Fractured Hope (Undone Series Book 4)

by Kristy Love

  “Who doesn’t?”

  “Mia, I don’t care if you can give me ten kids or none. I don’t care if your heart is always somewhat broken or if your heart is whole and undamaged. I don’t care if every happy moment we ever have is always tainted with a little bit of sorrow. You know why?” He paused. Every word he said was confident, though there was a softness in his tone. “Because I want you. I’ve wanted you for a long time. Broken. Whole. Heartbroken. Happy. I don’t care what shape you come to me in as long as, at the end of the day, I have you.” Tears slipped freely from my eyes and I swallowed, trying to open my throat enough to speak. I couldn’t, though. His words touched the deepest, darkest, most insecure place in my soul and soothed it, threatening to heal it.

  “I loved Laura, yes. There will always be a corner of my heart that will love her. She was my first love, my wife. For so long she was my best friend. But she’s not here anymore. She’s been gone a long time and it took me almost as long to realize something. She’d want me to find love again. She’d want me to be happy. Because that’s what you do for someone you love. You want them to be happy, no matter what. My broken pieces and your broken pieces can mold together, Mia. We can be broken together and you know what? That would be beautiful.” He paused a second and I let his words be absorbed, to take root in my mind and heart. “And you? You could have been my last love.”

  “Roman.” The word came out as a painful sound. “I want that. I want to be the other half of your broken soul. I want our fractured souls to merge into one whole one.”

  “You have no idea how happy that makes me.” I could hear the smile in his voice and that made my tears fall more furiously. Roman made me happy. He made me forget that my life was full of grief and pain. He made me feel whole.

  “Can I come over?”

  “Of course. You know where to find me.”

  “I’ll be there soon.” We hung up and I rushed to get my shoes on.

  Before long, I pulled into Roman’s driveway. I didn’t even get the entire way up his sidewalk before he opened his front door. I flung myself into his arms, a sob ripping free. He held me. His warmth enveloped me in a safety and peace that I’d missed since the moment I walked away from him. He held me tightly, making sure I knew he’d always, always protect me.

  I pulled his face down to mine, kissing him. God, I’d missed the feel of his lips, the scratch of his stubble, the noise he made in the back of his throat when I teased him with my tongue. He tasted faintly of beer, pizza, and Roman.

  How had I lived sixteen months without his taste?

  He grabbed my waist and carried me inside, kicking the door shut. He pressed me against it, grabbed a handful of my ass. I’d missed the way he grabbed it, squeezing almost to the point of pain.

  “I missed you so much,” I moaned between kisses and caresses.

  “I missed you. I’ve wanted you so badly.” He nipped at my neck before soothing it with his tongue. “I’d do everything differently. I’d make sure you knew how much you meant to me.” He cupped my face, looking me in the eye so intently. “I love you, Mia. I love you so goddamn much and I never want to let you go again.”

  “Then don’t.” I launched at him, kissing him with as much passion as I could muster. The broken pieces of me fused together slowly. They might not fit in the same way anymore, there might be some missing pieces, but they were mending. I wrapped my legs around Roman’s waist, tears still streaming down my face. I had no idea if they were happy tears or sad tears or relieved tears.

  Maybe a little of all three.

  I wished I hadn’t wasted so much time running from all the things Roman made me feel. In a way, I knew I needed the space to find a way to be okay. I had to find my way to a new normal.

  Roman carried me toward the couch where we both fell backward. He landed on top of me and kept the kiss going. I bit his lip and then ran my tongue over it. He growled in the back of his throat, opening for a fierce kiss. The passion and desire and longing we’d bottled up poured out through our lips, hands, and bodies. He ground his hips into me, making me gasp at how right he felt. I raked my nails down his back and he groaned. We yanked and pulled at clothing until his skin was on my skin and holy. Fucking. Shit. He was perfect. He felt perfect.

  I couldn’t go the rest of my life without feeling him like this. Every day.

