This Beats Perfect

by Rebecca Denton

  The car turned down Mare Street, and Julian pulled in to pick up some coffees. ‘Why don’t you two go ahead and get settled in before the boss arrives?’ he suggested.

  ‘Good idea.’ Maxx jumped out, opening Amelie’s door. ‘Out you get then, Amelie.’ He held out his hand to help her out.

  ‘You’re so well mannered. It’s totally weird,’ she remarked, taking his hand and allowing him to close the car door behind her.

  ‘I’m a good southern boy.’ He grinned, his thumb sliding across the back of her fingers. She pulled away quickly, surprised by how awkward his touch made her feel.

  They wandered along Mare Street and Amelie found herself increasingly nervous. She pushed her sunglasses back so she could study him as they walked.

  ‘So, my parents are pretty traditional. I mean, we have a flag in the front lawn and everything,’ he laughed. ‘But it sounds as if your mom, like your dad, is pretty liberal. Well, cool.’

  ‘Everyone loves Mum. I mean, we’re really close but she sometimes drives me crazy.’

  ‘Well, that’s their job.’

  ‘She’s not really into music. She’s more into food. And men,’ she added wearily, wondering if it was a man behind this whole Paris business.

  ‘Do you have a step-dad?’

  ‘Oh, god no. That would require a long-term commitment from my mother.’ She laughed.

  ‘What about your dad?’

  ‘You know, I have no idea.’ She looked at her feet. ‘I don’t know that much about his private life, really.’

  ‘Probably a good thing,’ he said. ‘You know how these sound guys are. Never check his browser history. Never.’

  ‘Cheeky!’ Amelie punched him in the shoulder and they both laughed.

  He had dark brown eyes. Almost black, and with his dark overgrown hair, there was a slightly gothic feeling about him. His face was in a constant state of stubble, and his jaw was thick and manly, unlike the boys at Amelie’s school. He wore a chain around his neck with a key (to his parents’ house – he explained) and his clothes, while clearly expensive, were always in want of a wash. He must have been about half a foot taller than her, which made the age difference of four years feel a lot larger. There was no doubt she was feeling a connection with him – so far his taste in music had been surprisingly acceptable – but every time she started to feel something … more … the image of Maxx the Popstar with the famous, accomplished musician girlfriend came flooding back.

  ‘Why did you join The Keep, Maxx?’ It came tumbling out, abruptly.

  ‘Well,’ he smiled. ‘You know, I guess they needed someone to add a touch of cool to the line-up.’

  ‘You joke a lot,’ she countered.

  Maxx stopped at the lights and for a moment fell silent. Peering down on them from the railway arches was a huge Keep billboard, which someone had defaced with two enormous penises coming out of Art’s nose, and changed Keep to Sheep.

  ‘Whoever hung a Keep poster in east London needs to be fired,’ said Amelie, smirking.

  ‘You wanna know why I joined? Because I felt I had no choice. I was fifteen years old and a smart guy in a suit told me this was the only way to the top. And I thought I wanted “the top”. I didn’t know what was happening until they told me to put down my guitar at the audition.’ His voice was tense.

  ‘Green man,’ said Amelie meekly, grabbing his hand to gently guide him across the road and out of view of the billboard. When they were across he pulled his hand away and put it in his pocket.

  ‘It’s hard to find a way back,’ Maxx said. ‘And, I’ll miss the guys, and Dee and that family away from my family. But I need to do this.

  ‘Pretty scary though. When it’s just me. On my own. I can’t blame someone else for the crap music, can I?’ He gently laughed before turning to her. ‘But I have to try, right?’

  Amelie was taken aback by the frank admission. She walked in silence next to him, unsure what to say. Ahead, she spotted some girls from her school hanging outside the charity shop and there was no way past without saying hello. In a panic, she pulled Maxx down a side street. ‘Short cut,’ she explained quickly.

  ‘Are you saving me from those girls, or saving yourself from being seen with me?’ he laughed.

  ‘A bit of both.’ She shrugged and they both laughed, the tension dissipating a little. ‘The pressure you’re under. I didn’t think of it,’ Amelie said. ‘I just imagined it was easy for you to go from global megastar to this. To do what you want.’

