What the fuck does that mean? “What?”
“I know how you get in your head sometimes. You’ll be sitting at your desk all day fighting with yourself on whether last night was a bad idea. Don’t.” I open my mouth to tell him he doesn’t know shit, but he keeps talking. “Go home. Get ready for work. I’ll meet you at your apartment in thirty minutes with breakfast.”
I stand there and just stare at him. How the hell does he expect me to respond to that?
“Babe,” he barks, breaking me away from my thoughts. “You better get going if you don’t want to be late.”
“Yeah … right. I guess I’ll talk to you later.” I start to leave his bedroom.
“Wait.”
I turn back to look at him. “What?”
A playful grin spreads across his face. “Where’s my goodbye kiss?”
I let out a snort. “You’ve got to be kidding me?”
Our little late night, drunken rendezvous was a one-time thing. I need to find the best approach to explain that to him, but it has to be later. I can’t be late for work.
He points to his full lips. “Nope.”
I really don’t have the time for his shit. In order to prevent wasting anymore time, I dramatically stomp around the bed and plant a kiss on his cheek. He throws his head back in laughter when I rush away before he has the chance to grab me.
“Oh come on, babe,” he says. “I had my mouth between your legs last night. You’re really going to get shy on me now?”
I send him a wave. “See ya.”
I have to get the hell out of here.
* * *
“We fucked.”
“Well good morning to you, too,” Macy replies on the other line. “I figured something like that happened considering you didn’t call me last night bitching about how bad he pissed you off.”
I grabbed my phone as soon as I got in my car to call her. My confession had to be released. I need her to tell me what an idiot I am and to stay away from him.
“Big mistake. Big fucking mistake.”
She stays quiet for a few seconds. “Was it though?”
“I’m sorry, but whose best friend are you? My traitor brother is getting into your head and causing you to turn against me, I see. We’re the co-founders of the Bracken Hater’s Club, remember?”
“No one is getting in my head. I’m only saying that you might want to give him a chance.” Her words are rushed like she’s afraid to say them. “I mean, you did have sex with him last night, and now you think the worst thing you can do is give him a chance to work things out? I think you should’ve thought about that before you let him fuck you.”
“You’re beginning to sound like my mother,” I mutter.
She keeps going. “You’re a smart girl. You knew the consequences of having sex with him. You knew it’d be more than a one-time screw to him.”
“I was horny and in desperate need of a good lay.”
“Oh please. This town is packed with men who’d be up for the job. You went to him because you wanted him, not just a good lay.”
“Your best friend card has been revoked. Call you later.”
* * *
My fourth period class is clearing out when my phone rings. I snatch it from the drawer, expecting to see Bracken’s name flashing across the screen since he’s taken on the role of being my personal stalker lately. I frown, and am pissed at myself for being disappointed when it’s not him.
Damnit. My vagina is already missing him.
As promised, he showed up at my apartment with a box full of donuts, and coffee. He stopped me before I left and made a show of kissing me, adding a hint of tongue, and then sent me on my way. I thankfully arrived at work just before the bell rang.
This is starting to become a problem. It’s harder to stay away from this Bracken – the one who wants a relationship with me – than it is with the one who kept fighting what we had. It’s difficult to say no, harder to walk away, and more complicated to stop loving him.
I grab my phone and answer it. “Hello?”
“Hey sis,” Simon says, his tone chirpy. “Are you at work?”
“Yes.”
“We’re having lunch today,” he tells me, matter-of-factly. “I’m on my way to the school now. Be there in five.”
The line goes dead.
* * *
“So you and Bracken?” he asks.
We just sat down in a booth at our favorite Mexican restaurant and gave the waiter our order.
After recovering from his accident, Simon ended up going back to his job in the military for three more years before deciding to join the police force here. He wanted to be with his family more and watch his daughter grow up.
“There is no me and Bracken,” I answer.
“Don’t bullshit me. I heard you talking to Macy this morning about your little sleepover at his place last night.”
I take a drink of water to get my reply in order. I’m going to kill Macy and her big ass mouth. “Why does it seem like my life revolves around him now? That’s all anybody asks me about.” I give him a dirty look and flick the tip of my straw with my tongue. “No one asks me how my day is going, how my students are, or if I want an all-expenses paid vacation. No, all you assholes ask me about is him, and what’s going on with us like it’s the juiciest news in town.”
He gives me a bright, white smile. “Well, it kind of is.” I throw a napkin at him. “But in all seriousness, we all want you to be happy.”
I jerk back in my seat. “Are you kidding me?” He shakes his head. “Do you not remember five years ago when you wanted to castrate him after you found out about us? Or how crushed I was when he left me at the worst possible time? Do you not remember how bad he hurt me?”
“The guy has made some dumbass mistakes, I know that, but he’s owning up to them. He’s planning on taking Casey’s Auto so he can be here with you. He wants to settle down here with you.”
“But why now?” I ask, with a frown. “And why are you suddenly so okay with this?”
