Man of the Year

by Bianca Giovanni

  A girl at the table next to us flashed her boobs when they shot a closeup of her. A guy at a table behind us started licking his date’s breasts when they cut to them. People are making out—and I’m not talking kissing, I’m talking making out. Others are fondling each other. Two girls that aren’t even near the cameras just started groping each other for the entertainment of their table and I’m pretty sure the girl at the table on the other side of ours is giving her date a handjob right now. I feel like we’re teetering on the precipice of an orgy and I’m doing my best to shut all of this out and concentrate on something less lascivious.

  James’ scenes win for Best Threesome and Best Bondage, with the girls accepting each time and Amber saying what a great Dom James is when she accepts the bondage award.

  I’ve had a pretty decent amount of champagne at this point, and I’m glad that I have by the time they announce the next award. Best Anal. Another nomination for James.

  “Why don’t you just look at me while they show these clips?” Chad sweetly whispers in my ear. “I get the feeling that you’re a little worn down by all this.”

  “Do I look as bad as I feel?” I ask him.

  “No, you look beautiful, but I can tell that you’re not too thrilled with this whole scene,” he answers, pretending to be checking my lipstick when James gives us a quick glance.

  “I don’t want him to know that I don’t like it,” I say very quietly. “It’s his night and I don’t want to fuck it up.”

  Chad gives me a smile that says he doesn’t exactly approve of that plan, but he shrugs in acceptance. “Well, there aren’t too many more awards, so it’ll all be over soon.”

  Kayla Grey wins for Best Anal, a scene she shot with James, and she thanks him profusely in her speech, though without the malignity that Tara was putting out there.

  I don’t even bother looking up when they play the Best Double Penetration clips. I’ve seen enough at this point. Surprise, surprise, James’ scene wins again. I’ve zoned out. I don’t really want to think about anything but this champagne, which seems to be taste better with every sip.

  Finally, they get around to Man of the Year. It’s taking everything in me to act proud and excited, but I know that I need to because this is the big one and it’s really important to James.

  They play the clips and I go to a happy place, looking away from the screens. I hear the pants and moans of the girls on screen and I try to picture flowering fields, ocean breezes, kittens and rainbows—sweet, G-rated things that stop me from dwelling on the fact that my boyfriend is king of the sex workers.

  There are three camera guys at our table, a sure sign that someone seated here will take home the title. Across from us, Ethan looks hopeful but nervous as his scene flashes on the screen. I do my best to keep my expression somewhat blank, knowing that it’s highly likely my face will be visible in the closeup of James. The last thing I’d want is for everyone to see that I’m borderline queasy from the taxing events of this whole evening.

  Everyone is quiet as they open the envelope.

  “James Langdon!” Of course! Of course it’s James!

  He turns to me with a huge, proud smile and my heart breaks that I can’t be happy for him. I want to, I really do, but I feel like I’m swimming in a shark tank while clad in Lady Gaga’s meat dress.

  He brushes my hair over my ear and tenderly kisses me before he gets up and makes his way to the stage. The cameras stay focused on me and I put on my best smile, which seems to be convincing enough.

  “Man, this is so crazy,” James sighs into the microphone. “I have wanted to win this award since I got into the business. This is, like, the ultimate.”

  Everyone in the room is listening closely and they all look genuinely happy for him, so I try to shake off all my negativity and pay attention.

  “A lot of people have asked me why I’m leaving the industry—and I’d imagine a lot more people are gonna ask now that I’ve won this,” he says, gripping the award. “I decided to leave because I have something more important than any scene, any award, any trophy I could ever win. I have the love of the most wonderful woman on the planet and that’s really my greatest accomplishment.”

  There’s a collective “aw” from the crowd and I swallow hard. It’s so sweet, but it’s under such bizarre circumstances.

