by H J Perry
A masculine arm wrapped around his shoulder and Scott found Mark by his side. “You heard that?”
“I couldn’t help overhearing,” said Mark. “Who has been giving you a hard time? And I want to know every detail.”
“It don’t matter.”
Mark squeezed Scott. “It does matter.”
Scott filled in Liz and Mark on the bathroom exchange. “I don’t know which is worse, the way they talked to me or that I let it happen.”
“I’m so sorry, Scott.”
“Mark, you don’t owe me an apology. No one has any problem with Liz being here because you’re a woman and because you’re dating one of the guys. Whereas there are objections to me being here one because I’m a man and two because no one knows I’m dating someone, too.”
“You’ve as much right to be here as Liz, and we want you here. Jason wants you here, and the whole club wants you here because partners are invited tonight. It’s a club decision that the partners of the players are invited to this event.”
“But that’s all a bit of a problem when your relationship’s top secret," Scott complained
Mark nodded. “I know. Wait here.”
They watched as Mark walked over to Jason and pulled him away for a lengthy one-to-one conversation.
“You should tell Jason what’s on your mind.”
“It looks like Mark’s doing it for me. And frankly, it might be better coming from another player. This is just a one-off party. I don’t need to ruin it for him. It is not like we do this sort of thing often.”
“It doesn’t matter how often we do it, you shouldn’t have to feel bad; you shouldn’t be put in this position.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
May 2013
Jason
“Have you seen the garden?” Jason asked. It was all he could do to maintain an exterior appearance of calm with emotions raging inside. He could barely speak, and he wanted to get out of there fast, and with Scott.
“No. Do you want to show me?” Scott’s face was calm. Handsome. Damned sexy. Looking at his sweet smile melted some of Jason’s anger but also made it difficult to believe what Mark had just told him.
“Let’s go.” Jason went to offer his hand, such a natural reaction, but stopped himself just in time.
Jason and Scott slipped outside into the gardens where there was a surprisingly large number of people gathered. The beautiful scene, the cool, fresh air and the drive for nicotine drew people out from the party.
They walked a little, away from the crowd, along a path that took them out of view of the hotel building.
“What’s the matter? Mark said you weren’t happy.” Mark said a lot more than that.
“I had a little run-in with some of the players. It’s no big deal. I don’t see them often. You see them every day.”
“What kind of run in?” Jason wanted to hear it from Scott, but he’d heard enough from Mark. Hiding it, but he felt devastated.
“They just told me what they thought. That I had no place being here. That I’m your guest isn’t reason enough in their minds because I’m not a suitable guest. A guest should be a girlfriend or a wife. Female, not a gay man.”
Jason’s heart pounded he knew how much that hurt Scott because it hurt him too. The most important person in his life, insulted by a few ignorant men. Jason could handle all the shit thrown at him: jokes, banter, comments. If those footballers directed their comments at Jason, they would have fallen like water off a duck’s back, but Scott deserved better. They had no right to speak to Scott like that.
“Who exactly are we talking about?”
Scott named the group of players, all first-team players and part of the under twentyone squad.
Jason brushed his hand against Scott’s, allowing their fingers to touch, and leaned toward the man. From a distance, it may have appeared that Jason was whispering to Scott and indeed he was.
“I love you, Scott, so much.” Jason’s lips briefly kissed Scott’s cheek. “I don’t want you to feel bad, and I promise I’m gonna make you feel really good tonight.”
They stepped apart, resuming the respectable distance between them, and walked slowly back to the hotel. Jason knew Scott misinterpreted his meaning to be something sexual. And that was okay.
“We should go and dance. In fact, you and Liz should dance. You look terrific together.”
Did his teammates hurt Scott?
Or was it him, Jason himself, who had done the damage? His teammates had no idea that Scott was the love of his life. Could Jason blame them if they treated Scott as a casual friend when that was how Scott had been presented to them?
After more than a year together Jason wanted nothing more than to dance with his boyfriend, to hold him in his arms, to kiss him in public and hold his hand as the other couples around them.
When appropriate, Jason wanted to make a speech that included the name Scott and the word boyfriend.
Jason had to put a stop to this. They couldn’t go on like this.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
May 2013
Scott
Jason had not left his side for maybe an hour. At this rate, they’d be going to the toilet together. Scott couldn’t help but smile to himself with amusement, and he would have told Jason had it not been that other people may have overheard and not shared the sense of humor.
They were sitting at a table, Jason and Mark talking work, Liz and Scott watching the women dance. It was mostly women dancing.
“Let’s dance,” said Liz. “We’ll show them how it’s done.”
Scott wasn’t sure he should draw attention to himself after earlier, especially dancing with football players’ girlfriends. He knew Mark wouldn’t mind. And it was up to Liz who she danced with, but the young football stars had already voiced their disapproval, and they were intimidating.
Jason nodded encouragingly. Although talking to Mark, he’d obviously been paying attention.
“Come on; it’s a cha cha.” Liz grabbed Scott’s hand in a manner he couldn’t decline and dragged him onto the floor. “Let’s shine.”
