If Wishing Made It So

by Lucy Finn

  ‘‘I’m glad you enjoyed it,’’ she said.

  Mike held on to Hildy’s hand. He gave it a squeeze. ‘‘How about walking some of this off? Let’s go down to the beach, get some fresh air, listen to the waves?’’ His eyes asked more than his words did.

  Hildy felt torn between what she wanted to do and what was the smart thing to do. ‘‘I don’t think it’s a good idea, Mike—’’ she’d started to say, when she heard a faint but persistent tapping issuing from her tote bag. She pulled her hand loose from Mike’s and scraped back her chair to cover the sound.

  ‘‘Excuse me a second.’’ She smiled brightly at Mike. ‘‘I need to get something from my bag.’’ She ducked her head under the table and whispered urgently into her tote bag, ‘‘Stop that!’’

  A tiny voice rang out, ‘‘Don’t go. He just wants to get in your pants.’’

  ‘‘Mind your own business!’’ Hildy pretended she was clearing her throat as she answered the genie. She shoved the towel down hard on the bottle. ‘‘Now be quiet!’’ she warned through clenched teeth, rapping the bottle hard with her knuckles as she did.

  The genie yelped loudly.

  ‘‘You okay under there?’’ Mike’s bewildered voice floated down from overhead.

  ‘‘Pinched my finger!’’ Hildy called out and started to sit up, hitting her head on the underside of the table and rattling the plates. When she reappeared, her hair was mussed, and she clutched her wallet in her hand. She put it on the table.

  Mike noticed what she had retrieved from the tote bag. ‘‘Oh no, Hildy. This was my treat.’’

  ‘‘Huh? Oh, the wallet. I figured we were going dutch. This wasn’t a date.’’ She improvised as she went along.

  ‘‘Don’t be silly. I asked you to come with me. I won’t let you pay a cent. But you didn’t give me an answer. Will you give me a little more of your time and take a walk with me?’’

  ‘‘I don’t think it’s a good idea, Mike.’’ It was a weak protest and he heard the indecision in her voice.

  ‘‘It’s a great idea. Come on, Hildy, we need the fresh air. I still haven’t heard all about your life. We have so much more to say to each other. How about just a short walk? Fifteen minutes, then I’ll take you home. We’ll just talk. Promise.’’

  It wasn’t talk that Hildy feared—and it wasn’t talk that she wanted. ‘‘Okay, fifteen minutes,’’ she agreed and gave in.

  Chapter 11

  Once outside, Hildy told Mike she wanted to leave her tote bag in his car. He opened the car door, and she leaned in to put it on the floor in front of the passenger seat. The genie’s muffled protests sounded like a staccato of little drum taps. Hildy ignored them. She’d deal with the genie and his broken oaths later. She made sure Mike locked the car.

  Then she looked at Mike. He smiled. She smiled. He reached out and took her hand. Her heart beat wildly.

  They hurried across the wide boulevard that ran the length of the island and walked down Thirtieth Street, which dead-ended at the dunes. There, a sandy path led over a high hill covered with spiky grass to the broad expanse of beach beyond. Hildy and Mike stopped and slipped off their shoes, leaving them on the asphalt. They began walking up the path in the pale moonlight.

  The sand was cool under Hildy’s feet. Pieces of clamshell and bits of scrub pinecones dug into her soft soles. She winced and stumbled a little. Mike let go of her hand and offered his arm for support. She held it tightly, and he pulled her along. After a few yards, they came to the crest where a bench sat for people to look out at the ocean. They passed it by and descended the far side to the deserted beach where the sand was lush and soft.

  Enough light came from the houses facing the water for them to see to walk. It wasn’t bright enough, however, for anyone who peered out of their windows to see the figures of Hildy and Mike as anything more than dim shadows. In front of the hand-holding couple, the sea stretched to the horizon in a wide expanse of inky black. The crashing waves left a serpentine line of white along the water’s edge. The wind blew in off the sea. The air was cool. The surf roared and hissed. Hildy had never felt so happy, reveling in the beauty of the night and the thrill of being here with Mike.

  They walked for a while in silence. Then Mike dropped Hildy’s hand and put his arm around her, drawing her next to him. She in turn put her arm around his waist.

