by H J Perry
“Just as well it’s just a pretend relationship then. Funny how you saying that doesn’t hurt in the way it would if someone else said it.” Jason gave Scott a squeeze and a brief kiss on the lips.
“I really like him, and things have been going well between us, but obviously he thinks I’m dating you. He feels bad about us cheating. I told him you’d be fine, and we have an unusual relationship, but I couldn’t say more. He thinks I’m saying we’re swingers or in an open relationship, and he doesn’t believe any of it.”
“Slow down. What are you talking about, Liz?”
“Well, I’ve seen Mark quite a bit since he’s been injured and not coming away to the matches with the team. When you’re away, he assumes I’ve been free, and we’ve met up, and although we’ve both been pretending we’re only friends, the truth is we get on better than that.”
“Mark? You slept with Mark Wright?” Jason asked. “The traitor. I should be able to trust my teammates not to fuck my live-in girlfriend.” He was surprised by the revelation but also found it funny. Jason laughed.
Scott looked bewildered. “But Liz isn’t your girlfriend; I’m your live-in boyfriend."
"I’m joking, Scott, not confused." Jason laughed again.
“And none of your teammates have tried it on with me.” Scott joined in with the laughter.
“Guys, this is serious. We slept together, and now he’s torn up because he thinks he's just about slept with his mate’s wife, which after all is a pretty low thing to do.”
“Whoa. That is low.” Scott could barely get the words out through stifled titters. It was difficult to take Liz seriously when they were naked in bed and barely recovered from a post-orgasmic high. “But Liz, you’re not Jason's girlfriend.”
“But Mark doesn’t know that. I totally encouraged it. I did say to him that we weren’t quite the couple that we appear to be. He probably thinks I was just saying that to get him out of his underwear.”
“Which, of course, you were.” Calmer, Scott lay back. “Liz, are you saying you want to do the do with Mark as a regular thing?”
“We’ve become close friends and yes, I’d like more, but why aren’t you two taking it seriously?”
Jason lay back with Scott and cuddled a little closer. “If I have to spell it out, girlfriend, I’ve just made love with my boyfriend and intend to do it again. Nothing’s going to spoil today. You’ve been great at hiding our secret. I’m indebted to you, so whatever you do is not wrong in my opinion. I didn’t expect you to be my pretend girlfriend forever. If you want to date Mark, I hope it works out. He’s a good guy.”
“You guys are so good together and so affectionate, I think I deserve a bit of that too. So I’ve asked Mark around here later to clear the air. He doesn’t want things to be strange at work. We need to sort through what we’re going to tell him.”
“I’m sorry, Liz. I know it’s serious.” Jason turned and looked at her “You have done me the biggest favor for the last year, covering up our relationship. I am indebted to you and if you like Mark, you should go for it. We can tell him we’ve split up. Or do you have another idea.”
“I do have another idea,” said Liz. "Why not let him into the secret.”
Scott and Jason sat up.
“The thing is,” said Liz, “I think you and I have become pretty good friends, Jason. Scott is my best friend of all time and over the past few months, Mark’s become a good friend too. He’d be fine with the secret.”
“Are you trying to say you want to go out on double dates, the four of us?”
“I think it will work,” said Liz.
“It’s in the locker room in private that is pretty harsh. But you know I have known Mark a long time. I can’t understand how come he didn’t know I was gay way back when we were on the youth team because some people did. Liz, I leave it to you. It’s up to you. If you and Mark are so close—your judgment call. We’ll talk later today. I got stuff to do with Scott first, and we might be some time.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
March 2013
Scott
Jason paced through the house, from room to room, filling their home with palpable tense energy.
The carefree, feel-good high of the morning had disappeared with the sexual afterglow when their clothes went on.
“I know you’re nervous,” said Scott when Jason joined him in the kitchen. Lunch was ready and cooked. It just needed reheating when they were ready to eat. He put an arm across Jason’s shoulders. “You read the newspaper interview; let’s look at the Facebook and Twitter hashtag Robbie Rogers.” Scott steered Jason to the notebook computer on the kitchen table. The paper copy of the newspaper was still open at that article on the same table.
Robbie Rogers was the American football player in the division below Jason, who simultaneously announced his retirement and that he was gay in February, shaking the football world. Scott hoped the overwhelmingly positive response to Robbie’s announcement would encourage his boyfriend in the same direction. Each month that passed, Scott found keeping their relationship a secret more intolerable. Of half a million professional football players worldwide there was only one out gay active player, Anton Hysen in Sweden. Scott deduced there was something seriously wrong with football.
Of course, Jason had followed the coming out of Robbie Rogers with great interest. Particularly the response from those within the world of football and was amazed by the overwhelming good wishes and support that followed the gay footballer across social media.
“Look, it’s all supportive,” said Scott. “There’s never a better time to come out as a footballer than weeks after another footballer.”
“But did you notice he retired first? Twenty-five years old and he’s retired because he knew he had to before coming out.” Jason sat down in front of the computer but focused his attention on Scott.
“Maybe he thought that.” Scott sat down next to Jason and started tapping on the keyboard, bringing up social media sites. “But look at the response. Everyone’s supportive. Maybe you should give them a try. And some people already know.”
