Almost A Spinster

by Jenna Petersen

  She nodded slowly, but made no move to touch or greet the horse, so Nathan maneuvered until he was between her and the animal.

  The walk to the Heatherton estate gate didn’t take more than a quarter of an hour, but the time passed quickly. Maddie was a quiet girl and Nathan found himself enjoying the comfortable silence that hung between them. It was a pleasant experience compared to the young ladies who swarmed around his employer. Women of the ton, who seemed to be able to talk endlessly about a hat or a glove.

  They stopped at the Heatherton gate and Nathan released Maddie’s arm with a slight, playful bow. “Home again.”

  She nodded. “I do apologize once more for what happened. I hope you will see someone just to be certain you are not injured.”

  Nathan smiled. “Well, I managed to walk a mile back to this spot, so I assume that means I’m not permanently maimed.”

  She shook her head. “Please don’t jest. I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t know you weren’t hurt, even in the slightest.”

  Nathan stared at the young woman. He was always so consumed with his running of Fulton’s affairs and the maintenance of his own reputation that he rarely made time for any kind of diversion. But when he looked at this young lady, with her beautiful, yet serious eyes, he could only imagine picnics by the pond and walks in the twilight.

  And he had a realization of just how much he’d been missing, dedicating himself only to a career. He was over thirty now, well into the years when a man should start a family. Fulton had even mentioned it once or twice.

  “What say we strike a bargain?” Nathan asked, stepping a bit closer. “I will be certain a doctor checks me for any hidden anomalies if you promise to meet me tomorrow and walk with me.”

  Maddie’s lips parted slightly. “You wish to walk with me tomorrow?”

  He nodded, surprised by the incredulous tone to her voice. “I do. Will you meet with me?”

  She looked toward the estate house in the distance. “But Se-er- Lady Heatherton…”

  He cut her off. “You were out today. Surely she could not begrudge you an hour’s time.”

  She shook her head. “Oh no, she certainly wouldn’t. I didn’t mean to imply-”

  “You implied nothing. So it is settled. What time shall I call on you?”

  Maddie took a deep breath, then said, “Lady Heatherton generally takes a nap after her tea at two. Shall we meet here at the gate?”

  Now it was Nathan who was taken aback. He had assumed she would prefer if he came to the house to collect her. “Very well. I shall see you here tomorrow at two. Shall we shake hands on the bargain?”

  With a solemn nod, Maddie held out her hand and they shook on it. As they broke apart, she smiled. Nathan caught his breath. The expression lit up her face, brightening everything about her until she almost glowed. Just that smile turned her from a handsome woman to a pretty one.

  But then the smile was gone as she slipped through the gate. “Goodbye, I shall see you tomorrow!”

  Nathan watched her figure shrink toward the house. “I look forward to it.”

  Chapter Two

  “Madeline, is that you?”

  Maddie froze, her hand hovering above the door knob to her chamber as her aunt’s gentle voice drifted down the hallway toward her. She looked down at herself, disheveled and grass stained. Plus, her cheeks still felt hot both from the exertion of her fear and the lies she had told… and the fact that a very handsome man had paid special attention to her and it had nothing in the world to do with her dowry.

  “Maddie?” her aunt repeated.

  Startled from her reverie, she moved toward her aunt’s chamber. “Yes, Aunt Serena, I’m here.”

  She pushed the door open and entered. After the bright afternoon sunshine, it took her eyes a moment to adjust but once they had, Madeline could see her aunt propped up on a stack of fluffy pillows. Serena’s dark hair was spread about her shoulders, framing her pretty, if slightly pale face. Her belly, swollen with the child who would be making his or her appearance some time in the next month, made the covers lift around her.

  Maddie moved toward Serena with a smile. They had always been close. Her father’s sister was nearly the same age as she. Maddie considered her a friend as well as a relation.

