Another Man's Baby

by Dyanne Davis

  “Yeah, there’s a bottle of antacid in the fridge. Did the dinner upset your stomach?”

  “No,” he said, leaving the room to get the antacid, wanting to tell her it was the guilt that was eating a hole in his intestines. Maybe it was a good thing Gabi had forced the physical exam on him. Eric didn’t think he was in such good shape.

  Gabi watched Eric’s back as he walked away. She was shaking so hard that she wrapped her arms around her body. Her cooking wasn’t what had upset her husband’s stomach, she decided. It was more than likely the show they were watching. If he was uncomfortable watching it, that was just too bad. If you didn’t cheat, it shouldn’t bother you. She reached for the pillow from the sofa and screamed into it, muffling her sound with the fabric. A movie would do them good. At least they’d get out of the house.

  ANOTHER MAN’S BABY 229

  Chapter Thirteen

  Eric hung up the phone and heaved out a breath. He’d made a decision. It was time to get some help. He’d been home almost a year. His semper fi attitude was not solving the problem; it was only making things worse, not better. Marines prided themselves on their straightforward approach to mission and steadfast dedication to accomplish it. Things did not have to be spelled out for them; they knew what it meant and what to do about any situation. As much as Eric believed in semper fidelis with heart, soul and mind, he could finally admit he needed outside help. He’d to do what he’d promised Gabi. He would actually try and talk to the counselor he’d been pretending to go to.

  But first he would talk to his father. He sighed and closed his eyes. He was sick of his new assignment. Recruiting didn’t suit him. He would miss Sergeant Ross, but he didn’t want to continue there. However, no new orders had come down for him and when he’d questioned it he’d been told that his orders stood as they were until further notice. It was beginning to look as though he’d been forgotten.

  He was seriously thinking about giving up his commission early. Another ten months and that would be it. He would be free, but free to do what? He didn’t think when he took off his uniform that it would make a difference in how he felt. It wouldn’t stop the memories or the nightmares. Eric closed his eyes and willed away the memories, something that was working less and less. He sure hoped his father had an answer.

  ***

  “Thanks, Pop,” Eric said, climbing into the passenger side of his father’s Escalade and leaning back into the butter soft cushion.

  “You’re my son, why are you thanking me?”

  Eric attempted to smile. “Tell me how you and Mom survived. I need to know.”

  “You’re talking about Vietnam?”

  “Yeah.” Eric wished he didn’t have to ask but he needed to talk to someone and his father was the only one he wanted to ask.

  “I’ve never talked about it, Son.”

  “I know.”

  “Your mother and I separated for three years. She moved to San Francisco.”

  “Three years! Why didn’t either of you ever mention that?”

  “It wasn’t any of your business. You’re our son, but that was between husband and wife.”

  “Why did she come home? I can’t believe after three years she would.”

  “Neither could I. But I had to try. I went there and begged her on my hands and knees. I stayed there with her for six months, winning her back, making her fall in love with me all over again.”

  “And she did.”

  “That part was easy; she’d never truly stopped loving me. But it took a long time for her to trust me or my love. She refused to even consider having a baby for several years. And after you were born she refused to have any more.”

  “Why?”

  “She told me straight out that she was trying to protect herself. She said if anything ever happened she wanted to give you as good a life alone as she could with the two of us. She said she would not allow herself to struggle alone raising kids that she could not provide for.”

  Eric watched while his father’s eyes darkened with pain.

  “I’d hurt her.” Terry shrugged. “The pain was so deep that every day since I’ve worked hard to regain the things we’d had. And even now I know that while she gives me ninety-nine percent of her heart, she keeps that one percent tucked safely away, wrapped in cotton. He smiled. “I know it shouldn’t matter, not that tiny percentage, but I want it all. I’ll never stop trying for that other one percent. I had it once so I know how it feels and I want it again.”

  “Did you ever talk to Mom about the war?”