  I’m reminded of Lisa Marie Presley at the 1995 MTV Video Music Awards. She was there with then-husband Michael Jackson, but there was a swirl of behind the scenes drama with the pair at the time. When Michael got up to do his performance—which was spectacularly awesome—they cut to a shot of her in the crowd. The expression on her face was less than enthusiastic, to say the least. I remember thinking she was a downer because she wasn’t happy for him, but I was a kid and I had no idea that they’d been having major marriage problems for a while. Anyone watching at home tonight would never understand the emotional toll this evening has taken on me and I don’t want people to look at me and think, “Wow, James’ date is so ungrateful.” The broadcast will be out there forever and I have to give the appearance of a proud fiancée.

  “I want to say thank you to everyone in this room,” James continues with heartfelt sincerity. “You guys have all been so great to me and I consider you guys like family. I’d be lying if I said I wasn't gonna miss you all, but it’s just time for me to move on. Thank you to everyone I’ve ever worked with—seriously everyone, every camera guy, every makeup artist, every lighting dude and director. I love you guys! Thanks!” he concludes.

  Chad holds my hand under the table. “See? That was sweet,” he says cheerfully.

  “Yeah,” I smile unconvincingly.

  “He loves you so much, sugar,” he says. “I know this is hard, but just think, by tomorrow, all this will be behind you and it’ll just be you and your man.”

  “I know,” I nod. “I just need to get through tonight and everything will be ok.”

  “By the time you wake up, he’ll be all yours. None of these girls stand a chance!” he says with a wink.

  I laugh and he rubs my back while the hosts do a little banter. A few minutes later, we look up to see James returning to the table with the widest smile I’ve seen in ages.

  “Congratulations, baby,” I say to him, giving him a little kiss.

  “I can’t fuckin’ believe it!” he beams.

  “A toast to the Man of the Year!” Amber smiles, raising her glass.

  Everyone toasts him and he looks so proud and happy. I don’t want to do anything to take that away from him.

  Just make it through tonight and it’s smooth sailing from here, Lola. No more threesomes, no more bondage and no more Tara skank-ho Morgan.

  “I’m so glad you’re here with me,” James whispers in my ear, running his fingers down the nape of my neck. “Winning this is cool, but having you here makes it awesome! Just to get up there and know that all this is happening with somebody who loves me … it’s the best!”

  I smile for real this time, touched by his words. This is a big deal for James. After getting the boot from his parents, I know that he’s constantly seeking approval, always wishing somebody would be proud of him. Tonight, it’s my job to be proud of him, because I want him to be proud of himself. Even though this isn’t exactly the goal I hoped he’d accomplish, this is something very significant for him and I need to acknowledge that.

  “I love you, Lola,” he smiles with sweet vulnerability. “I love you so much and it’s a fuckin’ honor to be with you and have you by my side. I’m so thankful for you, baby.”

  I brush my fingertips over his cheek and press my lips to his. “I love you too, James,” I whisper as I part from the kiss, “and I’m proud of you, babe.”

  His smile is astronomical and it feels good to know that I’ve played a part in making him so happy. I can do this. I can take a little stomach-churning awkwardness to see him smile like that.

  He weaves his fingers through mine under the table and we conclude our conversation in t
ime to see Amber win for Woman of the Year. She thanks James, says how everyone will miss him, but wishes him luck and congratulates him on finding someone he loves with all his heart.

  He loves me. Everything’s ok because he loves me. Everybody here knows it. Stop freaking out. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

  Collared wins for Scene of the Year, but this time the director, Jason Diamond, does all the talking for the group on stage. James and Amber smile in the background and there’s another brief moment where they’re backstage for the press conference before they return.

  The final award is Movie of the Year. I’m feeling a little woozy, but I don’t know if it’s from the stress or the champagne. I’ve had a lot and I can feel myself getting progressively cloudier. I’m not used to it, because I hardly ever drink at all and, when I do, it’s usually one glass of wine.

  “The winner is … Collared!”

  Last one. Last time.

  James looks over at me with a question in his eyes. He doesn’t want to leave me, but he really wants to go up to that podium with Amber.

