Hopelessly Imperfect (Imperfect #1)

by Gabriela Cabezut

  I typed a smiley face and a thumbs-up, my lips curving up in a small smile. When we’d been best friends, we hung out at the library pretty much all the time. We had a special couch there, which was special because nobody would sit on it but us. To be fair, the couch wasn’t comfortable at all and smelled a little odd, but we rejoiced in the fact it was exclusively ours.

  The first two classes passed like usual, but dread and worry accompanied me as I walked through the hallway toward calculus. I wanted to see Nathan, but I didn’t know how to react if I did. My steps slowed as I approached the classroom, and my heart raced as I opened the door. Anne’s red hair was the first thing I saw as I entered. Waving at her, I willed my eyes to look at her too, but it was pointless. As I approached Anne, I noticed Nate and Chris hadn’t arrived.

  “Hey,” I greeted her.

  “Hi, Cassie!” She grinned at me. “Did you have fun yesterday?”

  My stomach churned as I remembered the hurt expression on Nate’s face. “Kind of.” I shrugged as my eyes turned toward his empty seat.

  Her smile faltered, and she tilted her head questioningly. Ignoring her look, I forced a smile and walked to my desk. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Sure.” She nodded, bemused.

  The door opened, and we both looked toward it. My breath caught in my throat as a couple of girls walked in, smiling and talking to each other. As we kept staring at them, they gave us a confused look and started to whisper to each other.

  I breathed out deeply. Anne’s curious stare was burning holes in my head, but I kept ignoring her. Trying to distract myself, I took out my notebook and started doodling on an empty page. I really got into it, and when I finished, class was starting. Surreptitiously, I looked behind me since I hadn’t felt Nathan bump my desk.

  He wasn’t there. Neither was Chris.

  Sighing, I looked at my drawing, and my heart sank. It was an eye. An intense-looking, gray eye. I started at it for a moment before ripping out the page and crushing it into a paper ball.

  Shit. Where was he? Was he so angry at me that he’d miss class?

  I shook my head. Of course he wasn’t. I would have to actually mean something to him for him to do something like that. Maybe he was sick or he just didn’t feel like dealing with me anymore.

  My shoulders slumped. I was glad our teacher didn’t ask me anything, because I hadn’t even copied down whatever gibberish he’d written on the blackboard. As the bell finally rang, I hurriedly left the room to find Farah.

  She was waiting for me at my locker. Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, but she wasn’t smiling as she usually did. “Hi!” She forced out a grin that looked more like a grimace.

  “Hey.” I was dying to ask her about Nate, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. “How are you?”

  She moved out of my way as I opened my locker. Her blue eyes studied me for a moment before she blurted out, “Ask away, Cassie.”

  Biting my lip, I focused on grabbing my English book. Slowly, I closed the locker. “What happened?”

  She shook her head. Her eyes hardened. “He’s an ass.”

  Bleakly, I looked at her. “He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”

  Farah rolled her eyes. “I knew that’s exactly what you were going to say.” We started to walk toward English as she muttered, talking to herself. “It’s so like you to take the blame. I know that, and Nathan knows that too.” She scowled.

  Grabbing her arm, I stopped her. “What do you mean?”

  Warily, she averted her blue eyes. “He’s…”

  “He’s what?” I asked gravely.

  A haunted expression clouded her face. “I’m not supposed to say anything.”

  “Farah,” I pushed her. “You’re scaring me.”

  Her shoulders tensed. Cringing, she murmured, “He’s beating himself up for it.”

  “You mean figuratively?” Paling, she shook her head while looking down. He’s fighting. “Shit, Farah.” How could they let him do that to himself? I closed my mouth because I didn’t want to hurt her by blaming Chris. Knowing Nathan, there was nothing they could have done to prevent it. Swallowing hard, I asked tightly, “Where are they?” I knew he wasn’t where the fights usually took place. Last week, Mr. White had closed the back door to the school permanently. Some kid had been beaten badly during school hours, and according to rumors, they were suing the school.

