Let Love Stay

by Melissa Collins

  “Is that…?” I can’t even finish the words. Thick, heavy emotion clogs my throat and the tears start pouring down my cheeks.

  “Yes, sweet Maddy. Your Aunt Maggie gave it to Momma years ago. I guess she knew that she wouldn’t always be around, but she wanted you to have your mother’s ring.” He swipes his thumb across my cheek, clearing some of the tears.

  “I know we’re young and we haven’t been together long, but I love you and I want to be with you forever. Madeleine, please marry me. Please do me the honor of being my wife.” His last words are a hopeful whisper.

  A lone tear trickles down my cheek and cleanses away any concerns I might have had. He’s right. Who’s to say how old you have to be to feel a love like this? There’s no requirement on how long you have to be together in order to make a marriage work. I know in my heart and soul that there will only be Reid. Seeing my mother’s ring shining back at me is almost like she’s smiling her approval down on me. So when the word “yes” escapes my lips, I feel nothing but absolute certainty that he is my forever.

  The heavy wooden doors of the church are closed before me. I hear the organ playing beyond it, and even though he’s not here physically, I can feel my father’s presence beside me. He would have been so happy to walk me down the aisle today, but I know that he and my mother are smiling down on us. I’m sure that Becca and Shane are smiling at us too.

  After she straightens the long train of my ivory wedding gown, Melanie stands in front of me. Her eyes are shimmering with tears of joy. She pulls me into a tight embrace. “I love you, Maddy. I’m so happy for you. You guys are just amazing and you deserve today more than anyone I know.” Mel makes one more adjustment on my veil and I get caught up in the memory of the day we found my dress.

  Standing in front of a rack filled to the brim with some of the most beautiful dresses I’ve ever seen, I am completely overwhelmed. How on Earth am I supposed to pick one of these? They all look the same.

  “Melanie, this is ridiculous! I’m nine months pregnant and shopping for a wedding dress. I feel like there should be an MTV reality show following me around or something. Can’t we do this after the baby is born?” I huff and flop into the chair that the attendant has just brought out for me. My ankles are huge and the sweltering summer heat of mid-August is not helping at all.

  As Cammie steps out from behind the rack of dresses, her arms weighed down by about ten of them, Lia hands me a bottle of water. “Okay, so Cammie is about the closest to you size wise, so she’ll give you the best idea of what they look like.” Lia decides for the group. I think the idea of wearing a wedding dress freaks out Lia. Needless to say, Cammie jumps at the opportunity. I’m pretty sure that Jack and Cammie will be the next to get married.

  Cammie holds out the dresses she’s selected for me to look through. As Mel, Momma, Lia and Katie ohh and ahh over all of them, nothing stands out to me. ‘They’, whoever ‘they’ are say that when you see your dress, you’ll know it, but so far, I got nothing. “Maybe you’ll feel different when you see them on a person instead of just a hanger.” The attendant’s comment is meant to get me excited, but it’s not like I’ll be trying them on. I doubt they even make dresses big enough to fit over this ginormous belly of mine. I can’t even see my feet!

  Not wanting to rain on everyone’s parade, because, yes, they’ve all been looking forward to this since Reid proposed, I put on a smile and let Cammie play Bridal Barbie for me.

  Five dresses and two bathroom breaks later, Cammie steps out of the dressing room in the final dress. It’s cream colored and strapless. The bodice is covered in lace and dotted with sparkles everywhere, but not so many that it looks tacky. It’s a traditional A-line shape and the skirt is full, but not too poufy. I love it instantly. Classic is the best way to describe this dress. It’s stunning and beautiful, and it’s mine.

  I feel Momma squeeze my shoulder as she comes to stand behind my chair. I reach up and place my hand above hers. “That’s it. That’s my dress.” I whisper so only she can hear, but as soon as she does, she squeals in delight.

  Excitedly, Momma shrieks, “That’s it! She loves it!”

  Clapping her hands frantically as she jumps up and down in front of me, Mel pulls me from my chair and squeezes me tightly, well as tightly as my belly can afford. Most hugs these days are awkward and to the side.

