Man of the Year

by Bianca Giovanni

  “She kissed me and I told her to fuck off,” I reply, attempting to get the truth out there, no matter if she’ll believe it or not.

  “It really looked like you were telling her to fuck off when your tongue was down her throat!” she snaps.

  “Lo, my tongue wasn’t down her throat. She kissed me and I pushed her away and told her I was with you and that there was never anything real between me and her,” I explain. “I told her that she never meant anything to me and that you were the only girl I wanted for the rest of my life.”

  Lola scoffs and shakes her head. She’s not buying it.

  “It’s fine, James. Do whatever you want. She’s into all that freaky shit like you are. You two can go have three-ways and anal and do all kinds of bondage stuff together.”

  “Why do you think I would want any of that?” I say, a little insulted that she’d even think that about me.

  “Because we both know that a tiger doesn’t change its stripes,” she replies. “You might love me, you really might, but that’s not going to stop you from fucking around on me with sluts like Tara.”

  “Yes it is!” I insist. “That’s pretty much the definition of what it means to love someone.”

  “Face it, every girl we’ve talked to tonight wants your dick. Most of them have had it already and they’re chomping at the bit for more. You’ve got a world of options, all of them way more skilled than me, and you’re lying to yourself if you think you can turn your back on that,” she says. “You can try to make yourself into some monogamous boyfriend, but that’s not who you are. You like to fuck, James. That’s basically your defining characteristic. You’ve never really cared who you’re fucking, just as long as you were getting laid.”

  “How can you say that about me, Lo?” I ask her, feeling genuinely wounded by the accusation. Is that what she really thinks of me, that I’m just some tail-chasing asshole who uses girls for sex?

  “I can say that because I know you, James. I know your history. There’s a pattern. You get really into a girl, fuck her for a little while, then you get bored and you move on to the next thing. The only reason it hasn’t blown up in your face is because the girls you’re with only want to fuck you, they’re not looking for relationships with you and they have zero expectations of you.”

  That’s really harsh. She’s basically telling me that all I’m good for is a quality lay.

  “You got what you wanted from me,” she continues. “You fucked me. Congratulations. You can pretend that it was about love, you can tell yourself whatever you want, but you accomplished your goal. You got laid and that’s all you've ever really cared about.”

  Her voice is gravely with emotion and all my attention is locked on what she’s saying. I can’t fuckin’ believe my ears right now.

  “I’m not here to get laid, James,” she says. “That’s not what I want. Sex isn’t enough for me. I have to have something deeper and I'm not sure if you’re capable of that.”

  “That hurts, Lo,” I respond. I can hear the pain in my voice and I see that she sort of flinches a little bit when she realizes how much her words have cut me.

  “I know that you’ve had a thing going on with Tara at these awards for a long time,” she says. “I know that you and her hook up here and try out all kinds of kinky shit. I know she’s wild and she wants nothing more than to suck you dick until she gives herself lockjaw. I know she’ll let you fuck her any way you want, any time you want, no matter how uncomfortable or degrading it is for her.”

  “Hold up! You think sex with me is degrading?” I ask her sounding horrified. “It’s uncomfortable for you? I thought you liked it.”

  “I do,” she admits after a short pause. Her anger’s diffusing just a little bit, but make no mistake, she’s still fuckin’ pissed.

  “Then why would you say that? Why would you think I’d ever want to do something that was uncomfortable and degrading—to you or to anybody else?”

  Her eyes well up and I keep looking at her, waiting for an answer. I need to get to the bottom of this right now. There’s a lot more going on than what she’s saying. Her emotions are just too high for this to be about Tara alone.

  “I don’t think you would hurt or degrade me. I don’t think you’d want to do something that a girl wouldn’t like or that you’d push somebody to do something they didn’t want to do,” she explains. “I just know the kind of sex that you’re used to. You’ve become accustomed to porno sex, crazy stuff where girls do anything you say and they let you do anything to them. Tara can do that. I can’t. I wouldn’t feel right about myself if I did, even if I knew it would make you happy.”

