by Maggie Walsh
Aaron sighed and gave Cass a weak smile. “Yeah, everything’s okay. Thanks,” Aaron said tightly and turned.
“You know, Doc, if you need someone to talk to, I’m a pretty good listener,” Cass offered, taking a step closer.
“Thanks for the offer, but I just need to talk to my mate,” Aaron said and turned again.
“He’s not here,” Cass spoke again, stopping Aaron.
Aaron rolled his eyes in frustration. He just wanted to get to his room. Was that too much to ask for? “I know, thanks. He had a meeting in the city. I’ll see him when he gets back.”
“You’re a lot more understanding than any mate I’ve ever known.” Cass smiled shyly.
“What do you mean?” Aaron asked in confusion.
“If my mate went to a bondage club without me, I wouldn’t be so calm and cool.”
“A bondage club? What are you talking about?” Aaron asked in shock.
“Yay, the Collar Club. It’s a club in the city that Raith likes to go to when he’s feeling frustrated. I thought you knew?” Cass looked at him in confusion.
Aaron felt embarrassed. Raith’s pack brothers knew he liked to go to bondage clubs but he didn’t. And not only that, they knew he was there now, without his mate. “Yeah, well…I guess I should meet him there then,” Aaron said and walked away fast before Cass could stop him again. He needed to be alone.
Chapter 3
Aaron swallowed hard as he made his way through the crowd inside the door. The place was huge, and dark. The walls looked like old brick from an old castle in Europe. There were torches along the walls, casting shadows across the brick and giving off a soft, romantic, yet dark vibe. Wrought iron chandeliers with bulbs that looked like candles hung from the ceiling, helping to create the atmosphere of being in a dungeon. There was a stage across the back of the room, with a man tied to what looked like an X. He was naked, with a blindfold on and a red ball in his mouth. His hands and legs were tied to the cross. He was completely helpless. In front of him stood a larger man. He was wearing tight black leather pants and nothing else. He was holding a whip in one hand and he was flicking it at the man tied to the cross. Each time the whip came in contact with the bound man’s skin Aaron flinched. He couldn’t understand how anyone could like that, but the tied-up man had a look of pleasure on his face. There were many people sitting at tables around the stage watching what was happening. They were all in some form of undress. Some of them were completely naked, kneeling on the floor at the feet of another person. Some were actually sucking the cocks of the men sitting in front of them.
Aaron dragged his eyes away from the stage and the audience watching them and looked around the room as he slowly walked further into the club. There were alcoves along one wall where there was some form of sexual scene or another being performed. As he approached the alcoves, one in particular caught his attention. There was a man bent over what looked like a padded sawhorse, his hands were tied behind his back. Another man was on his knees in front of this man and he was sucking the man’s cock. While yet another man stood in front of the man bent over the sawhorse and he had a tight grip on the man’s head as he fucked the man’s mouth. Another man called out for them to stop and they all immediately stopped what they were doing. This must be their Master, Aaron thought.
A loud smacking noise came from his right and drew his attention to another alcove where a man was getting spanked. The Dom in this alcove spanked his sub over and over until his ass was bright red. Each time the Dom spanked him the sub thanked his Dom. The Dom tenderly ran his hand over the other man’s red behind and whispered to him, “Good boy.” Aaron’s cock filled at the endearment and a shiver raced through his body. He couldn’t stop watching the scene. The Dom then helped his sub up and sat him in his lap and wrapped his arms around him. The sub leaned limply against his Dom as the Dom tenderly caressed his back and kissed him. He pulled back and said, “Such a good boy,” to his sub.
The sub smiled so beautifully at the praise and Aaron found himself wishing he were in that subs place. None of the other scenes pulled his attention as this one did. Why, he thought. He stared at the two as they kept touching and whispering sweet words to each other. He wanted that. He wanted someone to devote their heart to him like that. To take care of him and praise him. Someone he could give his control over to in the bedroom and not have to worry about them abandoning him. Everyone always abandoned him. Aaron’s breath caught as the thought came to him. Realization dawned on him and he couldn’t help the chill that ran through his body.
