Worse Than Being Alone

by Patricia M. Clark

  “Well, look who’s here,” she muttered. “I’ll bet you’re here with Mary Spencer. We’ve already nicknamed her Mary Poppins.”

  “Do I want to know why?” I asked.

  Peggy couldn’t seem to stop laughing until she suddenly whispered. “Cause she’s way out there like Mary Poppins with her little umbrella.”

  I sighed and said. “Oh, no. Not again.”

  “You and Roni sure get some weird clients,” Peggy said. “Mary came an hour early so she’s already gone. Why don’t you go back to the case manager’s room? I’ll tell Dr. Mirren you’re here.”

  I grabbed a bottle of water from the little fridge in the case manager’s lounge and had barely finished one sip when Heidi Mirren stormed into the room, which was empty except for me. As usual, my attention was drawn to her extremely muscular legs. Her calves reminded me of anvils, and I wondered why someone with legs that looked like that would choose to wear short skirts every day.

  My first impulse was to ask her, but I considered Heidi a friend and hurting her feelings seemed cruel. Besides, she would probably demand to know what I thought was wrong with her legs and I certainly didn’t want to go there. Instead, I focused on her flat face, short gray hair, and pug nose. I was ready to grab the small glasses that looked like they were going to slide off the end of her nose. Heidi didn’t bother to conceal her expression, a cross between incredulity and amusement.

  Unable to contain herself any longer Heidi asked. “Where do you get these people? Every time I see that you or Roni are the case managers on a patient’s file, I cringe.”

  “Believe me, I feel your pain. I’m not sure whether it’s some cosmic joke or intentional, but we do seem to get a lot of nut cases. I haven’t met Mary Spencer yet. What’s her story?”

  “She’s a world class-whack job,” Heidi said. “She’s 48 years old and her mother came with her. She actually called her Mommy. I was trying to get a history; Mary was telling me how she bent over to pick up a box at work when she heard a pop. She claims she’s been having excruciating pain ever since. Then all of a sudden Mary stands up in front of both of us and pees on the floor.”

  “Ooh. Mommy issues, huh?”

  “I think that’s the tip of the iceberg,” Heidi Mirren responded. “I guess she’s trying to claim nerve damage from a low back injury that’s causing her to lose bladder function. She claims she’s also lost bowel control. I kept waiting for her to shit on the floor, too.”

  “Has she had any diagnostics?”

  “She had an MRI that is absolutely normal,” Heidi said. “Her neuro exam is totally inconsistent. She claims she can’t feel anything below the waist but all her reflexes are normal. She’s not smart enough to pull this off. I think she pulled some symptoms off the Internet and thinks she can fake me out.”

  “What do you recommend?”

  “I want to do nerve conduction studies and a myelogram,” Heidi said. “She can’t fake the results of those tests and nerve conduction studies really hurt. I guess I sound vindictive, but I get so sick of these people faking injuries. The myelogram will give us the best look to see if there’s really anything going on in her spine. If they’re both normal, I’m done.”

  “Lets do it,” I said as Heidi loped out of the room and I headed to the front desk to authorize the tests and get Mary’s paperwork.

  After I left Heidi’s, I stopped at Target to get my cat supplies, amazed at the number of choices. Half an aisle was devoted to cat toys. Feeling guilty about possible cat abuse allegations, I threw a few in the cart. After I loaded my purchases in the car, I decided to call Roni and see how her day was going.

  “Hey, Kitty,” Roni said. “How did it go with our new client?”

  “Another whack job. Some of these people are starting to scare me.”

  “I know what you mean,” she said.

  “Say, did you realize Harley caught the animal in the barn?”

  “Yeah, he told me after you left,” she said.

  “Did he tell you it was a cat and he put in my car?”

  “No, he forgot to mention that part,” Roni said.

  “You realize what this means?”

  “Yeah, I get it,” she said. “Payback is a bitch. Just keep the property damage to a minimum, OK?”

  “All bets are off. That deal with the birds was bad enough, but I could have crashed my car last night.”

  “Maybe Harley’s pranks are getting out of hand,” she said, sounding somewhat distracted.

