A Love to Have and to Hold

by Linda Ford

  “Uncle Paul said he was taking his half of the money and going west. Pa said we were going to stay in Texas, but we soon moved away. I demanded to know why they were doing that. Hadn’t they always told me that someday I would be a partner with them? They wouldn’t say why they were doing what they were doing. Just that things change, and they couldn’t keep their promise. I was so angry. It still hurts to think of the places I loved back there. I had a special place where I would often go. It was about half a mile from the house…a rocky prominence that allowed me a view of the land.” A look of peace and longing filled his face.

  “I’d climb to the top and sit in the shade of the only tree up there. The red rocks tumbled down the slope to stunted-looking bushes then the view opened up to a wide vista that seemed to have no beginning and no end. Often streaks of clouds crossed the sky. I could see forever from there. I thought it would always be where I went to think and dream.”

  He looked into the distance, his expression no longer peaceful. “I went to that spot just before we left and sat for a long time. Uncle Paul found me there and said it was time to leave. He said he regretted that things had turned out this way.

  “I was angry and said they didn’t have to.

  “He said he had no choice. I wanted to know why. What had changed? But he wouldn’t say.

  Walker’s expression had gone from pain to anger, but suddenly, went to surprise. “I just remembered that Uncle Paul told me he wanted to hear from me. I wonder if he still does or if he was simply trying to make me feel better at the moment.”

  “But you are going to see him, aren’t you?”

  “I promised my ma.” The regret in his voice told Josie it was the only reason he was making the effort. “So that’s why I have a hard time believing a home, a place, can be anything but temporary.”

  She nodded. “I can see why you would feel that way. But it’s the opposite of how I feel.” She looked past him, trying to sort out her feelings. “Mr. Bates talks like trusting God for the future is all a person needs.” Realizing what she’d said, she gulped. “That makes me sound like an infidel.”

  “I don’t think so. I think you’re a little like me… Something happened in your past that seems to control your future. Like Mr. Bates said, we cling to things like unforgiveness and bitterness. Or blame and shame. I guess for me, it’s blame. What is it for you?”

  She forced herself not to jump to her feet and rush away as shame washed over her. Pa was such a respected man. If the community knew of her past, it would destroy his good name.

  And hers.

  She rose slowly and, she hoped, casually. “I need to get back in case Ma needs anything.”

  Chapter 8

  Walker sprang to his feet and fell in at her side. “I didn’t mean to pry. Forgive me and forget it.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  He wanted to disagree. Something in his question had sent her hurrying toward home. Only because he thought they were being open and honest with each other did he probe into her reasons. He’d confessed his hurt and the blame he carried for so long. Though he wasn’t sure whom he should blame. None of the adults had told him the real reason behind the sale of the ranch and the breakup of the partnership. “I guess I blame Uncle Paul the most. Because he left. I don’t suppose that makes a lick of sense, but there it is.”

  “I understand.”

  “Good.” But did she? They reached the house, and he stopped at the addition. “Good night. Call me if anything changes.” He tipped his head toward the kitchen door.

  Her eyes widened. “Do you think Pa might have a relapse?”

  He squeezed his hands into fists. Why was he saying the wrong thing every time he turned around? “I think your pa is doing fine. Better than fine. I only meant my words as assurance that I’m here if you need anything.”

  “Oh. Well, thanks.” She slipped inside and closed the door.

  He thumped one fist on his forehead as he made his way to his cot. One thing he’d learned—don’t ask personal questions of Josie. The knowledge was so much like how it had been with his uncle and parents that he promised himself he would do his best to ignore her except for meals and necessity.

  Over the next few days he learned it was easier to plan to avoid her than it was to actually accomplish it. Of course, they sat at the same table for meals. Mrs. Kinsley had ordered her husband not to work on the addition, and he seemed content enough to sit on a chair in the sunshine and read his Bible. But at meal times, he demanded a detailed report on the progress.

