Rook's Control

by Rook's Control [Evernight] (mobi)

  They might be perfect and compatible sexually, and she might be the perfect sub to his Dom tendencies, but that didn’t mean they’d be good as anything more. He didn’t want to hurt her again, and he feared he would, feared he’d fuck things up to the point she’d want nothing to do with him and she’d realize what a bastard he really was.

  She already knows that about you, and you’ve already fucked things up.

  “I don’t like to get into people’s business, and I sure as fuck don’t want to get into yours, but Rook, man, Bobbie hasn’t been by in a week, and we’ve all noticed.”

  He knew people would notice, especially since Bobbie had been through the shit when Jana had been missing, how she’d stuck by everyone, taken care of the girls, and was close with the guys. She wasn’t just a sweet-butt; she was a part of the family.

  “You’re right, it’s none of your business.”

  Tank held up his hands and turned to grab some beers for Ruin.

  Rook stood, moved down the hall, but he had to stop several times because he couldn’t walk straight. His head spun, his legs felt like pudding, and he had to hold onto the wall just to keep upright. When he finally made it to the room, he closed the door, walked over to the bed, and face-planted onto the mattress. Maybe tomorrow would look better?

  Who the fuck are you kidding?

  Chapter Four

  The knock on the door was what initially woke Bobbie, but when she sat up, realizing she had passed out on the couch, it was the nausea that had her rushing to the bathroom. She tossed the toilet seat up and emptied her stomach, holding onto the side of the porcelain throne, and feeling her head pound and her stomach churn.

  Sitting on the tiled floor when the dry heaving subsided, resting her back on the tub, and closing her eyes, she breathed in and out and waited for her head to stop spinning and her stomach to cease clenching. Then she heard the front door opening, footsteps coming closer, and Jana’s clear voice calling out for her.

  “Bobbie?”

  “In here,” Bobbie said loudly, but cleared her throat and felt the burn from throwing up take root there.

  Jana stopped in the doorway and stared down at Bobbie, this concerned look on her face. “Are you okay?”

  “What does it look like?”

  “Aunt Bobbie?” Braden’s little voice came through, and Bobbie straightened.

  “Don’t let him see me worshipping this nasty toilet.”

  Jana nodded and blocked Braden from seeing Bobbie. “Aunt Bobbie just needs to get cleaned up and then she’ll be out.” Jana looked at Bobbie over her shoulder. “Take a shower and come out. I’ll make you something to eat.”

  Bobbie nodded and closed her eyes again at the thought of food, and the nausea that rose up again.

  “And flush the toilet. It smells.”

  Bobbie smiled when she heard Jana laugh. She reached out and flushed what she’d thrown up, then forced herself to stand. After shutting the door and bracing her hands on the sink, she took a look at the hot mess staring back at her.

  With her dark hair rumpled, she looked like she’d just gotten into a fight with the hairbrush … and lost. The pink streaks she had in her hair were in disarray around her head, not looking the least bit attractive right now. Then again she didn’t dye her hair to impress anyone. She did it to change who she was, even if that change was only on the outside.

  She changed the highlights frequently, and when the shit with Rook had gone down she’d switched to pink. It was okay for right now, a change, and she supposed that’s what she needed now.

  Running her fingers through the tangle of strands, she gave up and breathed out. Her face was an entirely different matter, with her eyes looking like she was part raccoon. The liner was smeared under her eyes, and her mascara was clumped together in her lashes. Yeah, she was a hot mess all right.

  Bobbie hated that Jana had seen her like this, even if her friend had seen her drunk and hung-over plenty of times. This time was different, though. It was different because she was like this because she was depressed, and Jana knew something wasn’t right with the whole situation.

  After Bobbie got in the shower and washed the funk off, she wrapped her hair in a towel, put on her robe, and headed out into the living room. The scent of bacon and eggs had her stomach turning, but she knew she had to eat something or she’d be fighting this nausea all day.

