You Make Me Tremble

by Karis Walsh

“He thinks it’s a game,” Iris said, opening the gate and walking into the yard. “He doesn’t realize you want him to do something in particular.”

  Casey smiled when she turned and saw Iris approaching. “I’d climb up there myself and show him, but we just repaired these obstacles. I don’t want to do it again.”

  “Just make your intention more obvious. Here, let me have some of those treats.” Iris took a few of the small bone-shaped training treats from Casey and walked several yards away from the ramp. “Chert, come,” she said, making the words bright and clear. She gave him one treat when he trotted to her and let him sniff the others in her hand.

  “Come,” she repeated, running toward the ramp with her hand out to her side. She jogged close to the obstacle with her treat-filled hand marking the path she wanted the dog to take, and he followed the treats up and over the narrow ramp. She made a fuss of him on the other side and gave him the treats. “Good boy!”

  “Show-off,” Casey said. She pushed Iris playfully aside. “Let me try.”

  “Don’t hesitate when you get there,” Iris called encouragingly. “You don’t want to give him a chance to veer off course.”

  Casey rolled her eyes at the instructions, but she did exactly what Iris said, and Chert trotted easily over the obstacle.

  Iris walked slowly over to where the two were celebrating Chert’s great achievement. She barely remembered what Casey had been like when she first got to the shelter. Hesitant around the animals and uncertain about what to do with the dog she had rescued. Now she was comfortable and relaxed with him and all the others at the shelter. Iris wondered if Casey still recognized herself.

  “I’m going to Vancouver Island for a couple hours today,” Iris said. She knelt next to the pair. “A friend of mine is flying there to visit his daughter and said he’d take me to do a home check for a family that wants to adopt the black Lab. If you want to come, I’d like to take you out to lunch after.”

  She intentionally phrased it like she was asking Casey on a date, not because she wanted to send her a message about her intention, but because she didn’t want to give herself a chance to back out and turn the afternoon into something else. Something less.

  “You’d need your passport,” she added when the silence stretched between them.

  “I’ll go get it.” Casey rested her hand on Chert’s neck. “And see if Leo will take care of this guy.”

  Her voice was casual, not betraying any emotion about Iris’s offer or questioning what she meant by it, but as Casey walked by her on the way out of the exercise yard, she brushed her shoulder against Iris’s. On its own, the contact was nothing much. Clothes between them, no exchange of intimate words or knowing glances. But Iris felt a jolt of awareness in Casey’s touch. All her hesitation melted away. Now that she had initiated the journey, the next steps didn’t seem so difficult to take.

  Iris drove them to the Friday Harbor airport. She had expected to feel awkward with the shift she felt in their relationship, but they chatted easily as Iris pointed out some of her favorite places on the island.

  “What made you come here?” Casey asked. “Was this a favorite vacation spot or something?”

  Iris laughed. “Actually, I’d never been here before I came and bought the shelter. I grew up in Auburn, near Seattle, and then went to school in Tacoma. I even stayed at the same college for graduate work.” Iris paused. Her life sounded boring to her. Her family hadn’t traveled beyond the state lines, and she’d been busy with school, work, and then the shelter since leaving home. “I guess that sounds dull to you.”

  “Why? I’m not exactly a jet-setter. I travel a little for my work, and I moved from Chicago to California, then to Washington, but I don’t tend to go far. I go deep. I think you do, too, although you go deeper into the community and I go into the earth and the past.”

  Iris reached across Casey’s lap, admittedly lingering along the way, and got a notebook from the glove compartment. “Write that down,” she said, tossing it on Casey’s lap.

  “Did I inspire a poem or a greeting card?” Casey asked with a laugh, but she pulled the pen out of the spiral edge of the notebook and wrote quickly.

  “I’m not sure yet. I don’t have much demand for geology cards.” She held up her hand, palm facing Casey. “And please don’t start on the rock puns again.”

