Second Chances

by Denise Belinda McDonald

  Zan waited a moment, and she then asked. “Is he gone?”

  “Yes, dear. Is there something wrong?”

  “I want to go home.”

  “Soon, sweetie. After you’re all examined. Don’t worry, I sent Quint to watch Clyde. That boy tried to talk the doctor into letting him bring the pup by, but old Hambert wouldn’t go for it—”

  She tuned her aunt out. She didn’t want to hear her talk about normal things. Nothing was normal. Life had been irreparably changed. Someone shot her for God’s sake. Deliberately pointed a gun at her and shot her.

  Zan started to shake. What if he had been a better shot? She could have died. Or worse. Someone else could have been hit when Dale took his revenge old-west style. Someone else could have died because the insane freak had a royal bug up his butt about her. Reese didn’t say if anyone else had been injured. Maybe they were.

  “—he was so funny that—”

  “Was anyone else hurt?” Zan asked.

  “Hurt? No.”

  Bonnie smoothed her hand on the top of Zan’s head. It soothed Zan, lulled her. She had to fight to keep her eyes open.

  “Everyone was okay. Don’t you worry yourself with that. You need to take care…” Bonnie was off and running again. Her hand still stroking Zan’s hair, and the pill the doctor gave her, pushed her toward slumber.

  Zan let her aunt ramble, too content with the feel of her aunt’s touch to argue with a thing.

  Besides, she had so many thoughts floating around her brain. They seemed to jumble on top of one another. The most prevalent was the reminder that Jacob had tried to push her away. The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, have children with, had dismissed her from his life. Even if it was “for her own good”, he had told her in no uncertain terms he was through with her. When she’d called him on his bluff, he hadn’t relented. He still maintained he didn’t want her. She’d tried to no avail to convince him otherwise.

  And look what she got for her troubles. Shot by a madman.

  Well no more.

  If Jacob didn’t want to have her in his life then so be it. She wouldn’t hang around to be told again.

  She closed her eyes. Her body relaxed inch by inch. Pain subsided and thoughts fled to the outer limits. Her aunt’s words penetrated for a moment.

  “—so we’ll get you back home to Clyde in no time.”

  “No, I meant back to Texas,” she clarified. Exhaustion fuzzed her mind and she didn’t hear her aunt’s response. “I want to go home.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Jacob paced the floor in front of Sheriff Reese’s desk two long days after all the shit at the ranch. “How did she look? What did she say? Is she going to be all right?”

  “Slow down, boy. And sit. You’re giving me whiplash.” Reese pointed to the leather chair on the other side of the desk. “Now, let’s take one question at a time,” he said when Jacob settled.

  “Suzanne looked okay, but very pale. She’s had a rough time of it.”

  “I know,” he said under his breath. Like he hadn’t relived the moment she was shot over and over in his head.

  “She pretty much confirmed everything that Dwayne told us. But she didn’t actually remember being shot. She thought your horse might have put her there.”

  “Stella?” Jacob shook his head. He looked out the window. Or at the window rather. Frost covered it, blocking the view of the outside world as he remembered the night of the shooting. He had watched his horse rear up and nearly crush Zan, but the horse he had trained well dropped to the other side, not even mussing a hair on Zan’s head. Still, it had caused him a moment of panic.

  Then, of course, Zan had collapsed in his arms. His heart had stopped when he saw her eyes roll up in her head and found blood oozing from her shoulder.

  “I talked to Hambert,” Sheriff Reese said, cutting into his thoughts. “She’s back from the hospital and he said she’s doing fine. He was over at her place just this morning to check on her. She needs rest and a bunch of antibiotics but otherwise he expects her to pull through with no complications.”

  Thank God.

  He didn’t think he could deal with another blow.

  “Why don’t you go on over there and see for yourself?”

  Why? Because Quint had all but threatened to tear his lungs out if he so much as came near Zan.

  “She doesn’t want to see me,” he said flatly. “When are you going to get Dale?” Jacob changed the subject.