“I’m older and more mature.” I snort. “I’m not some guy who thinks he can control everything anymore. Bracken is a good guy. Sure, he’s made some mistakes, but you can’t fault him too much for it. He just lost someone really close to him. Do you remember how hard it was when we lost dad?” I nod. It was the worst feeling in the world. “Can you imagine how fucking shitty you’d feel if when he passed you hadn’t talked to him in years?”
I slam my eyes shut, feeling bad for Bracken. I know it has to be hard on him. It would be hard on anyone.
“He thought he’d have more time,” Simon goes on. “When he lost his dad, it was like a reality check. He realized he couldn’t keep waiting around until the perfect time came, or until he felt like enough time had passed for you to not hate him. He knows he needs to go for what he wants now before it’s too late.”
“He hurt me. You were in intensive care. I was broken, and what did he do? He turned around and walked away. I needed him there, but he didn’t give a shit. I think it’s time I do the same.”
“You’re not that cold-hearted. Give him a chance to make things right.”
“Fine. I’ll think about it, but you’re paying the bill. You’ve put me through enough stress this week.” He laughs when I give him a sarcastic smile.
This week has been a rollercoaster. Craziness is following me around like a cloud. Something I wanted years ago is now sitting in the palm of my hand, but I’m not sure if I want it anymore.
Am I still in love with Bracken? Yes. Do I trust him? No.
I can’t figure out what’s harder: telling him no, or giving him another chance and possibly getting hurt again.
chapter thirty-one
nautica
I toss my bag over my shoulder and head towards the apartment building that’s becoming too familiar.
My mind has been choked with thoughts of Bracken non-stop since I woke up naked in his bed this morning. Hell, I’ve been thinking
about him more in this past week than I have in years. I’d been slowly getting over him more with each day, but now all of that hard work is deteriorating.
He texted and asked if I’d come over when I got off work. Another text followed, telling me to bring an overnight bag and cancel any plans I have for the weekend.
I replied with a no. He said yes. I said no.
And he won, considering I’m standing in front of his door waiting for myself to muster up the courage to knock.
We had sex last night – great sex – something I thought would never happen again. I’m waiting to wake up from this fervid dream.
I jump back when the door flies open before I have the chance to do shit. I look up to see Bracken’s large frame standing in the doorway. His eyes are fixed directly on me as a smirk crawls across his lips.
“I saw you pull up from the window,” he tells me. “I figured I’d help you out incase you got lost or tried to make a run for it.”
I play with the strap of my bag. Dammit, why does it seem like the man can always read my mind?
“Nope, I was just …” My words come out like a stutter. Why am I so damn nervous? I was vulnerable and naked in his bed last night, and now I can’t even form a complete sentence?
“Deciding whether or not to bail on me?” he says, taking the words out of my mouth.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
He takes my bag, leads me into his place, and sets it down onto the carpeted floor next to another one.
“Are we going somewhere?” I ask.
He heads into the kitchen, opens up the fridge, and starts packing bottles of water into a cooler. “We sure are.”
“Where?” I assumed he told me to pack an overnight bag because he wanted me to stay here – not go somewhere else.
“It’s a surprise.”
“Yeah … I don’t like surprises.” I join him in the kitchen. “I’m not letting you take me to some unknown place to stay overnight.”
The old Nautica would’ve been game and excited for this, but not this one. No, I want no part in surprises from the man who crushed my heart.
“Well you’re surprise-hatin’ ass is going to have to get over it.”
“You’re expecting me to be okay with you leading me to who the fuck knows where and stay the night without giving me any info? You’ve lost your damn mind. You asking me to bring a bag was pushing it, but this, it’s outrageous.”
“I sure am.” He grabs my face and plants his lips on mine before I can stop him. “Trust me, we’re going to have fun.”
I need to pull away, but my feet are locked in place. My mouth hovers back over his, and I can feel his harsh breaths kicking at my lips.
“I don’t think you know what’s fun to me anymore,” I whisper.
He chuckles. “Oh babe, I can probably name a few things.” I shiver as his tongue runs in-between my lips before he takes a step back.
I stay frozen while images of last night play out in my mind. I shut my eyes and can almost feel him inside of me again. I blow out a breath, hoping to calm myself down. I don’t want to leave. I want to push him down on the hardwood floor and take him right here, right now.
He’s sucking me back into his world, faster and more intense than before, which means the hurt is going to be harder to get through this time around.
“Come on,” he says. I go stumbling forward, my mind still not straight, when he catches hold of my hand. I’m trying to keep up as he grabs our bags on the way out the door and guides us to the parking lot. “This is me.” An oversized, red four-door trucks beeps at the same time its lights flash. He releases my hand to open up the passenger door.
“You always did have a thing for trucks,” I mutter, jumping in.
He stops, standing next to my seat, and arches a brow. “Correct me if I’m wrong, babe, but so did you. Or at least the back seat of them.” He winks, his upper lip twitching into a smile, while I glare at him. I flinch when his hand runs along my thigh, right underneath the hem of my skirt. “You need to loosen up before I find a much more entertaining way to get you to unwind. And trust me, we probably won’t make it out of the parking lot if we do it my way.”