When a man who’s been raised dancing from his toddler years pairs up with a woman who’s had expert one-to-one tuition for a few years, the show is worth watching. Their arms were raised, their fingers pointed, their steps in perfect synchronicity. The one record blended perfectly into a Latin salsa, then a samba followed by a fast hip hop track with the beat for a merengue. The hot Latin moves were a fun, sexy, display. It didn’t matter the gender of the person they were dancing with. They were having fun lost in the music. What they did was ordinary dancing at many venues but here, they were showing off, showboating, and Scott knew it. But it was such fun he didn’t care. It was something he did well because he’d been brought up all his life doing it, just as the soccer players had been brought up kicking a ball from before the time they went to school.
Scott couldn’t play football. He wasn’t alpha-male-masculine like the footballers present. But leading a lady in a dance was something he could do extremely well. That and maths; rarely are people impressed by the application of formulae involving the Greek alphabet as symbols.
Eventually, at the end of a track, he twirled Liz into his arms and whispered in her ear, “We’d better go back to our men.”
They turned to see Mark and Jason were no longer sitting at the table.
“There they are,” said Liz.
Scott tracked the direction of her gaze to see that Jason and Mark were actually sitting with the young male footballers. There were only men and empty seats around the tables in that direction because all the girlfriends seemed to be dancing.
“It will be okay. You’re not alone.” Liz took Scott’s hand and led him to their men.
Scott tried to act natural, but his body had forgotten natural and refused to cooperate. His stomach was twisting and turning. He didn’t want to see the enemy again at any time soon but especially after cavorting with Liz when these bullies had said he shouldn’t h
ang around with her. It was as if he’d kicked sand in their eyes on the beach and now he was seriously in for it.
When they reached the table, both Mark and Jason stood up. Mark directed Liz toward an empty chair next to him, but Jason did not. He slipped his arm around Scott’s waist and grinned at him.
Jason looked back at the young men at the table. In a loud voice so as to be heard by this group of men over the music, he said, “Tonight I've realized I’ve never properly introduced you all to Scott, so let me amend that now. In case you haven’t already realized, Scott is my boyfriend.”
Scott was shocked by the statement, but his surprise was dwarfed by his pleasure derived from watching the mouths drop in surprise. Some of them smiled, soon all of them smiled.
“Scott and I live together, and we’ve been a couple for more than a year. I hope you treat him with the same respect that you would treat anyone else’s partner. Liz was never my girlfriend; I’m sorry I allowed you to think she was.”
Scott was apprehensive. What was going to happen next? He didn’t want to sit at the table with these guys who had been so aggressive toward him only an hour or so ago earlier.
The ringleader, Rick, jumped from the table and walked around to Scott with his hand held out offering a handshake.
“I’m sincerely sorry about what I said earlier, Scott. I had no idea. If I’d have known, I never would have said, none of us would have said anything like that to you. God, I’m so embarrassed.”
“Jason,” Rick said turning to Jason. “I was embarrassingly rude to Scott earlier, and I’m really sorry, mate. I guess he told you. I just didn’t know you two were a couple, and it never crossed my mind. I’ve got gay friends. I didn’t mean to be such a dick head.”
That set the tone of the welcome and all the other guys in the under twenty-one group also stood up to shake Scott’s hand.
Jason apparently wasn’t wanting this coming-out episode to escalate to a larger scale. To pull it in he said, “You will understand, lads, that the manager and captain of our team have wanted to keep it very hush-hush about Scott and me because if word gets out the reaction from the terraces could affect the whole team.”
Jason dropped his arm from Scott’s waist. Anyone who witnessed this public display of affection, it would have looked like any masculine touching. There was no follow-up kiss, and they didn’t pull together closer.
Scott was amazed by the turnaround in the attitude of these men toward him. He didn’t know them, but it seemed that they weren’t homophobic as such, more bad mannered and inconsiderate. They just really had misunderstood why Scott was there.
Jason had come out to his teammates; this was no small thing. Jason loved him and living in the shadows denying their relationship pretending to be mere acquaintances or friends was over.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
December 2014
Scott
“I love this time of year.” Liz stopped suddenly, placing a hand on Scott’s arm to prevent him from walking on. Not the sort of thing to do in a crowded town center in December. Two young children crashed into them. The children looked up in surprise and then rushed to rejoin their mother.
“I hate this time of year. It’s dark and cold it goes on forever.”
“Mr. Grumpy,” Liz mumbled. She gazed at the glitzy decorations in a shop window.
“Liz. I may be your gay friend, and I have access to funds that rival anything you can spend. But ultimately, underneath this well-groomed facade, I’m a dude, and I hate aimlessly traipsing around shops just as much as the next man, so why are we here?”
“I have no idea, but I’m hoping you will help me find inspiration for suitable presents for Mark. What are you getting for Jason?” She set off again, linking her arm with Scott’s.
“I don’t know. It will be our third Christmas together, but not together. You know about that, being a footballer’s girlfriend.”