  ‘Well. I’m looking at myself in the mirror for the first time since I was fifteen, and unfortunately – as you can tell by the crap I produced yesterday – I’m finding I have nothing to say.’ He slapped his forehead, and let out an exaggerated howl, laughing. ‘I’m an empty shell!’

  ‘That’s not true,’ Amelie said, finding herself hopelessly unable to offer any advice.

  ‘And you? What’s your dream, Amelie?’

  ‘Play three chords in a row in public without puking,’ she said wryly.

  He frowned. ‘We all got our problems.’

  As they arrived back at the studio which she’d left just hours before, her dad was pulling up behind them as she pushed the door open.

  ‘We’ve got to produce an awesome EP, don’t we?’

  ‘Yep,’ Maxx smiled. ‘But first I have to work on these damn songs.’

  ‘Got to get your head back to Memphis,’ she smiled. ‘Back to your roots. Pretend this whole boyband thing never happened.’

  CHAPTER 21

  The Weight

  Once again, Amelie had hardly slept. She pulled herself out of bed and tugged a comb through her tangled hair. Where’s Maisie for a makeover when I really need it, she thought wearily as the comb snapped and became lodged in the matted mess at her neck. She pulled on the clothes she was wearing the day before, stretched and, feeling bone-tired, tried to get out and face the day.

  When her mum was away, things tended to go to pot around the house.

  She wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Something really stank in there but she was too tired to fish about and find the offending item. She tipped some cereal into a bowl and sniffed the milk, which had now turned to yogurt. She tossed it into the overflowing bin and, yawning, she wandered over to the radiator on the wall and huddled up close to it, eating her cereal dry. Despite some promising moments, the summer had still not shown up and the mornings were chilly.

  She felt good, though. The memories of Saturday’s audition were easy to ignore if she focused on the last amazing three days in the studio with her dad. And with Maxx. She was so glad she’d stayed late again – although she didn’t mean for time to get so far away from her. It was four a.m. when she crawled into bed this morning. She was exhausted but exhilarated.

  She decided to finally call her mother. She switched her phone on and without first listening to the voicemails, she dialled her number. The phone was picked up almost instantly.

  ‘Amelie!’

  ‘Hi, Mum.’

  ‘Jesus, Amelie. I’ve been worried bloody sick. What’s been going on?’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve been with Dad at the studio.’

  ‘I know, I know. Did you not get my messages? I really needed to talk to you, like two days ago, but it’s too late now. Amelie, I have some news.’

  Amelie closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable.

  ‘I’ve been formally offered the new job. Here in Paris.’

  Amelie sighed. ‘Okay.’

  ‘I wanted to speak to you before I accepted it, but I had to make the decision yesterday.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘So, Amelie, I said yes. I took the offer. It’s a really good salary and they will put me up in a little apartment for the summer. It’s not really big enough for both of us. Well, you could come for a few weeks, but you’ll really need to stay in London like we discussed.’

  Amelie held the phone to her ear, but she was no longer listening to her mum. She didn
’t want to go to Paris, not even for a few weeks. She wanted to spend the summer in London and work at her dad’s studio and hang out with Maisie on the weekends. She waited for her mum to finish.

  ‘I know it isn’t ideal. I really wanted to speak with you first, but, Amelie darling, it will be wonderful! You loved Paris when we used to come here when you were little. And this job is a real break for me. Me! Cooking in a top French restaurant. That’s totally making it, Amelie.’

  Amelie looked around the tiny, pokey lounge room that her mum had decorated with care and passion and with virtually no budget, and felt a surge of love and great affection for her mother.

  ‘But I thought you wanted your own thing, the stall on Roman Road market?’

  ‘Don’t you see? This is going to totally help! I feel so terrible, Amelie, but I need to do this. For me. For us. Amelie, are you there?’

  ‘Yes.’ She couldn’t hide the misery in her voice. ‘Mum, I just hope this is only for the summer.’

  There was silence. ‘Oh, Amelie,’ Ella sighed. ‘Of course it is. I wouldn’t pull you out of final year. I promise.’

  ‘Okay,’ Amelie said, unconvinced.

  ‘Can you come over though? Friday morning, and just take a look around?’

  ‘I’ve been to Paris, Mum.’

