I'm Trying to Reach You
Page 18
I also did a lot of barre exercises and stared across the courtyard at the balcony with the stationary bicycle. I hadn’t returned to the cardio room at the gym since my humiliating collapse.
On May 1 – May Day – I received an e-mail alert from YouTube that AhNethermostFun had posted a new video. My heart leapt when I read this. I hesitated, and clicked on the link.
That was it: the grand finale, the collaborative tour de force, “The Girl from Ipanema.”
If her penultimate choreography had mimed back to me my own flailing life, this one appeared to be a careful, meticulous explanation of hers. It was an aggregation of unassuming virtuosi, lo-res, lo-fi, captured in miniature – the singular, extraordinary “little people” that revolved through her tiny world.
May 4, if you’ll excuse the expression, I pulled it out my ass again. Once more, my talk was providentially scheduled at the exhausted, slap-happy end of the semester, just before a final bash. Ramon made sure the YouTube connection was set up and the projector was functioning. This time Lepecki graciously recited my bona fides.
I stepped up to the lectern and said, “A woman in a black leotard, her dark hair pulled back, is dancing a subdued dance in an interior space – her living room? There are some peculiar paintings on the wall.” I clicked on the YouTube link.
I read directly from the manuscript of my novel.
A few days later, I got a call from the Dean at the University of Malta offering me the position. I decided to take it. It came in the nick of time, as my fellowship was just running out.
I called my mother and told her I wanted to come and visit her in Wisconsin before I moved to Malta in July. That seemed to make her happy. Sven and I talked about what the move would mean for our relationship. It seemed like we’d probably continue our schedule of visits, but he’d be visiting me in Msida instead of New York. We’d see how that worked out.
When they found out about my job, Dan and Fang wanted to take me out to celebrate, but we decided to do it at the PSi conference in Toronto. We’d all booked cheapo rooms in a dormitory at Ryerson University. It resembled a cellblock. On the first night of the conference, we met in front of the dormitory and walked over to Tallulah’s Cabaret for the opening performance event.
Several of Canada’s premiere performance artists and ensembles were on the bill. The best one was Jess Dobkin. She came out onto the stage dressed like Kermit the Frog. Actually, she wasn’t really dressed. She was naked, but painted green from head to toe, with the exception of her pubic hair. She began limply slumping on a stool. Then a jaunty, strapping woman entered, dressed like Jim Henson. She had a bushy beard. She slipped her right hand into a rubber glove, and proceeded to insert the whole thing into Dobkin’s vagina. This appeared to animate Kermit, who then lip-synced “It’s Not Easy Being Green” as though she were in fact a puppet being manipulated by Jim Henson. It was virtuosic, no doubt about it. I heard José Muñoz saying afterwards, “I’m not usually a big one for naked, but I must say, that was pretty impressive.”
After the performance, Dan and Fang and I went to a nearby bar and ordered beer and poutine, which was gross, but seemed like the thing to do at the time. I said, “Who knew that Canadian performance art could be so outré?” Dan said that Jess Dobkin was originally from the U.S. but that the Canadians had accepted her with open arms.
It’s not easy being green in America. It’s also not easy being black, or brown, or gay, or a woman, or a man. It’s not easy being old, anywhere.
It’s not easy loving somebody, and it’s not easy being alone. It’s not easy being strapped for cash and it’s not easy being an artist. None of this is for sissies. Even in Sweden. Even in Canada.
I don’t think I’ve ever described myself as a “greedy man,” but I guess I am. I know all the pitfalls, but if I’m going to be honest, I’d have to say that life’s been good to me, and I want some more of it.
Who knows what Malta will bring.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
All YouTube comments attributed to falserebelmoth / AhNethermostFun were cribbed, as the astute reader will have surmised without recourse to Google, from the poetry of Emily Dickinson. Similarly, all comments by GoFreeVassals / ACabFreshenerOnTypos can be traced to Walt Whitman.
The contents of Jimmy Stewart’s typewritten missive to Gray have all been attributed to the “real” Jimmy Stewart, or characters played by him, on a variety of questionable Internet sites. The same goes for statements posted by “the Duke.” Most but not all of the other weird, touching, horrifying and baffling YouTube comments are attributed to their original sources.
The author shamelessly availed herself of www.wordsmith.org in constructing her characters’ anagrammatic monikers and couldn’t fault readers for availing themselves of the site in order to retrace her steps. There are surely better and worse ways to waste time pondering one’s difficulties in dealing with intimacy, identity, aging and mortality.
The following individuals supplied talent, inspiration, help, encouragement, cautionary advice, and/or editorial comments, but are not to be held responsible for anything: Mr. Otis Chutney, Yen Fum (Chicano), Viola Lei Roe, Fay Streamer, Divine Concavi, Dim Heckled Tart, Infidel Smoker, Abner Morfitt, Caramel Jetsam, Nice Doc Dinion, Ms. Rena Cage Vivaldi, Tactician Pearl Roma, El Freaky Nin, Banana Ott (muse), Mojo Zenus, Jaws Hornden, Comrade Noritz, General Nil Nip, Seaman Kirk Whaa, Amelia Crud, Gala Dingus, Calipered Ken, Omar F. Krank, Nelly DeMan, Igor Welchino, Herr Chris Drench (cad), Vanity A. Goon, Viz Sarah Salt, Yo Dun Yang, Rajah Tam Nonevent, Berry Valet, Octaveo Sloane, DJ Ben Sisko, Lee Roi (waitress), Nosy Chevalier, Alabaster Curlicue Gem, Bethel O. (Kamikaze), Faerie Bunco, Woeful Booze Naiad, Lumpy Nellie, Lil’ Ms. Nubile Peak, Oily Krebs Zitwit, Vito Mashken, Wiltsy O’Kibitzer, Aha Thin Bean, Sir Anatomist Fessing, Twigs Dunno, Cloud Nine (CIA), Jeer Yam Hymn, Keen Eons, Golly Mis Eel, Rich Sward, Auxin Teed Blowhard, and, of course, Ultimo Mall Wino. I spent a whole day doing that.
NOTE ON THE COVER ARTISTS
NARCISSISTER is a wildly original, award-winning performer and multi-media artist who has presented work in major experimental, burlesque and popular venues from LA to Moscow and from NY to Nice: www.narcissister.com
KRISTY LEIBOWITZ began her career as a photojournalist, and went on to become a preeminent photographer of the art world, publishing and exhibiting in leading art journals, galleries and fairs: www.kristyleibowitz.com
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eISBN : 978-0-983-24715-9
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012938462
All images used with permission:
Author photograph: Ken Jones.
Page 115: Bart Everly.
Page 179: Nicole Daunic.
Page 203: Being Green, Jess Dobkin, 2009/Photo by David Leyes.
All other images: Barbara Browning.
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