between us and that side of the building.

  “Truce for now?” he suggested.

  “Is there any chance of you pulling a Dr. Evil and stabbing me in the back?”

  “I leave open the possibility.” Hey, at least he was honest about it.

  “Fair enough,” I answered. “I don’t suppose your protégé is around to provide us with any backup?”

  “She has a cooking class tonight.”

  “Let me guess. Double double, toil and trouble?”

  “French cuisine, actually.”

  I was going to respond with something appropriately pithy, but the whole loss of blood thing was starting to make me a bit light-headed. Fortunately, Sally saved me from my embarrassing lack of one-liners.

  “We need to go. They’re coming.” As if in affirmation to her statement, there was the sound of more glass shattering. Sounded like maybe a floor or two below us.

  “Jeez. What did they do, jump across?” I asked.

  “Duh! It’s faster than the elevator,” she replied. “They’ll be here any minute. I suggest we get going.” She noticed my shoulder. “Can you run?”

  “As long as I don’t try any handstands.”

  “I have a better idea,” Decker said. “Why don’t you two provide a distraction to cover my escape?”

  Before either of us could respond, there was a flash of light that sent me and Sally flying.

  Oh well, he did warn me.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Sally was kind enough to break my fall with her ... soft parts. Just in case you were curious, yes they are real, and they feel wonderful. What felt less wonderful was when she rudely shoved me off, but guess I can’t fault her for that.

  “Were we really both stupid enough to turn our backs on him?” she growled as she got to her feet.

  “Yes. But at least we did it as a team,” I said, being a glass-is-half-full kind of guy.

  “Ma
ybe we should just let Nergui finish us off.”

  “The hell with that! If I’m going down, I’m taking Lord fucking Voldemort with me.” I got to my feet and started for the stairwell. “Time to put on our wizard-stomping boots.”

  “Up?”

  “I’m pretty sure Harry didn’t suddenly grow a pair and go down to meet them head on, so yes. Up it is. At least we can die with a good view.”

  “Speak for yourself. All I have is you to look at.” She opened the exit door and started up.

  Decker’s footsteps could be heard above us. There weren’t too many floors left in the building, so that meant he was probably headed for the roof. From below us, we could hear muffled Chinese voices coming up quickly. We were definitely the meat in this asshole sandwich.

  “Give me the gun, Sally,” I said. “Just do it, don’t argue!” She paused for a second, but then handed it to me. My shoulder hurt like a motherfucker, and blood was still dripping out of it, but at least I had two hands with which to line up and take a shot. Sure, I had never fired a real gun before in my life, but I used to play a lot of Duck Hunt on my old NES. How much harder could it be? “Go and catch Decker. I’ll try to slow down Nergui and Bang.”

  “The safety’s still on, genius,” she said with an eye-roll and then did as she was told. Yeah, well, I’m sure I’d have figured that one out sooner or later.

  She went after Mr. Wizard while I backed up to the next landing and stood my ground. I braced my feet and held the hand-cannon out ahead of me. Yeah, I felt like Dirty Harry. “Do you feel lucky, punk?” slipped out of my lips, along with my best mean sneer.

  Almost as if in response, something metallic came flying up the stairs, then turned and headed right toward me. Fuck! Nobody told me they had goddamn boomerangs. Quick as I was, it wasn’t enough. The weapon managed to slice my outer thigh before embedding itself into the wall. Some sort of curved throwing blade which was, of course, also made of silver. Christ, how much precious metal did these guys have? It must have taken them forever to get through customs with this shit. These guys weren’t just assassins. They were pimps, too.

  But that was fine – well, except maybe for the new gash on my leg – because I had some silver of my own. I stepped back into the stairwell and fired a warning shot down at them. No idea if it hit anything or not as the kickback from the gun caused it to slam up right into my face, knocking me on my ass.

  As the stun of it wore off and the ringing in my ears subsided, I tried to get back up. Damn, think I chipped a tooth. I don’t recall seeing that happen in Sudden Impact.

