Before I Wake
Page 29
Q: How did your personal history inform the novel?
A:Like Susan, I was once in an abusive relationship. Unlike Susan it wasn’t physically or sexually abusive, but it was emotionally abusive, and over the course of the four years it lasted, it changed me as a person. It took me a long time to find the courage to leave the relationship, and even longer to heal from it.
When my son was born, I was overwhelmed by how protective I felt of him. I barely slept for fear something might happen to him in the night, and I watched him like a hawk in the day. When I started plotting Before I Wake, I began to wonder how I’d react if my son was in danger from something very different from SIDS or choking or falling or any of the other “normal” dangers. What if there was a person who meant him harm? I never really believed that that would happen, but I channeled those fears into Susan, who’d been through a much more horrific experience than me. What if she’d taken something precious from her abusive ex and he wanted revenge? And what if that revenge was wreaked on her own child?
Q: Why did you use diary entries alongside the main thread of the story?
A:I felt it was really important that the reader understands why Susan is the way she is. She’s nervy, neurotic, and paranoid, and without the diary entries, it would be hard to be sympathetic toward her. During the course of the novel, Susan moves from whole to broken to whole again, and I thought it was important for the reader to see—via her diary entries—how very broken she was. Both threads of the stories build at the same time, and I hope the climaxes are as satisfying for the reader as they were to write.
Q: Your main character, Susan, is a very “unreliable” narrator. Did you find her difficult to write?
A:Not really. Once I’d heard Susan’s voice in my head, the words just spilled out of me. That said, there were times—when she was lashing out at people who didn’t deserve it—when I just wanted to shake her and tell her to trust people, but I totally understood why she was the way she was and why it was so important that she discover what had happened to Charlotte in her own way.
At the beginning of the novel, Susan says she feels like she was “sleep walking” through her own life, but by the end, she’s totally in charge of it. That was incredibly satisfying to write.
Q: Did you always know how the novel was going to end? Did you ever consider an alternative?
A:No, I always knew that James would die at the end and Charlotte would wake up. I did consider Susan killing him, but I didn’t want her to become as vicious as he was. I also ummm’d and ahhh’d about whether Brian should return to the hospital room. I didn’t want him to be a “hero” and save the day, but I liked the idea that the habit that had annoyed Sue so much at the beginning of the novel (of him always returning to collect something he’d forgotten) actually helped save her life at the end. I also thought that, given how Sue had done so much over the course of the novel without Brian’s support, it would prove his love for her if he came to her aid.
Acknowledgments
Huge thanks to my editor Shana Drehs and the team at Sourcebooks for their support, encouragement, and enthusiasm. I’ve always dreamed of being published in the States and you made that dream come true. I’m very proud to be working with you.
Massive thanks to Madeleine Milburn for supporting me every step of the way. You kept believing, even when my own belief faltered, and that marks you out as a very special agent indeed.
A big thank-you to my friends and family—particularly my parents Reg and Jenny Taylor and my brother and sister David and Rebecca—for continuing to ask “how’s the novel?” even when the answer was little more than a sigh. And lots of love to Suz, Leah, Sophie, LouBag, Steve, Guinevere, Angela, Ana, Nan, and Granddad.
Grateful thanks to everyone on Twitter and Facebook who helped me out with research—particularly Andrew Parsons for his hospital procedure/drug expertise and Kimberley Mills for sharing her experience of caring for a coma patient. Thank you—and sorry—to Emily Harborow. The video research footage you surreptitiously filmed for me ended up on the editing room floor, but I’m sure I’ll be able to use it in another book.
Big thanks to Jim Ross for taking my lovely new author photos and to Rebecca Butterworth for doing my makeup.
A huge thank-you to my writer friends. Writing can be such a lonely business and you keep me company (and watered with booze). Special mention must go to Carolyn Jess-Cooke, Sally Quilford, Leigh Forbes, Helen Hunt, Helen Kara, Karen Clarke, Rowan Coleman, Miranda Dickinson, Kate Harrison, Julie Cohen, and Tamsyn Murray for being particularly lovely.
Lastly, and by no means least, all my love and thanks to Chris and Seth. I wrote this book while I was on maternity leave—not because I had a very sleepy baby and lots of time on my hands, but because I thought I was going to go mental from sleep deprivation and writing was the only thing that kept me sane. I couldn’t have done it without you, Chris. Thank you for pushing the baby around town at 5:00 a.m. so I could sleep, thank you for taking him to visit your relatives so I could write, and thank you for telling me, over and over, that I could do it. It looks like I did.
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About the Author
Photo credit: Jim Ross
C. L. Taylor lives in Bristol in the UK with her partner and young son. Born in Worcester, she studied for a degree in psychology at the Northumbria University–Newcastle and currently works as a manager for a London university. She is a member of the Crime Writers Association and a graduate member (MBPsS) of the British Psychological Society.