Let Love Stay

by Melissa Collins

  Pulling her face to mine, we kiss – almost as if to seal the deal.

  As I break away from her lips and nuzzle into her soft hair, I realizing that it’s well past one in the morning. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.” She yawns and nods her head.

  We move quickly and quietly as we gather our clothes and sneak up into her room.

  Spooning behind her in her tiny bed, I pull her as close to me as possible. Pressing my lips to the tender spot where her neck slopes down to her shoulder, I kiss her sweetly. “Goodnight, beautiful girl.”

  She mumbles something in return before her breathing evens and she falls into a deep slumber.

  Closing my eyes, I actually look forward to the morning. For the first time in four years, I will not be alone on Christmas morning. More importantly, I know that I will never be alone ever again.

  One of my last happy memories from Christmas was from when I was about fourteen years old. I just started high school that year and Shane took me under his wing. I was immediately part of the cool crowd and I felt like King Shit. Anyway, what made that Christmas my most favorite ever, was the fact that he gave me his most prized possession as a gift: his old baseball mitt.

  He was a baseball star and I wanted to be just like him. So that morning, so many years ago, when he reached under his bed, and slid a clearly-wrapped-by-a-teenage-boy present across the hardwood floor towards my bed, I never expected his glove, the one he used to win the state championship the year before, to be inside of it. While he had outgrown it, I felt like I would never be good enough to fill it.

  I didn’t learn how to play baseball like most boys do. My father was never around and when he was, well, it wasn’t pretty. Baseball was not quality father-son time; it was a test of our capabilities. Shane and I had to demonstrate how strong or how fast we were in order to garner our father’s approval.

  Of course, thinking of my father brings up thoughts of my mother. How is she spending the day? Is she having one of her good days? When Katie called me almost two weeks ago, I just wasn’t ready to deal with anything relating to that part of my life, to my mom – her apology, her illness, her imminent death.

  Then of course, thinking about my parents, brings my present status of Daddy-to-be to the front of my brain. There’s going to be a baby here with us next year – our baby. With that image in mind, a ridiculously goofy grin splits my face. I’m fairly certain every soon-to-be parent says that they’re “going to do things differently from their own parents,” but I know for certain that I will never be like my father.

  Yet the more I reflect on it, the more I realize that being like my mom, at least before everything happened with Shane, might not be so bad. Even recently, her humility, openness and honesty are all traits that I would want to share with my child.

  Lying here, with Maddy snuggling up against my chest, so many of the issues that I’ve been trying to deal with, swirl in my head. Hell, even Maddy and I haven’t worked out all of our problems, but for the first time ever, I realize that not every single detail needs to be cleared and neatly packed away in order for us to move on. Tracing an invisible pattern on Maddy’s shoulder and upper arm, I think about our promises to one another from the other day. One, we’ll be honest with each other, even if it’s scary in the moment; secondly, we’ll be right next to each other in whatever decision we have to make, and that somehow, through all of this crazy shit, we’ll figure out how to make this work.

  Staring down at the beauty beside me, feelings of love and gratefulness inundate my consciousness. Maybe it’s the overall reflective quality of my early morning musings, but I don’t know what I ever did to deserve her in my life. Hell, I remember the first night I met her, how even from across the overcrowded and oppressively hot space of my living room turned dance floor, I could sense her. There was an immediate pull to her. I mean, sure, she was bopping her perfect ass up and down to the beat of the music while her head was stuck in the fridge – that was definitely what drew me to her initially, but then she turned around and my heart skidded into the wall of my chest.

  There is just something so disarming about her face, her eyes; innocence, honesty and genuine kindness, grace her entire presence.

  Sure I have been with my fair share of beautiful women, but Maddy’s beauty is completely different. It is pure and you can easily see that it is much more than skin deep. Her soul is beautiful; her heart is gorgeous. I’ve never known anyone to be the perfect combination of sweet and sassy; goofy and sarcastic; passionate and alive.

  And somehow, by some act of God, we seem to have been able to work out some of our problems. I know, based on her reaction to the apartment alone, that she still has trust issues. And I know she can tell that I’m still reeling from my own demons, but for the first time in my life, they aren’t keeping me from moving forward.

