Dr. Carlisle's Child

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘I’m not saying you’re like Gemma…’

  ‘I know,’ she admitted, replacing the paperweight on her desk.

  ‘But Billy’s been through hell. I don’t have the luxury of taking risks and following my heart. So while he’s recovering I’m going to have to lie a bit low. We’ll see each other at the hospital once I’m back at work, of course, and I can ring. I just think it’s too early to be openly going out. You do understand, don’t you?’

  Lucinda nodded; it was something she had already thought long and hard about. Part of her wanted to tell him the truth, that she wasn’t sure if she even wanted her career, but how could she? If she let her feelings be known and things didn’t work out between them, she would have potentially committed career suicide, for even the vaguest hint that she wasn’t devoted to her work would see her passed over for promotion—Pete Hughes was living proof of that. As private a person as Seb was, to tell him she was having doubts about her job could place her in a very vulnerable position. And anyway it was far too early to be making such huge declarations. It might scare him off.

  She gave him a reassuring smile. ‘Of course I understand,’ she said honestly. ‘It’s difficult enough for us to comprehend the speed at which things have happened. I can only imagine how hard it would be for a child. There’s no rush. Billy has to come first.’ She saw the relief wash over his face. ‘Look, Seb, I have to go over to PICU now. They’re going to extubate Bianca and I’d like to be there.’

  ‘Sure, and, Lucinda, thank you for understanding.’ And as he pulled her into his arms and his lips met hers she knew she could hold on for as long as it was needed. Some things were worth waiting for.

  And so they took it gently, very gently. Their work schedules hardly allowed for anything else. But they would grab a coffee in the canteen and sometimes breakfast and catch up on each other’s lives until invariably one or the other was called away. The problems that had surfaced were still there, waiting in the wings, but they were put on hold for a while as Lucinda and Seb got to know each other better. And while the rest of the hospital remained oblivious to the scandal that was evolving—and by hospital standards this really was a plum piece of gossip—in Theatre she would check the whiteboard each morning and her heart would soar or sink depending upon which anaesthetist had been allocated to her.

  Seb, Lucinda soon found out at first hand, was indeed a skilled and competent anaesthetist, and despite her desire to see him for more personal reasons, Lucinda also enjoyed working alongside him on professional grounds, secure in the knowledge her patients were receiving the best of attention.

  As Professor Hays had pointed out on Lucinda’s first day, Seb did indeed talk to his anaesthetised patients. In his pre-op checks he would find out their interests, and on Seb’s operation notes you could always find a brief summary of a child’s hobbies. She grew used to listening to Seb nattering away about the football scores or the latest pop groups. ‘They can’t hear you,’ she pointed out during one long operation. ‘And if they can, you’re not doing your job properly.’

  But Seb had just smiled and carried on chatting, his passion for the patient’s individuality a constant reminder to all that they weren’t just dealing with numbers here, but precious children.

  And despite the restraints of work and his family, they somehow managed a few stolen kisses in her office, and late at night when Billy was asleep he would try to ring. As hard as it was, living in limbo, Lucinda was in a strange way grateful for the reprieve. The depth of her feelings enthralled and terrified her. She was considering taking on an awesome responsibility in Seb and Billy—it was a lot to think about.

  CHAPTER SIX

  PETE HUGHES, once the animosity had gone, over the next few weeks became a wonderful friend as well as colleague. Now Lucinda trusted him implicitly, and the more responsibility she gave him the better surgeon he became. They spent the time between theatre cases whiling the time away with idle chit-chat and Pete filled her in on the hospital gossip.

  ‘Ellen’s lingering a bit too long over the jewellery catalogues,’ he mentioned one lunchtime.

  ‘So why don’t you go ahead? Lucinda asked.

  Pete gave a shrug. ‘I’m not against marriage as such. It’s just, well, my parents are divorced and so is my brother. And working in this place, it’s hardly an advertisement for the institution of marriage. Everyone seems to be playing the field—the divorce rate around here is terrifying.’

  Lucinda mused over this. ‘It is pretty scary.’ She hesitated. ‘Look at Seb and his ex-wife.’ The chance to talk about him to gain some insight was too tempting to pass up. But Pete shook his head.