  “Did you rest well, Aunt?” she asked as she perched on the edge of Serena’s mattress. “Are you having any pain or discomfort?”

  Her aunt’s hand moved slowly to cover the high arch of her stomach, hidden beneath the blankets. “We are very well, thank you. My son is practicing his dance steps even as we speak.”

  Madeline laughed, though her aunt’s calm reference to her impending motherhood did cause a faint, shameful sting in her heart. One she had been experiencing ever since her arrival. Maddie would likely never have a child of her own. Her nieces and nephews and cousins would be her only chance at doting on a baby.

  “You do not know if that babe is a boy,” Maddie said through a suddenly false smile.

  Serena nodded. “No girl would give me such trouble, I am certain. No, he will be his papa’s boy and the two of them will run ragged over me until I have a few girls to outnumber them.”

  Her aunt smiled before she tilted her head slightly. “Madeline is that grass in your hair?”

  Feeling the color leave her cheeks, Maddie reached up to touch a few sprigs of bright green vegetation, remnants of her afternoon. “I, er, had a little incident.”

  Her aunt touched her hand. “Nothing serious, I hope. You know, I forgot to mention to you about Dawson Field-”

  “Road?” Madeline interrupted with a chuckle as she thought of Nathan’s words. “Yes, I’ve been informed of its duty and history.”

  Serena looked at her strangely, but then shook her head. “The servants would tell you, of course.”

  Madeline clamped her lips shut. Normally she would have confided in her aunt about her strange encounter with Nathan Blackstone, but for some reason she didn’t. Those few moments when they had verbally sparred and then he walked her home seemed almost dream-like to her now. If she spoke of them, she feared she would destroy their mystique.

  Not to mention the fact that she had lied outright to the man. Or at least allowed him to believe that she was something and someone that she most definitely was not. If she confessed such a thing to her aunt, confessed her attraction to a man of no rank, Serena would likely be horrified. Madeline might be sent home and Nathan could very well lose his position.

  So it was best to keep her secrets. In truth, it had been so long since Maddie had a secret that it gave her a thrill when she thought of it.

  “Are you certain you are quite well?” Serena asked, pushing herself higher on her pillows as she held Maddie’s eyes with concern. “You seem very… quiet, even for you. Did something happen today?”

  Maddie got to her feet and gently plumped the pillows at the base of her aunt’s back. “No, no. I am very well, I assure you.”

  “Good.” Her aunt leaned forward as Maddie began to rub her back and let out a shuddering sigh of pleasure. “Thank you, that is lovely.” There was a long moment of silence before Serena spoke again. “Madeline, I’ve been meaning to talk to you since you arrived last week. I realize after your engagement was broken, you had a very difficult time in London.”

  Maddie’s smooth strokes over her aunt’s tight muscles faltered for a moment as humiliation rushed through her.

  “Y-Yes.”

  Serena cast a quick glance in her direction. “I know everyone in our family would do anything to spare you from pain.”

  “Like invite me here to keep me from another wretched Season, you mean,” Maddie said softly.

  Her aunt dipped her head, giving Madeline the answer she had already known, although it had never been spoken out loud.

  She sighed. Protected, once again. “I know that is part of why you had me come here, Serena. And I do appreciate it.”

  Serena bent her head as Maddie moved her touch up the column of h
er aunt’s spine. “But I hope you won’t take my invitation as a reason to shut yourself off from the world forever.”

  “Oh, Serena,” Maddie mused. “I believe the world has cut itself away from me quite well.”

  She knew she sounded bitter, but it was hard to keep up the façade of quiet acceptance.

  Her aunt frowned. “Madeline, you cannot give up on happiness. Or convince yourself that your future path is set in stone. There are a thousand different futures waiting for you, if only you are open to them. And many of them could still involve a happy marriage, children, even love.”

  Maddie stepped away from Serena and paced to the window. This was the same speech her friends gave her. The same one her mother had whispered to her over and over. But Madeline had long ago given up on those foolish fairy tales.