“Lots of people have to work at Christmas, including our boyfriends. That’s not a good enough reason to be a grumbling, December-hater, when all the decorations make everywhere look so magical.” She continued to walk. Destination, the most exclusive shops in Birmingham. Places where she was recognized as a customer with an unlimited budget. “At least we get Christmas morning together.”
“You can put a positive spin on it. But it’s not just Christmas. They have more games through December and January than any other time of the year, so they are constantly away when everybody else is having Christmas parties. When other people are letting their hair down, doing things special, our guys are completely sober; they miss Christmas, Boxing Day and New Year.”
Scott was well aware of how lucky they were. He had been brought up in a family that ran a business, that gave up holiday periods to attend dance competitions, and traveled all over. In fact, the working hours of his parents were far more demanding and antisocial than Jason's hours.
“You know the saying, a boyfriend is for life, not just for Christmas.”
“I think you will find that’s what they say about dogs, not boyfriends.”
They paused outside Harvey Nichols; Liz pulled Scott to one side, out of the way of the pedestrians streaming in and out of the store. “It’s a saying that’s just as applicable to men if you plan to marry.”
Scott raised his eyebrows. “You what?”
“We are going to announce our engagement and at some point, in the distant future, get married.”
“Congratulations.” Scott may as well have offered commiserations with someone who faced the death penalty for all the enthusiasm he brought to the word.
The announcement only served to highlight the source of his depression.
“We had talked about it a year ago. And I said to Mark there was no way I was getting married or engaged until you guys could do it as well. So here we are, 2014, you can get married, and we could plan a double wedding.”
Scott threw his hands up in the air with a shrug. “As if. That could happen, but not in the next couple of years. You're gonna have to wait a very long time.”
“I've said the wrong thing, haven't I?”
“I'm pleased for you, Liz. Congratulations, I mean it.”
“But?”
“But what's the point of having a boyfriend if he's not there by my side. He wants to keep his relationship a secret from the world but I don’t want the same thing. I want to be able to talk about him with my work colleagues instead of pretending I’m single. I want him to come out with me sometimes, in public, just the two of us or with my friends.”
“Scott.” Liz cocked her head to the side. “Scott, is this part of some bigger pity party you've got going on? What is wrong?”
“He can't commit to any special events, as hardly anyone knows he's gay. We don’t hardly socialize with people or go out at all.”
“Oh, Scott.” Liz’s face displayed her dismay at what she’d just heard.
“It probably is to do with the dark nights and the prospect of him not being around much.”
“I know what you mean, but that's just one downside. There are many, many upsides. You just have to take account of the bigger picture. Tell me about the positive things you like about dating Jason.”
“I know I sound unappreciative. He’s terrific. Considerate, charming, intelligent and good company. He’s good looking and good in bed. Did I mention to you, Liz, he’s one fantastic lover?” As house sharers and best friends, they’d certainly discussed their sex lives many times and sometimes the lack of it.
“Yes Scott,” Liz smiled, “Over the years you’ve mentioned it a few times.”
However much Scott had gushed over his attraction to Jason, he hadn’t told Liz everything. He hadn’t told how their physical relationship had changed over time, for the better. Sex with Jason wasn’t like with other guys, fun for the moment. They connected emotionally, a bond that lasted beyond the one day.
Liz pulled Scott closer, toward the shop window, so they created less of an obstructi
on on the pathway. “That’s Jason, clearly you get on very well together, but what are the good things about dating a top footballer?”
“Obviously, we have the sort of money that most people only dream of, and I could never afford this lifestyle without him. But money isn’t everything. I like the fact that when he’s not away, he finishes work early, so we get to spend a load of time together.”
“Exactly, afternoon sex has got to be the best ever.” Liz grinned. “My point is. Every job requires sacrifices. Lots of people work through holiday times and unsociable hours, and long hours for minimal pay. Don’t let Jason’s job come between you when you are obviously so good together. At his age, he’s probably only got a few more years at most in the Premiership and playing for the national team.”
“Next month it will be three years ago that I met him. And I love him. He's my best friend, apart from you obviously.”
“But I can feel a but here and I'm starting to feel anxious about it,” said Liz. “Please don't tell me you are going to split up.”
Scott knew he should deny it, showing outrage at the very suggestion. Despite how much he loved Jason, and he did love Jason, thoughts of splitting up were not altogether unpleasant.
“I don't think so, but I can't say for definite. If life were just about the time that we spend together then my life would be perfect. But life is more than that, isn't it? It's about my journey through the world. Because he wants to keep his secret, I have to keep my life secret. I never wanted to do that. The world knows I'm gay, but I have to pretend I’m forever single. I can't take my boyfriend to most things because he doesn't want to be identified as somebody's boyfriend. Well-meaning people think I'm single, and then they try to pair me up with somebody. It's all just a bit awkward. I can't talk about my boyfriend with people. I can't tell anyone that I live with my boyfriend, so I tell people I share a house with a footballer. And it doesn't get any easier, over the years, living a public lie. It gets harder.”