This Heart Of Mine

by Susan Elizabeth Philips

  Lilly gazed at Roo, who was trying to impress her with his Bruce Willis sneer. “My cat’s in the car. Mrs. Long said it wouldn’t be a problem to bring her, but your dog seems a little fierce.”

  “It’s all show. Roo might not like having a cat around, but he won’t hurt her. Introduce them if you like while I go inside to check on your room.”

  Lilly Sherman’s star might have faded, but she was still a star, and Molly expected her to object to being kept waiting, but she said nothing.

  As Molly headed inside, she wondered if Kevin knew about this. Had they been lovers? Lilly seemed too intelligent, not to mention that she spoke flawless English. Still…

  Molly hurried upstairs and found Amy bent over one of the tubs, her tight black shorts forming a world-class wedgie.

  “A guest just arrived, and I don’t know where to put her. Is anybody leaving?”

  Amy straightened and gazed at Molly strangely. “No, but there’s the attic. No one’s stayed up there this season.”

  “The attic?”

  “It’s pretty nice.”

  Molly couldn’t imagine sticking Lilly Sherman in an attic.

  Amy settled back on her heels. “Uh, Molly, if you ever want to talk about, you know, things with me, you can…”

  “Things?”

  “I mean, I noticed when I cleaned Kevin’s room that you didn’t sleep there last night.”

  Molly found it irritating to be pitied by someone with connect-the-dots hickeys. “We’re estranged, Amy. Nothing for you to worry about.”

  “I’m really sorry. I mean, like, if it’s about sex or anything, I could maybe answer any questions or, you know, give you some advice.”

  Molly had become an object of pity for a nineteen-year-old Dr. Ruth. “Not necessary.”

  She hurried upstairs to the attic and found the room surprisingly spacious, despite its sloping ceiling and dormers. The antique furniture was homey and the four poster double bed seemed to have a comfortable mattress. A large window had been added at one end to give more light. Molly threw it open for fresh air, then investigated the tiny, old-fashioned bathroom at the opposite end. Barely adequate, but at least it was private, and if Lilly Sherman didn’t like it, she could leave.

  Just the thought of it raised her spirits.

  She asked Amy to get the room ready, then rushed downstairs. There was still no sign of Kevin. She returned to the front porch.

  Lilly stood near the railing stroking the enormous marmalade cat in her arms while Roo sulked beneath one of the wooden rockers. He hopped up as Molly opened the front door, gave her an injured look, and scurried inside. She arranged her face in a pleasant expression. “I hope your cat will be gentle with him.”

  “They kept their distance.” Lilly rubbed her thumb over the cat’s chin. “This is Marmalade, commonly known as Marmie.”

  The longhaired cat was nearly the size of a raccoon, with gold eyes, enormous paws, and a large head. “Hey, Marmie. Go easy on Roo, will you?” The cat meowed.

  “I’m afraid the only empty room is the attic. It’s nice, but it’s still an attic, and the bathroom leaves something to be desired. You may want to reconsider staying or maybe you’d rather take one of the cottages. They’re not all filled yet.”

  “I prefer the house, and I’m sure this will be fine.”

  Since Lilly had Four Seasons written all over her, Molly couldn’t imagine anything about it would be fine. Still, manners were manners. “I’m Molly Somerville.”

  “Yes, I recognized you,” she said coldly. “You’re Kevin’s wife.”

  “We’re estranged. I’m just helping him out for a few days.”

  “I see.” Her expression said she didn’t see at all.

  “I’ll get you some iced tea while you’re waiting.”

  Molly raced through her preparations and was just returning to the porch when she spotted Kevin crossing the Common toward the house. Since breakfast he’d changed into faded jeans, a pair of battered sneakers, and an old black T-shirt with the sleeves ripped out so that ravelings draped his biceps. The hammer protruding from his pocket indicated either that he’d recovered from his hangover or had a high tolerance for pain. Remembering the hits he’d taken over the years, she suspected it was the latter. Since he disliked the place so much, she wondered why he was putting himself out to do repairs. Boredom, she suspected, or maybe that preacher’s kid’s sense of duty that kept complicating his life.

