“I’m going to have a baby.”
“Pull the other one, luv, it’s got bells on!” Rodney said, grinning at his quip, before he turned and caught the look on my face. He sat down abruptly. “Shit, you aint joking.”
I shook my head and edged closer to the fire that was blazing merrily in the fireplace. I’d driven over to Rodney’s house to find him making a hash of trying to wrap Amelia’s Christmas present. A slightly wonky Christmas tree stood in the corner of the room, every inch of it covered in the gaudiest decorations I’d ever seen. The walls and ceilings were completely covered with swathes of tinsel, and gold plastic angels swung from the light fittings. It looked like Santa’s grotto had exploded in Rodney’s living room.
When he’d seen the tattoo around my neck he’d been so pleased for me and then I’d burst into tears.
“But ... But ... That’s impossible!”
I grabbed a wod of tissues from a box on the table and dried my eyes, blowing my nose and trying to get a grip on myself. “It’s not Corvus’ and not yet ... I don’t mean yet,” I said, trying hard not to cry again. “I had a vision but Corvus saw, he asked me ... I couldn’t lie.”
“Bloody hell, luv ... Whose then? Oh shit! Not ...?”
“Don’t!” I screamed at him. “Don’t say it, don’t try and guess. If he asks you, you have to be able to say you don’t know. If he figures out who, he’ll kill him.”
“Maybe that would be for the best,” Rodney muttered darkly.
“No,” I shook my head. “No, Rodney, it wouldn’t.”
“Shit.”
I nodded, too gloomy to speak as he got to his feet.
“Aw, Jéhenne, what have you done, luv?” He didn’t say it unkindly but I turned away from him and walked into the kitchen. I stood and leaned against the sink, looking out the window and trying to concentrate on breathing in and out as it seemed harder than usual. Rodney walked up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.
“I’m sorry, lovely,” he began, trying to pull me into a hug, but I put my hands up and stepped away.
“Don’t be nice to me, Rodney, please. I’m just about keeping it together and if you’re nice to me I’ll cry.”
He nodded and stepped away. “When?”
“I have no idea.”
I could feel his eyes on me, the judgment there, but I couldn’t blame him. “Say it.” I didn’t look at him, didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he asked.
He sighed. “I’m sorry, Jéhenne, but how could you, how could you do it to him, luv?”
“I don’t know, I just don’t know. The idea of it, the idea that I betrayed him ... Oh, God, Rodney it makes me sick to my stomach but the child ...” I swallowed down a sob. “I love that child, or at least I’m going to. I want it and I know it has to exist like I know I have to breathe. My life won’t be the same without it.”
He came and stood close beside me. “An’ what’s your life goin’ to be like without Corvus?”
I didn’t answer for a moment, couldn’t, but in the end I simply said what I knew to be true. “Unbearable.”
I sat outside the Chateau in the dark trying to work up the courage to get out the car and go in. I felt sick with fear and longing. I just wanted him to forgive me, to hold me and tell me it would be alright. Corvus had always been the one trying to prove his love, his loyalty. For the first time perhaps, I really appreciated what I’d put him through.
I took a deep breath and stepped out and then my heart sank as I saw Lucas standing on the steps of the Chateau. He gave me a nasty grin and sauntered towards me. I glared at him, willing him to do something that would let me attack him. My fingers burned with the desire to wipe the smug, self-satisfied look from his face. He made a turning motion with his finger.
“Turn around and get back in your car, little witch. You are not welcome here anymore.”
“Get lost, Lucas.”
He laughed and shook his head. “No can do ... Master’s orders.”
“What?” I felt my heart contract. Please no.
His smile grew wider as the shock of what he had said hit home. “He doesn’t want you here.”
“But ... I need to see him. I have to talk to him.”
“Well, he doesn’t want or need to see you.”