  “Ya think?”

  “OK then,” I said as I began to calm down. “What’s with you? Something is bothering you. What’s going on?”

  “I was thinking about my dad,” she said. “He called last night after you left. Billy told me he’s been seeing some woman for several months. He wants me to have lunch with him tomorrow so I can meet her.”

  “Do you think it’s serious?”

  “Yeah, I do,” Roni said. “She’s almost 25 years younger than he is. What does she want? I just have a really bad feeling about this.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, what if he decides to marry her?” Roni asked. “It just seems so sudden. You know, now that I think about it, he hasn’t had much contact with any of us the last couple of months. I guess it makes sense; he’s been spending all his time with this woman.”

  “Do you think she’s after Billy’s money?”

  “The thought crossed my mind,” Roni said. “I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

  “I guess there’s another possibility. Are you sure you’re not just jealous?”

  “Pretty sure,” Roni said. “I don’t think I have those kind of Daddy issues. He kept saying how lonely he’s been since my mother died. I finally said to him, ‘Dad, get a grip, there are worse things than being alone’.”

  Chapter Three

  A phone was ringing somewhere in the background, but Roni was still clinging to the remnants of a dream in which she was trying to referee a heated argument between Harley and Kitty over an annoying flock of bluebirds. It took two more strident rings to make the fantasy dissolve, replaced by an awareness of bright sunlight hitting the bottom of the trees behind the house.

  “Hello,” Roni said sleepily.

  “Roni, it’s Dad. We’re not going to be able to have lunch at the Club. They’re closed because of a water main break. How about we meet at Bertolli’s instead?”

  “Sure, that sounds fine. Same time?”

  “Yes, I’ll call and make a reservation,” he said. “See you then.”

  As he hit the end button on the phone, Billy Diamond couldn’t help thinking about yesterday’s conversation with Roni. The call seemed awkward because the right words never seemed to take shape no matter how Billy had tried to arrange them.

  Convinced Roni could be persuaded to accept Marian if he could just express his feelings eloquently enough, Billy didn’t seem to understand that Roni wouldn’t remember or care about the words. Suddenly, Billy realized that Roni might never be able to accept his relationship with Marian Cirillo. That’s when he decided to scrap the conversation and just have them meet over lunch.

  Billy remembered Roni’s admonition about there being worse things than being alone, but she wasn’t the one who had to deal with the absolute silence and lack of companionship. It had been four years since Billy found Roni’s mother, Carolyn, dead on the back porch one fine May morning. Billy had gone in the house to get them lunch and returned to find himself alone.

  After a massive stroke had left Carolyn in a wheelchair, Billy became her primary caregiver. All those years, Roni came three or four days a week to help out. Billy wasn’t sure what he would have done without Roni’s assistance. He loved Carolyn without reservation until the stroke, but all those years as a caregiver took their toll. He never had been able to verbalize his weariness to Roni.

  After Carolyn died, Billy couldn’t stand living in the house they had shared all those years. Too many ghosts and memories mad
e it impossible for him to move on with his life. In some ways, Billy had never felt totally comfortable there anyway. Carolyn’s father had built the house on land that had been in the family for generations. Billy grew up in Alton, Illinois, and despite living in Hillsboro with Carolyn for fifty years, he still felt like an outsider. Billy signed the house over to Roni and Harley, and moved back to Alton.

  Billy thought about Roni’s childhood and realized how much he cherished those golden memories. In many ways, Roni was his best friend, and he didn’t want to jeopardize their relationship. He was walking a tightrope, trying to balance the possibility of a new life without diminishing his bond with Roni.

  A sudden headache sent Billy scurrying to the bathroom for some Tylenol. As he closed the medicine cabinet, he looked at himself in the mirror, noting the age lines multiplying rapidly around his eyes. Another reminder he wasn’t getting any younger. Still, his gray hair contained some blond highlights, and his cobalt blue eyes seemed to capture the attention of the widows and divorcees he met.