  Braden was at the table with a plate of scrambled eggs and a piece of bacon in front of him. He had one of those DS gaming systems in front of him, and the sound of a dog barking came from it.

  “Braden, put it away and eat.” Jana came to the table and set a plate down at the table, then gestured for Bobbie to sit down.

  Braden groaned but turned it off and started eating.

  Bobbie went over to Braden and kissed him on the head before taking her seat next to him and staring at the plate. Her stomach churned again even though the food smelled good.

  “Here,” Jana said and set some ibuprofen and a glass of water in front of Bobbie. “Eat and then we’ll talk about things.”

  Yeah, Bobbie knew what those things were.

  They all sat and ate, with Bobbie trying to force herself to swallow the scrambled eggs and pieces of bacon. At first it was hard, so damn hard that she dry heaved several times, but after guzzling the glass of water she started to feel marginally better. Maybe the pain relievers were also kicking in?

  She pushed her plate away and leaned back in the seat. Braden had already left the table and was sitting on the couch with his DS, his focus on the game. When Bobbie lifted her head it was to see Jana staring at her.

  “What?”

  Jana gave her a pursed look. “You know what.”

  Bobbie crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, I know, but why are you here just to talk about that?”

  “I’m not here just to talk about that. I’m here because I love you, and not seeing you at the club all week, even if I have talked to you, makes me worried.”

  “I’m fine, Jana.” Bobbie stood and grabbed the plates off the table. She headed to the kitchen and put them in the sink. Bracing her hands on the edge of the counter she closed her eyes, hating that Rook was a constant thought in her mind.

  The sound of the chair scraping along the floor alerted Bobbie to the fact her friend was getting up. And then she felt the heat from Jana move through her. Jana placed a hand on Bobbie’s shoulder and gently turned her around so that they were facing each other now.

  “Bobbie, you’re my best friend, like a sister to me, and I know when something is wrong.”

  Bobbie swallowed.

  “I also know what I’ve seen, and that’s you and Rook looking at each other.”

  Bobbie’s heart started racing faster. She’d never told Jana exactly how she felt, or what she felt for Rook. It wasn’t a secret that she fucked Rook. The club knew, and Bobbie and Rook had never exactly made a secret of what they did behind closed doors, although they didn’t go into details. But sex within the MC wasn’t a big issue. They all did it. But what they didn’t all do was fall in love.

  “I don’t want you to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to, but you know I’m here for you, and that I’d never judge you.”

  Bobbie nodded once, and then looked over Jana’s shoulder and glanced at Braden.

  “He’s engrossed in that thing.” Jana looked over her shoulder at Braden, too. “Tuck got it for him, and I swear it’s the eater of time and focus. He also can’t hear me when he’s playing it, but that’s just selective hearing.” Jana looked at Bobbie again and smiled.

  Bobbie chuckled.

  “So, don’t worry about him if you want to tell me something.” Jana lifted her eyebrow.

  A second of silence passed, and Bobbie knew that if there was anyone she could trust with this it would be Jana. It wasn’t that she just didn’t want to tell Jana, but because she didn’t know how anyone would react once she said she loved Rook. She was also afraid of the truth that
would most definitely be thrown at her in regards to Rook not wanting an old lady. Thinking about it was painful, but hearing someone else tell her what she already knew? That would be heartbreaking for sure.

  But she needed this off of her shoulders, and maybe then she’d be able to actually accept that she needed to put Rook and all of that behind her.

  Bobbie moved back to the table with Jana close behind. Once they were seated across from each other, for a second she just looked at her friend. She knew that telling someone how much she cared about Rook, and the shit after that, would be good for her, make her feel better.

  “I love Rook, Jana. I love him so much, but I also know he’s not the type of guy that does relationships.” She looked down at her hands that were bunched together on the table.”

  “I know you care about him.”

  That had Bobbie looking at Jana again.

  Jana gave her this skeptical expression. “Come on. I’m not blind. I could see the way you looked at him at the club, and knew you guys were having sex,” Jana said the last part softly.

