It’s Not Right…but It’s Okay

by Anuj Tiwari

  Arjun reaches her apartment at 10.15 p.m. Charu takes him inside while Angira is having dinner in the hall.

  ‘Hello,’ Arjun surprises her.

  Angira gets up.

  She wonders why Arjun has come to her apartment now, considering he never came before when she had invited him for a party. Some people will not be with us when we need to celebrate but will be there with us in our dreadful times. Arjun is one of them. Angira is happy to see him, but she does not know where to begin telling him about everything that has happened.

  ‘Hey, how are you?’ she asks.

  ‘I am good. How you are doing? Take your time,’ Arjun says, smiling at the way she is eating in a hurry.

  ‘No, I am done,’ she replies, still chewing.

  Arjun takes the water bottle from the dining table and sits on the sofa with Charu next to him.

  It’s apparent on both their faces that Angira and Charu aren’t talking much.

  ‘I’ll be back in two minutes,’ Angira goes in her room to change.

  Arjun guesses from Angira’s appearance that she is going through depression. He is sitting on the sofa from where he can easily see her room. He can see unwashed clothes dumped in the corner of the bed, unwashed glasses lying on the floor. It’s not clearly visible but he finds wrappers of medicines and chart paper of the same colour that he saw Ved use a few weeks ago. Probably cards, Arjun assumes. He prefers to go in her room rather than talking to her like any other friend would. Today she needs a sister in Arjun so she can shout, cry and talk about everything that’s bothering her. Sometimes you can’t discuss some things with girls and boys would understand those issues better. Arjun has to be there for her.

  ‘May I come in?’ he asks.

  ‘Hey, yes sure,’ Angira speaks from the other corner without looking at him. She appears to be wiping her face with a towel. She looks much better than she did the time Arjun entered, though the dark circles are still visible under her eyes.

  ‘Thanks.’

  Arjun sits on her bed. She starts clearing everything from the bed.

  ‘Things which have piled up take time to be cleared. You can’t do everything in one shot. Leave it, it’s perfectly fine,’ he says and smiles at her

  Angira still moves everything in the corner and clears the bed. Arjun notices a small row of photos hanging on the front wall. The paint is a little weathered and peeling off in places, and the shutters on the windows next to the wall are mostly dusty. A slight breeze makes the shutters tap against the hose and the hinges squeak.

  ‘It’s good of you to come,’ Angira says offhandedly, just to start a conversation.

  ‘Yes, I felt like meeting you,’ he smiles.

  ‘Charu gave you the address?’ she asks him.

  ‘I am here now, that’s the important thing.’

  ‘Okay, what would you like to have,’ she asks him and comes closer to Arjun to pick up the card which is lying near his legs in the corner of the bed.

  Arjun takes it in his hand and says, ‘That’s okay, let it be.’

  He puts it on the bed. Angira looks ill, the exhaustion clearly visible on her face. She has figured out that Charu has told Arjun about her and Ved. Angira nods, smiling, though she is suffering on the inside.

  ‘You don’t need to pretend,’ Arjun says to Angira. ‘So how are you?’ he asks her, sipping some water.

  ‘Arjun, do you really believe that true love exists?’ she asks him.

  ‘Yes, I do.’

  ‘And you?’ he asks her.

  ‘I used to when I was in school. Someone came into my life and broke me into pieces, and then I had no faith in love. It’s all about having sex,’ she says, realising she has spoken too much.

  Her eyes are full of tears now.

  ‘And you know when you came home in Delhi that time and said so much about love and life, I didn’t trust you initially. But Anushka told me to spend some time with you because you are full of positive energy. Your words inspired me and I started believing whatever you said. It’s good to hear that someone will come into your life and will love you forever and blah…but in reality it almost never happens. When I came to Mumbai, I met Ved and everything changed in my life. Just when I had started believing in love, he ditched me and ran away without telling me. I changed myself for him. I thought of telling you about him but he just…’

  Angira wipes her tears and presses her lips. She tries hard to stop her tears but she cannot. How can she forget those days when she cooked for him, waited for him after the class at the bus stop for hours. She shared the same drink, the same piece of bread and even the same bed for several nights. How can she forget those days?