  In good shape for a man almost eighty-five, Billy had few health problems and all his hair, a rarity for active senior males. He had rattled around the empty house for three years, fighting off several aggressive neighbor women, who swooped in like vultures.

  Marian Cirillo and her adult children had moved to the area last year, quickly establishing themselves as attractive newcomers to Alton’s active society circles. Billy met Marian at a party hosted by a friend. Billy had never met anyone quite like Marian, who was quite flamboyant in her appearance and actions.

  Carolyn had been Marian’s polar opposite; reserved and frequently morose after the stroke. Marian and her adult children, Murray and Vicky, stroked Billy’s ego and filled his life with companionship and advice. Billy had been completely caught up in his suddenly busy life.

  The tornadic trio proved to be easygoing and fun, filling Billy’s life with laughter and camaraderie. Billy decided it was time to take the next step and introduce Marian to Roni. Marian’s subtle hints about a more permanent arrangement hadn’t been lost on Billy, though he wasn’t sure marriage was the answer. Just the other night, Marian’s son, Murray, had jokingly remarked that Billy should make an honest woman of his mother. Something about Billy had been getting the milk for free long enough so now it was time to buy the cow.

  Truth be told, occasional sex and companionship without the commitment part would work just fine for Billy, but he had his doubts Marian would put up with that in the long run. She had been thrilled when he told her she was finally going to meet Roni, attaching more importance to the event than Billy intended.

  At that moment, Marian glided into the room with a glass of orange juice in her hand, demanding to be the center of attention. Proud to be with someone he considered attractive, Billy felt a rush of emotions. Marian Cirillo intimidated him in a way no woman ever had. She offered a promise of caring and a genuine connection Billy found endearing. There also were occasional glimpses of a darker side in the last couple of weeks that left him unsettled.

  “Were you able to reach Roni?” Marian asked as she placed a hand on Billy’s arm.

  “Yes, she’ll meet us at Bertolli’s.”

  “I can’t wait to meet her,” Marian said. “I’m sure we’re going to love each other as much as I love you, Billy. I’m going to try as hard as I can to make it work. I know how important she is to you, Billy. She’s your baby. Your only child.”

  Billy caught a tone of sarcasm in Marian’s voice and immediately searched her face for validation of his perception. The mask snapped back into place immediately. There it was again, that sense of unease that felt like someone whispering warnings in his ear. He wondered if he should listen or grab his last chance at happiness.

  Chapter Four

  The murky brown waters of the Mississippi sparkled as Roni crossed the Alton Bridge to reach the old river town. Roni passed the gaudy looking casino perched on the riverbank, thinking about her one visit to the gambling establishment. Lots of red flannel, smoke, and desperation created a gloomy atmosphere that caused Roni and Harley to flee shortly after dinner.

  Roni continued driving down Main Street until she reached her destination. Bertolli’s parking lot was packed, probably because other patrons of the Club, the Whitmoor Country Club restaurant to be precise, had determined Bertolli’s would be a good substitute. Roni walked into the huge entry, which was light and airy with lots of Italian terrazzo on the floors and walls.

  Fake grapes and lots of wine bottles displayed on racks lent a wine cellar ambiance to the place. There was a section across from the hostess stand dedicated to wine tasting and sales. Patrons were lined up three-deep, holding pagers, and hoping to try wine since their tables weren’t ready. Roni had almost made it to the podium when she spotted Billy walking toward her.

  “Hey, I’ve been watching for you,” Billy said as he gave Roni a big hug.

  “This place is really crowded.”

  “I know,” Billy said as he bent over and whispered. “I didn’t realize people were into drinking that much at lunch.”

  “Another effect of a bad economy?”

  “Probably,” Billy said. “Come on, I’ll take you back to our table.”

  They made their way back to a corner table near a window, a little set apart from the others. A petite woman wearing designer clothes, nervously twirling the stem of a wine glass, was looking out the window. She must have sensed their approach because she turned her head as they reached the table and smiled. Roni’s initial reaction was that she was a very attractive woman. On closer inspection, Roni realized the woman wore too much make-up, had a plastic smile probably from too much Botox, and was wearing an entire jewelry box of ornate, gaudy bling.