  “Maddy, you are going to look beautiful!” Mel says as she gives me one last hug.

  And then it happens. Time stands still as my small group of friends and family stand around me and the puddle of water that’s at my feet.

  “Oh my God! Maddy did your…?” Katie can’t even finish her sentence; she’s so shocked. Hell, I’m pretty shocked myself.

  “Oh shit! Well, it better be!” Lia adds sarcastically and Mel swats her on the arm. “Ouch! What? I’m just saying, either her water broke or she peed herself. Of the two choices, broken water sounds like the better option. I’m dying to meet this little nugget.” Even I can’t hold back the laughter at her reaction.

  We’re all standing there frozen, me especially. I don’t know what to do. This has never happened to me before. Obviously. Just as I’m wracking my brain for what I need to do, Momma comes to my side and hands me my phone that she’s just pulled from my bag.

  “You call Reid and take a seat. We’ll take care of putting the dress on hold, and then we’ll pull the car around. Meet us up front in five minutes.” I nod at her instructions. Her voice soothes my nerves, but my fingers still tremble as I dial Reid’s office number.

  He picks up on the first ring, as usual. “Hey, baby. How’s dress shopping going?” His deep and loving voice relaxes me a little, but I’m nowhere near calm.

  “It’s good, but I think we’re going to cut it short.”

  “Why? Do they not have anything you like?” I love that he’s at least feigned an interest in all things dress related.

  “Umm, no. My water broke actually.” My voice wobbles slightly as the first contraction tightens like a steel band around my belly. He hears me gasp in pain.

  “Oh, shit!” His words are yelled excitedly and nervously into the phone. “Okay, baby. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Shit, I wish I could be there right now. I…umm…let me …” He’s so frantic that he doesn’t even know what sentence to go with.

  When the pain recedes, I say, “Shh. Calm down, Reid. We’ve got plenty of time. Go tell Dylan and then meet us as at the hospital.”

  I hear his deep breathing through the line. “Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I love you, baby.”

  “I love you too. Be safe,” I say as I end the call. Walking to the car is grossly uncomfortable with my soaking wet pants, but sliding into the car, I’m comforted by the smiling faces of my girls.

  Momma reaches for my hand from the driver’s seat. “Ready, sweetie?”

  “As ready as I’ll ever be, Momma.” But ‘ready’ is the last thing I’m feeling. Scared, anxious, excited – that’s what I’m really feeling.

  By the time Reid meets us at the hospital, the nurse has already gotten me all hooked up to whatever IVs and monitors I need. Frozen in the doorway, his face pales and his eyes widen. He won’t admit it, but he’s scared. Seeing me on the bed, in a hospital gown with tubes and wires all over must have brought him back to my accident. This time, our hospital stay will have a completely different ending.

  Reid walks toward the bed and I hold out my hands to him. “Hey, baby. You made it.” My voice is soft, but I cringe on the last word as another contraction tightens around my belly.

  I squeeze his hands and my face contorts in pain. When I can open my eyes again, all I see is Reid’s concerned face. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” He grazes his knuckles down my cheek in an attempt to comfort me.

  “Yeah, I’ll be okay, I think. It just hurts.” Hurts is a huge freaking understatement, but I don’t want to scare him more than he already is. “Well, I’m right here for you. We’re in this together.” Reid kisses my temple
softly and then busies himself with my ice chips.

  The next twelve hours pass by in a blurry, pain filled haze. Contraction after searing contraction, Reid holds steady by my side. Feeding me ice chips and wiping my brow, he is never more than an inch away from me.

  When Dr. Trivedi introduces me to the anesthesiologist who offers me the opportunity for pain relief, I want to leap out of the bed and squeeze the life out of her. After the epidural, I feel like a completely different person. The pain isn’t gone completely, but it’s bearable and I hope to get a little bit of rest.

  A few hours later, I’m dozing as Dr. Trivedi enters the room to check on me. “Hey, Maddy. Let’s take a look and see how you’re doing.” She smiles brightly at me and sits on the stool at the end of the bed. Easing my legs to the side, she check to see how dilated I am.