“I don’t believe you!” He wouldn’t, I told myself, trying to keep calm. He wouldn’t send Lucas, of all people, to humiliate me like that. He knew how much we hated each other, I just couldn’t believe ... Even if what he said was true, he wouldn’t hurt me like that ... Would he? I pushed past him and into the Chateau and I heard Lucas following behind.
“He’s in his study but I really wouldn’t go in there.”
I turned and glared at him before heading for the study door.
I heard a nasty laugh behind me. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
My heart thundered in my ears as I pushed open the door, but when my eyes fell on the scene it exposed, I thought it stopped all together. It certainly broke a little. Corvus was leaning against his desk, feeding, his mouth latched on the neck of a beautiful blonde girl. Her head was thrown back and she was breathless, making little mewling noises and writhing against him.
My breath caught in my throat and his eyes flicked open, looking directly at me, eyes that were cold and hard. He had his hands on her hips but now, as I watched, he let one slide over the gentle curve of her belly and up to cup her breast. She moaned and pressed back harder against him.
Flames erupted at my fingers as hurt and betrayal ripped through me but before I could speak or react further, an unseen force pushed me from the room and slammed the door in my face. I stumbled and lost my balance, falling to my knees in front of the door.
“Corvus?” I whispered.
I just sat there, trembling, tears streaming down my face unchecked. I could still hear the girl moaning through the door. I had to get away. I knew Lucas was watching and enjoying the spectacle immensely but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Corvus had just given me a very clear message.
As far as he was concerned, it was over.
I scrambled to my feet and fled. I wanted to be angry with him, and I tried to regain the fury that had erupted when I had first laid eyes on them but… I had chosen another man’s child over him. What did I expect? All I could feel was a bone deep sorrow and a longing for him that I knew would never leave me.
I ran back to the car, slamming the door and driving away and tried not to speculate on what was happening in his study right now. I had to pull over by the time I got to the village as the tears blurred my vision and I couldn’t see where I was going.
I didn’t know what to do, where to go. I considered Rodney but couldn’t bear to see the look in his eyes. I knew he’d always be my friend, no matter what, but he just couldn’t understand how I could betray Corvus. He wasn’t the only one.
No matter how I thought about it, no matter how much I knew I would love that child, I just couldn’t believe it would happen. I didn’t want anyone else; I certainly didn’t want to be with Corin. A sliver of guilt pierced me as I remembered him with the little girl asleep in his arms. He was handsome and powerful and, from what I had seen so far, he would be a wonderful father, I could admit that much but ... No. No, it didn’t change anything. It really didn’t.
I drove back to the cottage numb with grief to find that Inés must have gone out as her car wasn’t there. I was relieved; at least I wouldn’t have to face her yet. I had my own key so I could get in the cottage. I dragged myself out of the car as a cold wind whipped the hair around my face and for a moment I didn’t notice the feeling that I was being watched.
I took a step in the direction of the cottage but turned as I heard movement in the trees that edged the garden. I scanned the dark and saw three, pale, ghostly shapes emerge slowly from the darkness. Yellow eyes watched me and the strange sense of calm I had experienced when I’d heard the wolves calling that morning came over me once more. They stepped
closer, heads down, tails between their legs, moving slowly, as if they feared I would hurt them.
“It’s OK,” I said, and they wagged their tails, just a little, as they drew near me. I held out my hand and a cold wet nose pressed against my fingers, followed by a swift lick from a rough, warm tongue. Each one of them took their turn, pushing forward, big paws raking down my jeans leaving muddy trails, all eager for my attention and they whined as I turned from one to the other, each of them wanting to be the one I focused on.
“Where have you come from?” I wondered aloud but right at this moment I didn’t much care. For some reason their presence was a comfort, wrapping around me and bringing a feeling of safety. Everything would be alright.
They believed it.
I turned towards the cottage and they followed at my heels, and if it was strange that I should let them in without a second thought then I didn’t consider it. I climbed the stairs to my room, hearing their claws clatter and slide on the wood as they followed me up, and I lay down on the bed, falling asleep with my new companions standing guard.