  “I sent a deputy out there to pick him up.”

  “He better not get off this time. He went too far, Sheriff.”

  “Dale Holstrom will be spending time behind bars for this, don’t you worry. His daddy has washed his hands of him for this stunt. You need to worry ’bout yourself. He isn’t dropping the assault charges against you.”

  “I don’t give a damn about me. I’ll take whatever the judge gives me. He only got what he deserved.” Jacob got up and started pacing again. “You don’t think he’ll try to use me to lessen his charges, do you? Saying I provoked him into it?”

  “Boy, sit down, you’re upsetting my lunch.” Reese leaned back in his own chair and rubbed his large paunch as Jacob sat once again. “Doubt it. Dwayne said Dale saw Suzanne in the corral and lost his mind. He was ranting and raving about her. I won’t repeat what he said. But he did deliberately aim at her. Told Dwayne he was going to… ah well, you don’t need to hear that either.”

  Jacob gritted his teeth. He could image what Dale said. If he didn’t expect to wind up in the next jail cell he’d go after the man himself. He only wished he had given him a more severe beating when he’d had the chance.

  “I need to go,” Jacob said abruptly. He shook hands with the sheriff and hurried out of the office. He didn’t want to be hanging around when they brought Dale in.

  When he stepped off the curb and pulled his collar up to ward off the falling snow, he looked west toward the other end of town. Three blocks down, Zan’s house was the last on the left. He could see Bonnie’s purple car sitting out front. Instead of heading west, he turned and headed for his truck.

  He drove toward the ranch and didn’t look back. But when he got to the junction to head east out of town, he slammed on the brakes. The necklace he’d given Zan for Christmas swung from the rearview mirror.

  When had he become such a coward?

  How in the hell could he give up a woman like Zan without a fight? He loved her more than anyone ever before. And, he was convinced, more than anyone ever again. She had said she still loved him even after all he had said to her.

  He turned the truck around and gunned the engine. He didn’t slow down until he reached her house.

  He vaulted up the steps. “Zan.”

  “Hey, hey.” Bonnie met him at the door. “Jacob, please lower your voice.”

  “I need to see her, Bonnie.”

  “She’s sleeping again. The doctor gave her something for the pain and it knocked her out.”

  Bonnie stood in the doorway and blocked him from entering.

  “Can I at least see her? I need to see that she’s all right.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Please?”

  Bonnie looked back over her shoulder, into the room, then back at Jacob. “For just a moment.”

  “Thanks, Bonnie.”

  When she moved aside, Jacob crossed the threshold and was shocked to see Doctor Dud sitting in a chair across the room. The man jumped to his feet and the magazine in his lap fell to the floor when he saw Jacob.

  “What the hell do you want?” Doctor Dud puffed up his chest and took a step toward Jacob.

  “I came to see Zan.” Jacob was in no mood to deal with the smarmy guy.

  “She’s sleeping.” Doctor Dud, despite his whiney voice, balled his fists, his jaw clinched.

  “I know that. I just want to see her.”

  Bonnie stepped between the two men, facing Jacob. “Charles, Jacob is the one who got her to the d
octor in time. If it wasn’t for him… Well, you need to give him some room.”

  “If it wasn’t for him, she never would have been in harm’s way.” Charles leaned over Bonnie’s shoulder but didn’t attempt to move past her.

  “Now, that’s not true.” She turned around and put her hand on Charles’s forearm. “Dale Holstrom has been a pain in Paintbrush’s ass since he could walk. And for some reason he zeroed in on Zan. You know her, Charles, she wasn’t about to back down from him.”

  The look that crossed Charles’s face said he didn’t know that about her. “Fine. Whatever. Go in and see her. But she’s still going back to Texas as soon as the doctor gives her the go-ahead.”

  Jacob’s brow furrowed when he saw Bonnie’s shoulders stiffen. She turned back to him, but didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Go on in, Jacob.”