  “By the time we got back together, it wasn’t the war. It was all the things I’d done to hurt her. She couldn’t have cared less what I’d done in Vietnam, it was what I’d done to her.”

  “Did you cheat on her?” Eric asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Did she find out?”

  “Why the hell do you think she left me?” Terry groaned loudly, then gave Eric’s hands a couple of pats. “Are you cheating on Gabi, Son?”

  “In a way,” Eric answered honestly. “I’m not giving her what she needs and I know that. Have I slept with another woman, no, but I’ve been thinking about it and I have been doing more than I should. Right now in our case, I don’t know if that would be the worst thing. I think Gabi might be better able to forgive that than my shutting her out.”

  “Then let her in, tell her what she wants to know.”

  “I can’t, Pop. I don’t want to see the look in her eyes.”

  “What did you do over there, Son?”

  Eric closed his eyes. “I don’t want to see the look in your eyes either.”

  “Eric, your wife is right. You can’t hold all of this in forever. Do something before it’s too late.”

  “I am. I made another appointment with a therapist and I intend to keep it.”

  “Are you going to talk?”

  “At least I’m going to go.”

  “Don’t wait until it’s too late, Son. The last few times we’ve seen Gabi it’s like the life is slowly seeping out of her. I remember that look on your mother’s face. I don’t want to see it on your wife’s. We love her too, Eric, she’s our daughter. I don’t want to see her hurt. And I don’t want to see you hurt if you lose her.”

  “I have no idea why she hasn’t left me.”

  “Sure you do, she loves you and you know it. That’s your safety net, that’s what’s allowing you to shit all over her.”

  Eric flinched. “I’m not…” He stopped. He was. ”Did it bother you this much?”

  “Killing is never easy, at least not for those who have a conscience. We were both in kill or be killed situations but at least you have the support of the nation. We, the Vietnam vets, didn’t have that. The entire country was against us. As black soldiers we were supposed to be fighting for the freedom of others but we’d left our home where we had few rights and returned to find we still had few or no rights. I came home during the riots, right after Dr. King was assassinated. It wasn’t an honor during that time to be a marine, or an American, and being black was like…” He sighed and shrugged. “It was a triple threat. I’m surprised your mother and I ever made it back.” He glanced at Eric and slowly shook his head at his own memories.

  “Dad?”

  “I’m not saying you had it easier,” his father continued. “You didn’t and I know you don’t want to talk about it, but remember, I’m here if you do. I was a foot soldier, a grunt, just following orders. You were in command and had to give orders. ‘Heavy is the heart that wears the crown.’”

  Eric laughed. “I didn’t wear a crown.”

  “I couldn’t think of anything else that would fit. You know what I mean.”

  “I know. Thanks for not telling Mom that you were meeting me.” His father smiled but didn’t answer. Eric thought over his parents’ relationship. Things he’d never known colored his observations. It was as though a light bulb had gone on.

  “Is that why you take Mom to San Francisco every year?”


  “Yes,” his father smiled. “I take her there because that’s where she fell in love with me again. But it’s also for me. It’s a reminder to me that I’m the guardian of her heart. I’ll never hurt her again.”

  “But the two of you fight like crazy,” Eric laughed.

  “All married couples fight. Besides, I never promised not to fight with her. I just promised not to hurt her and I haven’t.”

  “Dad, I really am trying with Gabi. I’m determined not to let our marriage disintegrate.”

  “Good. We want you to be happy, Son. We want Gabi happy.”

  Eric had always known the extent of his parents’ feelings for his wife. It had always amazed him that they’d accepted her so quickly. Now he suspected there was a reason for that immediate acceptance. “You two really do look at Gabi like a daughter, don’t you?”

  “Why do you think we fell in love with her so quickly? I’d always wanted more children.” Terry paused, sucking in his own hurt. “Your mom always wanted a daughter.” He smiled. “In fact, she prayed for twins, a girl and a boy. She loves Gabi as much as she loves you. If you make her lose Gabi she’s not going to forgive you.”