He laughs when I push his hand off me. “Fine,” I say, making a show of moving around and pulling the seatbelt across my body roughly. “I’m all loose. Now go away.”
He keeps laughing as he shuts my door and tosses our bags in the backseat. “You’re going to love this.”
Damn it. I hope not.
* * *
“Oh hell no,” I shriek, looking out the window in anguish. He’s so wrong about me loving this. So damn wrong. “Turn this car around now, Bracken,” I add, looking over at him.
He puts his truck in park and glances over at me in amusement. “Problem?” he questions.
“Yes, problem.” I signal out the window. “This … it isn’t happening.”
It’s dark outside, and we’ve been on the road for almost four hours. My anxiety was increasing with every passing mile about where the hell he was taking me. I’d been expecting something different, but definitely not this.
“Last time we were here you enjoyed it,” he argues, unable to hold back his smile.
“Last time I was a dumbass,” I correct.
He laughs and runs his hand through his beard. I cock my head to the side when he holds up two fingers. “You have two options, babe. You can sleep out here, or you can jump your sexy ass out and follow me into that nice, heated building.”
“I’m not going in there with you, period.” I cross my arms. “Take me home.”
He steps out of the car, ignoring me, and grabs our bags. My mouth falls open when he heads towards the entrance doors. Asshole.
It’s only thirty-five degrees out. I have no choice but to follow him.
I stand a few inches back, watching him as he approaches the woman standing behind the counter with a smile on her face.
“Reservation for Casey,” he tells her, his voice husky.
I look around the place. I don’t remember much about the lobby, but what happened in the room I’ll never be able to forget. That memory will forever be burned into my brain.
Why is he doing this?
Taking me down memory lane?
Why is he recreating all of the times I let him in?
When I was vulnerable?
He’s trying to win me back with memories. There’s nothing worse than having all of the reasons you loved someone who hurt you shoved in your face, suffocating you.
I stumble forward and follow him when he takes the key from the woman. I stay silent in the elevators and continue to let him show me the way.
“Can you believe they actually gave us the same room?” he asks, unlocking the door and going in. “I mean, what are the chances of that?”
I stop in the doorway and a surge of memories powers through me. The beds, the TV, everything is the same. “You seriously remembered what room we were in?” I ask.
He drops our bags to grab my hand and pull me into the room. “Of course I did, babe. You might not believe me, but I remember everything about us.” He sets me down on the bed. “Now, do you want to go to dinner or order room service?”
“Are we hanging out in here all night?”
“Hang out? Go to dinner? Make love to you until you forgive me?” He shrugs. “All of the above.” He unzips his bag and drags out a bottle of wine. “I brought this.” Next comes a stack of cheap plastic cups.
I snort. “Wow, you sure know how to wine and dine a chick.”
He laughs, holding up the bottle. “Call me Mr. Romance. We can go somewhere, out to dinner, to a movie, but I thought hanging out here would be more entertaining. We can talk, work shit out, enjoy a drink in privacy.”
I give him a faint smile. “That’s actually perfect.”
Minus the talking part. I will do anything to stop that from happening.
* * *
I pop the last bite of pizza crust in my mouth and put my
plate on the nightstand. The hotel’s room service menu was limited to grilled cheese and frozen cheeseburgers, so we decided to order a pizza and have it delivered to our room.
“So what’s after this? Student-teacher porn?” I ask.
He looks at me from across the bed with a boyish smile. “Is that what you’d like to do next?” His eyes flash over to the remote. “That can easily be arranged.”
The heat rising along my cheeks embarrasses me. Why does talking about sex with him make me feel so … inept? I feel just as inexperienced as I was our first night.
“I … uh …” I stutter, trying to come up with the right words. “I was under the assumption that we were recreating the whole stranded in the blizzard night. Role playing … or whatever.”
I hold in a breath, watching him as he stands up and grabs the pizza box. He sets it down on the desk and comes back to me.
“We can do whatever you want, baby,” he answers. His keen eyes sharpen on me. “But I think before we do anything we need to talk.”
“Talk?” I repeat. That’s the last thing I want to do right now. Talking opens up too many bottles – too many emotions – too many memories of betrayal.
The room starts to grow hot as he stands only inches away from me. “Yes, talk. I want you to hear me out. I’m not touching you again, fucking you again, or doing anything until you listen to what I have to say. Then you tell me what I have to do to earn your trust and heart again.” I nod in response. “I’m sorry,” he goes on. “I’m so fucking sorry. I was young and dumb. I ran away from my problems, and I know this sounds stupid as fuck, but I thought I was helping you in the long run. I didn’t want you to lose your family because of me.”
That pisses me off. “That’s bullshit. My family would’ve never left me. I don’t understand why you would even think something like that.”
He looks me straight in the eye. “If Simon were to say pick me or him – who would you have chose?” I shrug. “Back then, in the days when you wanted to be with me more than anything, who would you have chosen?” I shrug again, even though I know the answer to that.
Bad For You: (An Older Brother's Best Friend Romance) Page 16