Ex in the City (Many Shades of Blu #1)

by Lillianna Blake

  After I used the restroom, I took some time to wash my hands and touch up my lipstick. I was slightly afraid to step back out and see AJ again. My reflection in the mirror seemed fraudulent. While my mind swirled, my features remained still—calm, even.

  I took a deep breath and stepped back out into the office. AJ leaned against his desk, looking up when he saw me.

  “Now can I get that second?”

  “Sure.”

  I made a point of leaving plenty of space between us. It didn’t work, though, because he stood up from the desk and walked toward me, leaving me nowhere to retreat to.

  “I know this is awkward.”

  “It shouldn’t be. I’m happy for you.” A smile spread across my lips. Could he tell that it was fake?

  “I guess I’m just a little confused. When you said you needed time to explore, you acted as if you wouldn’t be interested in dating anyone. At all.” He narrowed his eyes some. “I guess that’s changed?”

  “For both of us.”

  “You are the one that ended things, don’t forget that.” His voice had a slight edge to it—perhaps more frustration than anger.

  My heart softened as I remembered that yes, I was the villain here. I was the one who had hurt him.

  “AJ, what’s the point of this? It’s opening night of your bar! You’ve accomplished something phenomenal. You should be out there enjoying it.” I did my best to avoid his eyes. I didn’t want to look into them and see the hurt there.

  “You had to know that bringing him here was unfair.” He crossed his arms.

  “Are you serious?” I finally looked at him and I could see the sternness in his expression. “What about Falyn? You’re allowed to date, but I’m not?”

  “You didn’t actually want to—what were the words you used? Explore and grow, I think you said. You just wanted to be done with me, right?”

  “AJ.” My heart skipped a beat. I watched his arms unfurl as he turned away—those arms that had wrapped around me so many times. They had comforted me, kept me safe, drawn me into passion—and now they belonged around Falyn.

  “Well?” He glanced at me.

  “I did want to explore and grow. I just realized that maybe I need a little help with that. I need someone to challenge my comfort zone, to break me free of old habits.”

  “Like me? I’m the old habit, right?” He laughed. “Look, it’s fine.” He drew a deep breath. “You’re right, it’s unfair of me to be upset. I just believed you—when you said that it was about your journey.”

  “It is, AJ. Please, I don’t want to lose your friendship.”

  “You haven’t lost it.” He took another breath and his voice softened as he spoke again. “You won’t ever lose it. But that’s all it is now. I get it. Finally, I think I really get it.”

  “Falyn seems like a nice person.” I offered the words halfheartedly, when what I wanted to say was that Chase couldn’t hold a candle to him. It wouldn’t be fair to confuse him even more.

  “She is. We’re not serious. But she’s a lot of fun.” He pulled open the office door. “You should get back to your date. And I should get back to mine.”

  As he pulled the door closed behind us, I felt as if he was pulling the door closed on me for a final time. I didn’t want to be heartbroken, but I was and when I turned away from him, I found Chase right there waiting for me.

  “He’s more than a friend, isn’t he?” He looked into my eyes. “He’s an ex.”

  “Yes.” I sighed.

  “Is he still an ex?” He glanced at the closed door.

  “Yes, very much so.” I frowned.

  “Good.” He offered me his hand. “I still want to dance, what about you?”

  “Yes.” I smiled.

  As he pulled me onto the dance floor, I let him distract me from the pain that pounded through my heart. Maybe Chase didn’t make me feel the way that AJ did, but he deserved a chance.

  Chapter 10

  Chase didn’t let go of me for the rest of the night. If we needed drinks, we went together. If we needed rest, we sat together. He was subtle about it, but I also noticed him scanning the crowd, as if he was looking for someone.

  It made me a little uneasy to think that he was determined to keep me away from AJ, but then maybe I was just being paranoid. Besides, the truth was, I needed to stay away from AJ. Being alone with him had brought up all the wrong emotions for me. Well, not exactly wrong, but not the emotions I wanted to be experiencing.