  The silence continued. Neither of them spoke; in fact, not one word had been uttered by either of them. They skirted the foamy edge of the waves that slid up the sand with the incoming tide. Sometimes it caught them, washing over their toes. Hildy felt the wet, flat sand beneath her feet, the chill of the breeze on her bare arms, and the heat of Mike’s body where they touched.

  They kept walking, their bodies flush together, their strides in tandem. After a quarter of a mile or more, they stopped. Mike pulled Hildy into an embrace, lifting her against him, and lowering his face to hers. The kiss that Hildy had dreamed about for so many years became real at last.

  Mike’s lips were soft and searching. Their tongues entwined, their breaths quickened. They explored each other’s mouths. They licked and nipped, kissed and sucked.

  At first, Mike’s hands cupped her head, his fingersentangled in her hair. But soon they moved down her back, finding the waist of her Tommy Hilfiger slacks, then sliding up under her cami. His fingers were warm on her skin. Everywhere they touched sent sensations coursing through her. She didn’t protest as he stroked her bare back. She melted against him, reveling in his touch.

  After a few minutes his fingers moved from her back around her waist to her belly, sending a flutter like butterfly wings through her. When his hands tentatively began to move upward, Mike broke his kiss and drew back, whispering, ‘‘Okay?’’

  Hildy nodded, and he cupped her breasts with his palms. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. His fingers teased her nipples taut, and she moaned too. Then he lifted up her cami and leaned down. Kissing and nipping at her left breast, he made her moan more and her legs began to quiver.

  They were alone on the beach and alone in the universe. A silver sliver of crescent moon hung in the sky. A few stars were bright enough to penetrate the faint glow of the house lights. For Mike and Hildy, the world seemed empty of everything except each other.

  Hildy sighed as Mike pulled his mouth away from her breast. Where his lips had been was moist, and the air caressed her bud with its cool touch. She shivered and swayed against him. He lifted her then and sank down on the sand, she in his arms. He sat her down on his lap, and she turned to him. She teasingly unbuttoned his shirt, running her fingers lightly over his ribs, making him jump. She wanted to feel his flesh, and then she needed it against hers.

  She slipped his shirt over his shoulders and took it off. Then she moved so her breasts pressed against him. He folded his arms around her, lying down on his back, and pulling her on top of him. They kept kissing and kissing. Hildy stopped thinking of anything but how long she had waited to feel like this, how she used to feel like this in his arms, and how she had never felt like this with anyone else.

  He kept saying her name over and over. She could feel his hard member pressing against her through their clothes. He slid his hand down her body, finding her waistband, unbuttoning her pants, and working his fingers down over her smooth back and ass until they touched her there, where it was wet and warm.

  His fingers rubbed into the wetness. She gasped. He went farther. She moaned. He moved his fingers back and forth, stroking between her legs. She clung tightly to his neck, her face buried there, no longer kissing him, just holding on tightly as he did things she had let no other man do. She twisted and moved, loving the feeling, wanting even more.

  Then Mike gently pulled his hand away. He sat up, Hildy on his lap, and encircled her waist with his hands to turn her so he could lay her down on her back in the sand.

  ‘‘Hildy, I want you,’’ he whispered.

  He worked her pants down off her hips, and she let him pull th
em off her legs. She lay there in her panties. She dimly saw him in the low light unbuttoning his jeans and pulling out his member. He leaned toward her. She felt the satin smoothness of his shaft move along her leg.

  ‘‘I want you so bad,’’ Mike said.

  And at that moment the clock of time stopped and reversed. He had said those same words so many years ago—only that time he wasn’t saying it to Hildy, he was saying it to Darla, the head cheerleader.

  Hildy’s eyes flew open. ‘‘No!’’ she said, and sat up.

  ‘‘What’s wrong?’’ Mike asked, his voice hoarse, and misunderstanding her protest, added, ‘‘I have a condom.’’

  ‘‘You … you … What! Did you bring one with you, planning this?’’ Fury drove Hildy to her feet.

  Mike reached out and grabbed her arm, holding her, bringing her back to her knees in the sand. She turned toward him with anguished eyes. ‘‘Let me go.’’

  He did. She jumped up. He scrambled up next to her and put his arms around her, preventing her escape. She began to cry.

  ‘‘What’s wrong? What’s the matter?’’ He sounded as desperate as he felt.