“Only Harry.”
“You don’t think any of your other teammates have guessed?”
“I think they might have done if it wasn’t for my brilliant fake girlfriend. And it’d be okay if we just pretended to split up. But telling someone.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jason, it’s 2013. They’re talking about equal marriage. We’ve had equality laws for years. Why don’t you think that all applies to football?”
Jason wasn’t stupid, except when it came to football; then he was infuriating.
“The law does. The FA has rules. You know as well as I do. Some players and fans have faced charges of homophobia. Had match bans and fines. But that’s exceptional. I’d have to go to work there every day.”
Ever appeasing for an easy life, Scott wrapped his arms around his lover and kissed him. “I’m sorry I don’t mean to pressure you. I love you. You don’t need to come out to anybody.”
“Well, today we’ll see how it goes because one of my teammates is finding out. And he might tell the whole world.”
They heard the front door open and familiar voices.
“I wonder what Liz has said to him,” Scott whispered and let his arms drop from Jason. They never risked over an over-familiar appearance except with their closest friends.
Liz had left to meet up with Mark after breakfast and bring him to their home for a light lunch. Liz walked into the room looking happier and more relaxed than earlier. Mark at her side walked up to Scott and shook his hand.
Scott and Jason stood up.
“I don’t know if Liz is having me on?”
“No, I don’t think she is.” Scott wondered what she’d said. Apart from Harry, the teammates were friendly but treated Scott like an outsider or hired help. No one had ever greeted him like this, before speaking to Jason.
Mark then turned to Jason and embraced him in a hug.
; “You dark horse,” he said, “I had no idea.”
Liz looked pleased with herself, positively gloating. And Scott shared that.
Mark stepped back and looked at Jason as if studying him carefully. “You really are gay, aren’t you? I didn’t believe Liz. I thought it might be some mean joke at first. I’ve been going over things since she told me, about an hour ago, and it is all so obvious. You must think me and the rest of the team are so dumb for not catching on.”
“You had no idea at all?” asked Jason.
“Years ago, when we were teenagers, sometimes guys said stuff. But I thought they were just on a wind-up. And maybe they were. I was not worldly wise then, Jason, and you know I’ve been on this team a year now. Almost the whole time you’ve been with Liz. So no, I never suspected. I just assumed Scott was a friend who tagged along. I didn’t realize it was the other way around.”
“And you don’t think any of the team know? No one’s said anything?” Even though they’d been careful, Scott found it difficult to believe they didn’t know.
“No. And sorry, Scott, if I’ve been rude to you. I didn’t know.”
Scott shrugged. “Not at all, that I remember.”
“I never got it, and Liz tells me you two have been seeing each other for over a year. How the fuck did I miss it? I don’t know. You come to everything, Scott. Everything that Liz comes to, you come too, and yet I never, ever twigged. Scott, I thought you were Billy-no-mates, who had to hang around with Liz at all times. It’s pretty obvious you’re gay, but I just never put the two of you together.”
“It’s obvious Scott’s gay?” Jason asked.
“Yes, of course it is. But I never thought you were. I honestly thought you and Liz.” Mark paused as if to think about what he was saying and avoid saying the wrong thing. “And I’m sorry, Jason. I don’t know if I’ve said things I shouldn’t have, about Scott or about gays.”
“So now you know, does it bother you?” Fingers were fidgeting, Jason was nervous, terrified. His face and tone of voice were calm, but he couldn’t hide everything from Scott.
“No. I don’t think it’s gonna bother hardly anyone.”
“Are you kidding?” asked Jason. “For all the homophobia is not tolerated posters all over the fucking stadium, there’s abuse at every game and just about every day I go to training, most days anyway.”
Mark looked surprised. He and Liz moved to the other side of the table, and all four of them sat down.
“Haven’t you heard it?”
“It’s not that bad. There’s the odd joke, but I don’t think there’s a lot of actual anti-gay stuff.”
His clenched fists stopped the fidgeting as controlled anger replaced the fear. Jason looked exasperated. “I can only think you don’t hear it because it’s not about you personally. I hear it every match, every training session. From fags can’t play football, to two men kissing is disgusting and gay sex is disgusting. To the discussion that our lifestyle is wrong, and we shouldn’t be allowed to get married.”
Mark looked taken aback. “I’m sorry, Jason. I don’t think that, and I don’t think most of the team think those things. You prove them wrong. You’re a good player and a good guy.”
“I’m gay, and my boyfriend is gay. And everything about us is seen as fair for a joke or a suitable way to insult people.”
Scott was truly impressed by this coming out speech. Just because he was incredibly discreet, it didn’t mean Jason didn’t care about the homophobia that passed his way every day. Scott vaguely recalled feeling just as proud of Jason a year earlier when Harry found out about them and Jason didn’t try to hide things and skulk away and hide.
Mark said, “I haven’t really taken that stuff in. I think it perhaps goes in one ear and out the other like most everything said in the locker room. It’s all just a load of banter I don’t think anyone would have intended to offend you if they’d known.”