Chapter 13
I woke to feel warm fingers stroking my cheek and sighed, turning onto my back towards them. A hand brushed the hair from my forehead and I felt the touch of soft lips against my skin. My eyes flickered open to find Corin sitting on the bed, smiling at me.
I groaned. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“If you remember, we have an arrangement, plus I made you coffee so you might like to be a little more appreciative.” Through my half open eyes he looked as sleek and well-groomed as ever. I rubbed my face and ran my fingers through my hair, immediately getting tangled in a knot. I suspected sleek and well-groomed were not words that could be applied to me.
I sat up and snatched the mug from his hand. “Get off my bed, you shouldn’t be up here, and don’t ever kiss me again, in fact don’t touch me at all.”
He elegantly got to his feet and shrugged. “It was really a very chaste kiss, my dear, you just looked so lovely it was too hard to resist. I find temptation is best yielded to, it saves a lot of bother wondering if you will or you won’t ...when you know in truth the result will be the same.”
His eyes held mine as he spoke to me and I had the feeling he wasn’t just talking about himself or the kiss, but I just glared at him. “Go and wait downstairs, I’ll be down in a minute.”
His eyes glittered with amusement and he inclined his head. “I am yours to command, dear one.”
“And don’t call me that!” I slammed the coffee down on the bedside table in irritation.
“My, my, so touchy this morning. I really think you are in need of some relaxation, Jéhenne, you are always so uptight. Is your vampire not taking enough care of you in that department? You know you only need ask ...”
I didn’t think, just acted, and a fire spell flew from my hand, right at his head. He reacted so fast I barely saw him move but the spell was extinguished in a blast of frozen air that chilled the room so much I could see my own breath as I struggled to calm myself.
“Jéhenne,” he said, reproach in his eyes. “You might have killed me.”
“That was kind of the idea!” I snapped and then was overwhelmed by regret as I realised what I’d done; if he died there was no golden eyed baby and the row with Corvus had been for nothing. I gasped as the idea took hold. “I-I’m sorry.” I buried my face in my hands. “Go away, please, please go away. I don’t want you here.” The thought occurred to me that at some time in the future, if that baby was ever going to happen, I would have to ask him to stay. I sobbed and he hesitated before walking closer and crouching down beside the bed.
“Jéhenne, I’m so sorry, I was only teasing, I didn’t mean upset you. I apologise, truly, my dear. I will go if you really want me to but ... I did promise Cain I would instruct you. He won’t be pleased with either of us if we don’t go ahead.”
I blinked away tears, not looking at him. “Fine, stay, just ...get out of my room and don’t come up here again.”
He nodded. “As you wish.” I could feel his eyes watching my face and just couldn’t look at him. “Jéhenne,” he said softly. “Please won’t you tell me what’s making you so unhappy?” I shook my head but he didn’t move. “Why did my comment upset you so? Is it Corvus ...?”
“I don’t want to talk to you about it.” I stared at the pattern on my duvet wishing he’d either go away or stop being nice to me. I wanted to carry my dislike of him around a like a shield, it would make it easier ... And then I wondered, easier for what? Would it make it easier for Corvus to know I’d slept with a man I didn’t even like? Did I really want to hate my child’s father? I dragged my attention back to him as I realised he was talking to me.
“Are you sure? I think you should speak to someone. Your friend, the young woman, Claudette isn’t it? Perhaps you would prefer to tell her?”
I laughed bitterly. The idea of having a normal female friend to talk to was something I wanted very badly but then, a normal friend would never understand this. “She doesn’t know ...about me, about any of this.”
He sighed, reaching out to touch my hair. I didn’t bother telling him off, he didn’t seem to be able to help himself. “The ghoul then, Rodney, he is a close friend I think?”
I grabbed a tissue from the bedside cabinet, blowing my nose noisily. “I told him already.”
“And?”
“And now he’s mad at me too!” I looked at him and there was such concern in his eyes it was all I could do not to bawl my eyes out. “Corin, please go away.”
