Till Death Us Do Part

by Cristina Slough

  “What will you do whilst I’m gone?”

  “I have myself a little date.”

  “With who?”

  “Oh, a guy I met in town today. He owns the coffee shop where I got my breakfast.” She chuckled.

  “You don’t waste any time, do you? I don’t know how you do it,” Mimi said as she rolled her eyes.

  “I’ve got my mobile. Make sure you have yours,” Mimi said as she headed out the door.

  As she drove to the ranch, her stomach was in knots. She had never been the sort of girl that dealt with nerves well. Before exams, she wouldn’t eat; before a date, she would constantly second guess herself; and often, before job interviews, she’d arrive early just so she could sit in the toilets in case she got sick.

  On her first official date with Joel, she had experienced her usual anxiety. She arrived at the restaurant worried he wouldn’t be there. As soon as she walked into the bustling Italian restaurant, she saw him immediately. He stood up and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and a simple hug. At first she was unsure how to act and she was aware of how positively English she sounded next to his very American accent.

  Throughout the evening, he complimented her, made her laugh, and learned she loved books, cats, art, and travel. He told her about his dedication to the military, and although he had been born and raised in Texas, he wanted to see the world. He was grateful to the Corps for giving him that opportunity.

  Mimi drove up the sweeping driveway. She checked herself in the mirror and quickly reached for her makeup bag, powdering her nose and applying a quick dollop of pink lip gloss.

  She walked to the large oak door, which was closed this time. She rang the bell and waited. A couple of seconds later, she heard the clunk of the door being unlocked. She swallowed hard as she tried to hide her emotion looking at the man that was so like Joel, except he was fair. Joel’s hair was dark, but not like Mimi’s, which was almost black.

  Austin held out his hand to shake Mimi’s. She reluctantly gave hers to him. It felt awkward and strained and she felt like an imposter who shouldn’t be there. She didn’t belong inside these walls. Her heart cracked at the sight of a picture on the wall of a young boy, probably around the age of eight or nine. It was Joel with a toothy grin.

  “Would you like a drink?” Austin asked as he walked into the house. Mimi closely followed.

  “Just water; thank you.”

  He took her into the kitchen, which appeared to be the heart of the home. There was a fresh bowl of fruit sitting in the centre island, the cupboards were a light oak, and the granite worktops gleamed in a grey sparkle, like the night sky.

  Mimi took a seat at the kitchen table. She loved the smell of real wood. Everything in the house felt beautifully rustic.

  Austin brought a pitcher of water and set a tall glass in front of Mimi.

  “So, you came,” he said. She felt like she was in the room with Joel, only she wasn’t.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t?” Mimi said in a high-pitched tone that was a tad too sarcastic.

  When he didn’t answer, she moved her gaze away from him.

  “So, you want to know more about my brother, do you?”

  “I do. I mean, I am a family girl. I have a sister, Larna, and Joel was a part of that. I always wanted to meet you. I was disappointed you didn’t come to our wedding.”

  “I wasn’t invited.” His voice was deep and moody.

  “You were. You said you didn’t want to come.”

  Austin shook his head and smiled. He reached across the table and picked up a bottle of beer. This time his eyes made direct contact with Mimi. He pushed his body into the back of the chair and crossed his legs in front of him.

  “He tell you that, did he?”

  “I’m confused. Joel told me you didn’t want to come. It was then he made the decision to stop trying with you. I mean, he sent you emails, made phone calls, and you kept rejecting him, so he gave up. I’m sure he wanted you in his life.”

  “You really don’t know who you married, do you?”

  Mimi felt her heart stop. Her mouth felt dry and suddenly she couldn’t find the words she needed. Her hands shook. She gulped some water, but it went down the wrong way and made her cough uncontrollably.

  Austin handed Mimi a tissue to wipe her streaming eyes. She cleared her throat and could feel her cheeks flush. She was distracted by the sound of thudding footsteps running into the room.

  “Who’s she?” The little boy asked.

  “This is Mimi. She’s visiting us from England.”

  “Where the Queen lives?” the little boy asked, wide-eyed and impressed.

  “Yup. Where the Queen lives.”

  “Do you know her?” His little face was so handsome.

  “No, I’ve never met the Queen, but I hear she is a very nice lady.”

  “My name is Jake.” He held out his little hand to Mimi.

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Jake.”

  “Are you and my daddy boyfriend and girlfriend?”

  “Jake, go outside now and play with the horses.”

  “But, Dad, I want to stay here and talk to Mimi.”

  “Jake, outside. Now.”

  Jake pouted and stomped out of the room. Mimi was taken by this sweet little boy.

  “He’s lovely. How old is he?”

  “He’s eight,” Austin answered directly.

  “I didn’t know you had a child. I didn’t even know you were married?”

  “I know you didn’t. And I’m not married, for the record.”

  Mimi looked out of the window and saw Jake petting the horses. She had seen his little face before, and then it clicked. He was the little boy in the picture.

  She didn’t want to ask any more questions because she had a feeling that she was irritating Austin. She wasn’t here to find out about his personal life. She was here to find out about the life he had shared with Joel, when they were close.