  ‘But come and spend the weekend and take a look around with me? Bring me some stuff from the house?’

  ‘Sure, I’ll come and look, Mum. Not for long though, I’m enjoying being at the studio with Dad.’

  ‘Oh, that’s great. He’s let you stay on? Great. Just great. I’m so pleased you two can connect through music. Oh god! Amelie. How did the audition go?’

  ‘I bombed.’

  ‘Sweetheart.’

  ‘It’s okay, Mum, I’m over it.’

  Amelie sat with this thought for a moment and realised that it wasn’t true – she was managing to distract herself, but if she faced the reality of the loss fully she knew she would fall apart. The last few days in the studio had exhausted and exhilarated her and she had managed to forget just a little bit. She intended to keep it that way.

  ‘I just need to keep busy,’ Amelie continued.

  ‘Baby, I need to get on the metro in a moment as I’m late for a meeting with the maître d’.’

  ‘Mum, can I talk to you later about this?’

  ‘Of course you can. But you’ll come, Friday?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Mum, I’m happy for you. With the job. That’s great news.’

  ‘Thanks, darling. Please, please, please call me back as soon as you can, okay? I’m going to get your Eurostar tickets for Friday morning, I hope that works for you.’

  ‘Sounds good, Mum.’

  ‘Thank you, darling. I love you so much. You’re my best friend, darling, and I hope you understand. It will be a new adventure for me!’

  Amelie slowly pulled her things together and got herself ready for the studio. She pulled a £20 note out of the grocery jar that her mum left for her when she went away, grabbed her Eiffel Tower key ring and left the house.

  TO DAD: I’ll be in late (again), need to stop by and give Maisie her birthday card.

  As she wandered towards Maisie’s house she mused over everything that had happened over the month since she turned seventeen. She felt like something had changed in her, that she’d grown beyond her years.

  ‘So! How are you feeling?’ said Maisie, glowing from a morning Bikram yoga class. ‘I have been thinking about you every minute. Even when I was trying to meditate, your little face kept popping up and I just wanted to hug you.’

  ‘Oh.’ Amelie looked at her with half a grin. ‘I feel better. Being busy has helped. You look frickin’ amazing though.’

  ‘Thank you. I’m doing a post-school-term yoga detox thing with my mum. Dad is hysterical because we’re off meat again. He thinks we’re rejecting him just because we’ve gone plant-based. Honestly!’ She laughed, pulling a jacket over her yoga outfit. ‘It’s still not warming up here though – looks like rain?’

  ‘I know. Again.’

  ‘Well, tell me. What’s been happening? I didn’t want to push it on Saturday but have you decided what’s next? After the audition I mean? You need a plan B.’ Maisie stared at her friend.

  ‘Well, mostly I’ve been working at the studio with Dad. It’s pretty hectic so I’m kind of not thinking about much else right now.’

  ‘Well, there’s always next time?’ Maisie said meekly.

  ‘Here’s your birthday card by the way.’ She ignored the suggestion, knowing that there would not be a next time. Maisie peeled open the envelope and pulled out the card, which read: YOGANA HAVE A GREAT DAY!

  ‘That’s the worst one yet!’ Maisie burst out laughing. ‘I love it!’

  She flicked it open and quietly read the short but sweet message Amelie had written inside. ‘Oh, Amelie. I love you too. We should try to do something one night this week – dinner or something? Would your mum let you?’

  ‘Sure. She’s still in Paris.’ Amelie did the thumbs up. ‘Maybe forever!’

  ‘Oh god.’

  ‘Yeah. At least the summer. She’s got the job and she’s starting straight away. But I can stay here. I think maybe at the house but I’m not sure yet.’

  ‘On your own?’ Maisie raised her eyebrows up and down with a huge grin.

  ‘I guess. But I’ll be working with Dad most days so I’ll be busy. It’s really long days working at the studio!’

  ‘Ooohhh, I can’t believe I didn’t ask … tell me, is anyone interesting recording there?’

  ‘I’m not allowed to say,’ Amelie said with a grin, knowing she would confide eventually. But for now she would keep the secret. ‘But yeah. You could say that.’

  ‘Oh WHAT? Who is it? You have to tell me now!’