He needed someone he could trust to not leave him. Someone who would always be there for him and comfort him. Someone who would give him what he desired and catch him. Tears welled up in his eyes and panic started to set in as he thought about his mate. Raith was that person. Raith showed him he would give him what he wanted, what he needed, and he would catch him, he would comfort him, he would love him. Raith loved him for who he truly was. He was the first person in Aaron’s life who loved him for him, not for what he did for them or what he could give them. He didn’t abandon him, well not until Aaron hurt him by flirting with Buck. How could he be so stupid? He couldn’t and wouldn’t do that ever again. If Raith didn’t leave his sorry ass, he would devote himself to his wonderful mate. He would give Raith whatever he needed. He just had to find him first.
Aaron turned away from the scene and started scanning the room for his mate. There were more people in there then he first thought. He slowly turned, looking into all the alcoves and all the corners. Suddenly his eyes landed on the most beautiful man in the world standing about thirty feet from him at the bar. His breath hitched when he realized his mate was staring right at him. His face showed no emotion, but his eyes looked like they were full of pain. Aaron was frozen to the spot. He wanted to go to his mate but his legs wouldn’t work. He was so afraid that Raith would make him leave. That Raith wouldn’t want him anymore and throw him away, just like everybody else. Tears burned the backs of his eyes when he realized what he thought.
Everyone was always throwing him away. No one wanted him. His brother Storm was his best friend, his only friend, until Seth came along. Then Storm didn’t want anything to do with him. He started calling him names and teasing him all the time. He and Seth would always run from him and not want him around. He started trying to spend time with his parents, but they were always too busy with running the pride. They only had time for Aaron when he was doing well in school. Then they would talk to him and praise him. If it wasn’t for his good grades, he would have never had any attention. Everything was always about Storm. He was a white tiger, he was big and strong, and he was going to lead the pride someday. He got all the attention from their parents and everyone in the pride. Aaron only got attention when he worked his ass off and graduated from school at sixteen then went off to human college and medical school. He had to do extraordinary things to get anything.
The tears were forming in his eyes and blurring his vision. He was starting to hyperventilate. He hated when he had panic attacks. They made him look weak. He couldn’t show that he was weak. But he couldn’t stop the tightness that started to form in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He was going to pass out right here in front of all these people.
He felt a warm hand on the small of his back and he looked up through tear-blurred eyes and saw that it was his mate. Raith gave him a sad smile and picked him up. He held him close to his body and walked them down a dark hall. They reached a door and Raith opened it. He carried Aaron through the door and closed it behind them. He carried Aaron to a big bed covered in black silk sheets. Raith gently laid him down and released him. He then turned away and walked over to another door. He disappeared into the other room and came back a moment later with a washcloth and a glass of water. Raith wiped his tear-streaked face with the cool damp cloth and then held the glass of water to his lips. He drank from the glass and Raith lowered it and placed it on the nightstand. He stared at his big mate as he stared a
t the glass. Neither of them said a word for what felt like forever. Finally Raith sighed and turned to look at him.
“Are you okay now? Are you feeling better?” Raith asked in concern. Aaron nodded at him.
“What are you doing here, Aaron? How did you even know I was here?” Raith spoke softly.
“Cass told me you like to come here when you’re upset or frustrated. He told me you were here,” Aaron answered in a small scared voice.
Raith sighed and looked away. He ran his hands down his face and sighed again. He opened his eyes, but didn’t look at Aaron. “You shouldn’t be here, Aaron. You don’t belong in a place like this.”
“I wanted to find you. To talk to you,” Aaron said, he voice unsure.
“Why?” Raith asked without looking at him.
Aaron took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. “Because I’m an asshole, and I needed to apologize to you for what I did. I didn’t mean it. Well, I did, but not how you think,” his voice was shaky.