  ‘Angira, I still don’t know what happened between you and Ved, because he called me in the evening and asked about you. I wondered how he knew about you. Then he told me everything. He said he tried to call you, but you are not reachable.’

  ‘Why the hell is he calling you now? He is an asshole! He was just passing time with me and I didn’t even realize it for a moment. I blame you too. You didn’t tell me about him,’ Angira is frustrated. The more she speaks, the more she hurts herself.

  ‘You never told me that Ved and you are in a relationship. Even Anushka didn’t tell me anything,’ Arjun says. His words show that he was expecting more from Anushka and Angira. Expectations hurt. He realizes this time and again.

  Charu comes in, ‘Is everything okay.’

  Arjun nods.

  ‘Hey Arjun, you want something to eat? You must be hungry,’ Charu interrupts.

  ‘No, I am stuffed.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I will make you a quick bite.’

  Charu goes out of the room. Maybe she is feeling a little ignored as Arjun and Angira have been talking for quite some time now. She turns back and looks inside the room. She smiles looking at Arjun and he smiles back.

  ‘But what happened,’ he asks Angira again.

  Angira tells him everything that happened in the parking lot when Ved was kissing an unknown girl in the car and the email Ved sent her.

  ‘I don’t know what to say, but let me talk to Ved once. I want to talk to him now,’ Arjun is full of anger.

  He is hurt, especially because Angira blamed him, but he understands her situation.

  ‘I suspected this,’ Arjun murmurs.

  ‘What?’ Angira asks him.

  ‘Nothing…’

  ‘Arjun, are you hiding something?’

  Holding two plates of noodles in her hand, Charu enters the room, ‘Here, eat.’

  Arjun takes the newspaper and keeps a plate on that.

  ‘Hold! Hold! It’s hot,’ Charu hands Angira the other plate.

  Angira gets up partially and holds the plate. Arjun finishes the noodles and texts Ved on WhatsApp. He is waiting for the message to get delivered.

  ‘Okay, I have to go, it’s 11.45 p.m.’ Arjun gets up after having a few sips of water.

  Questions that weigh heavy on his mind still need to be resolved. Arjun gives her a hug and she really needs it from the way she holds on to him a little longer.

  ‘Everything will be all right.’

  Angira feels safe when Arjun is around her. Whenever she talks to him, she accepts whatever he says. His presence has made her feel a little better. However, not much has changed today.

  Why did I fall for Ved of all people? she thinks for a moment and then wishes, I wish I could have a guy like Arjun, who could solve everything so easily.

  ‘Good night,’ Arjun waves and leaves.

  Angira comes back to bed, puts her head under a pillow and pretends to be asleep when Charu comes around.

  Flight SE786 to Destiny

  Arjun is lying in bed, reducing and then increasing the temperature of the air conditioner. He logs on to his Facebook account to check Ved’s profile and scrolls all the way down but doesn’t find anything suspicious. Only one person has liked every photograph that Ved posted and that is Angira.

  He takes his cellphone a
nd sends him a message again.

  Hi Ved, where are you? Need to talk about something urgent.

  Arjun checks the message that he has sent. The message has been delivered.

  What happened?

  Is everything fine?

  I just called Angira,

  Her number is still not reachable.

  I just got back from her place.

  She has blocked you because of your deeds.

  What???

  I am calling you.

  Next moment, the phone rings and Arjun receives his call.

  ‘What happened? Why did she block me?’

  ‘Because you cheated on her and she caught you. You told me some things about that evening but why didn’t you tell me what you were doing with a girl in the car? What are you doing with other girls? And what you have emailed her? Really Ved, what’s going on? She has tried to commit suicide once before because of her previous relationship, do you know that? You don’t know that because you don’t know her. She’s much better than what you deserve,’ Arjun shouts at Ved.

  Arjun cares a lot about Angira, especially because she is Anushka’s younger sister. Arjun doesn’t know what role he needs to play right now but he was always there for Anushka, and after meeting Angira, he equally cares for her.