  “I need you, Roman,” I breathed into his mouth. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t even pause. He lined his hips up and slammed inside of me. I screamed out at how right he felt. He growled, claiming me with powerful thrusting, as though he couldn’t move fast enough. I panted against his skin, too caught up in the moment, feeling too much.

  “I fucking love you, Mia.” He grunted with every thrust, putting everything he had into them. “I’m never letting you get away from me again. You’re mine. Always.”

  “I’m yours. Always,” I echoed, not capable of any intelligible thought other than yes, yes, yes, yes. I’d be his forever. I’d been his this whole time but I fought it. Emotion washed over me and mixed with pleasure until my body, heart, and soul were overwhelmed. I cried out, dug my heels and my nails into him to hold on tight, never wanting to let go. He groaned his release and buried his face in my neck.

  We held on to each other as our breathing steadied and our hearts continued to race. I closed my eyes, envisioning this as my life. Forever. I wanted it.

  “I love you, Roman,” I whispered into his damp skin.

  His arms tightened around me, almost squeezing the breath out of me. “This is it for me, Mia.” He pulled his face from my neck, staring into my eyes with sincerity that threatened to sear my soul. “You’re it for me.”

  “We haven’t really been together as who we are now.”

  “I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit if you’re now a vegan and will never eat burgers again. I’d go vegan for you.”

  I knew how much Roman loved bacon, burgers, and all things meat. These weren’t words to be taken lightly. “I’m not vegan.”

  He chuckled and pressed his forehead to mine. “Thank God. Now I can have bacon and Mia. My life is complete.”

  “Shut up and kiss me.”

  So he did. We stayed tangled together on the couch, slowly feeling each other. This time, we took our time. Savoring our caresses and our kisses. We showed each other how much love there was between us, even after all this time.

  Life was fleeting. You could be here one day, underground the next. In the blink of an eye, everything you loved and cherished could be wiped from the earth. That didn’t mean you should make hasty decisions, but if something felt right, you needed to chase it, to grab it with all you had. Life was to be enjoyed. It was too precious and short to waste. This connection I felt with Roman, this overpowering emotion and peacefulness and aliveness, it needed to be allowed to flourish and grow into the love I knew would consume us both.

  Even if my life couldn’t be what I always thought it would, I knew, without a doubt, that Roman needed to be by my side. I was done running and pushing away my feelings. I was done not feeling good enough and allowing the grief to steal my life away.

  It was time to start living. Really and truly living.

  CHAPTER 33

  Roman

  MIA WAS ON TOP OF me, her head against my chest, her hair fanning across my arm. Her scent surrounded me and her taste lingered on my lips. She talked about something, though I had no idea what. I traced my fingers up and down her damp, naked skin. These last few months had been the best of my life, even counting those I spent with Laura. Because I knew what it meant to love and lose. I knew what it meant to get this second chance at love and I wasn’t going to waste a goddamned minute of it. I was going to swim in the pool of happiness and love and hand in my man card, all at the same time. As long as I got a naked, sated, and content Mia? Fuck manliness. This was what I really wanted.

  “I think I’ll hire more staff so I can spend more time with you,” Mia said, the breath from her voice cooling
my dampened skin. She looked up at me. “This is where I’m meant to be. I love my bakery, but I want to live with you.”

  My hand stilled. “You want to live with me?” Her eyes widened as she realized what she said. She opened her mouth, but I placed a finger over her lips. “Your place or mine? Or do we want somewhere all new?” She hadn’t been to my house since the night we got back together. I never pushed. It was probably hard to go back to that neighborhood and I totally understood.

  “Roman, we don’t have to rush into anything. I meant I want to live life with you, not necessarily live with you.”

  “Do you not want to live with me?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You’re it for me, Mia,” I whispered, brushing her hair back from her face. “We’re always staying the night at your place anyway; let’s make it official.”

  Her gaze flicked to the side. “I’m not sure I can live in your house. I’m sorry, Roman.”

