Gray Skies (WeHo Book 8)

by Sherryl Hancock

  “I’m just saying…” Rayden said, seeing Jazmine’s look. “You said you aren’t sure you’re really excited by women…”

  “Except for you,” Jazmine said her look still surprised.

  “Except for me,” Rayden added. “So maybe you should give someone else like Dakota a shot to see if they do it for you.”

  Jazmine looked back at Rayden, she was clearly hurt by the suggestion. Rayden grimaced.

  “I’m sorry, babe, I’m not saying… I’ m just saying that someone like Dakota isn’t going to be a relationship, she’s going to be a hot one-nighter and maybe that’s what you need to see if you’re…” Rayden’s voice trailed off as she saw that she was only upsetting Jazmine more.

  “And I’m shutting the fuck up now…” Rayden said, moving to kiss Jazmine’s lips, trying to take the hurt out of her eyes. “I’m sorry, honey… I’m sorry…” Rayden whispered against her lips.

  Jazmine put her arms around Rayden’s neck and buried her head against Rayden’s shoulder. She hated this feeling of rejection by Rayden. In her heart she knew that she’d never replace Grayson in Rayden’s heart. She knew that Grayson had completely possessed Rayden’s heart and that in death she hadn’t released that hold. It was something Jazmine continually reminded herself, trying desperately to keep from falling in love with Rayden again.

  ***

  Raine walked out of the DOJ building on Friday and was shocked to see Dakota sitting on the hood of an extremely expensive-looking sports car, smoking a cigarette. Raine’s lips twitched in irritation, but she turned to walk toward the parking lot.

  “Raine, wait!” Dakota said, sliding off the hood and walking toward the other woman.

  Raine turned, her blue eyes narrowed. “What do you want?” she asked, her tone even.

  Dakota held up her hands in a kind of calming gesture. “I just want to talk to you for a minute, okay?”

  Raine looked back at her for a long moment. Finally, she dropped her gear bag on the ground between them, with her lips pursed in irritation.

  “Talk,” Raine said, her tone saying that Dakota better hurry before she changed her mind.

  “First of all I’m sorry,” Dakota said. “What I did… it was fucked up, and I’m really sorry.”

  Raine’s look remained unchanged, but her eyes flickered with mild surprise.

  “You need to know that Natalia didn’t initiate what happened. That was me, it was all me.”

  “Why?” Raine asked simply.

  Dakota blew her breath out, shaking her head. “I don’t know… Sometimes I just get on autopilot and I don’t stop and think about what I’m doing or to who… It was a stupid ass thing to do, and I really am sorry.”

  Raine nodded slowly. “You said she didn’t initiate it,” she said then, her voice tentative, her look pensive. “You didn’t force her, did you?” she asked, her tone taking on a dangerous edge.

  Dakota was a bit stunned. For someone who looked so easy going and gentle, Raine clearly had a darker side that she was sure she didn’t want to see.

  “No,” Dakota said. “No, no matter what everyone thinks of me, I’d never do that.”

  “And she didn’t tell you to stop,” Raine said. It wasn’t a question.

  “No,” Dakota said, “but she was really drunk Raine, and after… she was really upset… That’s why I sent you to her, I knew she needed you.”

  Raine just stared at Dakota, her lips pursed in disgust. “You knew she was with me.”

  “Yeah, I did,” Dakota said, “and I know I really fucked up your relationship, and that’s why I feel like shit. I’m really sorry… if you want to deck me, I’d get it,” Dakota said, her look indicating that she meant it.

  “Yeah, it was a pretty lousy thing to do,” Raine agreed, “and you really did screw things up with us. I don’t even know where to go with this now.”

  Dakota nodded, wanting to let Raine have her say.

  Cody says you had kind of a shit childhood too,” Raine said, shocking Dakota with the sudden change in topic.

  Dakota looked back at Raine, then shook her head. “That’s got nothing to do with this.”

  “I grew up in the foster system in New York,” Raine said, her tone even. “So I get thinking you gotta prove something to everyone.”

  Dakota narrowed her eyes. “I don’t have to prove anything to anyone,” she practically growled.