  ‘‘What am I doing?’’ Hildy cried out. ‘‘This is all wrong.’’ She tried to pull away from his embrace.

  Mike kept his arms around her, forcefully holding her still, her back against his bare chest. ‘‘Tell me what’s going on, please!’’ His lips were next to her ear. His voice was urgent. ‘‘Tell me what’s the matter!’’

  Hildy’s eyes spilled over with tears. She looked out at the water. ‘‘Mike, why are you doing this to me? You’re with someone else. You’re marrying someone else. This is wrong. It was wrong then, it’s wrong now.’’

  He turned her around to face him. Their nearly naked bodies were pressed together. He put his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. He knew what she meant. ‘‘It’s not wrong. It’s not. You want me as much as I want you. Please, Hildy, please. I want you now. I always wanted you. Let me explain.’’

  Hildy shook her head. ‘‘What can you explain, Mike? It’s too late for us.’’

  He pushed her hair from her face with his hands. He stroked her cheeks. ‘‘Hildy, what happened years ago in high school—listen to me—let me tell you the whole story. Let me apologize.’’

  Hildy turned her face away; her voice was choked with emotion when she spoke. ‘‘It was just the same as now. You wanted what you wanted at the moment, without thinking about the consequences.’’

  ‘‘I know, I’m so sorry. I ruined everything. But you never let me explain.’’

  ‘‘Explain what, Mike? I was supposed to be away for a week with the debating club, but I got laryngitis. I came home that Friday night and tried to call you. Your mother said you were at a party over at George Ide’s. I couldn’t wait to see you, so I drove over there. And then—’’

  ‘‘I know. George saw you come in. You asked where I was. He said he didn’t know, but he did. He tried to stop you from coming to get me after one of the junior varsity girls told you I was upstairs in George’s room—’’

  ‘‘With Darla.’’ Hildy turned her head away, her heart full of pain at the memory of opening the bedroom door and seeing Mike standing next to the bed with the naked girl pressed against him.

  ‘‘I had a few beers, Hildy. It’s no excuse. I know that. But she told me she needed to talk to me, that her boyfriend—Frank, you remember, the fullback—had left her. She started crying. All of a sudden, she didn’t feel well. She thought she was going to pass out. She asked me to help her go upstairs to George’s room so she could lie down. It was all an act, but I didn’t know that. She had a bet with some of the other girls that she could get me to go all the way with her.’’

  Hildy stiffened. She had refused to have sex with Mike even though she knew most of the other cheerleaders slept with their boyfriends. She was the only holdout. She felt she wasn’t ready for it. She wanted to wait, and they had argued about it.

  Mike finally said he respected how she felt. He agreed not to pressure her. But he couldn’t agree with Hildy’s wanting to wait until their wedding night. That might not be until they finished college, four long years away.

  So they had compromised. She and Mike had planned to get engaged in June, after they graduated. They agreed they’d consummate their relationship when they made that formal commitment to each other. Hildy thought it set a good precedent for the way they’d solve problems as a couple. She felt proud that they had been so mature about it. And for Hildy, waiting was a special promise they made to each other.

  But Hildy had realized, in the instant when she opened the bedroom door, that Mike couldn’t wait for sex—and that he obviously didn’t love her enough to wait to have it with her. ‘‘And Darla succeeded, didn’t she,’’ Hildy said, her voice hard.

  ‘‘No!’’ Mike took her by the shoulders. ‘‘She didn’t. She took off her clothes and she was all over me. She unbuttoned my shirt and my jeans. I let her. I admit it. But I kept telling her no. I wouldn’t cheat on you.’’

  Hildy, her eyes brimming with tears, looked into Mike’s face. ‘‘But I heard what you said to her. And you did cheat on me. You wanted somebody else, even if it was just for the moment.’’

  ‘‘Hildy, no. I was trying to leave when she came on to me, rubbing her body against me. I did say to her ‘I want you so bad,’ but that wasn’t everything I said. You didn’t hear it all. I had already said it out loud, not just once, but over and over. ‘I want you so bad—but this is wrong. I love Hildy.’ Then I turned my head and saw you at the door. I didn’t have sex with Darla. I swear to you.