  In fact, being with my beautiful Maddy has given me the strength to finally tackle the shadows of my past. I might not talk about her much, but I think about my mom constantly. Her forgiveness weighs heavily on my brain and in my heart. Reflecting on my own imperfections, I know what I have to do. I’ve spent so many years denying myself happiness because I thought I was undeserving of it. I could never forgive myself for what I had done wrong. My life has been fucking hell on earth because I couldn’t forgive myself for my mistakes.

  Mom is no different.

  I’ve been lucky enough to have someone help me face down my pain, help me learn how to forgive myself. But I know that no matter how hard Mom has tried to move on in her life – leaving my father, marrying Joe, developing a tight bond with Katie – I know that she will never forgive herself unless I help her take that first step.

  As Maddy begins to stir at my side, I silently promise myself to call Mom today. It might not be easy, but I will put our past behind us and learn how to forgive my mother. If not for forgiveness, I wouldn’t have Maddy back in my life. It can’t be a bad thing when you look at it like that. Can it?

  I’m not sure how long I’ve been lying here thinking about all of this, but a clanging tray in the kitchen brings me into the here and now. In true mom-like fashion, Momma is up before all of us making cinnamon rolls – you know, the kind that are as big as your head. Maddy and Mel were ohhing and ahhing about them all night last night as the three of them got lost in reminiscing over Christmas traditions. As the smells of sugar and cinnamon filter up to Maddy’s room, she is fully roused from her sleep. Rubbing her eyes and looking up at me dreamily, she says, “Merry Christmas, baby.” Her voice is husky and gruff as the sleepiness filters through her words.

  Her eyes twinkle as the morning sunlight filters through the sheer curtains, and I’m brought back to our time in front of the tree last night. Gently pressing my lips to her forehead, I gaze down at her. “Merry Christmas to you too, babe.”

  We lay there for a few minutes absent-mindedly running our fingertips over the other’s skin. The pads of her delicate fingers tracing over my chest and abs heats my blood. It’s crazy really. I was inside of her just a few hours ago. But the feeling of her mouth wrapping around me as I slide across her tongue, is seared onto my skin. I have no choice but to react to the feel of her. Add in all of the emotions that I was just sorting through and one thing is clear.

  I need her.

  Again.

  She senses my desire because her innocent touches morph into lingering and languorously teasing patterns that trace lower and lower across my stomach. Still tucked into my side, she looks up at me through her long, seductive lashes. Her eyes are glazed over and hooded with lust. When her pinky unintentionally brushes against the tip of my cock over the fabric of my boxers, a deep and erratic breath hitches in her throat. Wordlessly, we both shift so that we’re on our sides facing one another.

  No longer accidental, her touches become deliberate, yet delicate. Tracing over my hardened length repeatedly forces me to groan in response. When her fingernails trail lightly over the tightening skin of my sac, I shudder in delight.


  Pulling the thin straps of her tank-top down over her arms, I graze my fingertips lightly over her skin. I pull her top down so that it sits directly under her breasts, pushing them up and together – exposing them completely. She shivers and her nipples pucker instantly. Crushing her supple breasts to my chest restricts me from toying with her pebbled buds. She eyes me in admonishment. “Let me touch you first. I want to feel you hot and hard and pulsing in my hand.”

  Oh fuck!

  Hooking her leg over my hips, she pulls us closer and she slides her hand under the elastic of my boxers. When her sure and steady hand wraps tightly around my cock, I can’t help but push up into her touch. Propping myself up on my elbow, she pushes my boxers down, allowing me to spring free. I toe them off the rest of the way and revel in the feel of her warm and sensual touch.

  My eyes roll back in my head. “Fuck. Maddy. Your hands…oh God…” Her slow and steady pace increases slightly. Jerking the entire length of my shaft, I nearly lose it when her tongue licks a hot path from my collarbone up my neck.

  I arch my neck and push further into her touch. God, she’s fucking amazing. Kissing and nipping at my neck brings me close to the edge. Her lustily whispered words draw my attention back to her. “Reid, look at me.” Her words are both a plea and a command.