“If you mean about you flirting with another man, than I don’t want to hear about it, Aaron.” Raith spoke with a coldness in his voice. It actually sent a cold chill down Aaron’s spine. Aaron sat up and then climbed onto Raith’s lap, straddling him. Raith tried to push him off gently, but Aaron wouldn’t let him. Raith still wouldn’t look at him. He had his face turned away and his hands lay limply at his sides. Aaron grabbed his face with both hands and turned his mate’s face to look at him. Raith’s eyes met his and the pain he saw broke his heart. He caused that. The tears started to form again. “I am so, so sorry, Raith. I honestly didn’t even realize I was doing it. If you give me a chance to explain, I’ll tell you everything. Please just give me a chance,” Aaron begged.
Raith stared at him for a moment and then closed his eyes and sighed. “Fine. I’ll listen.”
Aaron started to tell his story of growing up with Storm as his big brother. He told him everything. Even about all the men he had slept with over the years. He didn’t realize it at the time, what he was doing and why. He was trying to find someone who would love him for who he was. Someone who wouldn’t throw him away. He was looking for someone who accepted him. He was so used to flirting with other men that he didn’t even realize when he did it. It was just second nature to him at this point. He didn’t want anything from Buck. He didn’t even find the man attractive and he didn’t realize he was flirting with him. It wasn’t until he turned and saw Raith standing there looking so hurt and angry that he realized he did something so stupid and so wrong.
Raith sat there quietly listening to his mate as he ripped his heart open and spilled out all his pain. At times Raith reached out and caressed his back or his thigh in comfort. It killed him to hear how his mate turned to so many men trying to find something he didn’t even realize he was looking for. It didn’t kill him that his mate was with so many men, Raith was no saint. No, what killed him was that his mate was trying so desperately to find just one person to love him.
When Aaron finished his story Raith wiped the tears from his face and kissed his lips softly. Aaron sniffled and looked at him in surprise. “You don’t hate me?”
“No, sweetheart. I don’t hate you. I believe you. I hate that that was your life. That you had good parents but they didn’t really see you. They didn’t see how incredible you are. Unfortunately that happens in some packs, too. The parents and the pack are so involved with the one who will be Alpha, that the siblings get pushed aside. I forgive you, sweetheart, but you have to promise me that you will never do that again,” Raith said gently.
“I do, Raith, I promise. I will do everything in my power to pay attention to what I’m doing and stop flirting with people. I am so, so sorry,” Aaron said and wrapped his arms around Raith’s neck and held him tight.
“I know, sweetie.” Raith kissed Aaron’s head and held him tight.
After a few minutes Aaron pulled back and looked at Raith. “So what were you doing here?” he asked cautiously.
Raith laughed softly and ran his fingers down Aaron’s cheek. “I have been coming here for about ten years. I don’t come that often, maybe eight to ten times in a year. Sometimes less.” Raith shrugged one shoulder. Aaron’s eyes started to burn from fresh tears. Raith kissed him tenderly. “I have never, ever, once, participated in any scene, with anybody.” Aaron’s brows went up in surprise. Raith chuckled. “I have this room, that I rent when I come, but only because most of the time when I come here, I’m too tired to drive back home. So I sleep for the night. I have never had anyone in this room with me. Ever. Until you.”
Aaron looked at him in confusion. “I don’t understand. Then why do you come here?”
Raith sighed and shifted Aaron off his lap. “Lay down, sweetheart.” Aaron lay down and Raith laid next to him. They moved to their sides so they could face each other. Raith went up on his elbow and rested his cheek in his hand.
“I thought that being second in command made me tough. That if anything ever happened to Micah, I would be taking over the pack. Alphas are supposed to be dominant, right?” Aaron nodded. “So many years ago, before these kind of clubs were known. It was something that people did in their own homes, in secret. They would have gatherings of people they knew who had these same desires. I came upon one of these hidden places once by accident and I was stunned. To make a long story short, I watched the Doms and I had no desire to do those things to other people. I was so confused. I thought maybe I shouldn’t be a Beta or Alpha. I didn’t have it in me. Then one day Micah asked what was bothering me and I told him what I saw and how it made me feel. We had a long talk about what an Alpha should be. He wasn’t to dominate over his pack. He was to lead his pack.