  “Then let’s start house hunting.” I grabbed my phone off the side table and pulled up a real estate website. “Where do you want to live? The same area? Somewhere new?”

  Mia chuckled. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit hasty?”

  “When it comes to you? It’s never too hasty. I’d move into your place tonight if that’s what you really wanted.”

  “Okay. Then stay here with me. Put your house on the market and we can start looking for somewhere else to live. I’m not sure if you want to buy a place together. That’s a big commitment.”

  I hauled her up my body until her nose was against mine. “I want all the commitment with you. House, marriage, future. All of it. I’m sure.”

  A grin spread across her face. “Then let’s do it. Caution to the wind, right?”

  “Caution to the wind, baby.” I kissed her, hard and passionate. She responded, pressing her body closer against mine, causing things to stir to life again. I could never get enough of her.

  After touching and kissing and caressing, she positioned herself and guided me inside her. She threw her head back and was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen in my life. She was lost in passion, taking her pleasure from me, enjoying every second of it. Not a worry or a care beyond our connection, beyond what we felt and what we were to each other.

  I grabbed her hips, helping her grind down on me. Mews escaped from deep inside her as her hair moved with her.

  The sight alone was enough to almost make me lose it, but I held on until she cried out and her movements became jerkier. I followed her and watched the ecstasy play across her face.

  I did this to her. Together, we were this.

  She collapsed on top of me, a smile on her lips. I went back to moving my fingers over her skin and grinned. This could be the rest of my life and I’d be content.

  * * *

  “It’s time, biznitches!” Roxie exclaimed, Donovan on her hip. He held his arms up in the air. Mia rose from the table and scooped Donovan up in her arms, tickling his chest. We were meeting for lunch with Roxie and David. As usual, they arrived late and Roxie had to make a grand entrance.

  “What is it time for?” Mia asked.

  “We’re going to Vegas. It’s time for me to hitch my chain to David’s balls.” Roxie beamed, her face lit up. David came in behind her, a diaper bag slung over his shoulder.

  “Finally,” Mia mumbled.

  “We couldn’t do it when you were all sad and mopey. It would ruin the pictures,” Roxie explained. Mia threw a balled up napkin at her. “And now you and Roman are getting all sweaty together, and my butt is as small as I can make it. It’s time.”

  “When?” Mia asked.

  “Next weekend. Short notice, I know, but that’s the only time in the next couple of months that’s good.” Roxie sank into a chair next to David. Mia put Donovan into his highchair and pulled him closer to the table.

  “Then let’s do this.” Mia grinned.

  “Perfect. Fat Elvis, here we come!” Roxie clapped her hands excitedly.

  “Then I guess this isn’t a good time to ask if you can help Mia and me look for a place.” Mia and I had gone back and forth on whether to buy a place. She was afraid I’d regret it. I knew what I wanted and it was her.

  Mia’s head whipped to me and Roxie’s mouth opened, her eyes wide. “A place?”

  “A house. We’re moving in together.” I slung my arm around Mia’s shoulders.

  “This day just keeps getting better and better!” Roxie practically bounced in her chair. “Of course I’ll help you. No problem there.”

  I nodded and sat back in my seat as Roxie and Mia talked details. David and I exchanged looks, letting them iron it all out.

  “It won’t be long until you’re the one getting married,” David remarked.

  I shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me at all. I’m ready.” Roxie and Mia’s chatter stopped and I found three sets of eyes on me. “What?”

  “You’d marry Mia? Like right now?” Roxie asked, an eyebrow raised in question.

  “Yeah. I have no issue with it.”

  Roxie turned her eyes to Mia. “Would you marry Roman?”

  Mia stammered a few seconds. “I think it’s a little too soon for that, don’t you?” Mia studied my face.

  “No. I don’t. I keep telling you, you’re it for me.”

  She nodded, her eyes focusing on something over my shoulder. “It seems sudden.”

  I pulled her close, my lips against her ear. “I’d marry you tomorrow if I thought you were ready for it.”

