Finally formulating a question I hoped would not fire the hormonal flames I asked. “What happened, Ethan?”
“Why do you care?”
“I’m your mother,” I shouted. “It’s my job to care.”
“You suck at your job.”
Trying to subdue my mounting rage I asked. “So, that makes it OK for you to smoke pot and get into fights?”
“Whatever,” he countered, putting his i-pod ear plugs in his ears to block out further dialogue.
I barely managed to keep the car on the road I was so mad. Months and years of sucking it up, stifling my feelings about my unhappy marriage to James and my inability to make him understand I didn’t want to live in the country had pushed me to the brink. Couple that with the seemingly endless arguments ahead with Ethan and something just snapped.
Pulling the car to the side of the road, I reached over and opened a startled Ethan’s door and said. “Get out, Ethan.”
“What?” Ethan asked as he pulled the left earplug out. “What’s wrong? Why do I have to get out?”
“Just get out of the car,” I said. “The walk will do you good. Maybe you won’t have so much energy for fighting if you get some exercise.”
“You’re kidding?” he asked, somewhat meekly for once.
“No, not kidding,” I said as I pushed him out the door, pulled it shut, and steered the car back on the road.
By the time a livid and more confused than usual Ethan got home, I had packed and left. My terse, angry letter to James and Ethan had been left on the kitchen table instead of dinner.
All the changes in my life started with my parents’ sudden death in a car accident four years ago. That event set off a complex chain of emotions and events that I was just now beginning to fully understand. Their sudden demise snapped the chains that had held me captive, causing me to question every aspect of my life.
Nothing made sense after that. For me, it seemed easier to get out as fast and go as far away as I could. I think I just didn’t want anyone to talk me out of it, and I was convinced my nine siblings would try to do just that. I’m sure they must have thought I buried my sense of propriety with my parents, because I began to shed my former life almost immediately.
James said it was grief because that was infinitely better than actually taking responsibility for his alcoholism. I’m sure Roni and Harley thought it was a mid-life crisis. Ethan never said much, but as someone who was months away from his own escape to college, I think he secretly understood, maybe better than anyone else.
Alaska was the ultimate escape, an unconventional place with a wild-west mentality that was perfect for someone like me. Lots of people escape to Alaska and most of their stories weren’t much different from mine. We were all running away from our past, just trying to survive our present before moving on to our future. I worked for an air ambulance company, flying from one remote location to another, providing medical care to grateful residents.
I functioned a lot more like a doctor than a nurse, which was exhilarating and terrifying. I performed medical procedures I had never been formally trained to do. When you’re someone’s only chance, perspectives and rules change. My call sign, of course, was Doc. Not too shabby for someone who felt like a total failure in every other aspect of her life. I learned a lot about medicine, people, and myself. Enough to understand I had the power make my next life better. I was already thinking of coming back when Roni called.
I forgot all of my past lives as I pulled into the parking lot of Angelo’s West, a popular West County restaurant that seemed crowded at the peak dinner hour. A parking space proved elusive and I had to drive around the lot twice before I found a spot.
The front door led into a huge atrium full of giant plants that formed a path to the podium. A short line moved slowly while I looked around furtively, hoping to spot an unattached male at one of the tables near the front.
When I finally arrived at the podium, the blond hostess, fake smile firmly in place, checked her list and said to the cohort standing next to her. “Yes, Mr. Kyle is at table 12. Carly will take you to your table.”
“Thank you,” I said, following Carly, feeling nervous as resurrected memories from previous blind dates gone bad swirled through my mind.
Carly stopped at table 12. I smiled at Jack Kyle, who stood and said. “You must be Kitty. Hi, I’m Jack.”
I extended my hand, which Jack shook as he motioned for me to sit across from him in the booth and Carly fled.
“I’m glad to meet you, Kitty,” Jack said, gulping his martini as if it would provide the courage he needed.
“Me, too,” I said as an eager waiter, wearing a sparkling nose ring, arrived to take our drink orders.
“I’d like a glass of Riesling,” I said.
“Another Washington apple martini for me,” Jack said as he smiled at me. Everything about Jack Kyle screamed medium; medium height, weight and hair color, a cross between ash blond and gray. Guarded, washed out blue eyes observed me carefully, revealing nothing. Struck by the complete lack of expression on Jack’s face, I wondered how he had mastered keeping such an impenetrable mask in place.
“So, any more funny stories about your job?” he asked as the waiter left.
“Not really,” I said, unsure what to say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think this would be so uncomfortable.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Jack said as the waiter brought our drinks, handed us menus, dutifully recited the specials, and left.
“That steak special sounds great,” I said, trying to make conversation. “So, you work with computers?”
“Yeah, I have a small business that provides computer support,” Jack said. “I have 20 employees who come to your house and set up or fix your computer. I like having my own business, don’t you?”
“Oh, yeah, that’s the only way to go.”
“What are you looking for, Kitty?” Jack asked, finishing his martini.
”Well, that’s a loaded question.”
“A friend, a lover, or a husband?” he asked.