“Anyway, a few years later, I walked into one of these places again while I was guarding one of our clients. He was a very important aristocrat. But he loved being submissive in the bedroom. He loved giving up that control to someone else for just a little while. He said it helped him in his everyday life where he had to be in control. To be the big, strong leader. It helped center his mind, made him feel more grounded in his normal life. While he was off with a Dom, I walked around and watched what was going on around me. I came across this pair who were a daddy/boy pair. I couldn’t take my eyes off them. There were no whips and chain, no floggers or paddles. The ‘daddy’ did spank his boy and he did tie him up and hold off his orgasm, but everything was so…loving. When the daddy called his partner boy, I came in my pants. I was so hard watching them that I didn’t realize how intently I had been focused on their scene. I was shocked and embarrassed at what I did.
“Through the years I learned more and more about the whole D/s scene, but I kept coming back to the boy thing. It turned me on to think about having a boy of my own. But not twenty-four-seven. I wanted my own boy, someone I could take care of, give pleasure to, give that release to, to let them give up control for a moment and I would keep them safe while they did. A few years ago when I was here, I came across Grant and Eric. The two you were watching tonight.” Aaron’s eyes went wide at the recognition and then he blushed and looked down. Raith placed a finger under Aaron’s chin and gently raised his head to meet his eyes. “It’s okay, Aaron. You don’t have to be shy about something that turns you on. Something you desire, something you crave…want…need.” Raith gave him a small smile. “Not with me. You have a very stressful job. You always have to have all the answers. People look to you to tell them what to do during the worst times of their lives. That’s a lot of pressure. If you need something like this to help you to let go once in a while, to help turn that smart brain off for a while and just feel. To give up all that control, and in the hands of someone safe. It’s okay, baby. Fate really does know what she’s doing, because I want to be that for you. If you want to be my boy, I would take such good care of you,” Raith said and kissed Aaron’s lips softly.
Aaron swallowed and then bit his bottom lip. His eyes showed his desire, but it also showed his fear and confusion. “I don’t kno
w what to do. It scares me. I never had this feeling before. Not until you called me boy that first day. And then tonight, watching those two, all I wanted was for that to be me. But I don’t know why. I don’t know how. And I don’t think I can call you daddy.” Aaron shivered.
Raith chuckled. “Good, because I don’t want you to. I like the thought of having my own boy and taking care of him, of making you feel safe while you explore this and let go. But I have no desire to be called daddy,” Raith explained gently. “Those two out there.” Raith motioned toward the door with a flick of his head. “Grant and Eric. They have exactly what I have been looking for.
“In their regular lives, Eric is a neurosurgeon. He has so much pressure in his career. He likes to give all that control over to Grant, in the bedroom. Grant is a nurse, and he feels like he has no control in life. His boss is a tyrant and he loses patients all the time. There is no control there. So, he needs the control sometimes.
“I have spent a lot of time getting to know them and to learn how their dynamic works and it’s exactly what I have been looking for.” Raith swallowed and then sighed. “There’s something I need to tell you, baby,” Raith started, but Aaron cut him off.
“About you being some sort of hit man?”
Raith’s eyes closed for a moment. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, looking right into Aaron’s. “Yes, I am a killer. But not exactly how you think. I only kill to protect the pack. To protect all paranormals’ secrets.” He took another deep breath and went on.
“I have four brothers, three older, one younger. My father died when I was three months old. My parents weren’t true mates. All of my brothers and I have different fathers. My mom…she said she was always looking for her true mate, that’s why she had so many boyfriends. But every time she became pregnant these guys would leave. Two of my older brothers have human fathers. But what did she expect when she slept with someone once and then turned around and told the guy she was pregnant. They didn’t even know each other.”