  “So, you and Joel. Was this always your home?”

  “Yup. Joel was actually born here.”

  “In this house?” Mimi gasped.

  “Yup. He was born in my parent’s bedroom. Our mother didn’t have time to get to the hospital. She said he just wanted to be born. I was the late one…but I’m also the one that stayed to pick up the pieces.”

  Mimi didn’t feel entirely comfortable with Austin. She was extremely attracted to him and knew it was because he looked so much like her husband. She was sure if Joel had been alive, there’s no way she would have this feeling. Whenever Mimi was in a relationship, she was in it!

  There had only been one longterm boyfriend before Joel, a guy named Sean who she met at university. She thought it was serious. They went on a couple of sunny holidays together and shared Saturday nights in with takeaways while watching the X-Factor.

  One weekend she had an awful headache and couldn’t attend a friend’s birthday party, but persuaded Sean to go. Halfway through the night, the pain killers kicked in, so she decided to slip into her little black dress and go to the party. When she arrived, she looked for her boyfriend but couldn’t find him. She went up to the bathroom and heard his voice laughing and saying the word “baby.” She listened behind the door and eventually pushed it open. She saw Sean passionately kissing another girl, who was pushed up against him in her bra and jeans.

  When Sean saw Mimi, he pushed the other girl off him and called after her as she ran through the crowd of the party. His voice sounded so desperate. Sean had tried for months to get Mimi back, but she refused. After that ordeal, she had a few dates but nothing serious until Joel. She hadn’t even looked at another man after she was with him.

  Austin allowed Mimi to tour the house. He showed her Jake’s room, which was painted in Disney’s Cars.

  “As you probably guessed, this is Jake’s room.”

  “I guessed. Very boyish.”

  “He sure is.” Austin managed an unconvincing smile.

  Later, they walked around the g
rounds of the ranch, exploring the rich green area. There were acres and acres of untouched land. Austin was passionate about the horses.

  Mimi actually enjoyed his company. He was so different from Joel. He didn’t have that drive for adventure, but there was a wild man in him in that cowboy Texan way.

  After they had arrived back at the house, Mimi was desperate to ask more questions about Joel. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t seem to get them out. She hoped Austin would broach the subject, but when he didn’t, she became frustrated, and her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest.

  Sunlight fell through the large glass panelled window overlooking the acres of green. Mimi picked up her glass and asked Austin for a drink.

  “Something strong,” she requested.

  The silence between them was extending. The purpose of her being here was to learn more about her husband, but now it seemed like her purpose was to find out why there was a feud between these two brothers. Apparently, Austin’s version of their relationship was different from Joel’s.

  She thought about the wedding invitation. Mimi’s parents always told her there were three sides to every story—“Your side, their side, and the truth.” She suddenly remembered the day she wanted to post the invites. Joel said that he would take care of the overseas invitations, especially to Austin because he wanted to send him a note to give them another chance of reconnecting again. Mimi hadn’t questioned it. She understood how important it was for Joel to hold out an olive branch to his brother.

  When Austin told her he hadn’t been invited, she didn’t think he was lying to her. She assumed one of two things could have happened. Either Joel decided not to send the invitation because he had feared rejection or the post office was responsible. She wanted to believe it was because of an error in the mail, but deep down it just wasn’t sitting well with her. She had never questioned Joel’s honesty to her…until now.

  Chapter 8

  Mimi arrived back at the B&B later that evening. Meg wasn’t back yet. She hoped that her friend was all right. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with Meg swanning off in some random man’s car.

  Mimi removed her shoes, which were caked in mud from the walk around the ranch earlier that day. She stepped into the shower, feeling the water wash over her skin. Mimi wondered how long she needed to stay in Texas. Strangely enough, she could totally envision a life here, and felt connected to the land in a way she couldn’t explain. When she touched the horses, she felt something, almost like a calling, that she was exactly where she was meant to be, but surely it was Joel she should have been here with.

  As she combed her hair, she noticed that a few clumps had tangled in the bristles of the brush. She knew it was because of stress. An hour or so later, Meg returned and Mimi could tell she had been drinking. Meg was a deliriously happy drunk. She sang silly songs and made ridiculous childish jokes that were so bad they were funny.

  “Mimi, my Mimi. How did it go?” she said, holding her arms out to her friend, leaping on her, and pulling her in for a bear hug.

  “It was better than I expected. I assume your date went well?”

  “Ohh, I can totally see what you see in these cowboys, Mimi. They are such fun!” Her blue eyes were wide and her cheeks slightly pink.

  “Are you seeing this guy again?”

  “Bo? Yeah, I think so. Maybe another little date is in order before we go home.”

  They had only been here two days, and the mention of them going home disappointed Mimi. She didn’t think she would be able to get all the answers she needed in just ten days. This wasn’t a holiday. This was a journey for Mimi, and it was something that was going to define the rest of her life. Yet she knew she had people who loved her back home—her parents and her sister, and she had a job, a flat, and her cat. Meg’s life was back in the UK. Her friend had been kind enough to join her, but she knew it would soon come to an end, and in a way, Mimi was prepared to travel this road alone if she had to.