  He nodded and held his tongue. Hundreds of questions raced through his mind. He needed to ask why Zan finally decided to leave after she had stared him down and vowed to stay. But at the moment they would have to wait, he needed to see her, see that she was okay, before he could press Bonnie for answers.

  His hand shook as he turned the knob. Without a sound, he crept into the darkened room. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim light. But when they did, he saw Zan lying in her bed. Even with the lack of light, he could see her pale skin. The sheet pulled up just under her chin exposed little of the bandage that covered her left shoulder, yet, it was there. Damage caused by a madman.

  He sat in the chair next to the bed. He took her right hand, which lay across her stomach, in his and brought it up to his lips. After a gentle kiss, he lowered it and twined their fingers. His other hand caressed her soft skin, with light strokes of his knuckles over her wan cheekbone.

  Jacob’s chest tightened. Oh God, how he loved her.

  She could have died. He could have lost her forever. All because his stupid pride inserted itself in his head like a parasite distorting his feelings and beliefs. Instead of giving Zan the chance to make up her own mind, he took the decision away from her altogether. He wanted to be the one to walk away. Not like with Trisha where she called the shots and left him hanging.

  He shook his head.

  Why couldn’t he see it before? Zan was nothing like Trisha. He would be damned if he would let her walk out of his life without hearing him through.

  His grip tightened around her hand.

  Zan’s eyes fluttered open and for a moment just stared up into his face. A smile tugged at her lips, but fell away before she turned her head to the other side. “What do you want, Jacob?” she whispered in a hoarse voice.

  “I came to check on you.” He was encouraged that she didn’t pull her hand from his. Then again, as weak she was, maybe she was too tired to fuss with him. He didn’t care. He would take what he could get.

  “Why?”

  He knew he hurt her. He couldn’t blame her for not wanting him around. Hell, after the way he spoke to her he didn’t want to be around himself.

  “Because, I love you.”

  He thought he heard her snort.

  “Zan, I was wrong. I should never have said those things to you.” He stroked her hair. “Will you look at me, please?”

  He waited. He wanted to look into her eyes, to judge what she might feel. After an interminable pause, she turned her face back to him. Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes.

  “I was an ass.”

  “You think?”

  He had to smile at her spunk.

  His hand continued to stroke her hair. “I thought you’d be better off with Doctor Dud out there.” He motioned to the door with his shoulder.

  “If I wanted Charles, I would never have left Texas, Jacob.”

  “I realize that now. I’ve had a lot of time to think. Hell, my brain’s ready to pop there’s so many thoughts running through it.”

  The corner of her mouth tilted into a smile, but she didn’t speak.

  “I thought you’d have a better life with him rather then me.” She started to open her mouth but he shook his head and kept her quiet. “I thought if I pushed you away you’d go back to Doctor Dud and have a good life. And it would get you the hell away from Dale, too.”

  “And you had to rip my heart out to accomplish this?”

  Jacob dipped his head. “I was just so damn scared, Zan. I was scared to be with you. I was scared to be without you. I don’t feel worthy of you. You are so much more than a lowly ranch hand’s wife.”

  Her eyebrows perked up, but made no comment.

  “You must have dreams and aspirations and I don’t have anything to offer you. Nothing that will help reach them.”

  “You had you. I didn’t ask for more than that.”

  “No, you didn’t. But you need more.”

  “And that’s because you think so?”

  “I did. But I don’t now. I know I was wrong. All I have to offer is me. And all I want in return is you—just you.”

  “Hmm.”

  “I want a second chance. I love you and I don’t want you to leave Wyoming. To leave me.”

  She released his hand and touched his face. “I’m tired.” Her eyelids sagged.

  She hadn’t answered him. But she didn’t tell him to go to hell either.

  “Okay.” He leaned forward and, with a light touch, kissed her mouth. “I’ll… I’ll see you around.”

  ———

  “It looks just fine. If you’re up to it you can go home now.” Dr. Hambert replaced the bandage on Zan’s shoulder.