  I did my best to keep my focus on Chase. He really was handsome, but that wasn’t even the best thing about him. He was attentive and interested in what I had to say. He didn’t just ask questions for the sake of asking them, he listened to my answers.

  As we prepared to leave for the evening, he leaned close to my ear so that I could hear him clearly.

  “I have to confess something.”

  My heart lurched. What could it be? I hoped nothing that would put an end to the fun time I was having with him.

  “What is it?” I met his eyes.

  “I’ve seen you before.”

  “What?” I blinked and tried to recall if I’d met him and somehow forgotten. I could have. When I’d been with AJ, I honestly hadn’t even noticed other men.

  “You were at Peter’s birthday party last year. I was there too—with my girlfriend.” He offered a sheepish smile. “That’s why I never said anything to you.”

  “Oh yes, I remember the party. There was a pony!”

  “Yes, my mom goes all out for the little guy. Anyway, when I saw you at the gym, I just couldn’t let another chance pass me by.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t.” I smiled as I looked into his eyes.

  “Are you sure about that?” His expression became a bit more serious. “I don’t want to get in the middle of anything, but I’m not interested in walking away either.”

  “You’re not in the middle. AJ and I are over. He’s with someone new and I’m here with you.” I slipped my hand into his just as we reached the door.

  “And I’m glad that you are.” He leaned so close that I was sure he would kiss me, but at the last second he brushed his lips along my cheek. It could have been accidental, as he straightened the collar of my dress, then placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me through the door.

  As we stepped through, I stole a glance over my shoulder—just out of curiosity—not expecting to see AJ. But there he was, not more than a few feet away, his eyes locked to me.

  When he realized I’d seen him, he smiled.

  I was relieved to see that it seemed to be a genuine smile. Maybe we were both ready to move on.

  The entire drive home, I wondered if Chase would kiss me at the door. The cab was a little uncomfortable, and I found myself sliding across the seat to be closer to him. The moment I did, he did the same and his arm naturally fell around me. It was a little awkward, but it felt good too.

  “Can I see you again?” He met my eyes as the cab pulled up to the apartment building.

  “Yes, I’d like that.” I bit into my bottom lip to hide how nervous I was.

  Should I suggest something? Should he? I had no idea what to say next.

  “Would dinner Wednesday work for you?”

  Dinner. It was a big step. We’d be alone together, with nothing to do but talk.

  “Sure.” I swallowed back all of my uncertainty. “That would be great.”

  “I’ll walk you to the lobby.” He stepped out of the cab, then walked around to open the door for me.

  I offered a smile of appreciation.

  His hand went to the small of my back again and I realized that I really enjoyed the feel of it there.

  When we reached the door he looked at me pretty intently.

  “Thanks for this evening. I had a lot of fun.”

  “Me too.” I waited. Would he kiss me? Did I want him to kiss me?

  As he leaned close, I realized that I did definitely want him to kiss me. I wet my lips in anticipation
and then felt his lips land gently on my cheek.

  “Good night, Blu.”

  “Good night, Chase.” I waved to him as I stepped inside.

  I was tempted to stop by Maddie’s apartment, which wasn’t far from mine, but I decided against it.

  Instead, I went straight to my place to change. I was glad to be in comfortable pajamas again.

  As I washed the lipstick off, I thought about my conversation with AJ. Whether I really wanted it to be final or not didn’t seem to matter anymore. It was final.

  When my thoughts turned to Chase, I felt a rush of excitement.

  I settled at my computer determined to distract myself, and I was happy to see an e-mail back from Samantha saying that she’d love to have dinner after her speaking event the next day. She was going to be talking about how to overcome fear and how creating a bucket list had helped her to do that in her own life.

