Dr. Carlisle's Child

by Carol Marinelli

  The woman swung around. ‘You don’t have to say it— I won’t breathe a word.’

  Lucinda shook her head. ‘I know that already. I was going to say thanks for being here, for helping.’

  Ann came over and gave her a warm hug. ‘I haven’t started yet.’

  Waiting for Ann to return, Lucinda paced the floor. How, she tried to fathom, could she have let this happen? Of all the stupid mistakes to make. She was a doctor and so was Seb for that matter. They should both have known better. But that beautiful Sunday morning as she had lain so warm in bed next to him, had felt his male urges stirring, their bodies awakening together, consequences and ramifications had seemed a million miles away. Even at the memory of his touch she felt a stirring within. It had all seemed so right then. She’d thought they’d had all the time in the world. How could she have known that it had all been about to end, barely before it had started?

  Ann returned, putting the ‘Knock and Wait’ sign on the door.

  ‘Are you ready?’ she asked as she unwrapped the package which would determine her fate.

  Lucinda shook her head. ‘No, but do it anyway.’

  Those two minutes were probably the longest of her life. She thought of the niggling worry, pushed to the back of her mind over the past few weeks, growing as the days passed and her symptoms became more apparent. At first she had put the exhaustion down to stress, lack of sleep, and they were both good reasons. Since Seb had gone from her life she felt as if she were living two lives, by day the consummate professional but by night a child lost. The nausea she had blamed on gastro, a bad take-away—anything but this. Lucinda wasn’t a woman who wrote her cycles in her diary, like she never filled out her cheque stubs, so she’d had no idea when she’d been due. But as the weeks had dragged on and nothing had happened, she had known her fears were with good foundation and now she was about to have it confirmed. The result was a foregone conclusion.

  Ann glanced at the indicator. ‘Well, I don’t think that leaves any room for doubt.’ She pushed the test over the desk and Lucinda stared at the dark pink cross that had formed on the blotting paper. It felt strange. Nothing had changed from two minutes ago—she was still a doctor a woman—yet everything had changed. She was now pregnant. Growing inside her was a baby, a person in its own right, a permanent legacy of when her life had been perfect.

  ‘Oh, God,’ she groaned. ‘Ann what am I going to do?’

  Ann was over in a flash. ‘You’ll be fine,’ she reassured. ‘You’ll do whatever has to be done. I take it this isn’t the news you were hoping for?’

  Lucinda shook her head.

  ‘Then you’re going to have to make some decisions.’

  Lucinda stared at the pregnancy test for a moment and then looked up at Ann.

  ‘I can’t end the pregnancy, Ann, it just isn’t me.’

  Ann gave her a smile. ‘Well, as strange as it might seem, I’m going to say it anyway—congratulations, Lucinda. It might not feel it now but this is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you, and you hold on to that thought through all the difficult times. When you hold your baby in your arms all the problems you’ve had getting there will seem minute, I promise you that.’ She gave her a hug.

  ‘Do you want to tell me who the father is?’

  Lucinda thought for a moment and took a deep breath. ‘Seb,’ she said quietly.

  Again Ann managed not to look remotely surprised. ‘I thought that was the way the wind was blowing for a while, and then it all seemed to die down. I’m glad I’m not losing my touch.’

  Lucinda managed a small smile.

  ‘Seb’s a wonderful man,’ Ann enthused. ‘He’ll be delighted. He’ll take care of you.’

  Lucinda angrily wiped away a tell-tale tear that had escaped down her cheek. ‘It’s not that straightforward. He’s already had one failed marriage, remember. He’s not going in to bat again unless the pitch is perfect—he said as much.’

  ‘Maybe this will give him the push he needs. I’m an expert where Seb’s concerned. Seb would never have slept with you if he wasn’t serious. That man has had loads of women after him before, during and after his marriage, and he’s never looked twice. He would never have let things get this far if he didn’t think you were pretty special.’

  ‘I think he does love me in some way, but there’s Billy to consider. He doesn’t think I’m stepmum material, he said so.’

  ‘Seb said that?’ Ann exclaimed, this time failing to keep the shock from her voice. ‘I can’t believe that—are you sure?’