  ‘What are you saying?’ Ved asks.

  Arjun interrupts, ‘Ved, if anything happens to her, you will be solely responsible. You were blamed for the rape attempt in college, now I doubt that…’

  ‘Arjun, shut the fuck up right now! Don’t accuse me of things I haven’t done. I have not done anything. Why are you always angry with me? What grudges do you still have with me even after four years of college? I moved into your place because Anushka told me to and for the last six months you have been acting weird with me. If there is anything you want to say, just say it directly to me,’ Ved shouts back at him.

  Arjun does not reply.

  Ved continues, ‘And I didn’t rape anyone, okay. If you want me to leave your place, I’ll do that once I’m back. But please stop talking rubbish because I can’t hear all this fucking nonsense anymore. And if you are not talking to me because of someone else then it’s your problem. Iona was your best friend before she blamed me for no fucking reason.’

  Arjun is surprised at the sudden mention of Iona in the conversation.

  Ved continues, ‘I haven’t done anything, Arjun. You and Anushka know this very well, right? Don’t you? Moreover, if you still had doubts about me then why didn’t you discuss it with me? Arjun, I have tried hundreds of times to discuss this with you and Anushka. I hope she has understood me, but you haven’t even tried to because you have become so involved in your work. You only look at things from the perspective of profit and loss. You can tell me whatever you want at home, face-to-face. And as for my advice—take some time out for your friends and family. This is just a suggestion for you,’ Ved is frustrated.

  ‘Dude, I’m not interested in listening to any of this. I haven’t called you to ask for advice. I know what to do and how to do it. Charu called me over, stating that Angira is depressed. She was on medication which you must know very well. She saw you with some girl in the car on garba night. Is she lying?’ Arjun questions him.

  Arjun recalls everything that Angira told him about the garba night. Ved calms down and listens to him, then responds because he knows he has made a mistake that he’ll regret forever.

  ‘I don’t know what she has told you, but I wanted to talk to Angira and Anushka about Iona that night. But at the time Angira wasn’t in the mood to listen. She was shouting on the roadside and I didn’t want to make a scene over there. I tried calling her but her number was not reachable and next day I had to leave for Kolkata. I tried calling Charu also, but she didn’t respond to any of my calls. What has she told you?’ Ved asks her.

  Ved wishes that he could resolve everything immediately. He is afraid of losing Angira.

  ‘So who were you with in the car that day,’ Arjun asks him again.

  He suspects Iona as Ved has suddenly spoken about her. He is reminded of the days when Iona and Ved were in college. They were more than classmates back then.

  ‘I was drunk and I accept my mistake,’ Ved admits to his folly and proceeds to tell Arjun the whole story.

  ‘That night, Iona wanted to talk. When we went to the parking area to get some water bottles, she followed me till the car and then requested me to talk for just a few minutes. She almost begged me. I agreed to talk and we went inside the car. She said she wanted to be with me and pleaded me to give her one more chance at a fresh start. I kept telling her that I love Angira and that Iona hasn’t been in my life for the last four years. I only replied to her messages because I didn’t want to be rude to her. That night while talking, she suddenly started kissing. I was drunk just as she was. I just could not avoid it for a few seconds. I just lost control physically. Iona had seen Angira coming close to the car and then everything went south.’

  Ved wanted to discuss this with Angira but he just needed some time to come back from Kolkata. He knew once he is selected for the team, he would tell her the truth and everything would be all right.

  Ved describes each and every thing to Arjun, who is stunned and remains silent.

  ‘And that email you sent to Angira?’ Ajrun confirms.

  ‘I didn’t send any email. I can’t check my email because someone changed my password. So how can I possibly email her? Angira has blocked my number. I can’t even contact her on Facebook or WhatsApp and you are shouting at me.’

  Ved is thoroughly confused by what has happened.

  ‘What did you tell Angira? Why did you go to her home at night? You could have called me first,’ Ved shoots some questions.

  ‘Do you doubt me?’ Arjun is hurt.

  He always treated Ved as his younger brother. Though he cares for Angira more than he does for Ved.