  “Marian, this is my daughter, Roni,” Billy said.

  Marian suddenly presented her hand across the table, and Roni wondered if she was supposed to kiss one of the garish rings. Marian spoke before Roni had to decide which one would be the most appropriate.

  “Oh, I’m so happy to meet you,” Marian said as she stood and grabbed Roni’s hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” Roni said, shaking Marian’s hand as everyone sat down.

  “I guess this must seem awfully sudden to you,” Marian said. “It hasn’t been that long since your mother died. I know how that feels.”

  “What do you mean?” Roni asked.

  “My mother died when I was 10,” Marian said. “I remember when my Dad started dating again. I hated those women with a passion.”

  “Well, I’m not 10,” Roni said a little too harshly and immediately regretted her outburst.

  A pink blush spread across Marian’s face. “I didn’t mean that you would dislike me for no reason. I just meant that it’s a difficult situation.”

  “Roni knows that,” Billy said as he squeezed Marian’s hand and looked at Roni.

  Roni felt like crawling under the table. Fortunately, their waitress arrived with menus and took drink orders. Under the pretense of studying the menu, Roni was actually doing a quick survey of Marian. Among the many flaws noted were the small brown eyes that were too close together, the hawk-like nose, and the thick lips that seemed huge in relation to the rest of her face. Suddenly aware all she doing was looking for flaws, Roni considered Marian’s remarks and wondered if she was the one who was acting like a 10 year old.

  “Billy said you have two children, right?” Roni asked.

  “Yes, Vicky and Murray,” Marian said. “Of course, they’re in their forties now. Billy told me you’re a nurse. I think that’s the noblest profession there is. I wasn’t able to go to college, but I always thought I would have gone into nursing if I could have.”

  “How do you like Alton?” Roni asked as the waitress returned with their drinks and took their lunch order.

  They kept the conversation light throughout the rest of lunch, and Roni left Bertolli’s thinking she could understand how Marian had charm
ed Billy. She seemed kind and very interested in pleasing Billy. They set a date for Marian to accompany Billy to Harley and Roni’s for dinner.

  A burning guilt accompanied Roni to her car, where she got behind the wheel, pulled out her cell phone, and dialed Harley’s number.

  “Hey, babe,” Harley said. “How did it go?”

  “OK, she’s not what I expected,” Roni said.

  “No horns and a tail, huh?”

  “No, nothing like that,” Roni said. “I’m the one who acted like a jealous child.”

  “Well, it’s natural for you to feel threatened. Maybe you just need to get to know her better. I think Billy has really been lonely since your mom died.”

  “I think you’re right,” Roni said. “I’ll try to be more open minded and give her a chance. She’s either a really nice person or a great actress.”

  “No in between on this one, huh?”

  “I don’t think so,” Roni said. “I invited them for dinner. You’ve got good people radar. You can check her out.”

  “What if she’s just a great actress?”

  “Then the gloves come off,” Roni said. “I’m not going to let that woman just waltz in and hurt my dad. She’ll be in for the fight of her life.”

  Chapter Five

  While Roni was having lunch with her father, I was sitting in an orthopedic surgeon’s office hiding behind a newspaper, waiting for Nguyan Thj Dung to be called back to an exam room. I liked detective days better than nursing days. Mostly, it’s fun because there’s an element of excitement. Even a bad shrink might suggest I’m still addicted to adrenaline rushes.

  I was cranky because I hated coming to Dr. Blake’s office. Determined to retire at the ripe old age of 50, he double-and triple-booked patients. Pictures of his retirement compound in Mexico adorned every exam room, and he freely discussed his business plan, complete with investment advice to anyone willing to listen.

  I had complained repeatedly about the excessive wait time, but he always laughed, totally unable to comprehend how anyone could think her time was just as valuable as his. Injured workers liked him because he apparently thought they should all retire, too. Treatment was long and usually accompanied by numerous highly questionable surgeries. An actual work release was extremely rare because no one ever got sent back to work unless they begged. Of course, many workers knew his reputation and flocked to his practice.