  ‘I was there, remember. He doesn’t think I’m up to the job of being a stepmother. What on earth’s he going to say when he finds out I’m actually having his baby? What if he’s right? What if I’m not up to it.’

  ‘Now, we’ll have none of that talk,’ Ann said firmly. ‘Lucinda, you’ll be a wonderful mother—don’t you ever doubt that. And when Seb hears I’m sure, once the shock wears off, he’ll be delighted, too.’

  ‘I’m not going to tell him.’ Lucinda said firmly.

  Ann stood up. ‘Lucinda I know I’m a mere nurse and you’re the one with the medical degree but, without meaning to state the obvious, it’s going to become pretty clear to everyone that you’re pregnant. You said yourself that you’re going to keep the baby and you’re hardly going to leave work now and get a new job. Seb’s going to have to be told.’

  ‘No, he isn’t.’ With a shaking hand she retrieved the screwed-up memo from her pocket and handed it to Ann, who read it silently. ‘He’s handed in his notice,’ Lucinda said wearily ‘He’s taking up a Chief of Anaesthetics position in Ballarat. He’s leaving next month.’

  ‘But he’ll still hear about the baby—you know how word spreads.’

  ‘By the time he hears he’ll just assume I’ve met someone else.’

  ‘Lucinda, he has a right to know,’ Ann said, exasperated.

  ‘No, Ann,’ Lucinda said firmly ‘He had a right when we were together. I’m not going to go to him with a begging bowl for a few dollars and some access visits I’d rather manage on my own. And, please, Ann, promise not to breathe a word.’

  Ann nodded. ‘You don’t have to worry about that, it’s not my place to tell him.’ She sat down again. ‘Right, let’s deal with the practicalities. Have you managed to find a GP since you moved here?’

  ‘No, there’s been no need till now.’

  ‘Right, I’ll ring mine for you. I’ll do it now. She’s ever so good. Is that all right?’

  Lucinda nodded her consent as Ann made the call.

  ‘She can fit you in at two o’clock tomorrow—can you get away?’

  Lucinda nodded her agreement. She had to get seen after all. This was going to be the first of many doctors’ visits her schedule would have to accommodate.

  ‘Ann, I haven’t taken folate or been sleeping or eating properly. What if I’ve done the baby some harm?’

  ‘Well, considering the way you ate before you got pregnant one could safely assume that you’ve got enough iron stores to open a mine, but welcome to motherhood.’ Ann smiled. ‘You never stop worrying.’

  ‘How are you feeling?’ Ann gave Lucinda a smile as she walked on the ward for the Christmas party.

  ‘Terrified. It’s a bit like getting ready for a date. I’ve spent an hour in the shower, shaved my legs, checked my bag a million times.’

  ‘What for?’ Ann laughed.

  ‘Clean underpants, specimen jar, medicare card, private health cover card.’

  ‘You wait till the baby gets here, you’ll need a juggernaut to carry your bag then.’

  Everyone gathered around the tree. Past patients and their parents, doctors, nurses. All the children’s beds and cots had been moved and formed a huge arc around the tree, and the children’s faces were expectant. Lucinda concentrated on the tree, trying not to catch Seb’s eye as he held for dear life onto a thoroughly over-excited Billy.

  Ann stepped forward. ‘Now, we all know Christmas is a few
days off but for very special children, which you all are, special things happen so Father Christmas has taken some time out of his busy schedule to pay you all a visit.’ She put her hands up to her ears as the sound of bells filled the corridor.

  ‘What’s that noise?’ she asked the grinning faces.

  The children cheered and even the most unwell managed to sit up in their beds.

  ‘Ho! Ho! Ho!’ The doors swung open and Professor Hays, hardly needing any stuffing in his outfit, burst in as the place erupted. The next twenty minutes were mayhem as the children gathered round, extracting their gifts, all painstakingly chosen by Ann and beautifully wrapped. And finally when each child had opened their present and were chewing on the surprises in their lolly bags or tucking into cherries and mandarins if they were diabetic, the carols started.

  Lucinda joined in with ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’, but as the cassette started to play ‘Away In a Manger’ and the little voices joined in, it was too much. Stealing a look around the ward at the little faces covered by oxygen masks, the drips and monitors, she felt a huge lump in her throat. As happy as the ward was, it was tinged with sadness because they all knew for some it would be their last Christmas, and she thought of the ones like baby Kimberley who never even got to see one. Quietly she slipped away to the privacy of Ann’s office. She wasn’t alone. Ann had beaten her to it, sitting at her desk, with shaking shoulders.