  Walker told Jacob when he finished shingling the roof, when he installed the rest of the windows, and when he began work on the interior walls.

  Jacob nodded with each report. “We need cupboards in the workroom and some low tables for the washtubs. I’ve ordered a stove too.”

  The next day he listed the things the bedrooms would need. “Shelves, a wardrobe, and bed frames. I’ve ordered lumber for them.”

  Walker began to suspect that Jacob wasn’t spending as much time reading the Good Book as he was thinking of things for Walker to do. Not that Walker minded. He’d decided not to leave until he heard from his uncle and, of course, not until he had earned enough to buy a horse and outfit.

  The elder couple were never far from each other. And retired to bed early, as did Stella and her children, though often Donny was allowed to stay up with Walker and Josie. Every evening Walker was faced with isolating himself in his room, trotting away without asking Josie to accompany him, or following his heart and walking with her. He chose the latter despite his resolve to keep their association to what was necessary.

  On one of their outings, rather than walk by the river, Josie said she wanted to go past the schoolhouse.

  “Looks brand new,” Walker observed.

  “It was finished earlier this year, but there have never been classes. Victoria was planning to teach, but she got married instead. Pa says a new teacher will be here in time to start classes in September.”

  “Ah,” Donny moaned. “Ma will make me go. Unless—” He brightened. “Maybe we’ll be back at the farm, and I won’t have to attend. Sure hope so.”

  “Do you want to see inside?” Josie asked. At Walker’s nod, she opened the door. They stood in a small cloakroom with rows of hooks and a bench. Beyond was the empty classroom.

  “There are no desks or books.” How would a teacher work in such a situation?

  “Some of the men are making desks. Books…” She paused. “Maybe we’ll have to have a fund raiser to get enough money to buy what we need.”

  “Why do you look so troubled about that?”

  “The community gave so much to build the school. I don’t know if they will be able to give more.”

  “Maybe they would if they thought they’d get something special in return.”

  She tipped her head to consider him. “Did you have something in mind?”

  “Maybe.” The idea formed slowly. “This is ranching and farming country. Lots of cowboys and would-be cowboys. Why not have a rodeo?”

  “What’s that?” Donny asked.

  “It’s a competition to see which cowboy can do certain things the fastest or the best. Like roping, riding a wild horse…stuff like that. I watched some men one time seeing who could stay on the back of a wild bull the longest.” He chuckled. “None of them lasted very long.”

  “It sounds dangerous.”

  “Not really. Most of the games are things that cowboys do all the time.”

  Her eyebrows rose. “They ride bulls?”

  “It’s an exercise to prove how brave one is.”

  “Or how foolish.” Her eyes narrowed. “Have you taken part in such foolishness?”

  He chuckled. “I might have.”

  “I took you for having more sense than that.”

  He laughed. “It was fun even though I got tossed in the dirt.”

  “I could ride a bull,” Donny said with conviction.

  “
Your ma might not let you.” Walker hoped that would be enough to stop Donny’s interest. He turned back to Josie. “It could bring in enough money for books. Contestants would pay for a chance to compete, and you’d charge an admission fee for people to watch. What do you think?”

  “I’ll ask Pa. Actually, we’ll ask him.” A spark of interest in her eyes told him she liked the idea more than she let on.

  “It’s a great idea.” He pulled her arm through his and marched them back to the house. He stepped into the addition, and she and Donny went into the house.

  The next morning he joined the others at breakfast.

  Donny sat at Walker’s side. “You gonna ask him now?”

  Every eye turned toward Walker. He hadn’t planned to make it a public request, but why not? It would require everyone’s support. “Jacob, I saw the schoolhouse yesterday. Josie says there’s a teacher coming soon.”

  Donny groaned and earned a warning look from his mother.

  Walker continued. “I understand there is a need for books and supplies. I have an idea that might bring in enough money to purchase them. A rodeo.” He hurried on with his explanation.