  ‘That was one marriage that didn’t end because of an affair—well, definitely not on Seb’s part and I’m pretty sure Gemma didn’t have one. That really would have been the last straw. Seb would never have put up with that and he put up with enough, let me tell you.’

  ‘Like what?’ Lucinda said casually, trying not to sound too interested.

  ‘Well…’ Pete had a brief look around the theatre coffee-room to be sure no one was listening. ‘I think they were happy until Gemma got pregnant. Apparently she was devastated but Seb was pleased, I was only junior then but he bought everyone cigars and was grinning from ear to ear. Anyway, Gemma just didn’t want to know. She’d never wanted children but everyone thought that once the baby came along she’d change her mind. But it only made her more adamant.’

  ‘Maybe she had postnatal depression?’ Lucinda ventured, but Pete shook his head.

  ‘She just didn’t want a child. She wanted her career. She’s in advertising or something and the fact Billy was ill only made things worse.’

  ‘But how do you know all this?’ Lucinda asked. ‘Seb strikes me as a really private person. How come everyone knows all the details?’

  ‘Because poor Seb had no choice but to tell. Gemma just carried on as if she didn’t have a baby. I was doing my surgical rotation when Billy was a baby, and most of my lunches in this room were taken with one of the nurses feeding Billy because the nanny had resigned or Billy was too unwell to go to day care. Billy was brought up here, and if it wasn’t the theatre staff feeding him, he was tucked in a bassinet in Ann Benton’s office. Everyone likes Seb and they were only too happy to help.

  ‘Anyway, Seb finally drew the line, said it was ridiculous. He’d be better off on his own. At least he and Billy would know where they stood. Gemma was only to happy to relinquish any responsibility, and now she’s living in Sydney.’

  Lucinda took it all in, her face portraying only the usual interest she would have shown at any hospital gossip, but her heart sank. What Seb must have been through didn’t bear thinking about. How, she tried to fathom, did he manage to be so civil to her? No wonder the nursing staff had been hostile towards Gemma.

  ‘Not very pleasant, is it?’ Pete concluded, then turned the subject back to work. ‘Are you looking forward to the medical conference?’

  She gave a half-smile and nodded, but inside her heart soared.

  Queensland was only a few days away and Lucinda had already packed. Dashing out to the shops on her lunch-break, she had purchased some flattering clothes and the thought of two days with Seb made her toes curl. She knew they would be busy but still…

  ‘Lucinda, there you are. I’ve been paging you?’ Jack Wells popped his head around the door.

  Lucinda gave a small frown as she checked her pager. ‘My batteries are flat. I’d better call Switchboard.’ She picked up the phone on the coffee-table. ‘What did you want to see me about, Jack?’

  ‘Billy Carlisle has been admitted from Casualty to the chest medical ward.’

  Lucinda hastily replaced the telephone. ‘He’s what?’ she said, alarmed. ‘What’s wrong?’

  Pete’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at her response as Jack filled her in on the details.

  ‘A chest infection, and possibly gastro. He’s all right, though. Vince Cole, the respiratory consultant, thought t
hat we should have a look, though, given he’s only a few weeks post-op. I thought I should let you know, what with his dad being a doctor here. It might be better if a consultant takes a look at Billy.’

  Lucinda, realising she had completely overreacted, gave a casual smile, though her heart was racing. ‘Sure, I’ll be right down.’ She picked up her stethoscope and went to leave.

  ‘Shouldn’t you let Switchboard know about your pager?’ Pete asked.

  ‘Of course. Could you ring the ward and get them to organise an echocardiogram?’

  ‘He’s already had one in Casualty—the results are up on the ward.’

  By the time she had rung Switchboard and collected a new pager, Lucinda was nearly beside herself. She knew she was probably worrying unnecessarily but, still, with Billy’s asthma she just had to see the little guy for herself. A nurse escorted her to the side room and she braced herself to remain professionally cool when she saw Seb, but it was just Billy, sitting by himself on the bed.