He frowned. “I only want to help you.”
“You want to help yourself more like,” I snapped, though bearing in mind the state I must have looked, I wondered why on earth that was.
“That’s simply not true.” He actually looked hurt and I felt bad for being such a bitch. I didn’t say anything though and he turned away. “I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
“Wait.”
He looked at me hopefully but I was too busy scanning the room. “Where are they?”
“Where are what?”
“My wolves, where are they?”
He looked puzzled and shook his head. “I’ve seen no wolves, Jéhenne, you say they are yours?”
“Yes ... I ...” I stopped, wondering if I had dreamed the whole thing. Surely not, it had seemed so real? “Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” I watched as he went downstairs and I picked my coffee back up. It hadn’t been a dream, I was sure of that. When I got up and looked at the state of my muddy jeans I knew I was right. I hoped I would see them again soon.
The room was freezing now and I grabbed the hideous, flowery dressing gown Inés had given me when I’d first come to stay. It was exactly the sort of thing a little old lady would wear and not normally something I would be caught dead in but I was cold and I told myself I didn’t give a toss what Corin thought of me.
I wrapped it around myself and hurried downstairs into the bathroom. By the time I came out, Inés was coming through the front door. Her hair was dripping wet and a gust of cold damp air filled the kitchen as she fought to slam it behind her.
I clutched at the dressing gown and tried not to notice the amused look Corin was giving me.
“It’s not mine,” I grumbled, wondering why on earth I was explaining myself.
“It’s most becoming,” he said gravely, and I snorted.
“Merde, it’s foul out there,” she cursed and then raised her eyebrows at Corin lounging in the chair by the fire and me in my dressing gown. “Did you stay here last night?”
“Yes, I did,” I admitted.
“Sadly, I didn’t,” Corin said with a sigh.
I looked quizzically at Inés. “Didn’t you then?”
She shook her head.“Non, I was working on something with Remé and time got away from us so I stayed over there.” She paused and looked at me. “Ça va, Cherie?”
“Fine,” I replied as brightly as I could manage, which from the look
she exchanged with Corin, wasn’t fooling anyone.
She walked over and took my hands. “Why didn’t you stay at the Chateau then? What’s going on, Nina?”
“Nothing ... really, it’s ...” I stopped, what was the point? Inés would hear soon enough. “He--he threw me out,” I mumbled.
“He did what?” Her green eyes flashed with fury and she turned away, cursing with a volley of obscene French. “How dare he ...?” She was about to launch into another rant when I managed to find my voice again.
“I don’t blame him, Inés, I ... I really gave him a reason to do it.”
Corin was watching me curiously. “How so? What could you have done to turn things around so completely, if he’s really been waiting for you for so long, or was it just a lover’s tiff?”
“No.” I couldn’t meet his eyes. “No, he meant it. He won’t see me.”
He leaned forward and took hold of my hand. “What will you do?” I walked away, out of his reach and wondered the same thing. Swallowing past the lump in my throat and ignoring the fear that held my heart in a vice, I shrugged. “Find a way to make him forgive me.” I looked out of the window and watched the rain as it lashed against the glass, wondering how exactly I was going to manage that.
“Forgive you for what? Nina, is this about the bond, did you find a way to break it?” I heard Inés’ voice, gentle and full of concern. I didn’t want this; I didn’t want to talk about it.
“No. No it isn’t about the bond. It doesn’t matter,” I said firmly, remembering the wolves and the feeling they had given me. They had made me believe everything would be alright. I had to believe that too. “I just need to figure out what to do, that’s all.” I smiled at them. “It will all blow over I’m sure.” I ignored the looks on their faces.
“Are you really?” Corin asked.
“Yes, really.” I met his eyes willing myself to make him believe it even if I didn’t. “So don’t get any ideas.”
He smiled. “As if I would?” But there was a look in his eyes that didn’t bode well. “Are you ready to begin your training then?” he asked.
The Heart of Arima. Page 10