  I don’t feel pain so much as I feel the pressure. When she’s done poking and prodding at me, she adjusts the blanket and pulls some other items out of the cabinet behind the bed. Smiling reassuringly at Reid, she says, “Are you ready, Daddy?” Reid just stares at her. Dumbfounded, he doesn’t move or say anything as she fills out some information on my chart.

  “It’s time to start pushing. I’m going to get some things together and have the nurses set everything up. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” The door clicks closed and I realize that these next five minutes will be the last that Reid and I spend together as a couple. After this, we’ll be a family of three. I’m absolutely in love with that idea.

  After pacing the room, he returns to his spot at my side. Squeezing my hand gently, and lightly playing with my hair, he says, “Maddy, I am so damn proud of you. You’re doing great, baby.” All I can do is smile at him in return. Words simply won’t come out past the lump in my throat.

  Dr. Trivedi returns with her nurses, and after they’ve gotten everything set up, it’s time to push. And pushing is no joke. After what feels like hours, Dr. Trivedi announces that she can see the head. Reid is still at my side, helping me hold my knee up to my chest. His face brightens and excitement replaces his fear. “You’re almost there, baby. You’re doing perfectly, Maddy. God, I love you.” He kisses my forehead as I brace for what I hope is one last push.

  “Come on, Maddy. You can do this.” Dr. Trivedi coaches from the end of the bed. “You’ve got it, sweetie. Almost there. One more little push, Maddy.”

  I’m trying my hardest to listen to her instructions, but exhaustion and nervousness are taking over. “I can’t…I can’t do this. It’s too much.” Anxiety is rising. Panic is setting in.

  I feel a cool rag at my brow and then tender lips at my temple. Reid whispers into my ear, “Shh, Baby, you’ve got this. I’m right here. Now, let’s do this together.”

  His soothing words and calming touch are all I need. With my composure regained, I focus on what Dr. Trivedi is telling me. “Okay, just a little more. Slow…slow….alright, the head is out. Let me just suction, and now just give me one more little push. Perfect. Here we go.”

  When Dr. Trivedi places the baby on my chest and says, “Congratulations. It’s a boy!” my world stops. An overwhelming sense of peace bathes over me as I wrap my arms around my son. Everything that I’ve ever been through seems to have been leading me to this point. This tiny, bald, bundle of joy instantly makes all of the pain vanish. I finally feel complete.

  Looking up at Reid, I notice a similar look of peace relax his features. Reid’s tear streaked face leans in close to mine. “I love you so much.” He can’t say more than that as happy sobs get in the way of his ability to speak.

  After she cleans him up and swaddles him, Dr. Trivedi hands our son to Reid. “Congratulations, Daddy. He’s beautiful.”

  With awe and amazement coloring his words, Reid replies, “Thank you.” He turns to me and my breath catches in my throat at the sight of Reid holding our tiny son in his arms.

  “Maddy, he’s perfect. He’s so tiny.” Reid kisses his bald little head and then passes the baby, our son, very carefully into my arms.

  As I’m staring into my son’s innocent eyes, Dr. Trivedi asks, “Does he have a name?”

  My eyes meet Reid’s as I say, “Yes, he does. His name is Braden Shane.”

  “That’s a beautiful name. I’m very happy for you guys.” She smiles warmly at us and gently pats my leg.

  When all of the nurses have left, and Dr. Trivedi has finished cleaning and stitching me up, she leaves the room to get the rest of our family who I’m sure are all anxiously waiting to meet our new bundle of joy.

  “I love you, Maddy. Thank you for giving me my son,” he says as he brushes a stray tear from my cheek.

  “I love you too, Reid. More than you’ll ever know.”

  Lost in the memory of Braden’s birth, Melanie snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Hey, where’d you go? It’s just about time to start.”

  I feel Momma at my side as Mel makes her final adjustments to her dress and then mine. “Yeah, of course I’m ready. Sorry, I was just thinking about the day Braden was born. Who would have known that I would have gotten a wedding dress and a son on the same day?” We share a small laugh before Momma comes to our side.