  Bobbie nodded. “But none of that matters.” She took a deep breath and told Jana everything. She told her about how angry Rook had been after she’d inadvertently told Cain about Pierce and Fallina, how she’d seen Rook with a sweet-butt on his lap, and how in the last week she’d stayed away and he hadn’t come for her.

  “Wow,” was all Jana said. The silence between them was deafening, but the look on Jana’s face told Bobbie that she felt for the other woman. “First I want to say that any man would be so damn lucky to have you.” Jana smiled. “You’re smart, caring, strong, and you love like no other.”

  Bobbie smiled, but even after hearing that it still didn’t make her reality any different.

  “I know you’re hurting, knew you were before you told me everything, and if Rook can’t see how special you are then he doesn’t deserve you.” Jana touched Bobbie’s fingers. “But I want you to know what you’re up against.”

  “What do you mean?” Bobbie asked.

  “A Brother, a Patch MC member, lives a certain way. They are hardheaded, and don’t know what they have, how good they could have it, even if it’s right in front of them.”

  Bobbie chuckled, but it wasn’t humorous. “It doesn’t matter, Jana. Or it doesn’t on Rook’s end.”

  “Bobbie, it matters. It always matters if it means something to you.”

  Bobbie shrugged and leaned back in the chair.

  “Have you told him that you love him?”

  Bobbie shook her head. “I tried, but that’s the night he was partying and had the sweet-butt on his lap.”

  “And you saw them doing things, like sexual things?”

  Bobbie shook her head. “Aside from her putting her hands down his pants?” she shook her head again. “No, I got the hell out of there.”

  Jana gave her a sympathetic look. “Listen, you haven’t been at the club for the last week, but I have. I’ve seen Rook, and he’s a wreck.”

  That surprised Bobbie. “I’m sure there is other stuff going on with him. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me.”

  Jana shook her head. “I don’t think so. He drinks constantly, and I know it’s because he’s trying to numb something. It makes sense that he’s acting like this, really out of character, right after all this went down with you two.”

  Bobbie thought about what Jana said, and although a sliver of hope that maybe Rook was hiding his feelings for her filled her, she quickly pushed it back. Having hope for something that most likely wouldn’t happen wasn’t going to help her move forward.

  “If Rook wanted me he’d have come seen me by now. He doesn’t care, or at least not enough that he wants to make it known. I need to realize and understand that.”

  Jana shook her head. “He’s a Brother, Bobbie, and you know what an MC member acts like? You know how they don’t want to show their emotions, how they think being badass and alpha is the way they should act at all times.”

  “You don’t know that he even cares about me, Jana.”

  “I do, Bobbie. He’s never acted like this.”

  Bobbie looked at her hands again and thought that over. “You say a Brother doesn’t show their emotions, but Tuck had no problem where you were concerned.” When she lifted her head and looked at Jana it was to see this sympathetic look on her face.

  “Just because Tuck finally embraced his feelings doesn’t mean he didn’t struggle with them in the beginning. He did, Bobbie. It wasn’t until William took me that he told me how much he cared, and that he was holding back.” Jana shrugged and leaned back in the chair. “It was hard at first, because I cared about him, too. But I kept things to myself, worked, and only focused on Braden. It was what, at the time, I had to do.”

  Bobbie wasn’t the type of woman to emotionally put herself out there, but she’d also never felt this way about someone. She loved Rook so much. “What if I’m right and he isn’t just being a man, holding his feelings back, and blocking out his emotions?”

  Jana reached out and took hold of Bobbie’s hand. “Then you’re not out anything. If he says he doesn’t love you, then how much different would it be than how you feel right now?”

  Jana was right. Bobbie already felt like shit. At least if she told Rook how he felt, and if he said he didn’t want anything more than a piece of ass from her, then maybe she could just move on. It certainly would be easier for her to have her life without Rook in it if she had undeniable proof that Rook really didn’t want her.