  When he finished, Jacob nodded thoughtfully. “It sounds like a decent plan. Let me talk to the other board members, and I’ll let you know what we decide. How long do you think it would take to organize such an event?”

  Walker lifted his hands. “I have no idea. I’ve never planned an event of any sort.” He looked around the table. “Have any of you?”

  Josie grinned. “We’ve done a few things.”

  “Perfect,” Jacob said. “The two of you can be in charge. I’ll talk to the others today and let you know.”

  Walker swallowed loudly, hoping no one would notice. He had just talked himself into very unfamiliar territory. It was one thing to participate in a rodeo, quite another to organize it— especially with the woman he had vowed to keep his distance from. But he couldn’t deny a tiny bubble of anticipation at the thought of working with her.

  Breakfast over, Jacob asked his wife to accompany him to visit the other board members.

  Stella carried a basket of knitting outside. The two children accompanied her.

  As Walker prepared to leave the kitchen and return to his work on the addition, Josie spoke his name softly.

  “Pa approves, so likely the others will,” she said.

  “I know I suggested it, but I’ve never planned a rodeo. The ones I took part in happened spur of the moment.”

  Her smile was reassuring. “We’ll pull it together.”

  “Or die trying,” he muttered.

  She laughed.

  He glowered at her, not knowing what amused her so.

  She sobered and wiped her eyes. “I don’t see planning the event as the dangerous part. Isn’t that relegated to riding wild animals?”

  He grinned as he went out to hang one of the doors on the addition. He listened for the Kinsleys to return. Josie seemed certain the idea would be approved. As he worked, he tried not to imagine evenings spent with Josie as they sat, heads bent together, working out details of the rodeo.

  He was about to put up a door when he realized he had hung the hinges on the wrong side. He groaned and took down his work. He needed to keep his mind on what he was doing and not let it wander down paths filled with imaginary scenes.

  Josie wanted to rush to the door when she heard Ma and Pa return but forced herself to remain at the cupboard, putting away dishes. It wasn’t as if she was anxious to hear what the board had decided. Just as she wasn’t hoping for a legitimate excuse to spend time with Walker, even though she could not answer all his questions about her past or her dreams for the future.

  However, it would be nice to earn enough money to buy books for the school.

  Her thoughts slammed into a wall. Wasn’t she supposed to be concentrating on finishing her dress and building up her sewing business so she could be independent? Secure? She would bring the garment down and work on it every chance she got.

  Ma led Pa into the kitchen, and he sank wearily into the nearest chair. His face was pale. The skin around his eyes tight. Josie’s worry was reflected in Ma’s eyes. She regretted her eagerness to plan a rodeo. Pa shouldn’t have gone out when he wasn’t feeling well yet. It had been selfish on her part to let him. Even encourage him.

  “Pa, I’m sorry I let you go out.” She set the kettle to boil.

  He waved a hand. “I don’t recall needing your permission. Young Walker has a good idea, and I don’t see any reason to delay getting it into play.” He sighed. “I didn’t realize how weak I am.”

  Ma sat beside him, rubbing his hands. “Now, Jacob, you are going to rest until these weak spells pass. There’s nothing that Josie and Walker and I can’t handle. Thank God for sending that young man our way when He did.”

  Josie kept her back to them as she poured hot water over the tea leaves. She put out cups and cookies and waited for the brew to steep. Donny must have a sixth sense about food because he rushed in and sat at the table, eyeing the cookies.

  Stella and Blossom followed more slowly, but Blossom was soon sitting at the table next to her brother.

  Chuckling, Josie poured them each a glass of milk and offered them cookies. She put out another cup for Stella and poured tea for all the adults. She didn’t sit at the table with the others. Instead, she remained where she could see out the window.