  “I don’t want to lose Gabi, Pop, but you’re putting a lot of pressure on me.”

  “I’m telling you how it is. You’re a military officer, buck up.”

  Eric couldn’t help laughing. In a way his father was treating him as though he were a little kid. He’d given him a verbal spanking. And Eric was grateful. It was just what he needed.

  ***

  Less than a week later temptation vied with duty. Eric groaned. Just when he’d decided to stop going out to the club, he was being asked to go again. He shook his head at the sergeant. “I don’t want to go to the club anymore. My wife doesn’t like it at all and I don’t blame her.

  “I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. I’m so worried about my son I just need to unwind.”

  Eric couldn’t help thinking of the many times the sergeant had been there for him, being the designated driver while Eric drank a little too much and danced with any hoochie who pushed up on him, going farther than he should but not far enough that he’d be lying to Gabi when she asked if he were cheating. Other than giving a woman or two a ride home on occasion, Eric had never left with any of them. Sure, some of them had thought when they asked for the rides in their suggestive voices that he’d give them a different kind of ride. But Gabi’s picture hung from his rearview mirror, always there to remind him, to stop him.

  “Let me call Gabi and tell her I’m going,” Eric finally acquiesced. “But I can’t stay out late. I really need to repair my marriage.”

  ***

  Gabi couldn’t believe what she was doing. She’d found the matches for, Foxes Jazz Club in the bathroom at work and had known immediately either Tracie or Jamilla had left them there for her to see. One might be trying to help her, but the other would be trying to stick it to her. Since Gabi’s perceptions were off, she no longer trusted her own instincts, or the motives of either woman. Still, she wrote the Joliet address down, leaving the matches where she found them, not even mentioning them.

  When Eric called to tell her he wasn’t coming home, she’d had enough. Her shoulders sagged with heaviness, and depression wove its way though her spirit. She’d sworn never to do this.

  Gabrielle thought of Eric asking her to fight for him. She shouldn’t have to fight for him. He didn’t have to fight for her. This was the end of what she was willing to put up with. She’d had her man’s back. She’d done all and more that she knew to do. She thought of how much she would miss Eric’s parents. They were Mom and Dad to her, but how long would that last?

  Gabi felt a shiver as she pulled into the parking lot of the club, noting there was nothing special, nothing that should have kept Eric coming back for over three weeks, especially after she’d kind of called him on. Maybe he just didn’t give a damn. She spotted his car and braced herself for what she would find inside.

  Gabi was trembling, looking over her shoulder for a moment, wondering if Howard and the TV crew of Cheating Spouses would blast through. She swallowed and bit her lips. She’d sworn she’d never follow any man, not even this man who was slowly crushing her soul with his indifference.

  She ordered a Coke from the bar and sat in a dark corner booth to watch, wishing like hell that she hadn’t come. She should go home. When you went looking for trouble, you always found it.

  She heard a loud laugh and didn’t have to strain to see the person. She knew from hearing it most days of the week that it was Jamilla.

  At first Gabi pressed into the cushions to not be seen and then thought better of it. She had every right to be there. She watched Jamilla dancing, her hands trailing all over the man in uniform. Gabi’s heart froze. The man in uniform was trailing his hands all over Jamilla as well. They were dancing so nasty that they might as well have stripped and had sex right there on the damn dance floor.

  Gabi downed her Coke, wishing it was something stronger but glad that she’d be at least clearheaded enough to drive home when this night was over.

  She headed toward the dance floor, not knowing exactly what she was going to do when she stopped walking. She’d not rehearsed it, had hoped she wouldn’t find her husband here.

  ***

  The smell of sugar cookies pulled Eric’s head away from Jamilla’s chest. He blinked and looked up, not as surprised as he would have thought to find his wife walking toward him. He glanced over her shoulder for the camera crew, wondering if that was the reason she’d begun watching Cheating Spouses.