  ‘‘I saw the hurt on your face. You turned and ran. I grabbed my clothes and got dressed. I felt terrible. I drove all over Lehman, Idetown, and Dallas trying to find you. To make sure you were okay, to apologize. To beg you to forgive me.

  ‘‘I kept going by your house, but your car wasn’t there. Finally I knocked on the door. Your sister looked daggers at me and said you had gone away. She wouldn’t tell me where.’’

  ‘‘I told her not to tell you, Mike,’’ Hildy said, her head still turned away from his. ‘‘I didn’t want to see you. I was devastated. My heart was broken.’’

  ‘‘Hildy, I thought I’d go crazy. I called everyone we knew. I called your house a hundred times. You didn’t come to school. I was sick with grief. Then two weeks later you showed up in class and wouldn’t even look at me, wouldn’t talk to me or let me explain. So I figured that’s how it was. You didn’t really love me or you’d at least let me tell you my side of it.’’

  ‘‘I was only a kid, Mike,’’ Hildy whispered. ‘‘I told you I wanted to wait. It was important to me. I know other girls did it, but it wasn’t how I was raised. We had discussed it so many times, so you knew …’’

  ‘‘Yes, yes, I did. I respected you for it. I’ve always been sorry for going up there with Darla. But I didn’t go there with the intention of having sex with her. She did try to seduce me, and I was tempted. I admit it. But I didn’t do it. I’ve always wanted to tell you I was sorry.’’ His strong hand cupped her chin and turned her face to his. ‘‘I am sorry, Hildy. I’m sorry for what I did that day and I’m sorry you stopped loving me because of it. I’m sorry for ruining everything.’’

  Tears ran down Hildy’s face. ‘‘I never stopped loving you, Mike. And now it’s too late.’’

  ‘‘Hildy, why does it have to be too late? Why? We’re not kids anymore.’’

  Hildy pushed away from Mike. She was upset. She was angry. She was hurt. She leaned down and picked up her pants from the sand. ‘‘It’s too late because you’re marrying someone else,’’ she said, thinking, How can he be so stupid?

  A terrible feeling of desperation washed over Mike. He moved toward her and encircled her with his arms. ‘‘No, I can’t lose you again. I can’t. I’ll end it with Kiki, I promise you. I don’t love her, Hildy. It’s you. It’s always been you.’’

  Then he was kissing her an
d she was kissing him. Their mouths merged, his tongue exploring hers. He broke the kiss suddenly, taking her face in his hands. ‘‘Do you want me, Hildy? Do you? If you do, show me, please.’’

  Her hands moved to his jeans. They were still open and unzipped. Her small fingers reached inside, gripping his hard shaft. She was trembling, frightened but excited. Did she want him? More than anything in the world. She knew what she wanted to do.

  She knelt in front of him and did what she had fantasized about doing with him, but had never done with any other man. She put her lips around the head of his member and took him into her mouth.

  His hands found the back of her head. His knees were shaking. ‘‘Oh, Hildy,’’ he groaned. ‘‘Oh, my Hildy.’’

  She teased him and tantalized him with her tongue. She sucked and stroked. It felt heavenly, but Mike’s groans made it clear he couldn’t wait much longer. He gently pushed her back away from him. He lowered himself beside her. He again lay her down on her back in the sand, kissing her face, her nose, her lips. Then tenderly he pulled her cami over her head. He gently moved her panties down off her hips. Her naked flesh looked like ivory against the dark sand.

  Mike slipped his own jeans down and took them off. He put his hand between her legs and widened her thighs. ‘‘Hildy, do you want me to do this?’’ he asked in a soft voice.

  Hildy was twenty-eight years old now, not eighteen. She had waited all these years for the right man. She knew Mike was that man. Her heart was beating so fast she could barely breathe. She had never wanted anything, anyone so much. She opened her legs wide in response to his question. She gripped his hand and pushed it against her wetness.

  ‘‘Yes, Mike,’’ she whispered. ‘‘I want this.’’

  He knelt between her legs and put on the condom that had been in his jeans pocket and was now in his hand. Then Hildy felt the tip of his member touch her there in the dark center of her being. She cried out in fear and expectation.

  With one hard thrust, he pushed inside her and suddenly it was his turn to cry out. He felt the barrier still intact within her. He understood that he was her first. ‘‘Oh!’’ he yelled, then the Oh became a groan as the barrier broke.