  She gasped. Her head whipped back so she could meet my eyes. “Yeah?” she whispered. Did she really need more confirmation? I nodded.

  “Does this mean you’re engaged?” Roxie asked.

  “I don’t know. Does it?” I asked Mia.

  “What about a ring? A proper proposal?” she asked, floundering.

  I smirked and kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry. We don’t have to rush into it right this second.”

  “How cool would it be if you guys got married when we did next week?” Roxie chimed in.

  “Rox,” David said, clearly telling Roxie to back off.

  “I always figured it would be all about you, Roxie,” Mia chided.

  “I’d share my day with my favorite people. Or you could get married with your own fat Elvis the next day. Whatever. I’m flexible.”

  I kissed Mia’s temple. “It’s something to think about.” I didn’t want to put more pressure on her. Was it fast? Yes. But I didn’t care. I lost Laura unexpectedly. Mia lost Gia. We both knew that loss came without warning and we might not have tomorrow. I loved Mia fiercely and I wanted to have all of her. Forever.

  The rest of lunch continued on and conversation flowed, though Mia was quiet, more reserved. I could tell she was thinking about the conversation. I held her hand, giving her silent reassurance.

  I was here for her. Period.

  When lunch was over, we all decided to fly to Vegas on Thursday. That way we had a day before Roxie and David got married. Roxie hadn’t found a dress she liked yet, so she wanted to get one out there.

  In the car, Mia was still contemplative. I left her to her thoughts, letting her sort out whatever was bothering her.

  “Did you mean it?” she asked, her voice small. She looked over at me, her eyes wide and unsure.

  “About marrying you? Absolutely.” I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “I know you, Mia. I know who you are and what you’ve been through. You know me and what I’ve been through. We’re good together. We’re happy together. We’re in love together. What more could we possibly want?”

  “What about kids?”

  I sighed. We talked about this frequently. She feared that by being with her, I’d be giving up the chance for kids. “There’s options for kids, right? You still have your ovaries, so we could have a kid that was biologically ours. We could find a surrogate to carry the child and we could be parents. We could adopt. Hell, we could foster.” I stole a glance at her, gauging her reaction,
which was shocked right now. “We could also spoil the hell out of Roxie and David’s kids. I’m good with whatever you want. If you want to explore options for kids, I’m right there with you. If you don’t want to, I’m there with you.”

  “You’d be okay with those options?”

  “You have love to give, Mia. I have no doubt that you’d love a kid whether it came from us or not.”

  Tears danced in her eyes. “I could still be a mom,” she breathed. I had no idea why she hadn’t realized this until now. Maybe the possibility had been too painful to think about, so she didn’t even entertain it.

  “You will always be a mom, regardless. If you wanted more kids, yeah. You could still have more kids.”

  Her chin wobbled. I wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad sign. “Okay. I like those options.”

  I grinned, squeezing her hands. “The first step is getting married. I want that with you.”

  “Then let’s do it. If you’re sure, I’m sure.”

  “I hope Roxie really meant she had no problem with us crashing her wedding.”

  Mia threw her head back and laughed. Like every moment before, I fell more in love with her.

  CHAPTER 34

  Mia

  LAS VEGAS WAS A WHIRLWIND. We landed and Roxie dragged me and Cassie off to dress shop. She found a gorgeous sheath that was perfect for her. When we walked in, there was also a dress I fell in love with. It was a simple cream dress with a cinched waist and some details across the bodice. It was beautiful and I decided I’d get married in that. Whether that wedding happened here in Vegas or a year from now at home, I bought it and snuck it into the hotel room. I hung it up in the closet, thankful it was in a garment bag that Roman couldn’t see through.

  Then we spent time in the casinos, taking in the lights and sounds. I wasn’t interested in gambling, but I loved the way Roman kept me tucked into his side while he played the Roulette table. He kissed my forehead for good luck every time and butterflies swirled in my stomach.

  How was it possible he made me feel this way after so long? We’d been together for almost a year, between last time and this time, and he still made my knees weak.