  “But I don’t want that,” I interject. “I don’t want porno sex at all, Lo. Who cares what Tara would or wouldn’t do? I’m not with Tara. I’m with you and I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”

  “But you kissed her,” she says, her words coming out with a tremble like she’s about to cry. “It was right in front of everyone. You probably weren’t ever going to tell me about it. You’d let me go on thinking it never happened if I hadn’t seen it firsthand. You kissed her and who knows how far it could have gone—or maybe how far it did go. I’ve been back up here for a while now. How do I know you didn’t have a quickie in the bathroom at the party or something and then try to come in here and fuck me in the shower while you probably still had her smell on you?”

  “Why would I ever do something like that, Lo? I was doing that stuff in the shower because I think you’re sexy and I can’t resist you when I see you with your clothes off. I want you all the time, that’s why I tried to fuck you just now,” I explain. “And I absolutely did not do anything with Tara. I would not do that and I will not do that. Not ever.”

  She covers her face with her hands and she sniffles. There’s definitely a deeper issue with her right now and I have to see if I can crack her open and get it out. I don’t want her to cry. I don’t want her to feel the way she’s feeling right now and I want to make it right.

  “They’re everywhere, James,” she says in a tiny whimper. “Everywhere I look, there’s some girl who’s had your penis in her, some girl who’s made you come. I can’t escape them.”

  Now we’re getting somewhere.

  “It wasn’t so bad before,” she sniffles. “I could watch it and not care so much because you didn’t mean the entire fucking world to me then. You were my friend, but I didn’t love you the same way that I love you now. It’s so much harder because I only want you to be with me, but I know you’ve been with all of them. To have to watch it … to have to see all the pleasure you got from other women on those shoots … I can’t handle it.”

  I pull her hands away from her face and wipe her tears away. I know this is hard for her to say, but I'm glad she's getting it all out there. She’s fuckin’ profoundly upset and I want everything on the table so I can start sorting it out. She knows I didn’t hook up with Tara, she knows I wouldn’t hook up with Tara, but she’s really shaken up and I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth right now.

  "Don't cry, Lo," I whisper to her. "I love you so much, baby, and I don't want you to think for two seconds that I'd ever want anybody else."

  “I’m not a good girlfriend and I know that," she sniffles. "I want to be supportive. I want to make you happy and please you, but I can’t. Sitting there watching those clips … it makes me feel worthless and I can’t handle feeling like that,” she tearfully explains.

  “I don’t want you to feel like that, baby,” I softly reply, wiping another tear off her cheek. “I never want you to feel worthless. You’re my treasure. You’re the most valuable thing in the world to me and what I feel for you is fuckin’ priceless.”

  “It’s been really hard for me, James,” she weakly adds. “I want to be proud of you, and I am, but it makes me feel so inadequate when I look at all you’ve done and then I realize what you’re giving up for me.”

  “What I’m giving up for you?” I say, not able to s
top an amused smile from crossing my lips. “Jesus, Lo, I’m winning the fuckin’ lottery with you! Believe me, baby, I’m getting way more out of the deal than you are. I’m getting my dream girl. I’m getting everything I could ever want—the love of my life. You’re getting a dude who’s gonna bear the scarlet fuckin’ letter of porn for the rest of his life.”

  She cracks a smile and it lights up my whole world. I want nothing more than for her to be happy.

  “Seriously, let’s break this down,” I continue. “I’m getting beauty, brains, humor, crazy-ridiculous-insane hotness and that smart mouth that I love. You’re getting a guy who dropped out of college, who has no valuable skills, whose only claim to fame is having a big dick and who’s going to be shunned by real society the second I leave the Valley.”

  “That’s not true,” she replies.

  “It’s way true!” I chuckle. “If anyone’s getting fucked over here, it’s you.”

  Her lips curve up and she laughs, which makes me feel a lot better.