  ‘That hymn gets me every time,’ she said with great tears pouring down her face as Lucinda entered.

  Lucinda managed a smile, determined not to break down in front of anyone. ‘I’ll get you a tissue.’

  ‘There aren’t any—the kids all used them to have a snowball fight this morning,’ Ann said through her tears, and as she held up a toilet roll it reminded Lucinda so much of that morning with Billy that there was nothing else to do but have a good cry.

  With a sob she took the roll from Ann and tore off a few sheets. ‘At least I can blame it on my hormones.’

  Neither heard at first as Seb and Billy entered.

  ‘Sorry to barge in, but Billy wanted to see you both,’ Seb explained, his gaze not quite reaching Lucinda’s eyes.

  Billy handed them both a small parcel and Lucinda opened hers somewhat shakily.

  A tiny gold robot stared back at her, and she swallowed hard a couple of times as she looked at it.

  ‘Thank you, Billy, it’s beautiful.’ Ann had the same.

  ‘It’s to go on your necklace, I bought it with my own pocket money. They’re solid gold,’ Billy said importantly.

  ‘Solid gold-coloured, Billy. You can’t be too careful in these days of litigation. Billy managed to find a robot tiepin for Professor Hays, which I know he’s going to love.’ Seb gave the women a wink.

  ‘We can’t find him anywhere, but guess what?’

  ‘What’s that?’ Lucinda asked.

  ‘I think the professor looks a bit like Father Christmas. Dad said it’s because they’re both magic.’

  ‘Notice anything different about me?’ a theatrical voice boomed from the open door. Bianca stood there with a huge smile.

  ‘Your braces are gone!’ Lucinda exclaimed.

  ‘Yes, yes,’ Bianca said dismissively. ‘But there’s something else, can’t you see?’

  They all stared for a moment as Bianca stood there impatiently waiting. ‘I’m wearing a bra!’

  ‘So you are, and don’t you look just gorgeous?’ Ann exclaimed.

  Seb managed a small blush. ‘Well, we’ll leave you ladies to discuss your secret women’s business.’ He laughed. ‘Say goodbye and thank you, Billy.’

  As they left the office it took every ounce of self-control she could muster to stop herself from running after the two most important people in her life. Instead, she clung onto the tiny metallic robot as Bianca handed Ann a present and spoke at length about her recent growth spurt.

  ‘I got something for you, too.’

  ‘For me? How lovely you didn’t need to do that.’ Lucinda opened the parcel to reveal the video of the film they had been watching the night Bianca had arrested.

  Lucinda was touched and told her so.

  ‘See, you said there’d be a happy ending, and here I am.’ She gave Lucinda and Ann a small thumbs-up.

  Lucinda gave Bianca a hug. ‘That’s true, but since that night I’ve never been able to eat pizza.’

  Bianca gave a laugh. ‘Actually, neither have I.’

  Once they were alone again, the room fell silent.

  ‘This will be my last Christmas here. I think it’s time to hang up my apron,’ Ann said suddenly.

  Lucinda looked at her, aghast. ‘You can’t be serious. This place would collapse without you.’

  ‘No, it wouldn’t, it would manage just fine. It gets harder each year, thinking about all the ones we’ve lost. I’m thinking of getting a nice job in a nursing home. At least when someone dies there you know they’ve had a fair crack.’

  Lucinda thought for a moment. ‘But you seem to cope so well with it all.’

  “‘Seem to” is right. It takes its toll on all of us, Lucinda, even you, I’m sure.’

  Lucinda gave a small shrug. If she confided this to Ann she knew she would be lost. ‘I just look at the bigger picture. Look at Billy, look at Bianca—there’s more wins than losses.’

  Ann gave her a quizzical look. ‘Well, the wins are great but the losses are just too hard to take sometimes. You’d better go if you want to make your appointment.’

  Lucinda made her way out of the hospital and took a tram to the address Ann had given her. She had been tempted to confide in Ann about her own feelings about work, too, but what good would it do? Even if she wanted to she couldn’t leave now; she was hardly in the position for a career change. She was going to need her salary now more than ever.