  “No?” Raine asked, her tone derisive. “You just thought you’d fuck someone else’s girl and that wouldn’t send a message?”

  Dakota stared back at Raine, her mouth slightly open. “What message do you think I was trying to send?” she asked, honestly wanting to know, but not willing to show any more weakness than she already had.

  Raine curled her lip in a sardonic grin. “The message of I can take what you have, so what you have isn’t what you think.”

  Dakota heard the words, and they struck a nerve. She had to grit her teeth to keep from making a nasty comment in response just to get back some of her own. Raine watched as Dakota’s jaw jumped and she knew that she was itching to respond. The fact that she didn’t, told Raine that maybe, just maybe, Dakota had learned something. She sincerely hoped that she had. She couldn’t begin to fathom a way out of the pit her emotions were in, and Dakota needed to be aware of the damage she’d caused. It was also important to understand the repercussions her actions could have if she pulled that particular stunt again.

  “You need to watch who you put your hands on if you’re going to be around this group,” Raine told Dakota. “If you’d made this same mistake with someone else’s girl, like Quinn or Jet, you’d have been bleeding by now.”

  Dakota nodded, looking belligerent. “And you don’t want to take your shot?” she asked, her voice challenging.

  Raine gave her a measuring look, then canted her head slightly. “Would it make you feel better?”

  Dakota gave a short laugh, her grin wry. “Actually I think somehow it would.”

  Raine’s lips curled in a sarcastic grin. “Then no,” she said, her eyes sparkling with pointed meaning. The last thing she wanted to do at that point was to make Dakota feel better.

  Dakota laughed shaking her head. “Point made.”

  Raine nodded, leaning down to pick up her gear bag.

  “Hey,” Dakota said, putting her hand out to stop Raine’s movement, “something you should know…”

  “What?”

  “Natalia is pulling out of the studio deal,” Dakota said, her look chagrinned.

  “She is?” Raine asked, surprised.

  “Yeah,” Dakota said, her lips twitching in a grimace. “Doesn’t want to be around me, I guess.”

  Raine narrowed her eyes as she nodded. “Okay, thanks.”

  Dakota nodded. “No problem.”

  Chapter 5

  Rayden had been on shift for forty-eight hours and was dead on her feet. She took a shower, dried off, and braided her hair. She’d just pulled on boy short and a tank top to sleep in when she heard the door to the barracks open. At that point she was alone; there were very few women still at the base, so she was in the smallest barracks building by herself with no one else assigned to it.

  “Ray?” came Grayson’s tentative query.

  “Here babe,” Rayden said, smiling.

  Grayson walked around the corner of the room and Rayden could see immediately that she was crying. The smaller woman threw herself into Rayden’s arms.

  “Woah…” Rayden said, catching Grayson in a hug. “What is it, babe?”

  Grayson shook her head miserably, her hands grasping at Rayden’s shoulders, her face buried against Rayden’s shirt. Rayden held her, closing her eyes tiredly, wondering if it was possible to sleep standing up. She waited for Grayson to calm down enough to tell her what was going on. Inclining her head, she kissed Grayson’s temple.

  “You ready to tell me yet?” she asked gently.

  Grayson nodded, and Rayden pulled Grayson down to sit next to her on h
er bunk. She placed Grayson’s hands securely in hers for comfort. Grayson looked down at their hands, tears dropping on them as she did.

  “I got my orders today…” she said, her voice tremulous.

  Rayden winced, having thought that might be the problem. She knew that Grayson had just finished her tour and that she was likely to get new orders soon. They’d both hoped that Grayson would get another tour in Iraq. Apparently, that was not the case.

  “Okay…” Rayden said, her tone leading when Grayson didn’t continue.

  Grayson looked up at her, her slate-blue eyes more gray than blue at that point.

  “They’re sending me back to the States…” she said, looking devastated.

  Rayden drew her breath in, expelling it slowly as she nodded. “Okay.”

  Grayson’s lips trembled. “I don’t want to go…” she said.