  Walker appeared in the doorway of the addition and glanced toward the house. She knew he couldn’t see her, but still her eyes warmed at the impatience in his face. It seemed he was as eager to have his idea approved as she was. Though perhaps for entirely different reasons.

  What was her reason? Only to buy books for the school, she told herself. There was absolutely no other reason, and to prove it to herself, she filled a cup with tea and sat at the table. She took a cookie and ate it, though it was strangely flavorless.

  How foolish she was becoming. She gave herself a mental shake. The lessons she’d learned while in the care of her uncle could not be forgotten.

  Pa drank his tea. His color improved.

  Josie would not ask what the board had decided. She told herself it mattered not one way or the other. But when Pa addressed her, she couldn’t pretend her heart didn’t give an excited leap.

  “Josie, the board is one hundred percent in support of having a rodeo and said to thank Walker for the suggestion.

  “That’s nice.” She hoped her voice revealed only moderate interest.

  “Norm, at the store, suggests you make some handbills, and he’ll pass them out to everyone who comes in. And of course, a poster.” Pa chuckled as if he knew how hard she tried to pretend she wasn’t pleased “Why don’t you go tell Walker the good news?”

  “I will.” She rose slowly, crossed the room in measured steps, and went outside where she paused to draw in a deep breath. Then, smiling widely, she hurried to the addition. She paused inside the doorway. “Walker?”

  “Here.” He came through one of the doors. “You look pleased.”

  “The board approves having a rodeo.” She passed on their thanks and the idea of handbills.

  Walker raked his fingers through his hair. “How long do we have?”

  “I don’t know. Pa didn’t say.” She might had forgotten to ask.

  “Tell me how we organize this.”

  She laughed a little at his worry. “First, we need a date. Then we make the handbills and posters. I guess before that, we have to decide on events.”

  “I’m beginning to think I should have kept my mouth shut.”

  She patted his arm. “Walker, we can do this.” She looked about the room. “Can you leave your work for a bit so we can get started?”

  He looked about to refuse then sucked in air. “I guess I have no one to blame but myself.” He squared his shoulders. “Lead on, fair lady.”

  “Let’s ask Pa if they set a date.”

  They returned to the house. Stella and the children had gone o
ut, but Ma and Pa still sat at the table.

  “Pa, did anyone suggest a date?”

  “Yes, they did. Didn’t I mention it? Norm pointed out that the teacher is due to arrive in four weeks. He said if we had the books by the time he arrives, it would let the man see that we are serious about our children’s education. Norm said it would take a couple of weeks to get the shipment, so he said we must have the rodeo in two weeks’ time. That should be plenty of time to plan.”

  Josie nodded. “We’ll have to get right at it.”

  “Walker, put it ahead of the addition,” Pa said.

  Josie headed for the parlor. “Come on, Walker. We have work to do.”

  He followed. “I confess I’m at a loss.”

  She pulled out the little table the family often used to do jigsaw puzzles or play games. She pulled a chair to one side, and he did the same across the table. Before she sat, she got paper, pencils, a pen, and a bottle of ink from the desk. “Okay, the first thing we need is a list.” She poised her pencil above the paper.

  “Go head. Write,” he said.

  She glanced up, saw the teasing light in his eyes. “You think I’m bluffing?”

  “Are you?”

  She chuckled. “I think I will have to depend on your expertise when it comes to the events. Tell me what we should have.”

  He nodded and, as he talked, she wrote.

  Wild horse riding

  Steer wrestling

  Team roping

  Horse races

  Wild cow milking.

  She stopped writing to stare at him. “Wild cow milking. What is that?”

  He grinned, his eyes brimming with amusement. “It’s a lot of fun. Teams of four, all on foot, have to rope and restrain a cow so one of the members can milk it. The first team to do so is the winner.” He chuckled. “The cows are off the range and not used to being handled, let alone milked. It’s wild.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t it dangerous?”

  He sobered. “It might be for a greenhorn, but these are cowboys who are used to dealing with cows.”