  I knew a lot about her journey already—that she credited everything to writing that very first list years ago—everything from her self-confidence to writing her first book and even to the relationship with her now husband. It really was inspirational and it seemed to be perfect timing for me and the task at hand.

  No matter what AJ believed, I really was trying to discover myself—my true dreams, goals, and passions—and now I found myself hoping that maybe dating Chase would actually help me along with that process.

  Chapter 11

  I woke up the next morning with a bit of excitement and a bit of regret. Of course, my first thought was AJ. It had been like that pretty much since the day I’d met him—which had been part of my reasoning for needing some space. It seemed obsessive, for him to be the first thing on my mind.

  Today, however, Chase took a close second. I looked forward to seeing him on Wednesday. As I remembered the way he’d kissed my cheek, I thought it was sweet. But I realized that I didn’t feel that vivid spark I yearned for. Maybe once I got more comfortable with him, it would be there.

  I checked in with Maddie and found out that she was working that afternoon, which was great because I was babysitting also. We made plans to meet up at the park. I promised to give her all the details of the night before, but first I needed to get a run in.

  The power of my feet striking the ground reminded me of just how strong I was. The mantra that carried through my head with every breath I took reminded me that I didn’t need to be with anyone to be happy. But as I leaned against a bench to catch my breath, I couldn’t help thinking about what my life would be like with Chase, instead of AJ.

  Would we get married? Would we have children? I guessed they might look like Peter. I wouldn’t really care what they looked like. I wasn’t even sure if that was what I wanted. Being part of Hanna’s wedding had sparked some interest in me—some longing—but was marriage really meant for me?

  I started off again, but this time at a jog instead of a run. As I let the mid-morning sun wash over me, I pictured Chase running right beside me. He was athletic. I could imagine that he might be into running. I tried to get a sense of what it would feel like to hear his breath—to feel the heat pouring off him.

  As I looped around and headed back to the apartment building, it occurred to me that I was getting a little out of control. Chase and I had had one date. We hadn’t even kissed and here I was wondering what our future would be like together?

  There—that right there was the problem.

  My future couldn’t be about who I was with, it needed to be about what I wanted to dedicate myself to. And if someone else was meant to be there with me, then great.

  I returned to the house in time to shower and change before it was time to take the kids to the park. Once I was ready, I found them in the kitchen gathered around the table for lunch.

  I paused in the doorway and watched for a moment. Rachel laughed as she agreed to share her French fries with Joey. Marley perched on her father’s knee and rested her head against his chest. I could see a dreamy look in her eyes, as if she was in her favorite place.

  My throat tightened with emotion. What a beautiful family they were. It always surprised me when I saw them all together. It didn’t matter how much time they spent apart, or what stress they had in their lives; as long as they had each other, they were happy.

  “Blu, I made you some lunch.” Rachel waved me over. “You need to eat after that run.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled as I joined them. They never made me feel like the hired help. I knew not every family was as kind or inclusive as they were. I was lucky in that regard.

  After we finished lunch, I gathered the kids together along with some of their favorite toys to bring to the park, and we headed out. It was a nice day and the park was within walking distance.

  When we arrived Maddie was already there with Nathan. As the kids ran off to play together, I settled on the bench next to Maddie.

  “So?” Maddie grinned.

  “So what?” I shrugged.

  “Oh my gosh, how did it go?” She rolled her eyes. “Did you kiss him? Did you do more than that?”

  “No—and of course not!” I laughed.

  “What did AJ do? What did he say when he saw you with Chase?” Her eyes glowed with curiosity.

  “Well, he didn’t punch him or anything.” I frowned. “Honestly, I think it did upset him. But maybe it was for the best. We both need to realize that we’re moving on.”

  “Chase should be able to help with that.” She winked. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

  “We’re going to dinner on Wednesday. Oh! Speaking of dinner! Sammy—Samantha Bradford—you know, the author I’ve been raving about—is going to be in town to do a speaking event tomorrow. It’s all about her bucket list idea—how much it changed her life—how it helped her to conquer her fears. She said she could meet up for dinner after. Will you be able to join us? For the event and dinner? I just know you’re going to love her!”