  Rayden smiled ruefully. “I don’t think you get a choice here, babe…”

  Grayson blew her breath out in a huff. “I know, Goddamned military, I hate this!”

  Rayden smiled consoled by the fact that Grayson was so upset at leaving.

  “If it wasn’t for the military we probably would never have met, you know…” Rayden said.

  Grayson sniffed and smiled weakly. “Okay, maybe I don’t totally hate them then.”

  “It’ll be okay, babe… You know going home is supposed to be a good thing.”

  Grayson gave her a foul look. “Not in this case,” she said, her tone indignant.

  A grin tugged at Rayden’s lips, and Grayson saw it. “Don’t you dare…” Grayson said, narrowing her eyes.

  Rayden laughed instead. “Sorry, babe, you’re just really cute right now.”

  “I am not!” Grayson said, reaching up to wipe at her eyes, careful not to mess up her makeup.

  “You really are,” Rayden said, smiling lovingly at her.

  Grayson blew her breath out, shaking her head. “You’re not going to make me feel better about this,” she said. “So stop trying.”

  Rayden pressed her lips together, her eyes still dancing in amusement.

  “Seriously, babe, we’ll figure it out, okay?” Rayden said, her tone serious.

  “How?” Grayson asked doubtfully.

  “I don’t know, there’s email, Skype, texts,” Rayden said.

  Grayson curled her lips in derision. “It’s not the same thing and you know that.”

  “Yeah, I know that,” Rayden said, nodding, “but that’s gonna be our only option at this point.”

  “How much longer is your tour?” Grayson asked then.

  Rayden looked pensive for a moment. “About six months,” she said grimacing.

  Grayson blew her breath out. “And even then, you’ll be more likely to stay, because you’re in a combat unit,” she said, her tone bitter.

  Rayden nodded looking resigned. Grayson was right about that, she’d already been in the Middle East for three years.

  Grayson put her head down, resting her forehead against Rayden’s chest, with her hands at Rayden’s waist. Rayden leaned down, kissing her head, her hands on Grayson’s arms. They sat that way for a while, each lost in their own thoughts and concerns.

  In Grayson’s mind she could see what would happen. They’d email back and forth at first, and then little by little the emails would taper off, and eventually just stop. It was the last thing she wanted. She loved this woman so deeply, and she couldn’t figure out how they could stay together. And she worried that, in truth, Rayden was relieved by her getting sent home, so she could go back to being with any woman she wanted whenever she wanted to, and that Grayson was cramping her style.

  “So when do you have to go?” Rayden asked softly.

  “A week from tomorrow,” Grayson said, trying not to think that Rayden was anxious to see her go so she could move on to the next woman.

  Rayden drew in another deep breath, and blew it out. Grayson didn’t see the flash of anguish in Rayden’s eyes because her head was still down.

  “Can you get a couple of days away before then?” Rayden asked.

  Grayson was silent for a moment, but then nodded.

  “Good,” Rayden said smiling, “tell me when and I’ll reserve a room.”

  “Okay,” Grayson said.

  They sat silently for a while again, and when Grayson looked up at Rayden, she suddenly saw how tired she looked.

  “Oh, God, Ray… I’m sorry, you were just going to sleep, weren’t you? I’m sorry, I know you’ve been on that killer shift. Damn, I’m sorry, I’m keeping you up…”

  “It’s okay,” Rayden said, suddenly feeling everything catching up to her. “When are you on again?” “I’ve got another twelve hours till my next shift,” Grayson said. “When are you back on?”

  Rayden looked at her watch. “Oh, in about five…” she said, her voice trailing off as she grinned.

  “Oh God! Okay, go to sleep,” Grayson said, starting to get up.

  Rayden’s hand on her arm stopped her and she lay back on her bunk, pulling Grayson down with her.

  “Stay here with me,” Rayden said tiredly.

  Grayson smiled, wanting nothing more than to do just that. She turned over on her side, with her back to Rayden, and Rayden slid her arms around her, holding her and curling her body around Grayson’s. She was asleep a minute later, and Grayson could feel her breath on her cheek. Grayson put her arms over Rayden’s, wanting to absorb the feeling of Rayden’s body so close to hers, wanting to hold on to that feeling. She fell asleep with tears on her cheeks.