  “Hey, Daphne! You want to go into town with me to pick up some supplies?”

  She smiled to hear him call her Daphne again. “We have a new guest.”

  “That’s great,” he said unenthusiastically. “Just what we need.”

  The rocker banged against the wall, and she turned to see Lilly stand up. The diva had disappeared, and in her place was a vulnerable, ashen-faced woman. Molly set down the iced tea tumbler. “Are you all right?”

  In a barely perceptible motion she shook her head.

  Kevin’s foot hit the bottom porch step, and he looked up. “I thought we might—” He froze.

  They’d had a love affair. Now Molly was certain of it. Despite the age disparity, Lilly was a beautiful woman—her hair, those green eyes, that voluptuous body. She’d come to find Kevin because she wanted him back. And Molly wasn’t ready to give him away. The idea shocked her. Was her old crush sneaking back?

  He stayed where he was. “What are you doing here?”

  Lilly didn’t flinch from his rudeness. She almost seemed to be expecting it. “Hello, Kevin.” Her arm fluttered at her side, as if she wanted to touch him but couldn’t. Her eyes drank in his face.

  “I’m here on vacation.” Her throaty voice sounded breathless and very uncertain.

  “Forget it.”

  Molly watched as Lilly pulled herself together. “I have a reservation. I’m staying.”

  Kevin turned on his heel and stalked from the house.

  Lilly pressed her fingers to her mouth, smearing her soft taupe lipstick. Her eyes shimmered with tears. Pity stirred inside Molly, but Lilly wouldn’t tolerate it, and she rounded on her with a hiss. “I’m staying!”

  Molly gazed uncertainly toward the Common, but Kevin had disappeared. “All right.” She had to know if they’d been lovers, but she couldn’t just blurt out something like that. “You and Kevin seem to have a history.”

  Lilly sank back down in the rocker, and the cat jumped into her lap. “I’m his aunt.”

  Molly’s relief was followed almost immediately by a weird sense of protectiveness toward Kevin. “Your relationship seems to leave something to be desired.”

  “He hates me.” Lilly suddenly looked too fragile to be a star. “He hates me, and I love him more than anyone on earth.” She seemed to pick up the iced tea tumbler as a distraction. “His mother, Maida, was my older sister.”

  The intensity in her voice made the small of Molly’s back tingle. “Kevin told me his parents were elderly.”

  “Yes. Maida married John Tucker the same year I was born.”

  “A big age difference.”

  “She was like a second mother to me. We lived in the same town when I was growing up, practically next door.”

  Molly had the sense that Lilly was telling her this not because she wanted Molly to know but simply to keep from falling apart. Her curiosity made her take advantage of it. “I remember reading you were very young when you went to Hollywood.”

  “Maida moved when John was assigned to a church in Grand Rapids. My mother and I didn’t get along, and things went downhill fast, so I ran away and ended up in Hollywood.”

  She fell silent.

  Molly had to know more. “You did very well for yourself.”

  “It took a while. I was wild, and I made a lot of mistakes.” She leaned back in the rocker. “Some of them can’t be undone.”

  “My older sister raised me, too, but she didn’t come into my life until I was fifteen.”

  “Maybe it would have been better for
me that way. I don’t know. I guess some of us were just born to raise hell.”

  Molly wanted to know why Kevin was so hostile, but Lilly had turned her head away, and just then Amy popped out onto the porch. She was either too young or too self-absorbed to recognize their celebrity guest. “The room’s ready.”

  “I’ll show you upstairs. Amy, would you get Miss Sherman’s suitcase from her car?”

  When Molly let Lilly into the attic, she expected her to object to such humble quarters, but Lilly said nothing. Molly pointed out the general direction of the beach from the window. “There’s a nice walk along the lake, but maybe you know all this. Have you been here before?”