  Still, earlier in the day she had given up on adventure. And then Nathan Blackstone had appeared from nowhere, like a hero in one of her gothic novels, and for a brief time she had forgotten everything else and lived entirely in the moment with him.

  He had been a future she hadn’t expected. Certainly his assumptions about her position had been entirely unexpected. So she had lied. Or at least strategically withheld the truth. A fact that sat heavy in her chest now.

  “Aunt Serena,” she said without turning from the window. “Do you think a lie of omission is just as bad as an outright untruth?”

  Serena shifted on her pillows. “I don’t know. I suppose it depends on the kind of lie. Sometimes people lie to protect others.”

  Maddie picked at a loose string on her grass-stained gown. Her lie was only to protect herself.

  Her aunt continued, “Who lied to you?”

  Turning, Madeline looked at her. “Why do you assume someone has lied to me?”

  Serena shrugged. “You’re such a steady girl, Maddie. I cannot imagine you having to lie to anyone.”

  Madeline swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. A ‘steady’ girl. Wasn’t that just a polite way to say boring? Dull?

  “I am beginning to be hungry,” Serena said, completely oblivious to the complicated emotions her niece was battling.

  “Of course. I will go down and make arrangements for your tea.” Maddie smiled. “Do you have any special requests today?”

  After her aunt had rattled off at least half a dozen strange cravings, Madeline backed from the room. In the hallway, she leaned against the door with a heavy sigh.

  Whether or not she enjoyed the implications of the word ‘steady’, she knew that description did fit her. She had been so surprised by Nathan’s assumption that she was a servant in one of the nearby estates that she hadn’t corrected him. That was understandable. But if she continued to allow him to believe that falsehood, she would be crossing a line.

  So she would tell him. And he would be horrified and call her ‘my lady’ and she would likely never see him again.

  It was just the way things were.

  #

  Madeline meandered through the sprawling gardens of her aunt and uncle’s estate, slowly but surely making her way to the back gate where she was to meet Nathan Blackstone in just a few short moments. She was careful to appear purposeless and relaxed, just in case a servant should see her. The last thing she wanted was for someone to pry and for her secret to be revealed.

  Finally, she moved away from the maze of rose bushes and lilacs and into the trimmed grass. Down the sloping hill she went until she saw the gate in the distance. Her heart leapt. Nathan already stood there, leaning against the wooden barrier with a lazy elegance that spoke of strength and assuredness.

  He wore crisp white shirtsleeves covered in a plain, but well-made vest. She couldn’t help but notice that his trousers were fitted perfectly as he leaned against the fence ever so slightly. With a blush, she darted her gaze away from his posterior and looked at his face instead.

  His black hair was slightly tousled, probably from the breeze that was stirring through the trees from time to time. His skin was tanned and the closer she got, the more clear his startling bright blue eyes became.

  Great God, he was handsome. More so than she had remembered in the day since they met so unexpectedly, which was quite shocking since she remembered him as the most attractive man she had ever been an acquaintance of.

  Yet somehow, he wished to walk with her. For no reason that she could fathom.

  “There you are,” he called, straightening up as she drew his attention.

  She forced a smile. It was so very unfortunate that she was going to have to tell him the truth. She knew what the consequences of that action would be and she didn’t relish the change in his expression or the end to his friendly tone.

  “Good afternoon,” she forced herself to say with as much brightness as she could muster. “I hope I wasn’t late.”

  “No, spot on time actually.” He reached around and unlatched the gate, opening it wide so she could pass through to the road where he stood.

  She watched him from the corner of her eye as he shut the gate behind her. Would it really hurt if she walked with him for a little while rather than just blurt out her true identity? It seemed so awkward to say, “Hello, I lied to you yesterday. I’m really a Duke’s daughter. I suppose you’ll want to run screaming the other way now.”