  Farah looked at me, pained. “I don’t know.”

  My stomach sank. “Is Chris with him?” She nodded, and I could see how worried she was. “He’s an idiot,” I murmured, completely panicked.

  What was going on with him? Where was he? Was he all right? Fuck. “Can you call them?”

  Her blue eyes brimmed with tears. “Chris isn’t picking up his phone.”

  I hugged her. “I’m sorry, Farah.”

  “Why would you be?” She pulled away as the hall started to clear for the next period to begin. “It’s your stupid boyfriend’s fault they’re who knows where doing who knows what!”

  “He’s not—” I stopped as she gave me a death glare. Sullen, I took a deep breath. “We can’t skip school again.”

  “And I don’t know where they are,” she whispered, sounding both frustrated and worried.

  We looked at each other and grimaced before walking into class. I took my usual seat, but I just couldn’t think of anything else but Nathan.

  Please let him be okay. Please don’t let him get hurt.

  Lunch arrived, and we met Anne at the library. However, Farah and I were a complete mess. We told Anne about it, and she looked at us sympathetically before frowning. “Why don’t you ask their other friend where they are?”

  Quizzically, we looked at her for a moment, then turned to each other as we both blurted out, “Jay!”

  “Have you seen him today?” I asked Anne as she looked at us as if we were crazy.

  She shrugged. “We just had Spanish together.”

  “Oh my God! I love you, Anne!” Farah cried and hugged her. Anna’s eyes were wide as she patted my friend awkwardly on the back.

  “Farah, let’s go. Let’s find him.” I picked up our backpacks as she let Anne go. “Thank you.” I smiled at the slightly panicked redhead.

  “Last time I saw him, he was walking to the cafeteria.” Her green eyes glanced at us both. “I’ll come with you.”

  Farah gazed at me, grinning. Oh. Anne just got herself a new friend.

  Anne walked with us to the cafeteria, but Jay wasn’t there. We looked for him on the lawn, where we usually sat, but there was no sign of him. I could tell Farah was freaking out since she’d started to chew on her nails. And I knew how she was feeling. I was panicking as we searched the school for him.

  The bell rang again, and we all went our separate ways to our classes. But I couldn’t stop worrying about Nathan. Where the hell is he?

  By the time school finished, we still hadn’t found Jay.

  Farah called her mom and told her that we had a lab report to do, so she was coming home with me, and Anne was still helping us look for Jay. We descended the school’s stairs completely discouraged.

  “There he is,” Anne cried, pulling my sleeve. She was right. Jay was walking through the parking lot toward his beat-up truck. I ran after him, Farah and Anne behind me.

  “Jay,” I shouted. His shoulders tensed and he quickened his pace, ignoring me. I pushed myself harder and reached him as he was closing his car door. Tapping his window, I gestured for him to roll it down, but he only looked at me sympathetically before starting his car.

  Panicking, I moved in front of it and placed my palms on the hood. Jay rubbed his temples and closed his eyes for a second before turning off the engine. He stepped out rubbing his neck. “Cassie.”

  “What’s going on, Jay? Where are they? Are they okay?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know, guys,” he said as Farah and Anne reached us. “I’ll find out and text you.”

  My breath caught in m
y throat. He didn’t know anything? This is bad. “I’m going with you.”

  His eyes widened. “No, you’re not!”

  Determination washed over me. I narrowed my eyes before running to the passenger door and hopped inside his car. Jay rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

  “I’m not moving until you take me there, Jay,” I warned him. “And even if you don’t take me, I’m going to go looking for them, which will be even worse since I’d be wandering through the most dangerous places until I find them.”

  “Ugh. All right,” he huffed, “but I’m not taking all of you!” he said as Anne and Farah opened their mouths to protest. His eyes turned to me as he stepped inside. “One whiny girl is enough,” he murmured to himself as he started the car.

  “You have to take Farah, Jay. She’s worried to death.” I swallowed hard. “Please.”

  “Fuck.” He glared through the windshield into the distance. “I’m dead, anyway,” he muttered angrily. “Get in, Blondie, we don’t have all afternoon!”