  Home. Where was her home? She had told her aunt she wanted to go back to Texas. But that was before Jacob came to see her. He admitted he loved her, but had deliberately said hurtful things to push her away.

  What to do?

  “There’s a young man outside the door waiting to see you.” Dr. Hambert helped her sit up.

  Jacob? Could she see him now, before she made up her mind?

  “Would you like me to show him in?”

  Zan considered saying no, but she really did want to see him, and despite everything, she still loved him. “Yes, please.”

  The doctor walked to the door and opened it. Zan had to bite off a yelp of surprise when Charles walked in. She blinked once, then twice to see if maybe the medication had triggered hallucinations, but then she remembered Jacob saying he was out there when he visited with her hours earlier.

  Charles’s normally immaculate clothes looked like he’d slept in them for a week and he had dark rings under his eyes.

  “You look like hell,” she said before she could help herself.

  His measured gait faltered a step and his congenial smile stiffened. “Well, thanks.” He sat in the chair beside the bed. “I have been sitting out there all day. It’s kind of hard not to wilt.”

  Wilt? Had Charles always been so pretentious?

  “You look much better. How are you feeling?”

  Why do people always ask the stupidest questions when someone is sick or injured? How the hell did he think she felt after being shot? She reigned in her temper and gave him what she hoped was a measuring look.

  “I’m fine, Charles. What are you doing here?”

  “I couldn’t leave you here all alone.”

  “No. I mean, what are you doing here in Wyoming?”

  “I told you the other day, I love you. I want you back, Zan. I want you to come home.”

  She laughed despite the pain in her shoulder. Two men. Never in her life had she had one man profess his love for her and beg her to be his. Now, in less than one day, she had two.

  “Did you love me when you were screwing that teeny bopper?”

  “Tami was twenty.” He shook his head. “I had a lapse in judgment.”

  “To say the least.”

  He looked at her and pursed his lips, then crossed his arms over his chest. “I can’t keep apologizing for it, Zan.”

  That was the real Charles. The one she knew him to be. Nothing was ever his fault. Circumstanc
es just “happened”. If he happened to partake in them, well, so be it. It was the entitled attitude that had been Dale Holstrom’s downfall as well. How had she never seen that side of Charles before? What had she ever seen in him?

  “No, you’re right, you can’t. Frankly, Charles, I am more than over it.”

  A smile touched his lips. He leaned forward and grasped her hand.

  “That does not however—” she pulled her hand free, “—mean I care to repeat the same mistake again. Charles, go back to Texas.”

  “But your aunt said you wanted to move back.”

  Zan narrowed her eyes. “Did she tell you that?”

  “No.” He glanced away and didn’t meet her eyes. “I overheard her speaking to someone named Gene on the phone.”

  “Well, she spoke too soon.” Zan made the decision in that moment. She wasn’t leaving Wyoming. If she and Jacob couldn’t get back the love they shared, that was okay. She would rather be strong on her own in Wyoming then dependent in Texas.

  She’d carved a nice life for herself in Paintbrush and now it was her home. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “But…”

  “Bye, Charles.” She patted his arm. “Have a good life.”

  He stared at her for a long moment then rose from his chair and crossed the room. He paused with his hand on the door, but didn’t turn around. “I did love you, you know.”

  Zan made no comment as he shut the door behind him.

  “In your own way, you did,” she said in the empty room. “But I need more.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Move it, Bowman. We’ve got work to do.”

  Jacob looked up to see Hank hovering over him as he sat on the tack room floor. The old man turned and headed into a stall. Jacob had yet to find the currycomb he dropped. He had spent the past fifteen minutes looking for the damn thing when he could have just as easily pulled another off the shelf in the corner.

  He finally spotted it and picked it up as Quint tore around the corner. “He’s gone.”

  “Who’s gone, boy?” Hank stepped from the stall, removed his hat and scrubbed at his forehead with a bandanna.

  “The sheriff just called up to the main house. When his deputy went out to pick up Dale, he was gone.”