  As it turned out, the two days Grayson was able to get leave were the last two days she was going to be in Iraq. Rayden told her to meet her at the hotel they’d been to before and gave her the room number. When Grayson got there that evening, there were candles lit and music playing in the room. Rayden had ordered room service, including champagne. They had dinner and talked, and then moved to the bedroom where they made love for hours. They slept for a couple of hours, but then woke and made love again, ordering breakfast at 5 a.m.

  They spent that day walking around Baghdad, being careful not to touch too much, because they didn’t want to offend the locals. They did some shopping, and had lunch at a street vendor. Then went back to the hotel and made love again. That night they lay together, talking and just trying to hold onto every moment they had.

  Music was playing in the room, and Adele’s “All I Ask” came on. The words just seemed so poignant at that point, it was hard not to be affected by them. The words talked about pretending that they didn’t know what was coming next for them, and asked if they could just do what lovers did for one more night. It was heartbreaking.

  As she listened to the music, Grayson became upset by the prospect that they were running out of time. They’d talked about the ways that they would communicate, but Grayson was still convinced that it would only be short term.

  “I want you to do something for me,” Rayden said her look pointed.

  “What?” Grayson asked, sniffling.

  They were lying on the bed facing each other. Rayden reached up, unclasping the chain she wore around her neck, a chain she wore all time, unless she was in full uniform. On the chain hung a pendant. Rayden had told Grayson at one point that her grandfather had given her the pendant years before. Rayden talked about her grandfather a lot, it was obvious she loved him a great deal, and that he was very important to her.

  “I want you to keep this for me,” Rayden said, putting the chain around Grayson’s neck.

  “What?” Grayson asked shocked. “Your grandfather gave you this, I can’t do that, Ray…” she said, reaching up to try and stop Rayden from putting it on her.

  The look on Rayden’s face stopped her. “I just want you to keep it, until I can come get it back from you, okay?” Rayden said, her look pointed.

  Grayson was stunned. It was Rayden’s way of telling her that she was serious about them, and that she intended to hold on to their connection.

  “Ray…�
� Grayson breathed, tears in her eyes.

  “We will see each other again, Gray,” Rayden said, her eyes staring directly into Grayson’s. “I’ll make sure of it.”

  Grayson burst into tears then and put her head down on Rayden’s shoulder to cry. Rayden’s arms went around her, pulling her close and holding her.

  “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this…” Grayson said, her voice desperately sad.

  “I know, babe, I hate it too,” Rayden said, “but we’ll be okay.” She pulled back, looking down at Grayson. “You believe that don’t you?”

  Grayson looked up at her, reaching up to touch the pendant.

  “What symbol is this again?” Grayson asked.

  Rayden smiled. “It’s the Tsalagi symbol for peace.”

  It was a round pendant of black onyx with the symbol carved into the center and filled in with silver. The symbol itself looked like a pool with three curved ridges on four sides and an elongated S shape through the center.

  Holding the pendant, between her thumb and forefinger, Grayson looked up at Rayden. “Yes I believe we’ll be okay,” she said, her tone sure.

  “Good,” Rayden said, smiling, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “I love you.”

  Grayson bit her lip, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I love you.”

  All too soon it was time for Rayden to drive her back to the base and take her to the flight line where the transport carrier waited. They threw caution to the wind and embraced and kissed right there on the flight line, drawing whistles and cat calls from many of the service men and women on the tarmac. Grayson walked up the ramp, turning back to see Rayden standing watching her. Rayden was wearing her BDUs, and Grayson knew she’d always picture Rayden with her dark hair, dark skin in her BDUs, standing pretty close to being at attention, watching her leave.

  Grayson was sure her heart was breaking as she found her seat and stowed her gear. Every fiber of her being wanted to run back down the ramp into Rayden’s arms and never let go, but she knew that wasn’t possible. She took slow deep breaths to try and calm her heart and nerves as the plane taxied for take-off. In the darkest part of her heart, she was afraid things would never be the same between them again.