  Casey closed the notebook. “You still haven’t answered my question about how you decided to come here.”

  Iris shrugged and turned off the road and into the airport’s parking lot. “I worked in a shelter during college. I hadn’t been around animals much either, but my roommate wanted to be a vet and she volunteered with a rescue center. I ended up getting more involved than I expected, and I started to connect with other shelter workers online. A friend I’d met on a rescue website mentioned she was selling this place and retiring. By then, I was almost finished with college and I could get the graduate degree I wanted through a distance program. I’d already started making decent money for my cards, so I was thinking of buying a house.”

  Iris parked her car and let the engine idle while she thought back to her last year in college. She had spent her life feeling slightly resentful of the all-encompassing disappointment of her parents and the resulting realization that she wouldn’t make them proud unless she developed the technology needed to clone herself. “I always felt stifled by my parents’ rules and expectations, but I guess those rules gave me an excuse for not taking monumental chances in life. Even after they died, I took the easiest path available and planned to stay at the same school for my master’s degree. I didn’t really have any other place to call home.”

  Iris hated admitting all this to Casey, but she finished the story. “I’d only seen pictures of the San Juans and the property, but it looked like a nice place to live. I suppose I could have moved anywhere in the world, but I just took the opportunity that presented itself. I made an offer, and she accepted, and now I’m here.”

  Iris felt Casey’s fingers on her chin, making Iris turn and look at her. She was smiling and shaking her head.

  “For someone with such a talent for using words, you suck at telling stories about yourself.”

  Iris started to protest, but Casey spoke before she could.

  “You support yourself and all these animals with a creative and interesting career. You took a chance and moved here without knowing what to expect, which takes guts and a lot of faith. You’ve made a difference in your community and in the lives of every dog and cat and goat you’ve rescued and rehomed. And like it or not, you’re a gifted poet. Don’t ever sell yourself short, Iris.”

  Iris put her hand over Casey’s where it still rested on her chin and gave her fingers a squeeze. She loved her life, but she always assumed it looked boring from the outside, especially to someone like Casey. She didn’t need the validation, but she appreciated it.

  They sat quietly in the warmth of the car with their fingers entwined softly. Everything about their kiss two nights ago had been electric, but today—asking Casey out, their conversation, and now these moments of unspoken companionship—their movements together were slow and gentle, as if they were taking a deep breath together before tonight. Iris had no doubt their passion would flash like lightning when they were ready for it, but she loved the calm of these shared moments before the storm.

  She eventually noticed the time. “Sean will be waiting for us,” she said, reluctantly lowering her hand and opening the car door. “We should go.”

  Casey got out of the car and walked beside her toward the cluster of hangars. Iris led them between two of the low, wide buildings and onto the tarmac border along the runway. She waved at Sean, who was fiddling with something on the wing of his little Piper. Iris walked several steps before she realized Casey was no longer next to her. She retraced her steps.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “That’s a small plane.”

  “Yes,” Iris said slowly. “Smaller than a jumbo jet. But big
enough for the three of us. Don’t tell me you’re afraid to fly.”

  Casey made a scoffing sound that would have been more convincing if she had seemed willing to move forward and toward the plane.

  “I’m not afraid. I just don’t like to fly. There’s a difference.”

  “Of course there is,” Iris said soothingly. She took Casey’s arm and pulled her forward. “Let’s go.”

  Sean was waiting for them. Iris had flown with him plenty of times, so he turned his attention to Casey and gave her a complete tour of the plane. Casey smiled and asked a few questions, but she looked a little green. Iris remembered her saying she had been on a plane when the earthquake hit, and she nudged Casey aside as Sean was climbing in the cockpit.

  “We can stay here, if you’d rather,” she said. “I can do the home check another time.”

  Casey shook her head. “No, I’m all right. Let’s get this over with.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Front or back?”