  Farah smiled gratefully at me as she hopped in the back. Anne stayed behind. However, she was deeply concerned. I promised to text her.

  The whole ride was uneasy; the silence was unbearable. I wanted to ask Jay so many things; I’m sure Farah felt the same. But he was so tense that I was sure he didn’t know what was going on. That was the scariest part.

  He parked at the outskirts of the city in front of an old warehouse. Several cars were parked outside, but no one was around. The place had a dangerous aura. The paint on the outside of the building was peeling away, and most of it had graffiti all over. We could hear people shouting inside.

  Goose bumps sprang up on my skin, and my heart caught in my throat as we stepped from the car. Farah’s blue eyes were wide and filled with fright. I grabbed her hand, and we walked together toward the entrance. Jay started to open the door, then turned to us. “Stay close to me, okay?” We nodded.

  Farah’s hold tightened, and I swallowed hard as we stepped through the small door. The scent of sweat hit us immediately. The place was packed with people—mostly men of several different ages. The girls who were there were at least in their twenties; most of them were dressed in black leather outfits and had several piercings or tattoos covering their bodies.

  Jay walked in front of us, and we followed him, struggling through the masses of men. More than a few leered at us, and a few more watched us slyly. Swallowing hard, I pressed myself closer to Jay as we moved through the crowd.

  Finally, we reached the so-called stage, which was nothing more than a clear space in the middle of the room. There was a fight going on, and my heart sank as I saw Nate being beaten up by an older guy. His white t-shirt was bloody, and he had a nasty cut on his right brow. His face was covered in little cuts, and he had a large bruise on his left cheek. The guy towered over him clenching his fists as Nate clutched his stomach.

  With all my might, I shoved Jay away and placed myself between Nathan and the other guy. The man was ready to punch Nate in the face. When he saw me, he froze. I swallowed hard, completely panicked and wide-eyed. The man looked well out of his twenties, and he was much bigger and more muscled than Nathan. A dragon tattoo peeked out of his shirt collar and circled his neck. His dark blond hair was tousled from the fight, and his eyes ran across me slyly.

  Nathan grabbed me by the waist and pulled me behind him. He glanced at me, his gray eyes blazing with fury for a moment before he stared at his opponent. “What the fuck are you fucking doing here?” he muttered through clenched teeth before taking a step back, pushing me toward Jay as he got ready to fight.

  “Who is you pretty friend, Rivers?” The guy was trying to get a better look at me. Nathan tensed.

  The men were shouting for the fight to go on as Nathan snapped, “She’s no one.” My stomach plummeted to the floor, and I felt like someone had punched me in the gut.

  “Really?” The guy leered at me and raised his palms, silencing the crowd. “If she’s no one, then you won’t mind me talking to her, would you?”

  Nathan’s jaw clenched. “I came here to fight, not to see you flirt.”

  The guy laughed and raised both palms again, this time in mock surrender. “I’m calling it a night if she talks to me.”

  “Fuck you, Williams.” Nathan’s tone was vicious.

  The man raised an eyebrow. He threw a fist at Nate’s face, but he dodged and punched him in the stomach. The man fell, and Nate grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd. Jay, Chris, and Farah were next to us a moment later. We ran outside and hopped into Jay’s truck as a few men emerged, cursing and shouting.

  Jay started the engine and raced away.

  “What the fuck, Jay?” Nate shouted as soon as the warehouse was out of sight.

  Jay’s voice was frantic as he shouted from the driver’s seat. “She jumped in front of my car, dude! What was I supposed to do?”

  My heart sank. Nate really didn’t want to see me. I glanced at Farah, but she was too busy examining her boyfriend.

  “What the hell were you thinking?” Nate snapped at me. His gray eyes were still blazing, and my stomach churned as I looked at his bruised face.

  My breathing was coming out in pants, and adrenaline was still pumping through my heart. Glaring at him, I shoved him in the chest with both palms. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “Are you fucking stupid?” His jaw clenched, and I felt like he’d punched me in the heart again.

