Twist of Fate

by Sheri L. Brown

  “And Mom is okay with you not coming home?”

  “Not exactly, but she knows where I am and hasn’t beaten down the door yet on Felicia’s parent’s house.”

  “You need to come home. She doesn’t deserve this and you know it. Go ahead and be a trendsetter, but don’t disrespect Mom.”

  “Ugh, you’re right,” Skylar said.

  “Hey, beautiful ladies, can I buy you drinks?”

  “Hey, there yourself, gorgeous,” Skylar stood up and smiled and kissed Felicia on the lips before patting the seat for her to sit down.

  It was still a little weird for Claire to see her sister with a woman. In some ways it was fascinating. She wanted to watch and understand their interaction and connection better, but she was too self-conscious about it. Claire had never kissed a girl, but she knew a lot of girls who had. They all said it was like a boy, but softer.

  “So, Claire,” Felicia said, “I’m sure you two are getting together to talk about Skye’s new tattoo. What do you think of it? It’s cool, right…. Oh. You didn’t tell Claire about your tattoo?”

  Claire was mildly stunned. She was, in fact, more stunned that Felicia had come to the coffee house to hang out and was still wearing her clown costume.

  “I thought you told each other everything, Skye?”

  Bitch, Claire thought. She couldn’t decide what rubbed her the wrong way more, Felicia’s inability to change out of her stupid clown outfit before going out in public or the fact that she liked to stir shit up. Claire couldn’t believe Skylar didn’t notice this. She looked at Skylar and then at Felicia. Their lesbian interaction was becoming precipitously less interesting to Claire. It was their interaction as human beings in a relationship that didn’t seem quite right.

  “You know, Felicia, Skye and I had so much to catch up on that we didn’t get to the tattoo conversation yet. I’m thinking we can talk about it later. At home. After dinner. Back in our little twin beds in our bedroom… at home.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Felicia said as she stood up, “I don’t think that’s going to happen, she’s staying with me tonight at my parent’s house.”

  Claire stood up and grabbed her purse and coffee.

  She turned to Skylar and smiled, “Hey, I’ll see you Sunday?”

  “No….”

  Claire couldn’t believe it. She tried to play it so cool and make the tattoo thing and everything not a big deal. She felt her heart breaking for the second time that day. Skylar was in over her head and couldn’t see it. She was changing her life to go be with Felicia the Clown and couldn’t see the dark cloud surrounding her.

  “Wait, Claire, I think I’ll come home now. Felicia, I’ll text you later. It’s time for a home-cooked meal and some family time.”

  Skye weaved her arm through her sister’s and walked out the door into the night.

  “I’m giving Mom some notice that we’re coming home for dinner.”

  Claire pulled out her phone to text Sarah.

  “Hey, Claire, thanks for watching out for me in there.”

  “Sorry, Skye, Felicia makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.”

  “Yeah, she can be a little much.”

  “What kind of tattoo did you get?”

  “It’s so cool, I’ll show you when we get home.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sarah spent the last few days trying to figure out what to do about Skylar. She could have gone over to Felicia’s and demanded she return home, but she wasn’t sure if her putting her foot down would be the most constructive thing to do under the circumstances. Skylar was very good about asking permission to spend a few days with Felicia while she was in town and Sarah knew Skylar well enough to know she would have had no trouble packing up and getting on a train to shack up with Felicia if Sarah had told her no.

  “Are you ruminating about Skylar again, honey?” Earl asked when he saw Sarah sitting in silence over a glass of wine in the living room.

  “Yes and no. I mean, if Felicia were a guy, I never would have allowed any of this to go down. So, I’m going to be extra strict with my girls who happen to be straight? What am I protecting them from, getting pregnant? I feel like I don’t know how to handle her and this situation. And I’m not sure what values I’m teaching, you know?”

  “Well,” Earl said, “You know your daughter well enough to know that she has a rebellious streak, so you can’t throw the book at her... because she’ll take off and you don’t want that, Sarah. Besides, she’s going to be eighteen in just a few months and she’s leaving to go live with your mother. You might have to let this one go.”