  “You’re settling, Lo,” I joke. “You’re lowering the bar for yourself. You could be with, like, some genius who’s curing cancer or something. You could have a fuckin’ prince—like, actual royalty. You could do a lot better than me, I have no doubt about that.”

  She giggles and I lean over her and kiss her.

  “In fact,” I grin, “I think the only thing I can offer you that some other guy couldn’t is this.” I nudge her knees apart and press up between her legs.

  “Well, I don’t know,” she teases. “There were a lot of guys at the award show with big dicks and mad, crazy porno skills.”

  “See? So I literally have nothing unique to offer you,” I laugh.

  “You have this to offer me,” she smiles and puts her hand over my heart. “That’s something I couldn’t get from anybody else.”

  “And you have it, Lo, all of it,” I say. “My whole heart is yours.”

  She sniffles, but she’s smiling. She’s quiet, kind of reflective and peaceful. I think maybe she’s letting it sink in.

  I give her a big smile and then softly kiss her. “I love you, baby,” I whisper against her lips. “The greatest day of my whole life was the day my family moved in next door to you. I've loved you since the second I first saw you, and I'm gonna love you for the rest of my life.”

  This time, she kisses me and she wraps her arms around me while she’s doing it. Her knees bend and her legs come up at my sides. She runs her foot over my hip and onto my ass, lightly urging me down against her.

  The kiss turns more passionate and I slide my hands under her shirt and up her body. She sits up for a second and lets me take it off, leaving us both naked and making out in the bed.

  I kiss her all over, paying special attention to her neck and chest. Her nipples are hard and perky now and it makes me feel good to know that I’ve turned her on. I love turning her on. I fuckin’ live for it.

  She watches me with lustful eyes as I kiss down her body and between her legs. I hear her moan softly when my tongue starts working her. They don’t give out the Best Oral Sex award for nothing, cupcake.

  Her fingers run through my hair and she bites her bottom lip as she watches me. I love when she watches me. It’s so hot. I like seeing the look on her face and locking eyes with her every few seconds so I can watch it building up inside her.

  “Yes, beautiful girl,” I breathe when she starts with the pre-whimpers. “You taste so good. Mmm, I want you to come for me.”

  A little gasp. A high whimper. A long moan and a lot of panting. That’s right, angel. Can you feel how much I love you?

  Her neck arches back and she shivers, so I kiss my way back up her body and let my lips graze over her throat while I slowly slide into her. She’s still coming and I can feel her squeeze me every now and then. It’s fuckin’ awesome! Wet and tight and practically made for me.

  I’m going slow, but I’m getting really deep and she gasps a little bit every time I bottom out. I know it’s not hurting her because she’s got her legs wrapped around me and she’s using her heels to push me down so I’ll get even deeper. She wants it like that tonight and that’s exactly how I’ll give it to her.

  I’m panting into her neck as I grab her hip and hold her tight against me so I can do that swirl thing she likes. This is basically guaranteed to get her off in about ten seconds and, since she’s already a few orgasms in, she comes again right away.

  She gets so tight that it’s almost painful, but her muscles flutter around me and it’s like her body is milking me.

  “Fuck!” I pant. “Oh fuck, Lo!”

  “Yes, James,” she breathes against my ear. “Come inside me.”

  I’ve got no chance against something sexy like that. None. I completely lose my shit and give her a few fast, deep pumps before I spill out into her.

  “Oh! Oh shit!” I breathe in a cross between a pant and a grunt. I keep coming and she starts kissing my neck. “Fuck, Lola! Oh my God!”

  No more. I can’t take any more. I’m fuckin’ dizzy from how hard I came. My arms give out and my whole body falls onto her as my muscles sporadically twitch with the intensity of it.

  She holds me as I pant into her neck and try to get my shit together. Fuck, man! That was super intense! I can’t even open my eyes for a couple seconds. My whole body feels like I’ve been hit by a bus—but in a really fuckin’ great way.

  “I love you,” she whispers over and over, pressing soft kisses to my shoulder.