  Meeting the endless depths of her moss-colored eyes, I forget about everything.

  She continues her relentless motion – root to tip, then back again. Her lips press softly against mine and her tongue slides along my lips forcing a growl of pure pleasure to escape out of my mouth. She takes the opportunity that my open mouth affords her to plunge her tongue inside.

  My desire to touch her is out of control. Using the back of my hand, I trail my knuckles over her hard nipple. She shivers, so naturally I do it again. Using just the tip of my thumb, I repeatedly flick over the tip of her breast until her hips start to move on their own accord. Squeezing, plumping and massaging the entire globe of her growing breast, my cock twitches and she groans again.

  Our lips crash together with our need for one another. I bite on her lower lip and suck it tenderly into my mouth. With our eyes open, we kiss at a feverish and heated pace. It’s wildly erotic and intimate - to lick and taste her while she stares directly into my soul.

  Feeling my orgasm build, I pull away from her touch and push her onto her back on the bed. I quickly remove her tank top the rest of the way and toss it to the floor. Staring down at her soft curves, I say, “My God, Maddy. You are the best fucking present I could ever ask for.”

  I don’t give her time to say anything in response. My lips brush against her nipple and she grinds her pussy against my bare thigh. Pushing against her as she rubs into me makes my erection twitch with need. “I can feel how wet you are, even through your panties. And I can smell you too.” I nuzzle the tip of my nose against her breast and then lap it in one broad stroke of my tongue. Skimming down her perfect body, I nuzzle my nose along her slit, over her lace-covered core. “You smell fucking amazing.” I inhale deeply and she shamelessly spreads her legs wider for me.

  Without divesting her of her underwear, I trace my tongue along the path that my nose just made, forcing her to squirm with need. Dipping my finger into fabric of her panties, I pull it to the side enough to expose her swollen and slick lips. My need to taste her is ridiculously out of control at this point. I’m not sure whom I’m teasing more by tasting, licking and nibbling her dripping core.

  Desire surging and pure male need overpowering my sanity, I tear the thin string of fabric that’s pulled across her hip. Tearing the string on the other hip, fully exposes her mound to my mouth. Parting her lips with my thumbs exposes the tightened bud of her clit. Pressing gently on it with my fingertip, I fuck her tight sex with my tongue. The rough and stubbled surface of my face is scratching along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs causing it to turn red, but I know she’s enjoying it. When I hear her call out, “More. Reid. Now. Please.” I nearly come on the sheets.

  I pull myself up on my knees and slide two fingers easily into her trembling pussy. She pushes back against my hand as she groans my name. Pushing against her spot deep within, forces her to toy with her own nipples. She pulls and tugs at them and it’s so fucking hot. I could watch her for hours.

  Swirling my finger over her clit while I pump my fingers in and out of her, she pinches and rolls her nipples, causing another wave of hot wetness to coat my hand. “I can feel you, Maddy. God, I can feel you tightening. Come, baby. Come, now.” My command is a husky whisper leaving my lips.

  And it’s a marvel to watch her when she does. Her skin flushes and goose bumps prickle its surface. As her pussy clamps down on my fingers, she grabs her breasts harder than I ever would. She has to bite down on her lip to keep the scream erupting from her mouth.

  Needing to taste her again, I pull my hand away from her still-fluttering pussy, and rather than lick and suck her juices off my finger, I trace the tip of my finger across her plump lower lip.

  Leaning my head down to sweep my tongue across her now wet lip, I plunge into her hard. I can still feel the last waves of her pleasure squeezing my cock as I sink into her heat. Her eyes open wide and she grasps onto my forearms as her second orgasm crests and crashes quickly on the heel of her first.

  In time to the beat of my hard and fast thrusts, she calls out, “Oh…god…Reid…” It’s rhythmic and hypnotic to hear my name on her lips while I’m buried deep inside of her.

  Moving to support my weight on my elbows, I bring my face within centimeters of hers. My tongue plunders her mouth in time with our pounding and grinding hips. I pull out to the tip and hammer into her in one long swift stroke. Repeating that move a few more times has me coming in no time.