  Perhaps she could find a better way to insert the truth into conversation if they spent a little time together.

  And… of course, it would also allow her to enjoy Nathan’s unexpected companionship, at least for a short while.

  “I wondered if you’d had a chance to see White River Pond yet?” he asked as he motioned the correct direction down the quiet country road.

  Madeline shook her head. “No. Am I to assume it is maintained by the Whites, it is fed from a river and it is a pond?”

  Beside her, Nathan let out a loud chuckle. “I deserved that. Let me apologize for my manners yesterday.”

  Maddie stopped in her tracks and turned to him with a shake of her head. “Oh no, I was only teasing you. Great heavens, I nearly killed you. You deserved much more of an outburst than you ultimately gave.”

  He looked at her for a long moment, then reached forward to take her hand. Maddie’s breath caught as his dark, gloveless fingers covered hers. It was getting surprisingly hard to breathe and her ears were beginning to ring ever so slightly.

  “If we are to be friends, let us forgive each other our silly meeting, shall we? You are sorry for nearly killing me. I am sorry for being so rude as to point that fact out. There will be no further apologies from either party. Do you agree?”

  Maddie opened her mouth, but only a small, humiliating squeak would escape her constricted throat. She clamped her lips back together and nodded.

  “I-It seems a fair bargain,” she finally breathed.

  Nathan’s smile fell a fraction and he suddenly released her hand. “Very good.”

  They continued walking in silence for a solid ten minutes. Maddie couldn’t help but shoot side glances his way. Was he bored with her silence? Was he sorry he had asked her to spend the afternoon in his company? She had never been the kind of girl who could prattle on with exquisite wit about silly subjects. She knew that had cost her the attention of at least a few men.

  She cleared her throat. “So tell me, Mr. Blackstone, what is it that an estate manager does?”

  There, now he would talk about himself. It would fill the silence and she would learn more about him.

  Nathan shrugged. “I maintain Viscount Fulton’s estate finances, take care of issues with the staff, meet with his tenants on a regular basis, that sort of thing.”

  Madeline nodded. She hadn’t ever had much contact with any of her father’s estate managers. They were all old, wizened men. Not anything like Nathan.

  “Do you like the position?” she asked.

  His mouth turned down ever so slightly. “I owe a great deal to Fulton. And I think I am good at what I do.”

  Maddie smiled. “That isn’t exactly an ans
wer.”

  “No.” Nathan chuckled again and warmth spread through Maddie’s body. Twice she had made him laugh. That had to be a record for her with a gentleman. “I suppose it isn’t much of an answer. There are things about my work which I do not like.”

  “Such as?”

  She leaned in a little closer. She had never had such an open conversation with a gentleman who wasn’t a relation before. Even David had filled their time alone with meaningless chatter and empty compliments that she hadn’t believed even then. Nothing deeper.

  Nathan sighed. “It isn’t always pleasant dealing with those who are ranked as my betters.” He shot her a glance. “You must know what I mean, with the work you do. My employer has a plethora of houseguests at present, including a great gaggle of debutantes. The silliness of those women…”

  Madeline swallowed hard. Oh dear. When she told him the truth, he was most definitely going to react poorly.

  “They cannot be all bad,” she managed to choke out.

  He waved a hand. “Of course not. Some of them are tolerable, but it seems the higher their rank, the more frivolous and ridiculous they are. Do you know that one of them spent two hours last night discussing hat pins. Hat pins.”

  Maddie bit her lip. She would bet five pounds that one of Viscount Fulton’s houseguests was Lady Yasmine Lincoln. Her passion for hat pins was well-documented. She was also a wretchedly nasty girl when no one was watching. Maddie shuddered.

  “It does seem a bit excessive,” she admitted.

  Nathan shook his head. “I cannot imagine leading so decadent a life that such a topic could occupy a moment of thought, let alone such deep and in-depth discussion. And she is not the worst of her lot.”