  The next day, Meg was still asleep at ten in the morning. Mimi was desperate to get back to the ranch, but she couldn’t leave her friend abandoned at the B&B with no means of transport. She wanted to wake her, but didn’t feel right doing so.

  While waiting for Meg to wake, she looked at the brown bag containing the journal she bought and wondered what words she would use to fill the pages. She thought about using it as a diary, but somehow that didn’t seem fitting.

  After she dressed in a pair of black leggings and an oversized cream top, she took a stroll outside. She inhaled the warm air, the same air her husband once breathed. She wondered if he had ever driven past this little establishment. Lately she was wondering many things.

  She found a small bench hidden in the grounds of the property and took a moment to sit down and take in her surroundings. She had the journal with her and pulled out a pen she had taken from the car rental company. She opened the first page. It was clear, crisp, and tinted cream, almost yellow. Suddenly, as the pen took on a life of its own, it made sense why she had this book.

  Dear Joel,

  I miss you. I miss you so much. I can’t remember what my last words were to you. I have tried so hard to remember, but I can’t. I am here in your hometown in Texas, searching for answers and trying to get to know you better…that seems crazy, since I am your wife. Is that what I am? Your wife? We said until death us do part, but that’s the problem, Joel. I’m not living up to my vows because I can’t let you go. I hate to be called your widow. Every part of me hurts. I can’t think straight, and it’s like I am having a bad dream.

  When I check my emails, there is a part of me that is hoping and praying that your name will be there and you will tell me that you are coming home, wherever home is. So far, I love Texas and the ranch you grew up on. Joel, I wish you would have taken me here! I wish you had shown me this part of you with your fingers entangled in mine. I had such a bad feeling about you leaving and now I wish I had asked you to stay, but if you had, I would have been guilty of keeping you from the man you were. But now I feel guilty because it took you. Somebody took you and I have no idea who that person is!

  Not being able to give you the goodbye you deserve is also killing me. I think about your perfect body out there somewhere lost and broken. Every day I remember. It’s as if my mind has burst, and every single memory of our time together is spilling out. I feel jealous of all the couples I see, young and especially the old, because they have been given a lifetime to spend together. I only had you for a blink of an eye. How is that fair?

  I see that the rift between you and your brother is deep, and I know there is something that you held back from me. I wish you had talked to me about it. I love you so much and I’ll go on loving you. Please come to me, Joel, whether it be a feather blowing in my path or a ladybird on my hand. Just give me a sign that you are all right.

  My love always,

  Mimi Mimi xoxo

  Joel had said that Mimi’s name was as cute as a button. “So nice, I have to say it twice,” a bit like New York, New York. He had come up with her nickname back in London, when they had been having a Sunday lunch with her family. Her mother laid out a typical dinner: roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, and gravy. They sat around the table sharing stories of all the trouble Mimi used to get into as a child. “Aw, Mimi, Mimi, aren’t you cute.” From that day forward, her nickname had stuck. At the bottom of her painted canvases, she would sign Mimi Mimi. She grew to love the affectionate name he had given her.

  Somehow, writing to Joel gave her a sense of comfort. She felt like the words she wrote would be read by him. It was 11:15 by the time Mimi returned to the room. Meg was only just stirring. She pulled her messy blonde head off her pillow and rubbed her temples. She was visibly hungover.

  “Ugh. American shots are not like English ones. The glass is twice as big.”

  “So why didn’t you just have less than what you would in England?”

  “Um, you may h
ave a point.” She lifted herself off the bed and headed to the bathroom. A few moments later, Mimi could hear Meg vomiting.

  “Can I get you anything?” Mimi shouted through the door.

  “I’m okay,” she wearily answered. And then she retched once more.

  After Meg emerged from the bathroom a while later, she stood in the doorway, not looking at all like she had been sick. She was perfectly made up and as immaculate as always.

  “Austin said I’m welcome back to the ranch today. Would you like to come?”

  “Oh, I just don’t know if this is my place.” Meg sighed.

  “Well, what will you do if I go?”

  “How about you drop me off in town? Bo said I could hang out with him whilst he works today and maybe he’ll shut down early so I can explore with him. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t mind heading back into Dallas for a couple of days. Don’t get me wrong, it’s beautiful out here, but you know me, Mimi. I’m not a country girl. Actually, I can feel my skin itching the longer I’m here.”

  Mimi sat on the wooden chair, tapping her long fingernails on the arm. She wanted to be alone, she had wished it, but wishing for something and the reality were two different things.

  Having the security of Meg so close by made her feel safe. Austin was aloof and moody, and sometimes she didn’t know how to deal with that. He was still, in every way, a stranger to her. She came to the conclusion that it was only vanity—his looks and voice—that were so much like Joel.

  “Are you sure you feel safe with this guy?”

  “Who, Bo? Of course. He’s a little kitten. A real sweet guy. I’ll be fine. Should I worry about you and Joel’s younger, very sexy brother?”

  Mimi blushed. She didn’t expect to. Meg caught on immediately.

  “Oh my God, you like Austin!”

  “Jesus, Meg, no, not like that. My husband has only been gone for less than a month. What do you take me for?”

  “I take you for a woman with a pulse.”