  ‘I really can’t. Oh my god, I really want to. And anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that I’m having a brilliant time and I’ve forgotten all about that awful audition. Almost.’

  Maisie eyeballed Amelie with suspicion. ‘Well, can I at least walk you there so we can keep chatting? I mean, your dad can’t stop me from being in the same area, can he?’

  ‘Of course not! Let’s go through the park, it’s quicker – and it really looks like rain!’ Amelie led the way, turning back down the canal as the dark storm clouds gathered overhead.

  CHAPTER 22

  The Tide is High

  Huddling under the awnings outside the ‘Best Fried Chicken’ shop on Mare Street, Julian and Maxx clutched their usual flat whites as the rain pelted the footpath, and the gutters, stuffed with debris, overflowed into the streets. Amelie and Maisie appeared, squealing and giggling, huddled under Maisie’s coat and running towards the safety of the same awning.

  ‘The rain! My god, it’s relentless!’ shouted Maxx over the deafening noise.

  ‘We actually had a really dry summer back in 1986,’ Julian insisted, shouting back at him. ‘It won’t last, don’t worry!’

  ‘Arghhhhhhhhh!’ Maisie shrieked. ‘Oh my god, it’s POURING!’

  ‘Julian! Maxx. Hi!’ Amelie was giggling, her hair and clothes soaked through. She and Maxx smiled warmly at each other.

  ‘Oh my god, my hair,’ Maisie said as a natural curl started to tighten up with the damp. ‘I look like an eighties aerobics instructor.’

  ‘Suits you.’ Julian air kissed Maisie. ‘Long time no see, lady.’

  ‘Hiya, Julian! And …’ Maisie looked to Maxx, waiting for an introduction – she obviously didn’t recognise him without his usual boyband get-up, much to Amelie and Julian’s amusement.

  ‘Maxx.’ He held out his hand, smiling, and they shook firmly as Amelie wrung out her T-shirt and tried not to laugh.

  ‘Ooh, American? Now, let me guess where you’re from. Say something.’

  ‘Something?’ He smirked, playing along.

  ‘No, like, ask for something. Ask for a hotdog. I’m so good at accents.�
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  ‘Can I please have a hotdog?’

  ‘Okay, I’ve got it. Denver,’ she said dramatically.

  ‘DENVER?’ Maxx said, aghast. ‘No. I’m not from Denver.’

  ‘No … you’re Canadian,’ Maisie tried.

  ‘Put her out of her misery, please,’ Julian insisted, as the rain started to ease.

  ‘I’m from Tennessee. It’s nice to meet you …?’

  ‘Maisie. Are you recording with the band?’ she started to ask, trying to snoop.

  ‘Ohhhh-kay Maisie,’ Amelie interrupted, pulling her friend by the arm. ‘We need to get to work, so time to bugger off.’

  ‘All right, already. Jeez,’ Maisie complained. ‘It’s nice to meet you anyway. Julian, we need to catch up immediately, I’m getting withdrawals.’

  It was impossible not to adore Maisie, looking ridiculous in her lululemon matchy yoga outfit. With her huge, genuine smile and bubbly personality, she was so sweet and full of energy. Maxx peeked out from under the awning at the sky, as the sun broke out through the dark clouds.

  ‘Why don’t you both come out with us tomorrow night? Julian and his boyfriend are showing me the sites,’ Maxx asked, to the surprise of everyone.

  Amelie felt a surge of anxiety. Another night out? With Maxx? In London? But without her dad? She was equally terrified and excited by the prospect. It was one thing to sneak into a booth at the back of the Moth Club on a Sunday night, quite another to hit the town with Maxx from The Keep, a couple of completely indiscreet boys and Maisie.

  ‘OMG. We’re so in. It’s my birthday actually, so we were just saying we might do something this week, weren’t we, Amelie?’ Maisie was virtually bursting with excitement.

  Amelie froze, trying to telepathically send ‘no’ signals across to her mate.

  ‘Excellent idea, Maxx.’ Julian clapped his hands in delight.

  ‘What are we doing?’ Maisie’s eyes widened.

  ‘Lexington, some live music? There’s some punk rock on, and there’s an open mic night down the road as well – if that’s your thing.’