  Immediately as she kisses my cheek, the church coordinator hands Mel her bouquet and pushes her close to the door. Mel takes once last glance over her shoulder and blows a kiss to me as she walks through the doors. The deep crimson satin of her maid-of-honor dress shines as she makes her way down the candle-lit aisle towards Cammie, Lia and Katie who have already walked the same path.

  Once the doors are closed again, I hear the Priest say, “Please rise.” Even though there aren’t all that many guests – we decided to keep it to just close friends and family – I can still hear the shuffle of everyone’s dress shoes along the tiled floor of the church.

  Momma adjusts my veil in front of my face and then loops her arm through mine. “Are you ready, sweetie?” I can hear the emotion in her voice. Her words are wrought with happiness, and there’s a lump of pure joy lodged in her throat.

  Afraid that I’ll burst into tears if I say anything, I just nod at her and smile through the shimmering tulle.

  When the doors open, the music begins playing. Rather than the traditional wedding march, I decided to walk down the aisle to David Gray’s ‘This Year’s Love’. As the lyrics about not being alone anymore ring out through the church, I think back to my life before Reid. We both spent way too much time alone in our pasts, and right here in this moment, as the soulful words accompanying Momma and me, I know that I am walking away from those dark times, into the arms of my love. We will most certainly make our love last.

  I wave at Nikki and my other co-workers as they wipe away a few stray happy tears. Momma’s best friend, Linda, is sitting close to the front cradling our son in her arms. Luckily, it’s been a crazy day, and little Braden Shane is blissfully unaware of everything going on around him as he naps quietly in Linda’s arms.

  As I get closer to the altar, my eyes lock with Reid’s. I know it’s wrong to think this in church, but he looks fucking hot. His traditional black tuxedo is perfectly molded to his muscled arms and chest. There’s only one place on Earth that tux would look better – the floor.

  I hand my bouquet off to Melanie and quickly smile at Dylan, Jack, Logan and Joe who are standing on the stairs at Reid’s side. Reid reaches into his pocket and hands me a tissue so that I can wipe away my tears. We join our hands and smile at one another.

  As the Priest begins addressing the guests, Reid leans in close to me. “You look absolutely beautiful. You’re breathtaking, actually.”

  Before I can tell him just how beautiful he looks, the Priest asks for the rings from Dylan and Melanie. After he blesses them, we say the traditional wedding vows. There’s something so significant about saying the same words that my parents vowed to one another all those years ago. It’s just one simple thing that we chose to do on this very simple day to make sure that our declaration of love is as meaningful as possible
.

  Before being pronounced husband and wife, Reid steps down from his spot and crosses over to Linda. Cradling Braden in his arms, he stands next to me once again. Clearly his throat, the Priest resumes what he was just about to say, with one slight addition.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife…I now pronounce you a family.” On his last words, the small crowd erupts into cheers and begins clapping loudly, so loudly that they wake Braden.

  Cupping his large hand over Braden’s sensitive ears, he shushes him and Braden calms down almost instantly. I take my flowers from Mel who smiles brightly at me through her happy tears. Then, Reid, Braden and I walk out of the church as U2’s ‘It’s a Beautiful Day’ plays softly in the background.

  Our small reception is held at a local restaurant. The place is beautifully decorated for Christmas. Large silver and red shimmering bows adorn the banisters leading up to the small dining room where our friends and family await our entrance.

  As we walk through the doors, the cheers and claps ensue again. Our first dance as husband and wife is to a Dave Matthews cover of The Beatles ‘In My Life’. Of course, we dance with Braden sleeping in our arms.

  The night passes by in a blur of toasts, eating, dancing and cake cutting. While a ‘couples only’ song is playing, I notice Mel sitting at a table by herself, quietly lost in thought. “Hey, sweetie.” I say as I pull up a chair next to her. She smiles weakly at me and I know she’s sad.

  “Are you okay, Mel?” I ask tentatively.

  She just offers up another weak smile and sighs. “Of course I am. But let’s not talk about me. You look beautiful today, you know?” She’s a master subject changer, and on most days I wouldn’t let her get away with it, but today I’m not going to push.

  “Thanks, girl. You look pretty good yourself, Ms. Maid of Honor slash Godmother.” I elbow her in the side and she finally smiles a genuine smile at me.