  ‘He’s not very happy,’ the nurse warned her. ‘He’s completely hospitalised. He wants to go back to his old ward or “at the very least” be moved onto the main ward. It’s probably not gastro. More than likely the antibiotics are giving him diarrhoea, but until we get his results from Path I don’t want to risk him on the main ward.’

  Lucinda gave a laugh. ‘Fair enough. Hello, Billy.’ His miserable face looked up and at the sight of a familiar face broke into a huge grin.

  ‘Miss Chambers.’

  ‘We’ll be all right,’ she said to the nurse, who nodded gratefully and made her way back to the busy ward.

  After examining him thoroughly, Lucinda looked at his X-rays. He had some consolidation on the right lower lobe and his lungs were hyperinflated from the Ventolin. She scanned the echocardiogram results.

  ‘Your heart’s working beautifully.’

  Billy gave a frown.

  ‘What’s wrong? You don’t look very pleased. That’s good news.’

  ‘Not for me. I want to go back to my old ward, see Ann and my friends.’

  ‘I know, but hopefully once these new antibiotics kick in and you’ve had some extra fluid through that drip, you’ll be home again.’

  Billy didn’t look very appeased. ‘Dad said Bianca’s a lot better.’

  ‘That’s right. She went home on Monday.’

  ‘Dad said that she got a whole new heart and lungs. That would have saved you a lot of work, I guess.’

  ‘How’s that?’ she asked.

  ‘Well, you said yourself it was too complicated to fix. I suppose it was much easier just to get a new one.’

  His five-year-old logic brought a smile to her lips. ‘Well, I’m going to write some notes up. I’ll probably come and check on you tomorrow.’

  His face fell.

  ‘Dad’s gone to the airport to get Mum. I can’t get this stupid video to work.’ He pushed at the remote control.

  ‘You have to turn the television on first.’ Lucinda fiddled with the switches and a huge silver robot appeared on screen.

  And Lucinda was never quite sure how it happened, but before she knew it the film had ended and she was now well versed in the hierarchy of the Mega-Galaxy and the battles of the Robot Savers. Lucinda glanced at her watch, yelping when she saw the time.

  ‘I really do have to go now and you, young man, should get some rest.’

  He gave a big smile. ‘Bye, Miss Chambers.’

  ‘Would you prefer an aisle or window seat?’

  ‘Window, please.’

  The flight attendant tapped her request into the computer.

  ‘Travelling alone?’

  Lucinda tried to smile. ‘I’m not sure. I was supposed to be meeting a colleague here. Has a Dr Sebastian Carlisle checked in yet?’

  She continued tapping. ‘Not yet. He’d better step on it, they’re starting to board. I’ll reserve the seat next to you for him if he makes it in time.’ With a smile she handed Lucinda back her ticket and gave her her boarding card. ‘Have a nice flight.’

  Annoyingly, and most unusually, the flight boarded bang on time and with a sigh Lucinda clipped on her seat belt, glancing longingly at the empty seat beside her. All her hopes had been pinned on Queensland and now it looked like Seb wasn’t going to make it. She had tried not to build her hopes up, but after the initial panic Billy had responded well to the antibiotics and had been discharged on the Wednesday. Seb, after a lot of thought, had decided to come. Gemma was going to stay with Billy. But he must have changed his mind.

  Just as the cabin doors were about to close a flurry of activity made her look up. Seb, slightly breathless, made his way down the aisle, his eyes lighting up when he saw her.

  ‘What happened? Is Billy all right?’

  Seb slipped into the seat beside her, his thighs brushing against her as he put his hand luggage under the seat. ‘He’s great. He and Gemma are armed with videos and popcorn. Couldn’t wait to get rid of me. I got stuck with a patient at the hospital.’

  ‘Not one of mine, I hope?’

  ‘Kimberley Stewart. She’s had a cerebral bleed.’

  ‘Oh, no, but she was doing so well.’

  Seb shook his head. ‘Not really, Lucinda. She’s never really picked up.’

  ‘How bad is it?’

  Seb gave a heavy sigh. ‘Bad enough, on top of everything else.’

  ‘Poor Janine and Mark.’

  The mood was subdued as the plane taxied along the runway.