  “I just have to let my baby go….” Sarah sighed just before her phone chimed with a text message.

  “Saved by the bell, Earl” Sarah said as she offered a faint smile.

  Earl was a great husband and father, but he left most of the job of providing structure and discipline to the girls with Sarah. She was at home and available, devoted and sensible, and competent and female. Earl felt as though he would have been better and a little more hands on if they had had a couple of boys. But the truth of the matter was, Earl, for whatever reason—obvious or not, right or wrong, laissez-faire or hands-on—was not going to come down hard on his daughter for dating an older woman. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact Skylar decided she liked women.

  “Hm,” she said aloud.

  “What?” Earl asked.

  “Just got a text from Claire. The girls are coming home for dinner.”

  Sarah got up from the couch and picked up her glass of wine.

  “Where are you going, honey?”

  “I want to see what I can dig up for dinner. It may be the last night we’ll have Claire and Skylar eating with us in a very long time.”

  Earl followed Sarah into the kitchen and grabbed some plates to set the table. Sarah started to hum to herself. Earl never tired of listening to his wife hum or sing. This was when she was most happy. He turned on some music and pulled Sarah toward him. She looked in his eyes and let him sweep her off her feet.

  “Our girls will be fine, trust me.”

  “Well, I guess I have to trust whatever because they’re leaving.”

  “Have a good time tonight and enjoy them, Sarah. You know, I think I’m going to order us some salad and pizza so you don’t have to cook.”

  Earl twirled Sarah then kissed her one last time before he got on his phone to order dinner. Claire and Skylar walked through the door moments later. The sound of their laughter reminded Sarah of what she had been doing the last seventeen, eighteen years of her life. And in that moment she wished she could turn back the clock, just a little. She wanted them to be two and three again or seven and eight or ten and eleven or… whatever. She wanted to be the one to protect them and keep them from harm.

  “Mom?” Claire said, “You don’t look all that excited to see us.”

  “Oh my God, no, I’m so happy right now. I just got caught up in reminiscing about the two of you storming in here laughing the way you just did. You just turned the clock back on me. You were both so happy, and such good girls.”

  “And now we’re miserable, fucking messes…” Skylar said.

  “Jesus, Skye, she didn’t mean that, Mom. Skylar’s just going through a phase.”

  “Mom,” Skylar said, “I was totally joking. It feels good to be home.”

  Skylar grabbed Sarah and gave her a huge hug. The girls took after Earl and his side of the family. They were big boned and strong, just like their father. Both Claire and Skylar towered over Sarah by the end of middle school.

  “It feels so good that you’re both here. I want to catch up and make sure we have a plan for the week. It’s going to be hectic getting you both off in different directions.”

  “Well, I’m easy, Mom,” Skylar said, “I’ll pack my duffle bag and a backpack and take the train.”

  “Well,” Sarah hesitated, “I suppose that makes sense.”

  “And I’ll just pack up my ca
r and drive to Tennessee.”

  “You don’t want me to be there, for either of you, when you start school?” Sarah asked, dejectedly.

  Claire and Skylar looked at each other and then at Sarah. They were both so caught up in their own lives that they really stopped paying attention to how the recent changes were going to affect their mother. Claire felt guilty for a moment, but she couldn’t help but think, and actually felt a little resentful if she were honest about it, that she was bearing the burden and guilt of her mother feeling bad because Skylar pulled her change-o, rebel shit at a particularly bad time.

  Claire leaving for college should have been the big event for the Sinclair family and it was completely muddied by her underage sister, albeit best friend, and her potentially bad choices. Skylar could have waited just one year. Just one year. Fuck. This was a conversation to have alone with her sister. Sarah didn’t need to know Claire had her own misgivings about what Skylar was getting herself into.