  ‘I am not doubting you. But even her sister, Anushka, was saying that Angira liked you when she first met you. And which email are you are talking about?’ Ved’s voice reflects how frustrated he is.

  ‘Ved, enough! I went to her home because she is not eating and is depressed. She is on medication. Now, just call her,’ Arjun tells him about the email that Angira showed him.

  Ved feels helpless.

  Arjun calls Angira immediately.

  ‘Hi Angira,’ Arjun says over the call.

  ‘What happened? Is everything okay? Why are you calling so late in the night?’ Angira becomes mindful.

  ‘I just had a talk with Ved. He was calling you. He says that he hasn’t done anything wrong. He didn’t send that email to you. He isn’t able to access his email account and it seems that someone else is using it. He tried calling you on your number, but you have blocked him, even on Facebook and WhatsApp.’

  ‘What? Are you sure?’

  ‘He says that you blocked him on Facebook. I don’t know what’s going on between you guys, but you need to sort it out. He was crying as he spoke. He has called you several times, just listen to him once,’ Arjun says and adds, ‘I think he is not lying’

  ‘And who was he with in the car?’ Angira is listening to Arjun, but she suspects him for a moment as well. She doesn’t trust anyone after what happened in last few days.

  ‘He was with Iona.’

  ‘What? What are you saying? How do you know that?’

  Angira asks several questions out of anger and frustration.

  ‘Yes, he was Iona,’ Arjun explains her.

  Arjun and Iona used to be best friends in college days. Anushka was a friend of Iona’s, who was a year senior, and then Arjun met Anushka. Anushka used to help him most of the times because of his genuineness. Arjun stared sharing the same bond with Anushka that he shared with Iona. Ved was his classmate, and then later roommate in hostel. The four had become like a family. They celebrated late night birthdays, got drunk in the boy’s hostel; back-slapping friends, numerous cups of tea on sleepless nights; so many
stories and very little studying; it went on till the end of the very last semester. They used to sit together in the canteen, sharing food with each other. Though they were loaded with assignments and projects, they had fun in their own way. In the evening, they would go out for walks together; so much laughter, such happiness, no anger and no pride. Dinner was just an excuse to meet everyone at the same table. They enjoyed even in the classroom, where they teased the professors, threw pieces of chalk at each other, ate chocolates, bunked classes, went for movies and never listened to anyone. There was very little money but a lot of love.

  During this beautiful journey, love blossomed between Ved and Iona, and very dramatically, Ved proposed to Iona on her birthday in the academic block in front of Anushka and Arjun. Many guys were after Iona but she chose Ved. They were madly in love and became the best couple in college.

  Everything was going fine between Iona and Ved. One day, he came to know about one of her friends who was part of the mixed basketball team, of which Iona was the captain. Hate is a four-letter word. So is love. Sometimes we don’t understand the difference between the two. Ved became possessive about her because Iona used to spend all her time with him on the basketball court. As the days passed, they started fighting. It was Christmas evening. Arjun and Anushka were back home. Iona and Ved were struggling to resolve things and their relationship was on the edge. She got frustrated and filed a case of sexual assault against him because he became very possessive and started enquiring about her whereabouts. He tried to resolve their issues but everything was so messed up that it eventually ruined their relationship. Ved came to know all of a sudden about this when the vice chancellor and registrar of college rusticated him for one semester.

  They called Iona to withdraw the complaint and Ved also pleaded in front of her because this could ruin his career for a lifetime. Ved wrote in an affidavit that he would not talk to Iona while they are still in college. Eventually, he stopped talking to everyone. Rumours spread like fire in the college and everybody came to know that Iona filed a rape case against Ved. That was the worst year of college for Arjun, Anushka and Ved. Iona also stopped talking to Arjun because Ved was his roommate and she felt that everything had changed. Their own friends had a different perception of Ved and this impacted Arjun too because they were roommates. Arjun faced the consequences when he was asked to leave Ved, else he would ruin his career too, but Arjun knew Ved very well. So he tried to fix things and keep the group together but he failed. Their equation had changed. It was the last year of college; everyone got placements through college and left, but this group became a topic of gossip for their juniors forever.