  Fine, Wild Bill Hickok I was not. Time for a new plan. I decided to make my stand with Sally after all. It couldn’t get much worse than this, I thought, retreating up the stairs after her.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I was, of course, wrong. I reached the top floor and was about to open the roof access door when it came blasting off its hinges straight into me. It crushed me like a bug against the opposing wall. The breath was forced out of me, and I was pretty sure I heard a few ribs crack in the process. This was definitely not going according to any plan. I had been beaten up, bloodied, and still hadn’t gotten off much offense of my own. As soon as the world stopped spinning, I was going to be mighty pissed.

  The door gave a groan as I pushed it off me. Wait, doors didn’t usually groan. I lifted the broken door and saw the reason why. I chucked it down the stairs to hopefully slow down Nergui a bit, then bent to check on Sally. She was a mess. I had caught the ass end of the force blast, but she had gotten the main course. Her arms were skewed at multiple crazy angles and, judging by the way she was bent over, I’d have guessed her spine might possibly be broken as well. She looked like a dump truck had run her over and then backed up to do it again but, if she was making noise, then she was still alive. I wasn’t about to let anyone change that, especially not a backstabbing prick like Decker.

  I could feel that rage welling up inside of me again. No! Now was not the time. Who knows what would happen by the time I woke up again, if I woke up again? Sure, things always seemed to work out for Bruce Banner, but I had a sneaking suspicion any alter-ego my subconscious tried to conjure would be somewhat less than trustworthy. I took a few deep breaths and tried to keep a level head, but it was hard going.

  Fortunately for me, though, distractions were plentiful.

  I was snapped back to reality as I heard the door I had tossed down the stairs being shoved aside. A split second later, another of those Mongolian batarangs came flying up the stairs at me. Down was definitely not an option.

  The blade went wide and struck the door frame instead of something more fragile, like myself. Thinking quickly, I wrenched it free, cutting my fingers in the process ... oh joy. I probably couldn’t throw a knife any better than I could shoot, but it gave me more of an arsenal than I had before.

  “Sorry, Sally,” I whispered, picking her up and tossing her over my good shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Hopefully it wouldn’t mess her up much worse than she already was. Besides, leaving her for Nergui to find simply wasn’t an option. I wasn’t in particularly good shape myself, but I didn’t think I had far to go. Hopefully I had enough in me for a quick burst of speed.

  I waited, but, as expected, didn’t have to wait for long.

  Nergui’s voice floated up to me from just one flight below. “It is over, Freewill. Make your death an honorable one.”

  Honor this, fucker, I thought in return. Okay, time to make or break. “Catch me if you can, assholes!” I screamed with insane glee, bursting through the doorway onto the rooftop at the fastest speed I could manage.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I didn’t go straight. I’m not that stupid. Instead, upon stepping out and making a target of myself, I did a little razzle-dazzle and jumped to the left, toward some large air conditioning units. The blast came a split second later. I could feel the air displace as it roared across the roof and toward the doorway just as Nergui and Bang stepped through.

  I’ll give credit where credit is due: those vamps were fast motherfuckers ... just not fast enough. They attempted to sidestep the blast and both wound up being only partially successful at it. Nergui was caught fairly full on. He slammed into the right side of the door frame and blasted straight through it. A similar blast a few moments ago had nearly turned Sally into a puddle of vampire-colored paint. However, Nergui had three extra centuries of badassery on his side. I imagined he’d probably tumble down a few flights of stairs and be right up in my shit all over again.

  Bang had caught the periphery of the blast as he tried to leap in my direction. It had sent him spinning out of control, causing him to bounce off the rooftop a couple times before skidding to a halt against an antenna array, bending it in the process. Wonderful. It’s not like cell service didn’t already suck enough in the city as it was. Next time you’re in midtown and you can’t get five bars, I guess you can blame me.

  Still hidden behind the AC unit, I put Sally down on the rooftop. It would provide her some cover and, if not, I hoped that the various combatants would show at least a little chivalry to the downed lady. Unfortunately, if I stayed where I was, standing over her like a protective mother bear guarding its cubs, I’d be easy pickings.

  I peeked around the corner and saw Decker at the far edge of the roof. He was down on one knee, breathing hard. Much like the night before, the expenditure of power had temporarily drained his batteries.