  “Absolutely! I already have tomorrow off because the family is going camping tonight.”

  “Camping?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “Okay—more like glamping.” She laughed. “All I know is they consider it roughing it, and I’m glad that they’re spending time together.”

  “Me too.” I smiled as I thought of the lunch I’d witnessed earlier in the day. “Great, then we’ll go together tomorrow to the book store. It’ll be a good distraction.”

  “From what? A beautiful man who wants to get to know you or the lover that you know will never let you go?”

  “Oh, he let go.” I took a deep breath, then waved to Marley as she flew down the slide. “Now I just have to do the same.”

  Chapter 12

  Later that night, after I’d fed the kids, I left Joey to watch his favorite television show while I curled up with Marley in her bed to read a story.

  When it was finished, she looked into my eyes with her own sleepy gaze.

  “Blu, how come AJ doesn’t come over anymore?”

  That question struck me hard. Of course she would want to know. It wasn’t that long ago that AJ would accompany us on most of our outings.

  Ever since the summer we’d all spent in Diamond Bay, he’d been a part of not just my life, but the kids’ lives as well. Their parents knew him and accepted him. Rachel even encouraged me to have him around the kids, as their father was gone for work so often that she thought they could use another male presence now and then.

  How did I explain to a five-year-old that things had changed?

  But then, all they’d ever seen was friendship. Of course we’d never shown any real signs of affection around them, as it didn’t seem appropriate.

  “He’s just been busy, sweetie. Sometimes people get new friends and they like to spend time with them.”

  “Okay.” She snuggled close to me and as her little arms wrapped around me, she whispered, “I’ll always be your friend, Blu. I promise.”

  Just like that, her sweet words brought tears to my eyes. Perhaps I was more afraid of losing AJ
than I realized. I kissed the top of her head and sang her a song.

  Once Marley was down for the night, I played a quick game of cards with Joey, then settled him into bed as well.

  By the time Rachel and Marshall got home, I was ready to collapse. However, as I sprawled out across my bed, my mind came alive with thoughts of AJ.

  What he’d said to me in his office haunted me. He said that he’d finally got it, as if something had clicked inside him. Did that click mean game over for us? And wasn’t that what I wanted?

  I closed my eyes tight and tried again to fall asleep, but once more thoughts of him crept into my mind. Memories of Diamond Bay, the promises we made to one another. Was he right? Was I just trying to be free of him?

  The thought gnawed at my stomach until I had to get up. It was still early—too early for me to sleep, anyway. It wasn’t even nine. So why did I feel so exhausted? Maybe I just needed reassurance that AJ and I were still friends—that we were still on speaking terms.

  I grabbed my phone and decided to send him a text.

  Hey, AJ, just checking in…

  No, that wasn’t right.

  I deleted it and thought for a moment.

  About last night…I’m sorry…

  No, that was going in the wrong direction too. I hadn’t done anything I needed to apologize for. After all, he’d had a date also. We were both trying to move on.

  I sighed as I realized that texting him would not encourage that. I was just about to set my phone down when it buzzed. My heart lurched, as I hoped that it might be a text from AJ.

  Instead, it was from Chase.

  I smiled as I read it over.

  I had a fantastic time last night. Looking forward to dinner. How are you?

  I started to respond, then stopped. I’d been out of the dating game for so long that I wasn’t sure what was customary. If I responded right away, would it look like I’d been waiting for his text? Or that I had nothing else to do on a Saturday night but sit by my phone? I didn’t want things to get too heavy too fast.

  I decided that I would wait until morning to respond.

  I liked Chase and I wanted to explore things with him, but I didn’t want my entire life to revolve around him—the way that my life had begun to revolve around AJ while we’d been together.