  ‘Lucinda, I know it’s awful but there’s nothing either of us can do from here. We’ll be back at work on Monday. You’ve been working sixty-hour weeks and you need a break. You can’t take it with you.’

  She knew he was right—of course he was—but as the plane took off she offered a silent prayer for Kimberley and her family. Turning to Seb, she saw his eyes closed and knew he was doing the same.

  After lunch had been served the chattering stopped as most of the passengers dozed, but the bliss of being able to talk uninterrupted by pagers and to sit in such close proximity meant that sleep was the last thing on either of their minds. Sipping their gin and tonics, they gradually left behind the world and its problems and concentrated on each other. And slowly Seb filled her in about Gemma. It was exactly as Pete had described it, but hearing it from Seb made her eyes fill with tears for what they had been through.

  ‘But how do you manage to stay civil to her?’ she asked.

  ‘That took a while, but she is Billy’s mother. It’s not as easy as just washing your hands and saying that’s it.’ He looked at her confused face. ‘Gemma’s not a bad person, we had a happy marriage at first. We were young and apart from work there were no responsibilities. I guess it was easy to be happy then. She was so upset when she found out she was pregnant, but I just assumed she’d come round. I never really took her doubts seriously.’

  ‘But she didn’t come round.’

  Seb took a sip of his drink. ‘No,’ he said sadly. ‘She tried, I’ll give her that, but it just wasn’t her. I guess some women just shouldn’t have children. As I said before, I don’t consider myself a chauvinist, but a sixty-hour-a-week job and children just don’t mix, to my mind anyway. Something has to give when you’re a parent.’

  ‘Why didn’t you stop working?’ Lucinda asked, playing devil’s advocate. ‘Become a house husband?’

  His eyes narrowed as he considered her words, and Lucinda suddenly realised what he must be thinking—that she was suggesting he give up work if they were to ever get together.

  ‘Because as high-flying as Gemma is now, it took a long time and a lot of work before the dollars started rolling in. Someone had to pay the mortgage.’ He swirled an ice cube around his drink and Lucinda found herself holding her breath as he continued.

  ‘Maybe I’m more of a chauvinist than I thought,’ he admitted honestly. ‘I don’t know if I’d like to be a house husband. I was always brought up to believe a man worked for a living.’

  Lucinda hes
itated and then thought, To hell with it. She asked the question whose answer she dreaded the most.

  ‘Do you miss her?’

  Seb nearly choked on his drink. ‘Hell, no. Look, Lucinda, I did love Gemma but that was a long time ago. I know I seem accepting of her but it’s taken me a long time to get there, it’s been a hellish five years. Now it’s just me and Billy, things are better. Gemma does care and she does love him in her own way—she just isn’t cut out for the school runs and tooth-fairy tales. Anyway, there’s been too much water under the bridge to even think about giving it another go. All I want from Gemma is for her to treat Billy properly. If she can’t be a full-time mother I have to accept that, and I won’t make things worse for Billy by rowing with her, but I certainly don’t love her any more.’

  ‘But what if she changed?’ Lucinda insisted. ‘What if she decides she wants Billy and you later on?’

  Seb’s face darkened and it was the first time Lucinda had heard any animosity in his voice. It made the hairs on her neck stand up.

  ‘She’ll never get him back, I made sure of that when I got full custody, I won’t have Billy messed around again. And as for me, how could I love her again after seeing the pain she’s caused my son?’

  He took another long drink and for a second stared beyond her out of the plane window, but Lucinda knew he wasn’t taking in the view. He turned back to her and his face was smiling. That conversation was definitely over.

  ‘Where do your parents live?’ he asked.

  ‘In Noosa. I’ll probably take a taxi and meet them for lunch on Sunday before we head back.’

  ‘How’s your speech going?’ Seb gave a grimace. ‘Do you know John McClelland? He’s the bald guy a few rows in front, works at Ballarat City.’

  Lucinda shook her head.

  ‘We’ve both been doing similar research and we’re going to do the presentation together. We were supposed to brainstorm it this week, but with Billy being sick we didn’t get round to it. I’m going to have to do a lot of work with him tonight.’