  “Mom,” Claire finally spoke, “I’m going to say this as nicely as I possibly can… you knew this day was coming and it’s important to me that I feel good about going. I’m nervous enough as it is leaving home.”

  Claire knew she should have stayed level-headed. She knew she shouldn’t have made the situation about her. But she wanted her departure and successes to be celebrated. She got accepted into Vanderbilt on a scholarship for Christ’s sake. She knew she should have had a private talk with Skylar about her newfound resentment, but instead Claire decided to open her mouth.

  “You know, I feel like Skylar threw a monkey wrench into all of this. This was supposed to be a happy departure for me, for us, and instead you’re walking on pins and needles trying to figure out how you’re going to keep Skylar happy, or home, or whatever. It’s total bullshit. I’m sorry.”

  Claire could feel the tears fall from her eyes. She stood in the kitchen and looked first at Sarah and then at Skylar, at which point Claire hung her head in shame. The one thing they had always promised and had always lived by was they’d never throw one another, under any circumstance, under the bus. They were twins! They were best friends! They were….

  “Oh, Skye, I am so sorry,” Claire said as she wiped her cheeks,

  “You know me better than anyone, Claire,” Skylar said, “I… think I need to leave.”

  “I get it, we know each other better than anyone else in the whole world, but you’ve created turmoil for everyone, can’t you just own that?”

  Sarah straightened up after leaning on the counter. The experience of seeing her girls genuinely ‘hating’ on one another, as they would say, hurt her deeply. They weren’t normal sisters, laden with typical competitiveness or bickering. They really had always gotten along. Sarah was stunned.

  “Okay, you two, we have to work this out. We have to talk this through,” Sarah pleaded.

  “What a night to have my girls here all together around the dinner table!” Earl exclaimed as he walked in the back door with pizza.

  Mere seconds passed before he realized he could cut the tension with a knife.

  “What the hell is going on in here?” Earl asked.

  “Oh, God, Earl,” Sarah spoke first, “I don’t know what to say… for the first time ever, our girls are torn apart.”

  Claire understood where she inherited her melodramatic tendencies.

  “We’re not torn apart, Mom. We just have shit to work through,” Claire said with an air of confidence, but without coming across as cavalier. Evidently she didn’t come across demonstrating enough humility for Skylar.

  “I feel like we’re torn apart,” Skylar said flatly.

  “What? Why?” Claire asked, “You really don’t see how your choices as of late have turned things upside down for Mom or me, for that matter?”

  “Hey, I’m sorry I’m such a fucking burden to all of you, maybe I should just get out of here right now,” Skylar said as she picked up her backpack and walked out the door.

  “Holy shit, Earl, we have to go after her!” Sarah headed for the door.

  “Wait!” Earl raised his voice, “Let her have some space. She’s probably going to go hang out with Felicia.”

  Sarah sat down at the table and started to cry.

  “Ugh,” Claire said, “I feel terrible, but I just felt like she was being selfish.”

  Claire felt a deep pain in her gut—deep sorrow combined with fear combined with disappointment. She had always had Skylar’s back. Nothing had ever come between them. Ever.

  “Mom, what did I do?” She looked at Sarah with tears in her eyes.

  “Look, honey, Skylar is going through a lot right now and I really don’t know if any one of us is handling the situation properly.”

  “I just feel like I try and do the right thing and I’m heading off to University, and she gets to go to New York as a seventeen year old because she no longer fits in as a lesbian who’s dating someone way too old for her… and on top of it, you’re upset and walking on eggshells, afraid to breathe wrong… and my departure is way more stressful, for you and for me.”

  “I know, Claire, I agree. I’m doing the best I can. I don’t want to lose her.”

  “If it were me you’d be different,” Claire cried.

  “Yes, it would be because you are different. I’ve always treated you girls as individuals. And if you remember, Claire, you were always easy. Your sister is a little trickier.”

  “Please, Claire,” Earl said, “give your mother a break and try not to make this about you.”