  Jamilla caught his lack of interest in her and stared first at him, then in the direction he was looking. At first Eric had thought to keep dancing with Jamilla, keep touching her and allowing her to touch him. Then he saw the smirk on Jamilla’s face.

  His gaze fell on Gabi. He couldn’t hurt his baby like that. Hell, he’d disrespected her enough already. He wasn’t going to have another woman think he’d dis his wife for her, not in front of her face. Hell no, that wasn’t going to happen.

  Eric dropped his hands from Jamilla’s body and walked toward Gabi. “Hey, baby, he said, drawing her into his arms, whispering into her ear as he did. “If you make a scene Jamilla will think she won.” He felt the tension uncoil slightly in his wife’s body.

  “Where’s the camera?” he asked. He wrapped his arm around Gabi and groaned as she wrapped her arms around his back. And then he tensed as her nails dug into his flesh. He wanted to move away. She was ripping into him so hard he could feel the blood seeping out. She deserved her anger. She felt brittle, as though she might break.

  “Gabi, ease up, baby, you’re hurting me,” Eric whispered in her ear.

  “And you’re killing me,” Gabi answered.

  Eric closed his eyes. Damn, what the hell was he doing? Once again, he thought maybe it would be best for Gabi if he were not in her life, if she were able to find someone with whom she could have the babies she wanted.

  “Listen, Gabi, I-”

  “Shut the hell up,” Gabi said in a hoarse whisper. “Don’t you dare defend your actions.”

  He’d started it and he would have to play it out. Gabi walked over to where Jamilla was sitting and he wondered if she would continue to play it cool.

  “Jamilla, listen. I don’t mind your dancing with my husband, but as for your touching him the way that you were, I don’t play that. Understand?” she said.

  “Talk to your man.” Jamilla struck a pose and turned her palm out to Gabi.

  “Oh no, you didn’t!” Before Gabi could say another word Eric was kissing her, kissing her right there on the dance floor with all the passion he hadn’t shone her in weeks. Hell no, Gabi thought. Does he really think it’s going to go down like that? His grip was tight around her and his lips fused with hers.

  People were clapping, Jamilla looked embarrassed and disappointed. The skank.

  Eric twirled Gabi around, kissed her again, and sat her on her fee
t a distance from Jamilla. “You’ve won, baby. Let’s go home.”

  “Won? Won? What the hell have I won?” She glared at her husband.

  “Your dignity, baby. Let’s get out of here.”

  If she didn’t have her dignity who did he blame for that? Surely not her? Gabi had had it. She was not fighting over Eric, but she sure as hell was going to kick his ass when they got home. She was so angry that she thought again about the drink she hadn’t had, glad now that she hadn’t. In this condition she was mad enough to run Eric over in the parking lot. If she’d had a drink she didn’t think she’d practice any self control.

  “You okay, Gabi?” Eric asked. “I mean to drive home?”

  She glared at him. “Are you worried about me?” She pushed his hand from the door, put her key in the ignition, and gunned the engine. Despite her resolve, she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. What a low life, trashy thing to do. Did he have to screw around with someone she knew, someone she worked with, a so-called friend? Tit for tat, baby, she thought as her mind devised a plan. I told you what I would do if you ever cheated on me.

  “Have faith.”

  “Shut up,” Gabi screamed, “just shut up. This is my life, stay out of it. I’m not having faith, I’m kicking his ass out.” She gunned the car, opening the window to dry her tears. She refused to have it out with her husband with tears in her eyes.

  Gabi pulled into the drive fast and ran straight to the bedroom and began ripping Eric’s clothes from the hangers and throwing them down the stairs. She was in the midst of throwing his underwear when he came in behind her.

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  She hurled a vase of flowers at Eric, but missed him and hit the wall. She kept throwing things. She’d never known this side of herself existed. She’d also never known she could hurt this much, that Eric could hurt her this much. She’d been doing everything in her power since he’d returned home, going along with his problems, trying to be understanding.