  “What do you have to lose?” Jana asked again.

  “A lot,” Bobbie said. She didn’t know if she could move past everything, forget the fact Rook hadn’t tried to make contact with her, and go to him to lay herself out bare. She didn’t know if she was the bigger person and stronger than everything. Time would definitely tell, but she also knew that she was a good person, and if Rook had even given her the time of day, the chance to have something more than the D/s sexual encounters they’d shared, he’d know that she was worth it. And Bobbie knew she was worth it, whether Rook ever realized that or not. But she didn’t know if she could put herself out there again, not when the pain she felt right now was so strong.

  Chapter Five

  Too long had passed since Bobbie had seen him with that bitch, that club whore that didn’t mean anything to him, and that had tried to get his dick wet even though he hadn’t wanted her. It was his fault he hadn’t gone and seen Bobbie, his fault he’d fucked up so badly.

  “You look like shit.”

  Rook didn’t even look up when he heard Ruin’s voice. “Fuck you,” he said, not nearly drunk enough. “Give me another one, Tank.”

  “What’s gotten up your ass?” Ruin asked. “You’ve been in a pissy mood, sulking around the club, for the last few days. We should be partying nonstop after all that shit that went down.”

  Rook just shook his head, not verbally responding. He stared down into his shot glass, the amber colored liquid promising a nice escape from what he was feeling, but instead of tossing it back he pushed it away. He thought about what an asshole he was, how he’d walked away from Bobbie as if she were nothing to him.

  That had been farthest from the truth.

  He didn’t deserve a woman like her, didn’t deserve someone that could look at him with those big eyes of hers, and want something more from a piece of shit like him.

  And he was worthless, a guy that had lived a hard life, and had never thought he’d care about anyone. But having Bobbie gone these last few days proved he was miserable without her. At least when he was pretending he didn’t want her as anything more than some pussy she was near. Even now he missed the smell of her, that sweet, slightly floral fragrance that had his dick harder than fucking steel.

  “You done drinking?” Ruin asked, the man’s voice slurred, the scent of booze coming from him.

  Again, Rook didn’t respond. He looked at Tank, and saw the other man was watching him, this knowing expression on h
is face. Rook headed out of the bar, knowing that he had to at least make this right with Bobbie, had to tell her that he was a worthless piece of shit. If she didn’t want anything to do with him then he’d back the fuck off and move on.

  Fuck, he hadn’t even realized how much he cared about her, hadn’t allowed himself to feel anything more for her, until he realized she wasn’t coming back. And he knew she wouldn’t come back. She’d never gone this long without coming to the club. And if he hadn’t overheard Tuck and Jana talking about her, he would have been worried, would have hunted her down to make sure she was okay.

  You should have done that anyway, you bastard.

  ****

  This wasn’t how she thought of “moving on”, but right now the tub of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and the horror movie on the TV was enough of an escape. The girl on the screen screamed and ran away from the masked murderer, but of course she kept looking behind her shoulder and stumbling.

  Hell, Bobbie had thought about going to talk to him, but it hurt too badly thinking about it, thinking about Rook. He hadn’t tried to contact her, so why should she put herself out there?

  “Just run, you dumb bitch,” Bobbie said and shook her head. She scooped out a spoonful ice cream and shoved it in her mouth, continuing to shake her head as the killer caught the girl.

  She set the spoon and ice cream down, went for the remote, and just as she changed the channel there were three loud bangs on her door. They were loud enough, and had enough force behind them, that a small sound escaped her from being startled. As she looked at the door, her heart was racing in her chest, and she wondered who in the hell would be pounding on her door at this hour.

  Setting the remote and ice cream down, she got off the couch and moved toward the door. There was another bang on it, loud enough that she jumped slightly. Bobbie walked up to it, looked out the peephole, and her stomach knotted as she saw a big biker dressed in denim and leather, his head downcast, and his short, dark hair a mess.