  “Fuck you, Rivers,” I snapped. “Jay, could you please drop me at my house?”

  Jay glared at Nathan through the rearview mirror before nodding at me. “Sure.”

  Crossing my arms, I gave Jay my address, turning away from Nathan. My eyes brimmed with tears as I looked through the window.

  We were silent as we drove toward my house. Fifteen minutes later, Jay stopped in front of it. Nathan got out of the car, and I passed him without a word. He closed the door and bumped his fist against it twice. Jay’s car roared to life, and they drove away.

  Angry and hurt, I stomped to my house, and Nathan’s hand softly grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry, Cassie,” he said sadly. “I’m an ass, I know, but that was the last place I ever thought I’d see you.”

  I turned to him. My eyes were still brimming with tears. “You are an idiot! What were you thinking?” I shoved him in the chest once again as his gray eyes stared at me. “That was the most stupid stunt you could ever do!”

  His eyes were stormy before he cupped my cheek. My heart was pumping furiously inside my chest. I was completely taken aback at his touch. Before I could say anything more, he crushed his lips against mine.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The moment our lips touched, tingles shot through my body. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as his arms encased my waist and pulled me closer. My hands instinctively shot to him as I kissed him back. A deep need burst from within me as I tried to bring him even closer. A soft groan came from the back of his throat as my heart raced. My skin tingled whenever he was touching me.

  Then, as if someone had turned on a switch within me, I remembered being kissed like this before. At Sean’s party. When I got drunk. My thoughts scrambled as I pulled away, still breathing heavily.

  My hand reached out for my swollen lips. “You kissed me.” He was the guy that had been with me at the party. The one I came on to and the one that had gotten me home safe and sound. It was never Tom. It was Nathan.

  His eyes were a shade darker, and I could see he was as breathless as me. A flash of pain passed through his eyes before he took a step back. “I’m sorry.” His voice was raspy.

  “What?” I threw a confused look at him.

  What the hell is he talking about?

  Without answering me, he walked away, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets.

  Why was he sorry for?

  For kissing me?

  For being an idiot?

  For not telling me that we kissed before?

  Or was I w
as too screwed up for him? Because I couldn’t deny that one. I was definitely a nutcase. Swallowing hard, I walked to my room as flashes of that night ran through my head.

  It happened during spring break. Going to parties had been a must over the holidays. Drinking wasn’t such a big thing for me, but Tom and Marissa had been teasing me for being such a prude, and I kind of wanted to shut them up, so I drank. A lot. By the end of the night, I was a mess.

  I remember trying to get away from everyone because I didn’t feel euphoric like everyone else did. No, the alcohol made every feeling I’d locked up inside much more intense, and I felt like crap.

  I walked outside to the darkest part of the terrace where no one could see me. Tears brimmed my eyes, and for once, I didn’t try to stop them.

  In the midst of it all, someone found me. I just didn’t want to feel sad anymore, so I kissed him. Like there was no tomorrow. And he kissed me back, and I tried to take off his t-shirt, but he stopped me because I was crying. He had held me, and then he’d taken me home. And I always thought it was Tom. I kind of respected him because he wasn’t such an asshole that night. He never mentioned what happened, so I did the same.

  But it hadn’t been Tom.

  It had been Nathan. It had been him all along, and I’d never noticed him after that.

  That was why he told me off for being in my little world. I was such an idiot. How could I forget about him? Now I could remember those gray eyes staring at me. Moron couldn’t even begin to cover it.

  Frustrated, I let myself fall on my bed, punching and kicking it at the same time. Sighing, I turned onto my back. My gaze was glued to the white ceiling of my room as my right hand lingered on my lips. I could still feel little tingles from Nathan’s kiss. I replayed the whole thing several times. His dark eyes and husky tone were etched in my mind.

  Kissing him was like riding a roller coaster. For a moment, I felt as though I was floating in the sky completely mesmerized at him, but then I remembered what an idiot I’d been by not noticing him before and my stomach plunged to the floor.