“How about all three at some point?” I asked as the waiter returned with another apple martini and wine. I felt a twinge of unease, realizing Jack had probably instructed the waiter to keep the drinks coming before I got there.
“I’ll have the steak special,” I said to the waiter. “House salad with ranch and a loaded baked potato.”
“I’ll have the same,” Jack said as we handed the menus back to the waiter.
When the waiter was gone I asked. “What are you looking for, Jack?”
“I like strong women,” Jack said as he took another big gulp, his eyes starting to glaze over as if they were eager to swim in a happy sea of alcohol. I had a lot of first hand experience with that particular phenomenon.
“What exactly does that mean, Jack?” I asked as the waiter dropped off our salads and left. “Strong as in independent, strong physically, what?”
“I guess more physically, sexually,” Jack said as his gaze landed on my breasts and remained locked in place. Rather than feeling insulted, I thought he seemed more pathetic than predatory as we continued our discourse.
“Hm, sexually?” I asked, determined to find out if I had stumbled into a world of kinky sex that would at least make the night memorable. “Like whips or S&M?”
“Nothing quite that extreme at first,” Jack said, shaking his head. “I just like to be dominated.”
“So, do you like being spanked?” I asked as I imagined wearing black leather pants, vest, and gloves with a whip in my hand. My freak meter exploded with activity.
“Spanking is good.”
“Tell me more,” I said as our steaks and another round of drinks arrived. Jack seemed much more interested in slogging the liquor while I ate the food with gusto.
“It all starts with role-playing.”
“So you’re the big, bad boy who needs to be punished,” I said, staring at Jack for cues.
A knowing smile spread across h
is face. “I have been bad.”
“I’m the woman who’s going to keep you in line,” I said, unsure what to say next.
“I need to be tied up and beaten.”
“I’m fresh out of whips and chains,” I said. “How’s your supply?”
“I have a whole collection,” he said.
The bantering about a world I knew nothing about continued until the food was gone and Jack looked like his head would crash onto the table any minute. I lost count of how many drinks he managed to gulp down. All I know is that it took our waiter with the nose ring and several of his co-workers to help me stuff Jack Kyle into a cab for his solo ride home.
Chapter Twelve
The Great Flood of 1993 affected an area that covered 745 square miles and has been called one of the most costly and devastating events ever to occur in the United States. Damage estimates exceeded 15 billion dollars and one man in Illinois was given a life sentence for causing a catastrophe by breeching a levee, ostensibly to keep his wife on the other side so he could continue partying.
In the fall of 1992, the rain started and that winter brought heavy snow. Spring brought more rain and a weather pattern that continued to hammer the same area throughout the summer. One of the areas inundated was Chesterfield Valley in St. Louis County. For several weeks, the water blocked a major artery in the area, Highway 64. Enormous traffic jams tied up the entire area, virtually paralyzing businesses because people were unable to get to work.
Roni remembered the video of the flooding as she drove through Chesterfield Valley to meet Billy. Several levees that surrounded the Valley had been rebuilt and strengthened after the flood. As a result, hundreds of businesses and restaurants had flocked to the area. Roni was amazed at the continuously growing number that had been built, wondering if these new levees could withstand another onslaught of rain like 1992 and 1993.
Roni was on her way to Annie Gunns, a popular restaurant that was one of the original inhabitants of the Valley. When the water finally receded, the restaurant had to be rebuilt. Space was added inside as well as an outdoor patio that was covered and now had removable sides and heaters in the winter. Roni navigated the busy intersections, pulled into the parking lot, and entered the dimly lit restaurant. She removed her sunglasses to help her eyes adjust. It was a stark contrast to the bright summer sunshine she left behind outside. She approached the hostess, who led her to the patio, where Billy was waiting for her.
Roni thought Billy looked uncomfortable as she approached the table, and Billy stood, reaching over to give her a hug. They settled into their chairs and were about to exchange greetings when their waiter arrived. Drink orders taken and menus in hand, they finally began their conversation.
“How are Harley and the kids?” Billy asked.
“Everyone’s well,” Roni said. “Did Emma call you?”
“Yeah, I can’t believe I’m going to be a great-grandpa. It seems like yesterday Emma was just a toddler. I’m getting old.”
“You don’t have to tell me about that,” Roni said as the waiter brought their drinks and recited the specials for the day.
“I’d like potato pancake appetizer,” Billy said. “You can try it Roni, it’s great. Then I’d like the Chef’s burger of the day.”
“I’d like the salad special,” Roni said as the waiter nodded and left.
“So, Dad, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“Roni, you know how hard those years after your mother’s stroke were for all of us,” Billy said. “I was exhausted after your mother died. And then I was alone in that big house. I needed a fresh start. Some place without all those memories. I gave you the house because I knew you would feel at home there. I moved to Alton because I grew up there and it felt right for me.”
“I understood why you moved, Dad.”
