Independent Jenny

by Sarah Louise Smith

  My heart fluttered at the sound of his name, and I tried hard to look composed. So had Mandy gone with them too? I was confused. Had she not come? I was desperate to ask but didn’t want Hayley to know anything was going on so I kept quiet.

  “Let me get us fresh tea,” she said. “Come with me into the kitchen though, I need to keep talking.”

  We followed her through and yet more improvements had been made in the kitchen. It was like a different house. She’d done well.

  “I’m so sorry I haven’t kept in touch,” she was saying to Shane. “I’m so stupid, I just cut myself off from everyone but I’ve really missed you guys.”

  Shane was telling her it was fine just as the back door swung open and Guy appeared, followed by Will behind him. We locked eyes and everything came flooding back; the kiss, the holding hands, the sunsets, the talking, the laughing, the cuddles in bed.

  And he’s married, I told myself. But where was his wife?

  “Jenny!” Guy said, coming over to give me a brief hug. “And you must be Shane?” They shook hands.

  Will and I looked at each other. “I didn’t know you were coming,” Will said, smiling at me. I smiled back.

  “Yes, Hayley invited us just a few days ago.”

  “Same here, Guy called me on Monday.”

  “This is Shane,” Hayley told Will and they shook hands. Will looked at Shane and back at me. Did he think we were a couple? I wanted to tell him that we weren’t, but didn’t know how to bring it up.

  Fern suddenly bounded into the room and ran right up to me. I bent down to fuss her and glanced up at Will. He was staring at us but not smiling.

  “I was just going to take her for a walk actually,” Will said. “Since it’s stopped raining.” He called her over while the others started to move back into the living room.

  “I’ll come,” I said, before I had time to think about it. “If you don’t mind? Could do with stretching my legs after the long journey.”

  He gave me a warm, affectionate smile and I went to get my shoes. I glanced at Shane as I came back past them and he winked at me.

  “Come on Fern,” Will called, and she ran back out of the back door. He followed her and I went out behind him. It was cold outside, but the sun had come out and the clouds were clearing. We started walking towards the hill we’d climbed the first time Hayley and I had come here.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  “You didn’t bring Wentworth?” Will asked, glancing at me. He’d put his hands in his pockets and I wished I’d looked for signs of his wedding ring when I’d first seen him.

  “No, we’re staying at the hotel so I left him at home.”

  “Guy never mentioned you were coming.”

  “It was all a bit last minute wasn’t it?”

  “You can say that again.”

  He seemed different; a bit cold and distant. Perhaps I shouldn’t have invited myself along. He’d told me we couldn’t be friends after all.

  “So how are you?” I asked, feeling awkward and wondering why I was putting myself through this.

  “I’m well, thank you. And you?” He sounded so formal and serious.

  “I’m good. Can’t believe they’re getting married.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m happy for them though.”

  “Me too.”

  He looked sideways at me and smiled and my heart did a little flip. If I’d not been sure I loved this man before, I was certain now. Where the hell was his wife? I wanted to ask but didn’t know how, and wasn’t sure I wanted the answer. Maybe she just couldn’t make it last minute.

  “So you travelled up this morning? With Shane?”

  “Yeah. Shane’s my friend. He’s gay,” I said, rather too quickly. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

  “Ah, right,” he said, and was it just me or did he relax his shoulders?

  “Are you here alone?”

  “Yes … Mandy and I split up.”

  Hurrah! I thought I might pass out with the giddy excitement that ran through me. But, when? He hadn’t contacted me. He hadn’t called. So he didn’t feel the same way about me, then? I was tempted to go back to the house and cry in the bathroom for a minute but forced myself to control my emotions.

  “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

  What a liar I was.

  “I was stupid, really, to think that it’d work out when I went back. Deluded.”

  “Well, at least you tried.”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  We walked on, without looking at each other, Fern running ahead and picking up sticks. She’d bring them back to me and I’d throw them. If only we could all be as carefree and jolly as a golden retriever.

  “So, you and Ross … did you decide to take him back?”

  “No!” I said rather too enthusiastically, given the subject. “I’ve moved into a little flat, just me and Wentworth. We did go out on a date, actually but—”

  “Look Jenny,” Will stopped and turned towards me. “I’m sorry about that last email. When I said we couldn’t be friends. And then you called and you sounded hurt and confused, and I didn’t even call you back. That was really bad of me.”

  I looked up at him and smiled.

  “It’s alright. I mean, I was a bit hurt, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

  He nodded and carried on walking. “It was Mandy.”

  “Mandy?”

  “She found that photo, of us with the dogs? The one you emailed me?” I nodded. “I printed it out and she found it.”

  He’d printed it? Same as me. The butterflies inside me soared.

  “Right…” I said, still not sure why that meant we couldn’t be friends.

  “And so she asked a lot of questions and I told her everything. About our week here together, about the kiss, and the last night…”

  I felt my pulse quicken as he mentioned all the moments I’d been replaying in my head over and over ever since I’d seen him.

  “And she said you couldn’t keep in touch with me?”

