I was shaking uncontrollably now, trapped in a nightmare that I simply couldn’t wake from but it couldn’t be true. I wouldn’t believe it. Corvus was immortal, invincible, no one could take him from me. It wasn’t happening. It wasn’t happening.
“Jéhenne?”
I looked up and into his eyes and he stroked my face, pushing the hair away from my forehead. “I know you will mourn for me, my heart, and it comforts me to know that, but please, Jéhenne, not for too long. Move on with your life. Go and find your son, make him a part of your life and perhaps ... Perhaps you will find another who is worthy of you. Maybe one day you will have more children. I know how much you want that, my heart, and that is something I could never have given you.”
I moaned and buried my head in his chest. “No! Never! I never will, and you did give me a family, your family. I don’t want any other.”
I felt his arms close about me. “Not yet, no, but you will, and I want you to. I want you to have everything. I know you won’t forget me but don’t get stuck in the past. Remember me from time to time with happiness, light a candle for me when you remember ...and move on.”
He kissed my forehead. “Goodbye, my heart.”
“No! No!” Hysterical with fear, I clung to him until he commanded me to be still and I was trapped in a void, internally screaming and ranting with terror and fury but frozen in place. He turned to Cain.
“Give it to me.”
Cain unwrapped the knife of Belial, the stones and the blade glinting in the red glow of the sun and I watched in horror as Corvus took it from him. He walked away a little and got to his knees. In my head I was screaming, screaming but I was trapped, trapped in this impossible state, unable to reach him, to move, to stop him from tearing my life apart. I could see his hands were trembling as he held the knife up to his chest.
“No!”
“Cain.” I heard his voice, barely more than a whisper. “Help me.”
Cain swallowed and shook his head. “Corvus ... No, she’ll never forgive me.”
“Please.”
Cain looked at me and back to Corvus before moving forward. He knelt down in front of him and placed his hands on top of Corvus’ on the knife ...and plunged it home.
I heard him gasp and his hold on me shattered, and suddenly I was screaming. Corvus had slumped forwards and Cain caught him, laying him down on the ground. I rushed forwards, pushing Cain out of the way. Blood, thick and so dark it was almost black, rose up around the knife and I snatched it away, pressing my hands to the wound. “Inés! Inés! Help me ...quickly!” I screamed at her as the blood welled over my hands but she just stood watching me, tears streaming down her face.
“Inés!” I kept my hand pressed down on the wound and the blood seeped sluggishly over my fingers, slick and warm and for some reason I couldn’t fathom, it smelt like home. “Help me! Somebody help me!” I sobbed, and Inés came to me, putting her arms around my shoulders. “Nina, Nina, cherie, I’m so sorry, so very sorry but he’s gone ... There is nothing I can do, nothing any of us can do. He has saved you, Nina. He gave everything to save you and now you must let him.”
I shook my head, dragging my unwilling eyes from the wound to his face. I couldn’t breathe, the pain was too overwhelming. It ate me up from the inside out. I couldn’t survive this, didn’t want to. I crawled beside him and lay down, putting my arms around him and holding him to me. I couldn’t leave him here. I just clung to him and cried, there was nothing else to do ... There was nothing else.
I could hear others crying, dimly. I didn’t care, didn’t care for their pain and loss. They had lost a part of their world, a segment that could never be replaced but there were others. My world was gone, completely, and I didn’t want another.
Eventually they came for me, as I knew they would, and I clung to him, shaking my head. No, I wouldn’t let go, wouldn’t leave him. They pried my hands from him as I wailed and fought, a wild thing, more animal than human in my grief. They spoke to me softly, kindly, and I hated them, despised them for taking me from him but they did. They took me away and held me, stroked my hair and rocked me like a child while I fought to get free but when I did, when I broke away to return to him ...he was gone.
Chapter 52
The Market was busy again. I could smell chickens cooking, the scent of herbs and spices of a nearby stall mixing with the stench of too many unwashed bodies and animals jostling in crowded pens. I flicked my hair over my shoulder, knowing that he had seen me, that he was trying to get to me, through the press of the crowd. I bit back a smile. I could almost taste his frustration. He’d been trying to speak to me for days, ever since he had seen me hiding when my little brother had made me duck down and hide behind the tree trunk.
I had heard of the handsome Roman general who sought the girl with flaming red hair. He had even come to my home, where mother had sent him away with curses ringing in his ears. I had let him catch a glimpse of me occasionally, before disappearing again. I knew he wanted me and the knowledge made my heart pound in my chest, but if he thought I would be just another conquest, he was much mistaken.
He would remember me.
There was something about him, something in those eyes that made my blood fizz in my veins, a connection that I couldn’t ignore, like it had always been there, and always would be. I knew I was playing a dangerous game but since I had begun this life I had listened to my instincts, and they had served me well. I wasn’t about to ignore them now, not when they were screaming in my head that this man, this beautiful man, was part of my future. He was important- he was mine.