  “Go get your award,” I smile at him.

  He kisses me, stands up, puts his arm around Amber and walks up to the stage.

  “Lola, are you ok?” Alejandro says quietly as he leans over Chad.

  “Yeah,” I nod. “I’m fine. Too much champagne, I think.”

  “Hang in there baby girl,” he smiles and touches my hand.

  James and Amber hug and grin from ear to ear. She speaks and he stands next to her and throws his arm around her shoulders.

  “And let’s hear it for the motherfucking Man of the Year!” she says. The crowd erupts.

  They love him here. They’re proud of him and supportive of him here. They make him feel like a king, like a champion, like a superhero. Was I wrong to take this away from him? Am I selfish for wanting him to give this up now that he’s with me?

  I need another glass of champagne. Last one, I promise.

  James and Amber disappear off stage and Chad tells me that they’ll be doing interviews in the back about all the awards Collared racked up tonight.

  “We should head out to the after-party,” he smiles. “You have to dance with me! I wanna see you work that body, miss thang!”

  “That’ll be good. I need something to help me release all this stress,” I reply, glad that James isn’t here to detect my uneasiness.

  “Then we need to get your little ass on the floor,” Chad laughs.

  He offers me his hand and puts his arm around me as I try to forget about everything that happened over the past couple hours.

  Chapter 7 - James

  Man of the Year. Man of the motherfuckin’ Year! It finally happened. Top of my game, the peak, the pinnacle! I’ve worked for this since I was 19 years old. I’ve put everything into my scenes, honed my technique and always made everything as hot as humanly possible, and it’s finally paid off. It’s official. I’m the top dude in porn—well, I guess I was the top dude in porn, since I’m not doing this anymore.

  It’s sort of bittersweet, in a way. It’s rad to be honored like this, it sucks to know that I’ll never be able to hit this high again, but it’s worth it because I have Lola.

  A bunch of people backstage asked me about her during the press conference after I won Man of the Year. I shouted her out in my speech, so I kind of expected it, but I was a little surprised by some of the questions.

  “Did it come down to her versus porn?” “Did she disagree with you staying in the business?” “Why couldn’t you have a girlfriend and continue to work?”

  They want to blame her for why I left, that much is clear. I think it’s because it’s an easy explanation. "Why would a dude who’s at the top of his game suddenly split on the biz? Must be because of his chick." These people live and breathe this business and I think it’s probably hard for them to understand that there are things more important than a career. Besides, I've got a great revenue sharing situation worked out with Shawnna and the award tonight is sure to boost sales of my toys, so we’ll have even more cash to live on. I’m actually looking forward to chilling out with her when we get back home.

  I’m walking to the elevators to go up to the big after-party and I keep getting stopped every few feet by people congratulating me. Girls are giving me kisses, guys are high-fiving me and I feel like the fuckin’ prom king right now.

  “Congratulations, baby!” Lexi Jaxxon, the girl in my Best Double Penetration scene, smiles when I walk into the party.

  “Thanks, Lexi!” I beam. I’m beyond psyched tonight and I can’t contain it.

  “I always knew you’d get it someday. You’re the best. You been the best for a long time and you shouldda won every year,” she praises.

  “Aw, thanks, babe, that’s really nice of you,” I reply, giving her a hug. “You did all the real work in our scene, though. You fuckin' earned that award.”

  It’s true. DPs aren’t easy and a lot of girls won’t do them at all because they say it’s way uncomfortable. Me and Troy Spencer, my co-star on that scene, drilled Lexi for hours and she never complained.

  “I’m gonna miss this, baby!” she laughs, grabbing my dick.

  I crack up and give her a shrug. “Hey, I gotta do what I gotta do,” I say.

  “Well, I wish the best to you and your pretty little girlfriend,” she says, batting her eyes at me. “I saw her come up here with Chad. Pretty sure they’re on the dance floor.”

  “Nice, thanks,” I nod.