  “Back, I guess,” Casey said. It might buy her a few precious seconds if the tiny plane nosedived into the ground. She had never been fond of flying, starting with her first time on an airplane mere hours after her mother’s funeral, but if she had to do it, she preferred a little more size and substance.

  “Are you sure?” Iris caught her arm as she was about to climb through the hobbit-sized door of the plane. “If you sit up front, Sean might let you take the controls for a while. It’s a blast.”

  “The back. Definitely the back,” Casey said disengaging herself from Iris’s hold and getting in the plane. Sean was a big guy and his bulk took up most of the cockpit. Iris looked very slight next to him, so hopefully they wouldn’t be over the weight limit. Given the size of the Piper, Casey figured the limit was about fifty pounds. She scrunched close to the window and tried to think light and airy thoughts.

  Sean taxied to the end of the runway and idled there while he went through an elaborate series of preflight checks. Iris pointed to various instruments and seemed to be asking questions about them, but Casey couldn’t hear their words over the noise of the engine until Sean reached back and handed her a headphone set. Once she had it on, she could hear them, but she had to lean forward at an odd angle for the cord to be plugged in. Iris’s and Sean’s voices sounded tinny and remote, and the number of instruments they discussed only made her realize how much could potentially go wrong while they were in the air.

  She took the headphones off and leaned back instead, staring over the plane’s wing at the border of trees that marked the edge of the runway. She spent most of her life performing the role of a scientist and trying to figure out how things worked, but in some instances, she didn’t really want to know the details. Like flying. She preferred her pilots to handle flaps and fuel mixtures behind the closed door of a cockpit while she handled a gin and tonic and her tray table.

  As soon as Sean aimed the little plane down the long stretch of the runway and tossed them into the air with a jolt, Casey was happily distracted by the airborne view she had of San Juan and the northern islands. Since they stayed low on the short hop to Vancouver Island, Casey had a chance to see the details of some formations. She pressed closer to the window, not minding the flight as much as she had before. She was about to tap Iris on the shoulder and point out the dipping sandstone beds on Spieden Island when she realized Iris seemed to actually be flying the plane.

  Casey wasn’t sure how she felt about this. She’d trust Iris with a lot of things. Dog training, dinner prep, kitten delivery. But flying? She hadn’t mentioned having a pilot’s license or any sort of training. In fact, when she had mentioned Sean letting Casey fly if she was up front, she had implied that he’d hand the controls over to anyone sitting in the seat next to him without checking credentials or putting the person through hours of ground school before the flight. Casey pried her fingers off the seat. She had to admit, Iris was doing fine. The plane was level, not plummeting toward the Nanaimo sandstone outcropping below them on Waldron Island. The engines weren’t sputtering, and nothing was on fire.

  She admittedly wasn’t the most enthusiastic airplane passenger, but she usually didn’t feel this jumpy and out of control. She watched Iris’s profile with her delicate features and gentle tilt of a smile on her face. She scanned the horizon constantly, with an intense concentration, but she seemed at ease at the same time.

  Casey had been calm on the outside but jumping up and down thrilled on the inside when Iris asked her to come today. She understood the message behind the request for a date. Casey had made an offer for a short-term, fun form of intimacy and Iris—even though she had rejected it at first—had made the decision to accept. No pretending, no lying, and no commitment beyond the next day or two. Or three…

  Maybe three days, and then she would get on the ferry and leave the island, Chert, and Iris behind. Casey wouldn’t lie to Iris, and she couldn’t lie to herself. She was going to miss all three. She figured this was why she was nervous about Iris’s willingness to explore their attraction. She wanted her of course, but she would be adding a few more strings to the already tangled knots holding her in this place. She knew she would be sad when she left, but she didn’t have any real experience leaving someone or something behind—except for the transition to Chicago after her mother died. Casey couldn’t predict how hard it would be for her to leave, and that scared the hell out of her. The unknown needed to be studied, cataloged, and explained. In this case, she couldn’t anticipate what her own reaction would be.