I dodged through the crowds, lifting my dress free of the mud and darting behind a stall before heading into the woods. Waiting behind a large oak tree, I watched as he broke from the crowd, scanning the open space between him and the trees. I stepped out a little, and he saw the movement, turning his head towards me. Our eyes met and I smiled at him, just enough encouragement to make him follow, then I darted into the woods, and disappeared.
Chapter 53
I was unaware of the gate being called. I was locked up, shut down, numb with pain.
Rodney carried me through as the only time I reacted at all was when Cain got close. I couldn’t bear to have him near me.
And then as we crossed the gateway a new torment began, the pain and loss of every vampire that Corvus had ever made, screaming and wailing in my head. Their grief pulled me deeper down into a dark pit of despair that seemed inescapable. I was passed to a new pair of arms and the sensation stopped just as abruptly as it had begun.
“It’s alright, Jéhenne, I’m here. I will keep them at bay. Sleep now.” A familiar voice but one that shouldn’t comfort me, spoke softly by my ear. It wasn’t a command, the voice wasn’t strong enough. Powerful certainly but not nearly enough to command me, yet somehow the sensation glided over my skin, easing the pain just enough so my mind could shut down and leave it all behind.
The arms stayed around me, holding me. Whoever he was, he had his own pain, I could sense it but he kept it from me as best he could. I relaxed, comforted by a connection I didn’t understand but accepted with gratitude, and I slept.
When I awoke I was freezing, shivering in our bed. I could smell Corvus, his scent still lingering on the pillows, and I buried my head in it, breathing deeply and remembering everything, every detail, as if by force of will I could undo it, make it so it had never happened.
Inés was there and I felt her place another cover over me, tucking it in tightly. She was speaking to me softly, in Occitan, and I didn’t know what the words meant but they sounded like a prayer of sorts. She took my hand, holding it to her face and I could feel the wetness of tears against her cheeks. She leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “Drink this, Nina, it will take it away until you are strong enough to cope.”
I took the glass from her hand and swallowed it. I didn’t ask what it was. I didn’t care in the least, as long as it took me away from reality and back to Corvus. The dr
eam had been so vivid. I could still smell the market place, the sensation of the coarse material of my dress and the wet hem tangling around my legs, the pounding of my heart when I knew he had seen me. Except it hadn't been a dream, not really.
It was a memory.
Chapter 54
I hadn’t seen him for a couple of days and I was beginning to worry. Perhaps I had overplayed my hand and he had become bored? Perhaps the connection I had felt only worked one way, maybe that ... need was only on my part. I suppressed the desire to go and seek him out. Not yet; I would wait a little longer, besides there was work to be done. I needed to go and gather bulrush roots. It was a mucky job and I inevitably ended up soaked to the skin but at least the weather was warm despite the fact the summer was over. I could smell the scent of autumn on the air, a chill to the morning that covered the grass in dew and made my leather sandals sodden in no time.
I took them off, putting them in my basket and made my way through the meadow to the river. I had a favourite place to gather from, the rushes here grew strong and thick and it was very secluded, shielded from prying eyes. Nonetheless I checked there was no one around before stripping off my dress and laying it carefully on the ground. Goosebumps prickled over my skin despite the sunshine and they only increased as I waded into the cold water. My toes sank into the mud and I grimaced, crouching down to dig around the roots.
Twenty minutes later I had gathered enough for my requirements. I was also freezing cold and covered in mud. I carefully placed my haul in the basket and washed off the worst of the mud, shivering as the icy water splashed over my bare skin. I hurried to the edge of the river to get my dress from where I had left it on the bank, eager to get dressed- only to find it wasn't there. I was certain I had the right place and that meant only one thing ...
"Looking for something?" said an amused voice.
I shrieked and ran back into the water, standing behind the bulrushes.
I looked around the rushes to the tall, blond figure standing on the bank. The sun glinted on the metal fastenings on his uniform and breastplate and his eyes did much the same. He looked appallingly smug.
"Give me my dress back!"
"I would be delighted to. Come and get it."
I huffed and rolled my eyes, exactly how stupid did he think I was? "Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?"
"Considering I have been chasing you for days with barely more than a glimpse of your hair disappearing into the distance, I would say yes. I would enjoy it very much."
"If you don't give me back my dress whatever you see today will be all you ever see again!"
He smiled, considering me, what he could see, with humour lighting his blue eyes. "And what do I get if I do?"
"Alors, how about I don't curse you?"
He frowned and looked at me with a stern expression, all humour gone from his eyes. “You would be wise not to speak like that, especially not in front of a solider.”
I gave him a sly look. “You are no danger to me.”
His frown lifted a little and I saw a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “You have no idea what I want from you. For all you know I am searching for a witch to burn.”
“You’re searching for something but I don’t think burning is on your mind, not that kind of burning anyway.” I darted back behind the bulrushes and slapped my hand over my mouth to suppress a bubble of laughter. What the hell was I doing? I had never flirted so blatantly with a man before, least of all a soldier,and not just any soldier, a General! What in the name of the goddess had possessed me?
“I want my dress back!” I yelled.
Silence.
“Please,” I added, “I’m cold.”