  Lilly set her purse on the bed. “I wasn’t invited.”

  The uncomfortable prickling Molly had been feeling at the back of her neck intensified. As soon as Amy appeared with the suitcase, Molly excused herself.

  Instead of heading back to the cottage for a nap, she wandered into the music room. She touched the old fountain pen at the desk, then the ink bottle, then the ivory and rose stationery with WIND LAKE BED & BREAKFAST engraved at the top. Finally she stopped fidgeting and sat down to think.

  By the time the small gold anniversary clock chimed the hour, she’d made up her mind to find Kevin.

  She started her search at the beach, where she found Troy repairing some boards that had come loose on the dock. When she asked him about Kevin, he shook his head and adopted the same pitiful expression Roo had just used when Molly had left the house without him. “He hasn’t been around for a while. Have you seen Amy?”

  “She’s finishing the bedrooms.”

  “We’re, uh, trying to get everything done so we can go home early.”

  Where you’ll rip off each other’s clothes and fall into bed. “I’m sure that’ll be fine.”

  Troy looked as grateful as if she’d scratched him under the chin.

  Molly headed for the Common, then followed the sound of an angry hammer to the rear of a cottage named Paradise. Kevin was crouched on the roof taking out his frustration on a new set of shingles.

  She tucked her thumbs in the back pockets of her shorts and tried to figure out how to go about this. “Are you still planning a trip into town?”

  “Maybe later.” He stopped hammering. “Did she leave?”

  “No.”

  His hammer thwacked the shingles. “She can’t stay here.”

  “She had a reservation. I couldn’t really kick her out.”

  “Damn it, Molly!” Thwack! “I want you to…” Thwack! “… get rid of her!” Thwack!

  She didn’t appreciate being thwacked at, but she still had enough warm feelings left over from last night to treat him gently. “Would you come down for a minute?”

  Thwack! “Why?”

  “Because it’s hurting my neck to look up at you, and I’d like to talk.”

  “Don’t look up!” Thwack! Thwack! “Or don’t talk!”

  She sat on a stack of shingles, letting him know she wasn’t going anywhere. He tried to ignore her, but he finally blasted out an obscenity and put aside his hammer.

  She watched him come down the ladder. Lean, muscular legs. Great butt. What was it about men and their butts that was so enticing? He glared at her when he reached the ground, but it was more annoyance than hostility. “Well?”

  “Would you tell me about Lilly?”

  He narrowed those green eyes. “I don’t like her.”

  “So I gathered.” The suspicion that had been eating at her wouldn’t go away. “Did she forget to send you a Christmas present when you were growing up?”

  “I don’t want her here, that’s all.”

  “She doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere.”

  He braced his hands on his hips, his elbows jutting out in angry wings. “That’s her problem.”

  “Since you don’t want her here, it seems to be yours, too.”

  He headed back to the ladder. “Can you handle that damned tea by yourself today?”

  Once again the base of her neck prickled. Something was very wrong. “Kevin, wait.”

  He turned to look at her, his expression impatient.

  She told herself this wasn’t any of her business, but she couldn’t let it go. “Lilly said she’s your aunt.”

  “Yeah, so what?”

  “When she looked at you, I got this strange feeling.”

  “Spit it out, Molly. I’ve got things to do.”

  “Her heart was in her eyes.”

  “I seriously doubt that.”

  “She loves you.”

  “She doesn’t even know me.”

  “I’ve got this weird feeling about why you’re so upset.” She bit her lip and wished she hadn’t started this, but some powerful instinct wouldn’t let her back off. “I don’t think Lilly’s your aunt, Kevin. I think she’s your mother.”

  Chapter 12

  “Fudge!” Benny smacked his lips. “I love fudge!”

  Daphne Says Hello

  Kevin looked as though she’d punched him. “How did you know? Nobody knows that!”

  “I guessed.”

  “I don’t believe you. She told you. Damn her!”