  “Yes, and can you blame her? She said I obviously had feelings for you and if we were going to make our marriage work, I couldn’t be friends with you.”

  He obviously had feelings for me? Definitely a good thing, but now? What about now?

  “I see.”

  “I’m sorry, I should’ve explained but I was just confused and I wanted to give it a try, to try and be a good husband.”

  “It’s okay, I understand. In fact I respect you for trying.”

  “Thank you.”

  “So what happened? How come it didn’t work out?”

  “I think we both just realised it wasn’t worth fighting for any more.”

  “When was this?”

  “A couple of weeks ago.”

  “Oh wow, I’m sorry, Will.”

  “Don’t be. Life moves on, right?”

  “So have you moved out?”

  “Yeah, I’m staying in a flat above my practice. Not sure what my next move is.”

  He could move to Bath, we could buy a house, he could open up a veterinary practice down there. We could have a nice little life together with our dogs. Come here on holidays and repeat that week we had together, not so long ago, and grow old together.

  Just a suggestion. One I didn’t vocalise.

  “It’s hard isn’t it, moving on.”

  “Yeah, but you did it, right? So I’m sure I can too. I already am, really.”

  I nodded and smiled. We had looped round and were headed back to the house. I had a feeling I was going to enjoy this weekend much more than I’d anticipated.

  Hayley was preparing her infamous chicken and mushroom risotto and I went to help her in the kitchen while the men sat in the living room. I asked her if she knew what had happened between Will and Mandy.

  “Not really. Guy said he thinks they just fell out of love.”

  “It happens,” I said, trying not to sound too cheerful.

  “He also said Will was pretty sure they’d work
it all out before he came to Skye, but that he seemed different afterwards.”

  “Hmm…” I said, chopping up the mushrooms. Was that because of me?

  “It was you, wasn’t it? You changed his mind. What happened with you two while you were here?”

  “All I can say is … I haven’t stopped thinking about him since I got home,” I told her quietly.

  “Oh wow! We’ll be married to two brothers. It’ll be amazing!” she wrapped her arms around me from behind and rested her head on my shoulders. “We’ll be sisters-in-law.”

  “Whoa,” I said, trying not to get my hopes up at such a nice image of being Will’s wife.

  “We’re just friends. Who knows what’ll happen.”

  “I saw the way you two looked at each other when he walked in.”

  Really? He looked at me in a certain way? My insides swelled with pride and happiness.

  “But we live so far apart, Hayley.”

  “It’s not as far as here.”

  “Still too far for a long-distance relationship.”

  “Well, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

  I carried on with my chopping while she pottered about adding ingredients to her pan. I’d already googled the distance between me and Will, a long time ago. It was almost four hundred miles and six hours drive. No way could we make that work. Even if he wanted to, and he hadn’t shown me any signs that he did, even if Hayley’s romantic rose-tinted eyes thought he gave me a certain look; maybe it was just the memory of our time together. That was hardly the same as being so in love you’d move your whole life to the other end of the country.

  Hayley chatted idly about her wedding plans, she’d bought a dress, made a load of cupcakes which she needed my help icing with their initials after dinner, and had made friends with a florist in Portree who was whipping her up some bouquets. She seemed so happy, it was hard to believe she was living down in Bath not that long ago.

  “So how’s Kieran?” she asked as I tipped the mushrooms into her simmering risotto.

  “I haven’t seen much of him, he was angry and hurt at first but I think he’s doing okay now.”

  “Good, I’m glad he’s doing better. I do regret the way I treated him. It was pretty immature.”

  “It’s done now, Hayley, don’t punish yourself.”

  “You were pretty angry too, weren’t you?”

  “Yes. But you know what, you’re happy and that’s all that matters now.”

  “Thanks,” she said, giving my hand a squeeze. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “You loved it up here, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I don’t think I’ve been happier than that week.”

  “So come visit, whenever you like,” she said happily.

  “I will, thank you, but it is a long way.”

  “Or you could move up here,” she said looking up from her pan.

  “And work where exactly?”

  “You could move your business up here. Cover the whole island, and the Hebrides. Just get a ferry back and forth. They run several times a day.”

  The thought was kind of appealing. “I guess, but don’t you think I’d struggle to find enough business?”

  “I don’t know. Something to consider, maybe.”

  I loved the idea, but I just didn’t know how it’d possibly work. Hayley and her pipe dreams, as always.

  “Dinner’s ready!” she called. “Put that bread on the table will you?” she gestured to me. I carried the breadbasket and sat down. Guy came in and poured us each a glass of wine.

  “Thank you all for coming on such short notice,” he said.

  “I can’t believe you’re getting married tomorrow,” Will told him, “and to this one. The one who got away all those years ago and came back, huh?”

  Hayley giggled and Will glanced at me. Was I was ‘the one who got away’ for him? He’d said he loved me back then, then we found each other again and it was complicated. How about this time? I had three days to find out before we were separated from each other again.

  Dinner was delicious and we had a very merry evening chatting and laughing. Shane eventually suggested we go to the hotel and settle in, and although I was disappointed to be leaving Will’s company, I reluctantly agreed. The journey was pretty tiring, after all.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  As soon as we got in the car, Shane asked about Will’s wife.