  She gives me a kiss and then I head into the club to go find my girl. I can’t wait to see her. I’m not going to lie, this whole thing has gotten me a little horny and I want to get her back to the room soon, but I know she’ll want to dance and hang out for a while first.

  I spot her on the floor with Chad. He’s behind her and his hands are on her hips. She’s grinding her ass into his crotch and he’s breathing into her neck. She and Chad have this kind of playful flirtation thing that always cracks me up. They’re not attracted to each other per se, but they both know they’re hot, so they like to play around like this, kind of put on a show. I know Lola doesn’t feel comfortable being sexy with many people—really only me—but she’s cool with it when it comes to Chad because she knows he’s not trying to get in her pants.

  I make my way through the crowd and get in front of her, reaching out to grab her waist. Her eyes are closed and she seems to be totally into the music, but she opens them and gives me a smile.

  “Come here,” she says, tugging on my vest to pull me closer to her.

  Chad gives me a grin and Lola tilts her head back against him and pushes her hips towards me. She’s sandwiched between both of us and, from the look on her face, I think she’s kind of digging it. Interesting.

  “Best dance floor threesome,” she jokes, giving me a big smile.

  I laugh loudly and shake my head. How much champagne did you have at that table, young lady?

  “I’m hot,” she says, fanning herself.

  “Let’s get drinks,” Chad replies in her ear but loud enough for me to hear it too.

  She nods and the three of us head off the dance floor. Chad leads the way and we go to a table where Alejandro is chatting with Jadin Stone, a girl I’ve worked with several times.

  “Hey, congratulations on your win!” Jadin smiles when she sees me.

  She gets up, throws her arms around me and kisses me. It’s nothing major, but I see Lola flinch out of the corner of my eye. Interesting again. She didn’t seem as annoyed by this earlier, but it seems to bug her now.

  “Thanks, Jadin,” I say, hugging her tight around her waist. “It’s totally surreal. I still can’t believe it.”

  “Well, believe it, babe!” she grins. “You deserved that shit. That scene with Amber in Collared was the hottest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen. You fucked the shit out of her and she said it was the best sex she’s ever had, so you had to know that shit was gonna clean up tonight.”

  I laugh and nod.
Ok, it’s true, the scene was really hot and I did make Amber come about thirty times that day.

  “I’ve never seen doggy-style that looked so sexy,” she continues. “And when you guys went into reverse cowgirl on the floor … damn!” She fans herself with her hands.

  I laugh a little louder. “So the big award was justified?” I joke.

  “Hell yeah!” she chuckles.

  She kisses me goodbye and I go to sit down with my girl and my friends. Lola has taken a seat between Chad and Alejandro, so I can’t sit next to her, which is kind of a bummer since I have this aching sort of craving for her right now.

  “Man of the hour,” she says, holding up some girly pink cocktail. “Cocksman of the year.”

  I laugh hard and toast her but I notice that she seems distracted as she takes a sip.

  She looks around the room and sees the go-go dancers, who are just wearing booty shorts and pasties. She doesn’t seem to have a strong opinion of that and her attention shifts to a couple making out against the wall. I wish I was making out with her against that wall, but she’d never go for that in such a public place.

  “So, what’s up with the suite parties?” she asks me. “They said they’re way fun.” She points to Chad and Alejandro, who nod.

  “They’re smaller, private and a little more wild, but they’re cool. You wanna go to one?” I smile.

  “Uh-huh,” she nods. “Less people, right?”

  “Yeah, less people,” I say.

  “Let’s do that,” she replies.

  Me and the gang stand up and we decide to hit up the smaller parties in the themed hotel suites. These parties aren’t as populated as this main one, but they’re cool because they’re hosted by the sponsors, so everyone treats you like a VIP. Tonight I really am a VIP, so I bet they’ll act like I’m Leonardo fuckin’ DiCaprio up there.

  We get to the first one, sponsored by a lingerie company and there are girls in lacey, see-through bras and panties serving drinks. They greet our group really enthusiastically and usher us in. VIP all the way.