  “I get it, Dad,” Claire countered, “but it is about me because Mom makes me feel guilty for leaving. She clumps me in with her stress with Skylar.”

  Earl and Sarah stopped talking and tried to absorb what Claire was saying and the situation at hand.

  “Well,” Earl sighed, “I hate to say it Sarah, you need to get a grip on the situation. Don’t put a damper on Claire’s success or her experiences as a young adult.”

  “Ugh,” Sarah said with tears in her eyes, “you’re right. You’re both right. I’ve been a mess and have totally detracted from your enthusiasm about this new chapter in your life.”

  “Maybe you shouldn’t let Skye go to New York, Mom, maybe it’s legit for you to put your foot down.”

  “What is going on with you, Claire?!?” Skylar shouted from the deck as she stormed back into the house.

  “What the…?” Claire asked, stunned.

  “Why are you so hell-bent on throwing me under every fucking bus you possibly can?”

  “Why did you come back?” Claire asked.

  “I thought I’d grab a few things… I thought we could talk it out,” Skylar said sheepishly, “but I think I was wrong.”

  “No, Skye, wait!” Claire shouted as she watched her sister leave again, “I love you, but you have things to sort out! Let’s talk!”

  The energy in Claire’s voice faded as she watched Skylar quickly bound off the porch.

  “So this is what you were afraid of, Mom?” Claire asked.

  Claire felt like shit, there was no way around it. She did throw her sister under the bus and then drove her away, meeting her mother’s worst fear. She couldn’t make eye contact with Sarah or Earl. All of her feelings that she was sure were legitimate faded into an obscure and twisted place in the corners of her mind. The only thing that mattered was she made Skylar feel alone and unsupported for the first time in her life. The connection they had shared for almost two decades was severed by her poorly chosen words and a distinct lack of compassion and empathy.

  Claire couldn’t help but wonder just how much of an eighteen year old, spoiled brat she must have sounded like. She slithered out of the kitchen away from her parents without a word. She could hear Earl whisper to Sarah to let her go. Claire wasn’t sure if he was talking about her or Skylar. She climbed into her bed and buried her face in her pillow and briefly turned to look at Skylar’s empty bed through teary eyes. She thought Skylar leaving tonight hurt a thousand times more than sayi
ng goodbye to Ryan this afternoon.

  The weird part was her broken heart was not even a topic of conversation. No one asked how she was doing or considered giving her a little leeway considering her own set of miserable circumstances. Claire thought it was amazing that the more she had her shit together and the less she complained, the less support and empathy she got from those who loved her. She wished for once she could simply garner up whatever nerve it took to rebel and come up with a crazy, off-the-wall reason for going off the deep end just to see what would happen.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Claire! Claire! Wake up!” Sarah said in an emphatic whisper.

  Claire had no idea how long she had been sleeping.

  “What? What?” She rolled over and looked at Sarah, who was crying.

  “Mom, is everything all right with Skylar?” Claire asked.

  “I don’t know. Your dad and I are pretty certain she’s staying at Felicia’s. We thought it would be better to let her cool off over there for the night.”

  Claire sat up. Something was terribly wrong. She could feel it. And it wasn’t about Skylar.

  “You’re probably right, I guess... but tell me what’s wrong. You didn’t wake me up to tell me Skye was at Felicia’s. She’s been staying over there every time Felicia’s in town.”

  Sarah didn’t know how else to say it, “It’s Zia, honey.”

  Claire plopped her body back down in her bed. She was certain her head was going to explode. First Ryan, then Skylar and now Zia.

  “What, Mom? Is she okay?”

  “I just got the phone call from the hospital. She died in her sleep early last night.”

  “But, I don’t understand. I just talked to her less than two days ago. I mean, she didn’t sound like herself, but I didn’t think that much of it,” Claire said as tears began to stream down her face, “What happened? I was supposed to see her Sunday… one last time before I left for school….”

  “I don’t have the details, honey. Her neighbor called 911 when Zia didn’t answer her door for their regular tea time and Bible reading.”