  “Apparently it’s over.”

  “Since when?”

  “A few weeks.”

  “So that’d explain why he hasn’t contacted you, then – he hasn’t had much chance.”

  “He also didn’t know if I was still with Ross.”

  “Ah, of course.”

  “And maybe he’s not interested,” I pointed out.

  “Oh come on, the way you two look at each other makes even me feel gooey inside.”

  My insides almost turned to goo on hearing this.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. He better move down to Bath though because I’m not travelling up to Glasgow to visit your skinny arse.”

  “I wish it was skinny!” I said, hiccupping from my wine.

  “Okay, your medium-sized arse.”

  It wasn’t medium either, but I knew better than to argue.

  We pulled up outside the hotel and got out of the car.

  “Hayley said I should move up here, seeing as I love it so much.”

  “Oh no you don’t, young lady.”

  “You were considering moving to Maidstone.”

  “And you were one of my main reasons for not going.”

  “Really? Shane you shouldn’t stay in Bath because of me.”

  “Well, I admit that you were one of the main reasons. Then I realised that wasn’t right, that Andrew should be my main concern. And lately, I’ve realised that he’s not. So, I think we might break up.”

  “Oh my god, Shane.”

  I’d just yanked my luggage out of his car and was standing, jaw hanging open as he got his own.

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “I don’t know, I guess I’ve been procrastinating.”

  “Does he know?”

  “I think he knows something’s not right, yes.”

  “I’m sorry I’ve been so caught up in my own life, I hadn’t even realised what you were going through.”

  “Don’t be silly, I didn’t even mention it, so how were you to know?”

  We checked into the hotel and I gave him a quick hug before saying goodnight and settling in my room. I couldn’t believe they might break up; they were my model couple.

  The hotel was a nice place, with stylish modern wallpaper and large mahogany furniture. I hung up my dress and flopped down onto the bed. My phone beeped. My eyes felt more awake when I saw it was Will.

  You left your camera bag here. I’ll bring it tomorrow. Nice to see you today and I’m sorry again, about not keeping in touch and ignoring you. See you in the morning x

  Me: Oops. Thank you. Nice to see you too and no worries re not keeping in touch. See you tomorrow. Sleep well x

  Will: I’ll try but this cold lumpy bed is awful. I should buy them a decent spare as a wedding present :) x

  Me: You’re not hinting for an invite to come and crash with me again are you? Xx

  He didn’t reply. Oh dear, how much wine had I had? That text was truly awful and just plain embarrassing. I wished I could un-send it. I got up off the bed and found my nightdress, then slipped under the covers.

  Me: Sorry, what a silly thing to say. Night night x

  Will: Not at all, I was just chatting to Hayley outside the bathroom sorry. I wasn’t hinting although the thought is very appealing, bet you’ve got a nice big comfy bed with plenty of room, too. But I’ve been drinking so even if you invited me, I can’t get there x

  Darn the wine, I hadn’t thought about that. I considered calling down to reception to see if they could get a taxi this late but decided it probably
wasn’t likely.

  Me: Tomorrow night then? If you want. Just as friends, of course x

  Will: Sounds good. I’ll keep my clothes on. Night night xx

  Me: See you tomorrow then xx

  Will: What are you wearing? Xx

  Me: Now?! My nightdress. You? Xx

  Will: Nothing, right now. But I meant tomorrow. Has Hayley got you some hideous bridesmaid dress? Xx

  He was wearing nothing? Oh my goodness. How I wished he was here.

  Me: Oh I see! She did pick me a dress but it’s not hideous, it’s lovely. You got a tux? Xx

  Will: Yeah. Guy’s got a kilt! Xx

  Me: Bet you’re going to look spiffing xx

  Will: Spiffing? That’s not a real word is it? But thanks, I bet you look lovely too x

  Me: It is! It means splendid. I think xx

  Will: Well, thank you xx

  I put my phone down. I was really tired. I closed my eyes and then it beeped again.

  Will: Good night Jenny xx

  Me: Good night Will xx

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  It took me a few seconds to remember where I was the next morning. The bed was so comfortable I knew I could quite easily lie there all day. I turned over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, then closed my eyes again. Then I remembered Will would be arriving soon in his tux and I sat up, grinning. I checked my phone but the only message was from Shane suggesting we meet for breakfast in an hour. I got up and showered, blow-dried my hair and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt. Hayley would be getting here at 11 am to get ready with me in my room. I was really rather excited at the thought of it all. It’d be nice to be a guest at a wedding instead of just the one melting into the background, trying to capture it all on my camera. Although I was still in charge of that, I was going to enjoy it more when I cared about the couple getting married.

  As I walked into the lobby, Hayley’s parents were checking in.

  “Hello!” I said happily.

  “Jenny! How well you look my dear,” said her mum, giving me the kiss-on-both-cheeks treatment. Her dad greeted me too.

  “I can’t believe Hayley’s getting married, to Guy, too.”