“They shouldn’t need to know, Mark; they shouldn’t be saying it.”
“I gotta say, sorry, mate. I may have said things like that myself.”
Jason didn’t reply.
“This is getting awkward,” said Scott.
Liz bit her lip.
“No. It’s not awkward, I am glad to clear the air between us. Jason’s always been a good friend and teammate, and I hope that can be better in the future.”
What confrontation there was, was over.
Jason visibly relaxed and smiled. “Mark, this is the man I love.” He clasped Scott’s hand and brought it to rest on the surface of the table. “We’ve been together for a year, and I’d like it if you didn’t tell anybody about it. Our families know, and Liz knows, obviously. Oh, and Harry knows.”
Scott’s joy diminished just slightly. Jason wasn’t going to extend their circle by more than just one person.
Mark glanced at the hands and then looked back up at Jason. “Harry?”
“Yes, well he used to live just above me, didn’t he? He was there from the beginning. Seen our whole relationship flourish. But I’d really like if nobody else knew.”
“If you came out at work, Jason, it would be fine.”
“It could well see the end of my career, and I’m not ready for that just yet.”
“Are you ready for lunch, Mark?” Scott couldn’t see any point in sitting listening to this.
“Yes. What have we got?”
“It will just take a few minutes to warm the pizza-themed sweet potato and tomato dish. Along with chicken and salad. It fits perfectly with your footballer diet.”
Scott stood up to get the food and then reminded himself that only a few hours earlier they were looking forward to a rare day alone at home. That would have involved considerably more touching; it always did. They were at home and had no reason not to behave naturally, so he bent down and kissed Jason on the cheek.
Mark was watching this, of course, but it wasn’t for his benefit. It was to communicate something more private to Scott’s lover.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to stare. I know gay people, but I’m just not used to thinking of you like this, Jason. I’m fine with it, but it’s still a bit unreal. I never thought about it before, but I never saw you kiss Liz, of course.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
May 2013
Scott
Scott had a bad feeling about this. As he moved away from the urinal toward the basins to wash his hands, he caught sight of the three men who had gathered blocking his way to the exit. Three men congregating in the men’s bathroom without any apparent intention of using the facilities for their designated purposes, three men all looking at Scott. Unnatural behavior for a public toilet situation.
He went to the basins embedded in a luxurious granite unit and swished his hand in front of the sensor. Water gushed forth from the monobock. Another swish, this time under the soap dispenser. The rich gel had the sweet, tangy scent of watermelon, and it was a shame to rinse it without tasting it but it wouldn’t taste as it smelt. You know you’re in a nice hotel when the toilets have disposable paper towels that feel like real linen. Scott took one of the paper towels from the pile and wiped his hands.
Still, the men stood gathered, whispering and nudging each other like teenagers. It took Scott back to his teenage years when he was still at school and always avoiding confrontation with bullies who identified him as different. Fortunately for Scott, even at school, he was tall, outgoing and popular, even if he was gay.
After discarding the paper towel in the waste bin, Scott returned to the mirror. He still looked fabulous. But he didn’t plan on admiring himself; he did plan on a squidge of the complementary moisturizer as if it would embolden him with extra courage to push past the bullies by the door. Only here, among this particular crowd of straight men, could Scott feel confident his personal grooming and skin care regime was probably modest in comparison to theirs. He rubbed it into his hands but resisted the temptation to raise his hands to his face and inhale the fruity fragrance.
/> Nothing else to do, it was time to walk past the group of men, but they stepped toward him.
“Scott, what are you doing here?”
A strang question to ask in a public washroom. Scott raised his hands and pointed at the urinal, then at the sink, and then realized that his over-dramatic hand gestures were always the first thing to give him away. Though he and Liz had hung out with the football team from time to time for a year or so now, they must already know.
The footballers chuckled.
“I mean here, at our end of season party. Why are you here with Jason as his plus one. You hung around Jason and Liz the whole time they were together, and now they’ve split up you should do the decent thing, man, and backup from Jason. He doesn’t need a poof like you around.”
Scott was stunned, although the men had made him feel uncomfortable the way they’d gathered and watched him. You don’t watch men in the men’s bathroom; everybody knows that. But this was something he never expected and wasn’t prepared for.
“I’ve nothing against you, mate. But we don’t think you fit in here. And Jason needs to pick himself up and get on with life now he and Liz are finished.”
As one man had his say another picked up the gauntlet. “Liz is with Mark now, and he’s not going to want you around all the time either. Haven’t you got fag friends you can hang out with?”
Hurt and angry on so many levels, Scott walked past the men, making no comment. He had no answer, and he wasn’t going to let them see how deeply their words wounded.
Scott was visibly seething when he walked straight into Liz.
“What’s the matter with you?” she asked.
“I can’t believe what they just said to me. Not just what they said, but how they said it. As if it is okay for them to call me a fag.”
“No! What happened?”
“I’ll tell you what’s happened. What’s happened is that I have sunk so low, with so little self-respect, that I come to events like this to support my boyfriend but don’t get any support back. So other guys think I’m a loser. Think they can say anything to me, and I’m so unimportant that it doesn’t matter.”