  CHAPTER NINE

  DR INNES went over to the sink and washed her hands as Lucinda stood up and got dressed.

  The GP got out a daisy wheel and started fiddling with it. ‘So you don’t know the date of your last menstrual period?’

  ‘Er, no, but my dates are definitely right. You see, it could only have been then.’

  Dr Innes gave her a small smile and reached for a pad.

  ‘I think we might arrange for an ultrasound. Mr Field is an excellent obstetrician and he does his own ultrasounds. He’s very nice to talk to, especially for first-time mums. I know you’re a doctor but you’ll still have a lot of questions.’

  ‘I thought you didn’t do routine scans until eighteen weeks. Is there a problem?’

  Dr Innes hesitated for a moment. ‘There’s no problem, but your uterus seems rather larger than I’d expect at this stage, and if you’re sure about your dates…’ She carried on writing.

  Lucinda felt as if the chair had been whipped from beneath her. She’d already had enough shocks in the last twenty-four hours, but now this! Her voice came out in an unsteady rasp. ‘You’re not thinking it could be twins?’

  ‘Let’s just wait and see, shall we?’

  How many times had she herself said that to an anxious mother when she’d organised a test? But sitting on the other side of the fence, well, it was a whole new experience. ‘How long till he’ll be able to see me?’

  Dr Innes reached for her phone. ‘He’s very popular but I know him well and, with you being a doctor, I’ll see what I can do. I’m sure he’ll squeeze you in. I must admit I’d want to know myself.’

  Twins. Twins! It didn’t bear thinking about. How on earth was she going to tell Seb this? And her mother!

  ‘He’ll see you in half an hour. Have you been to the loo recently?’

  Lucinda shook her head.

  ‘Good.’ She went over to the sink and filled a glass with water. ‘Drink this—all of it—so he gets a good view. I expect you need a glass of water anyway. It might be a false alarm. It will be nice to have a scan anyway. Sometimes it helps you get used to the idea of being pregnant if it wasn’t planned.’


  Bursting for the loo, she waited anxiously in the waiting room, trying and failing not to think about the impossibilities of raising two children. So much for her career. Single parents didn’t make the best cardiothoracic consultants or so she thought. It wasn’t as if she could think of one who had tried, but as a single parent of twins, it seemed impossible.

  ‘Miss Chambers?’ Expecting to see the receptionist, Lucinda reached for her bag and stood up.

  ‘Just coming.’ She was stunned when she saw the smiling face of Janine Stewart.

  ‘I bet you weren’t expecting to see me here. Are you here to review a patient?’

  Lucinda gave a noncommittal shrug. ‘Something like that. How are you, Janine? How are you and Mark coping?’

  ‘It’s been awful,’ she admitted honestly. ‘It still is. I expect it’s going to take a long time. We’ve both been walking around like a couple of zombies, we just miss her so.’ She wiped away a tear with the back of her hand. ‘Christmas is going to be hard but, then, every day is. Mark was worried about me so he took me back for a check-up, and guess what?’

  Lucinda didn’t know what to say. They were in an obstetrician’s waiting room after all, but what if she was wrong? Maybe they were here to give IVF another go.

  ‘It’s all right,’ Janine said. ‘We can’t believe it either, but I really am. The one time in ten years we’re not trying for a baby I go and get pregnant. The doctors don’t know what to make of it, but I am having a baby, and it’s all down to you.’

  ‘Me? But how?’

  ‘That “competition” you pretended to win. I don’t know what they put in the curry but it worked. We only did it the once. Still, I guess that’s all it takes.’

  Lucinda gave Janine a wide smile. ‘That’s fantastic, but how are you coping with it, after all you’ve been through?’

  ‘I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but I’ve just got a feeling it’s meant to be. I even feel pregnant this time. With Kimberley I never did. Mr Field says I’m pumping with hormones and it all looks great on the ultrasound. After all the emotion of the past few weeks and me not knowing, I haven’t been making allowances. Well, the fact I’m still pregnant is amazing in itself. In some ways I didn’t want to be if that makes any sense. I felt this baby was sort of intruding on my grief for Kimberley, but I’m getting there.’