  But she would survive the pain of leaving. She’d return to her job, to the paper she was writing, and to the distracting clamor of the city, and she’d manage to get past whatever uncomfortable emotions she might feel at first. She’d get through it because, for damned sure, she wasn’t going to reject anything Iris might offer.

  Casey looked back over her shoulder and saw a hazy silhouette of the city of Vancouver, on Canada’s mainland north and slightly behind them. She put her faith in Iris and enjoyed the scenery spread out below and around her. She saw tree-lined, rocky islands, but she also noticed the evidence of glacial erosion and seismic activity in the shape and position of the landforms. She took her mind off the plane and thoughts of Iris naked and instead pictured the ancient forces that had gouged out the Sound. She looked out the window at the present, but she really was seeing huge sheets of ice scraping away at the islands and hearing the rumble as parts of the earth’s crust slid against each other, creating the folds and faults she knew were hidden by the thick blanket of conifers.

  Pretty soon, the scene shifted from one of blue-gray water dotted with tree-covered natural islands to the larger mass of Vancouver Island. As the ground below them became more populated, the skies did as well. Casey noticed a small seaplane skimming just below them and she put the headset back on just as Sean was taking control of the plane again. Iris turned around and grinned at Casey. Her obvious pleasure in the trip and having Casey with her almost made Casey forget her concern about being in a collision. Almost.

  She hadn’t expected to see actual full-sized planes, but jets and propeller planes of all shapes and sizes were either circling the airport or filtering into a line and landing. Casey heard the static-y voice of someone in the control tower give Sean some unintelligible instructions and a list of numbers. Casey wasn’t sure what it meant until he spoke to her and Iris.

  “We’re cleared to land right away if we can squeeze between these two 737s,” he said. “Just a quick drop here. Be a mite bumpy.”

  Casey felt the little plane dip and turn at the same time, half a second after her mind processed Sean’s warning. She’d have been more than happy to circle the airport a few minutes or hours longer if it had meant avoiding the stomach-dropping maneuver, but Sean neatly slotted them into the gap between the two large jets. His landing was smooth, but Casey was flung against the restraint of her seat belt yet again when he veered sharply off the runway, presumably to avoid being squished by the
plane following them. Her shoulder and hipbones smarted from the tight grip of the nylon belt, but they were on the ground and alive.

  Iris got out of the plane and held out her hand to help Casey. She wedged herself through the door and held Iris’s hand lightly as she jumped to the tarmac.

  “Great flight, wasn’t it?” Iris gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, clearly still thrilled about handling the controls. Casey was struggling to keep herself from lying prone on the tarmac and kissing the ground in gratitude.

  “Yeah. Especially that last part, where Sean was auditioning for a spot with the Blue Angels.”

  He laughed. “The feeling that you’re out of control can make you nervous. We’ll have you sit up front on the way back and do a little flying. You’ll feel more relaxed if you take charge for a few minutes.”

  “Actually, I was thinking of swimming back to the island. It doesn’t look that far, and I haven’t been exercising much lately…”

  Iris and Sean laughed like she was making a joke. “You’ll love it, Casey. Flying is very empowering.”

  Casey just smiled and nodded. She’d let them think she was going along with this insane plan. She was sure there’d be plenty of opportunities for her to escape and take the frigid water route instead.

  Iris kept hold of her hand as they left Sean with the plane and walked over to the terminal, either to stay close or because she sensed Casey was planning to make a break for the open waters. They got through customs before the passengers on the jets had deplaned, and then went back outside to the car Iris had rented.

  Casey didn’t want the contact between her and Iris to stop, and she kept the flat of her palm resting on Iris’s thigh while she read the directions and Iris drove to the potential adopter’s house. Maybe it was the near-death experience of the small plane ride driving her, but she had a sudden and acute awareness of time ticking between them. She knew it was going to be harder to leave once she let more barriers down, but she had an even stronger desire to make the most of what they had.