“Well, I’d been really lonely since your mom died,” Billy said. “When I met Marian I felt my life was better. We seem compatible and I want to ask her to marry me. She says she needs that. I guess that’s just the way our generation is. The thing is, I won’t do it if you can’t accept it. You are more important to me than Marian. Roni, I feel like this is my last chance to be happy and have some kind of life. What do you think?”
“Don’t put this on me, Dad. Good grief, what am I supposed to say? No, I don’t want you to be happy.”
“I’m glad you feel that way,” Billy said.
“That’s really sneaky and very clever, Dad.”
“I thought so, too,” Billy said, laughing. “Seriously, though, I’ve thought about all this a lot. Marian is old school and she feels like she couldn’t continue our relationship if we’re not married. I respect that.”
“So, this is the please back off and accept my decision conversation?”
The waiter arrived with the appetizer and set it in front of them, interrupting Billy’s response.
“You have to try this, Roni, it’s delicious,” Billy said.
“OK, it’s smells incredible,” Roni said as she put part of the pancake on her plate. “So, back to our conversation.”
“Well, as usual, I wouldn’t exactly use those words,” Billy said.
“You can clean it up anyway you want. In the end, is that what this is about?”
“Every issue isn’t a nail you have to hammer, Roni,” Billy said as he put chutney and bacon on his pancake.
“Wow, is that what you think I do?”
“Sometimes,” Billy said as the waiter took the empty appetizer plate away and replaced it with their entrees.
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings,” Billy said as the waiter left. “I just want you to understand. At my age, I realize I don’t have much time left. I want to make the most of it. I need someone to take care of me and to be honest, the sex is good.”
“Too much information, Dad. No daughter wants to hear about her father’s sex life. That’s why you’re marrying this woman?”
“Partly,” Billy said. “You know the old adage about not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
“She doesn’t want to give you free milk?”
“She didn’t put it that way,” Billy said. “She’s worried about her reputation.”
“Wow, I never thought you’d leave me speechless but I have to admit, I’m there.”
“I don’t want to fight with you or Marian,” Billy said. “I don’t want to feel like I have to make a choice. I don’t want any more dinner inquisitions.”
“Ah, I thought that didn’t go over so well.”
“You’re right, it didn’t,” Billy said. “You need to tell Kitty to back off.”
“She was just worried about you.”
“I know,” Billy said. “Plus, I wouldn’t put it past you to put her up to it.”
“I might have mentioned some reservations I had.”
“Kitty took it to a whole new level,” Billy said. “I don’t want our relationship to change, Roni.”
“OK, I get it.”
“So, you’ll help your old dad out here?” Billy asked.
“I’ll do my best to accept Marian and make this work, Dad. I promise.”
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, Roni and I huddled in the back of Harley’s van, sipping coffee from twin Starbucks cups. The tinted windows on Harley’s van insured we would remain concealed. We swiveled back and forth in the captain’s chairs, staring at the entrance to the Job Simulator, the physical therapy/simulated work facility where Ho Chi Minh was scheduled to report any minute.
“Do you think she’ll show up?” Roni asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “She’s been going for the last couple of weeks. She has a pattern she follows. She goes for a while and then she quits. They send her a letter with her check informing her they’re going to stop her benefits if she doesn’t go to therapy. She doesn’t have much choice if she wants her money. Let me tell you, if that woman shows up, she won’t waste any time. She’ll be gone in a flash when she’s
done. Guess whose cat had kittens in my closet?”
“Oh, oh. I bet all your revenge fantasies have been revived.”
“You got that right,” I said.
“How many kittens are there?”
“Six,” I said. “They’re so small right now. I guess Harley did OK because they had all been born by the time I got home.”
“What are you going to do with them?”
“My first thought was to let them loose at your place,” I said. “Then I thought about what Harley said about having a bone yard, so I guess when they’re old enough I’ll find them a good home.”
“That sounds good. By the way, did you ever catch up with Mary Poppins again?”
“Not yet,” I said. “I’m going to see if I can nail her tomorrow. Unlike Ho, the only time she watches for anyone is when she’s shoplifting. So, how was dinner with Billy last night?”
“Interesting. Billy basically wants me to back off. He’s going to marry Marian.”
“Wow, I was afraid of that,” I said. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to do what Billy wants,” Roni said. “He wants you to back off, too.”
“Why does he have to marry her?” I complained. “What’s wrong with living in sin?”
“Think about their age,” Roni said. “Men my dad’s age are looking for someone to take care of them. Throw in a little sex. Game over. By the way, how was your date last night?”
“Strange,” I said. “He got drunk. Apparently, he’s into a lot of S&M type of stuff.”
“You mean like whips and leather?”
“Yeah, he swears it’s all totally innocent,” I said. “I’m telling you, Roni, there’s a whole world of freakish sex going on out there that we’re not a part of.”
“Count me happily unaware. Do I want to know what happened after dinner?”
“I pumped him for info until he had that last apple martini,” I said. “He was so drunk by that time several waiters had to help me stuff him into a cab. Seemed like old times with James. Maybe I should consider becoming a lesbian. Honestly, I like woman better anyway.”
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