  I should write this down or something. This is definitely a highlight in my sexual timeline. I love her so goddamn much that it’s like my brain can’t even process anything else.

  I finally get enough strength to roll off of her and I flop down next to her on the bed. Immediately, she turns on her side and cuddles into me with her arm across my chest and her leg draped over mine.

  “I love when I can get you like that,” she giggles, giving me a cute little kiss. “I love when you just can’t take anymore and you loose it.”

  “You always make me like that,” I chuckle. “When I was on shoots, I could literally count down from ten and know exactly when I was gonna pop, but I have, like, zero control when it comes to you. I'm all instinct with you, Lo, and I can never hold back.”

  She smiles proudly and rests her cheek on my chest as I exhale.

  I want this forever, this moment right here. I want this kind of intimacy every day for the rest of my life. This might be even better than the sex itself—ok, maybe I shouldn't go that far, but it’s pretty fuckin’ great. I’ve always liked holding Lola in my arms like this, even when we were kids. I think it’s because I’ve always been in love with her and she’s always occupied my heart, but I wasn’t able to love her properly until recently.

  I vow to myself that I’ll strive to have this every night with her. I’ll do everything I can to hold her and make her feel good and I’ll share everything with her moving forward, even shit like Tara Morgan kissing me.

  I rest the side of my chin on her forehead and my eyelids feel heavy as I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 10 - Lola

  “Lo, baby, wake up.”

  Not again! I’m so comfortable, draped over James with my head on his chest and his warmth all around me. The last thing I want to do is wake up right now.

  “Lo, wake up, ok?”

  “Come on, dude! We don’t even have anything to do today. Let me sleep in,” I whine.

  “I know we don’t have anything we have to do, but there’s something I want to do and I need you to get up,” James whispers to me, nudging my chin so I have to look up at him.

  “What time is it?” I ask, cracking my eyes open enough to attempt a glimpse at the clock.

  “It’s 7:15,” he replies softly.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?!” I laugh. “We don’t have to check out until this afternoon. Go back to sleep, James.”

  “We gotta be there in 45 minutes,” he replies.

&nb
sp; “Be where? Seriously, dude, I’m really tired,” I gripe.

  “If you get up and do this with me, I promise I’ll let you sleep in until noon every day for the next two weeks,” he says, sliding out from under me and sitting up on the bed.

  I make a long, drawn out, very overplayed grunt of frustration, but I pull myself out of bed.

  As I walk towards the bathroom, he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, bending down so he can nuzzle into my hair and trail kisses up and down my neck.

  “I love you more than anything, Lola,” he whispers to me.

  “I love you too,” I giggle, amused by his sudden outburst. "You're awfully affectionate this morning," I remark.

  "I know," he grins against my skin. "It's 'cause I'm fuckin' crazy about you."

  I giggle and proceed into the bathroom as he gets me a Frappuccino from the fridge.

  I’m incredibly tired, but I manage to get cleaned up in about 20 minutes, thanks in part to my very minimal makeup and choice of casual jeans, a plain white t-shirt, yellow sweater and Converse low-tops. James is equally informal in really worn out jeans with a tear in the knee and a gray t-shirt that’s looking all kinds of right as it clings to his torso.

  “Lemme take a picture of you,” he says, pulling out his iPhone and snapping a pic.

  “Why?” I laugh. “What’s the big deal?”

  “You’ll see,” he grins.

  I stare at him with suspicion. What are you up to, my handsome 007?

  It’s not until our cab pulls up in front of the Clark County Marriage Bureau that I fully realize his big idea. He wants to get married. Right now!

  “James, is this—are you serious?” I say as I stare out the window.

  “Let’s do it,” he smiles. “We’re already in Vegas, it’ll be super easy, let’s just get married today.”

  I’m speechless. I’m without speech. Sans words.

  He pays the driver and takes my hand as we walk in. There are already a few people in line, even though it’s only 8:20, and I’m still shellshocked as I stand silently with him.