  Looking passionately into her eyes, with the words “I love you” on my lips, I come into her and she wraps her legs around my waist so there is not an inch of space between us.

  After the last twitch of my now-satisfied cock, she wraps her long fingers around my neck and pulls my mouth down to hers. She pulls away from the kiss and palms my face. I nuzzle into her touch, and revel at the feel of our still joined bodies.

  “I love you, Reid. I love you so much, baby.” A single tear slides down her cheek and I kiss it away.

  “There’s no tears today, baby.” Lightly brushing my knuckles over her cheek, I kiss her lips tenderly and taste the salty wetness of her emotions across her mouth. “Shh, there’s no reason to cry. We’re here, together, and we love each other. We don’t need anything else but what we have right here.” I place my hand tenderly but firmly over her heart and she mirrors my move.

  We kiss some more and bask in the quiet, blissful afterglow of our love. Our bubble is burst when we hear Mel barreling down the stairs into the kitchen.

  The cinnamon must have just made its way into her room. When she makes it to the bottom of the stairs, she calls back up to us, obviously noting our absence in the kitchen. “Maddy! Reid! Get your asses down here now!”

  Maddy playfully slaps me on the chest, attempting to push me off her. “Come on, babe. It’s time to get up. Though,” she reaches down and tightly squeezes my ass, “I do like waking up with you on top of me.”

  I chuckle and kiss the tip of her nose. “Yeah, it’s pretty fucking great waking up with you under me, too.” One more sweet kiss and we’re up from the bed trying to locate our scattered clothes.

  Maybe we should learn to not throw them across the room. Might make finding everything a little easier.

  Tying the belt of her robe around her waist as she opens the door, I pull her to me. Her back is pressed to my front as I inhale the smell of her hair. Kissing this top of her head, I ask, “So, do you think we can use this again?” I tug on the tie for her robe remembering how fucking hot she looked bound to the bed just a few nights ago.

  She twists around into my arms and wraps hers around my waist. Reaching up on her toes, she leans into my ear to whisper seductively, “Uh huh. And
think, in just a few short weeks, you can tie me to our bed in our very own apartment.” She smiles up at me and I have to readjust things before I go downstairs.

  She kisses me sweetly and then scampers away from me. If it’s possible, her sexy playfulness has me wanting her less than ten minutes after I’ve just had her.

  My heart swells at the realization that today is no longer about being lonely, but by being surrounded – by love, by peace, by pure and utter happiness in knowing that I will never be alone again.

  Mel is ever so impatiently waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs. Hands on hips and tapping her toe, she rolls her eyes as she eyes my hair. “You better run a comb through that.” She reaches out and touches the mass of tangled locks draped over my shoulder. “Just-fucked hair isn’t going to look good in Christmas morning snapshots.” She quips sarcastically.

  “Shhh. I don’t need Momma to overhear you!” I press my finger across my lips and try to keep my voice low. I can’t believe she just said that. “You should be more concerned about her overhearing you when you’re up there.” Mel eyes the top of the stairs and I can’t help feeling embarrassed at the thought of Momma hearing us have sex. Mel reads my shock and says, “Well, I can hear you anyway. Just move your bed away from the wall, would you?”

  Reid clears his throat. “Umm, I’m going to go grab some breakfast.” He kisses the top of my head and walks out of the hallway into the kitchen. He’s not one for sex chat among girlfriends.

  Mel stares at me suspiciously and then bursts out laughing. I can’t help but join in with her. When our little fit has passed, she asks, “So it’s good then, huh?” No shame. No remorse. That’s Melanie for you.

  I tap my bottom lip and make her wait for my response. She’s not a patient person so she pinches my side. “Come one. Spill it!”

  “Okay, okay!” I pitch my voice a little lower and pull her to the side of the hallway, up against the wall. “It’s freaking fantastic. He’s amazing. Sorry we woke you up though.” I arch my eyebrow playfully at her. I’m not sorry, but I feel like the apology is necessary.