I heard him shift on the river bank. “If I give it to you, do you promise not to run? Stay and speak with me for a moment.”
I bit back a smile; I had no intention of running this time. “I promise, only hurry up. I’m freezing.” I peered around the rushes to see him put the dress back where he had found it. He stood up, watching me, and I made a turning motion with my hand. He grinned and turned so his back was facing me. I dressed quickly and stood on the bank, admiring his broad shoulders.
“Can I turn around now?”
“Oui.”
He turned to find me standing close behind him and his eyes widened, a slow smile appearing at his lips. I tilted my head and looked up at him through my lashes. “Worth the hunt, soldier?”
I laughed and turned to run but he was too quick and caught me firmly by the wrist, as I had known he would.
“You promised.”
“We’ve spoken ... What more do you want?”
His eyes glittered, and he pulled on my arm where he grasped me, closing the gap between us. “To know you.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
I shook my head, feeling my earrings jangle against my neck. “You’ll have to do better than that.” I felt his thumb caress my skin where he was still holding my wrist and my pulse leapt beneath his touch.
“Then how about because where ever I turn I see red hair out of the corner of my eye, even when I’m sleeping. I think you are haunting me, witch.”
I tilted my head, considering. “Better ... But if I am a witch you should keep your distance. I’m dangerous, maybe I’ll bespell you, Roman.”
He reached out his other hand, tracing the line of my jaw with a finger. “Maybe you already have.”
I smiled, pleased with his response but there was something in his eyes. “You don’t believe do you?”
“Believe what?”
I threw back my head and laughed. “You don’t believe I’m truly a witch.”
He shook his head. “There are no such creatures. I have had my fill of seeing women burned, the whole business sickens me. Whether there are truly witches or no is not for me to say. The only kind I have seen were women with knowledge of herb lore or perhaps the more foolish who think to curse their neighbours without thought as to their actions. I have never seen a real witch and don’t believe I ever will.”
I felt a spark of anger at his ignorance but subdued it. I didn’t want to frighten him off, there was time enough to educate him. “And what kind am I then?” I asked, a thread of ice in my voice.
He took a step closer and drew my hand against his shoulder, keeping his own on top of it so I couldn’t break free. “I think you have something of both.” He nodded at the basket. “A healer certainly but with your temper the temptation to lay a curse on someone must be irresistible. You’ve already threatened me, and we have only just met.”
I tugged on my hand with a frown but he chuckled and held on to it. “I want to see you again.”
I huffed and glared up at him. “Well I don’t want to see you.”
“Liar,” he said softly.
I scowled at him and narrowed my eyes. Gods but he was arrogant. He was also right, damn him.
“When can I see you again?” he demanded.
I rolled my eyes. “Tomorrow, noon.”
“Here?”
“Here,” I agreed and looked up at him expectantly. “You can let me go now.”
He released my hand but continued to stare down at me. I felt my mouth go dry and my heart picked up again and I just stood there, stupidly, my hand still on his shoulder, trapped in his gaze.
“You can go now,” he said with a mocking smile.
I snatched my hand away, aggravated at my reaction to him and he only laughed, which infuriated me further.
“See you tomorrow.”
I tossed my hair and reached down to pick up my basket. “You hope.”
“You’ll be here.”
I turned away from him, towards the path that ran beside the river, swinging the basket nonchalantly. “How can you be so sure, you don’t even know my name?”
He chuckled and strode into the woodlands that bordered the river. “See you tomorrow,” he said, “Jéhnina.”
Chapter 55
The wards were stinging my s
kin. I didn't know what Inés had been up to but the scent of magic around my room was so strong I felt I would choke with it. It was dark save for the flickering of a roaring fire that blazed in the grate and thickened the air along with the stench of spells. My bed was piled high with blankets, and yet I had never been colder in my life. I closed my eyes, desperate to return to my dream. I needed to see him again. I didn't care if I slept for the rest of my life.
Inés had come by earlier and brought Heloïse who had sat carefully on the bed beside me. She stroked my hair and spoke to me gently. She knew what it was to lose a loved one and she tried to comfort me, to tell me this would pass but I could only cry. I wouldn't listen. This wouldn't pass, this would never pass and I didn't want it to. I would hold onto this pain forever for it was the only thing that I had left.
I heard Inés come in and they spoke rapidly in Occitan, clearly irritated with each other already. Within moments a row had developed and I sat up in bed.
"Get out!"
They both jumped, looking at me guiltily.
Inés frowned. "I'm sorry, Nina, I shouldn't have let her get to me. We'll go."
"No, wait ... I want another sleeping draught."
She hesitated for a moment but Heloïse answered before she could speak.
"Bien sur, I'll go and get it for you."
Inés came and sat on the bed beside me, taking my hand. "Would you ... Would you prefer it if I was your Gran again? I could change, if you wanted me to. Somehow I was always better at being comforting as an old woman."
I snorted. "That's sweet, Inés, really but ...honestly, I'm not sure comforting is really your thing."
She smiled sadly. "Oui, perhaps."
"Slashing and burning, yes, comforting- not so much."
The Heart of Arima. Page 41