  “She didn’t say a thing. But the only other person I’ve seen with eyes that exact color of green is you.”

  “You knew just by looking at her eyes?”

  “There were a couple of other things.” The longing Molly had witnessed on Lilly’s face when she gazed at Kevin had been too intense for an aunt. And Lilly had given her clues.

  “She told me how young she was when she left home, and she said she’d gotten into trouble. I knew your parents were older. It was just a hunch.”

  “A damn good hunch.”

  “I’m a writer. Or at least I used to be. We tend to be fairly intuitive.”

  He flung down his hammer. “I’m getting out of here.”

  And she was going with him. He hadn’t abandoned her last night, and she wouldn’t abandon him now. “Let’s go cliff diving,” she blurted out.

  He stopped and stared at her. “You want to go cliff diving?”

  No, I don’t want to go cliff diving! Do you think I’m an idiot? “Why not?”

  He gazed at her for a long moment. “Okay, you’re on.”

  Exactly what she’d been afraid of, but it was too late to back out now. If she tried, he’d just call her “bunny lady” again. That was what the kindergarten children called her when she read them her stories, but, from him, it didn’t sound as innocent.

  An hour and a half later she lay on a flat rock near the edge of the bluff trying to catch her breath. As the heat from the rocks seeped through her wet clothes, she decided the diving hadn’t been the worst part. She was a good diver, and it had even been sort of fun. The worst part was hauling her body back up that path so she could throw herself off again.

  She heard him coming up the path, but unlike her, he wasn’t breathing hard. She shut her eyes. If she opened them, she’d just see what she already knew, that he’d stripped down to a pair of navy blue boxers before his first dive. It was painful to look at him—all those ripples, planes, and smooth long muscles. She’d been terrified—hopeful?—the boxers would come off in the dive, but he’d somehow managed to keep them on.

  She reined in her imagination. This was exactly the kind of fantasizing that had gotten her in such terrible trouble. And maybe it was time she reminded herself that Kevin hadn’t exactly been the most memorable lover. In point of fact, he’d been a dud.

  That wasn’t fair. He’d been operating under a double disadvantage. He’d been sound asleep, and he wasn’t attracted to her.

  Some things hadn’t changed. Although he seemed to have worked past his contempt for her, he hadn’t sent out any signals that he found her sexually irresistible—or even remotely appealing.

  The fact that she could think about sex was upsetting but also encouraging. The first crocus seemed to have popped up in the dark winter of her soul.

  H
e flopped down next to her and stretched out on his back. She smelled heat, lake, and devil man.

  “No more somersaults, Molly. I mean it. You were too close to the rocks.”

  “I only did one, and I knew exactly where the edge was.”

  “You heard me.”

  “Jeez, you sound like Dan.”

  “I’m not even going to think about what he’d say if he saw you do that.”

  They lay there for a while in silence that was surprisingly companionable. Every one of her muscles felt achy but relaxed.

  Daphne lay sunning herself on a rock when Benny came racing up the path. He was crying.

  “What’s the matter, Benny?”

  “Nothing. Go away!”

  Her eyes flicked open. It had been nearly four months since Daphne and Benny had held an imaginary conversation in her head. Probably just a fluke. She rolled toward Kevin. Although she didn’t want to ruin the good time they’d been having, he needed help dealing with Lilly just as she needed help dealing with the loss of Sarah.

  His eyes were closed. She noticed that his lashes were darker than his hair, which was already drying at the temples. She rested her chin on her hand. “Did you always know that Lilly was your birth mother?”

  He didn’t open his eyes. “My parents told me when I was six.”

  “They did the right thing not trying to keep it a secret.” She waited, but he didn’t say anything more. “She must have been very young. She hardly looks forty now.”

  “She’s fifty.”

  “Wow.”

  “She’s a Hollywood type. A ton of plastic surgery.”

  “Did you get to see her a lot when you were young?”

  “On television.”

  “But not in person?” A woodpecker drummed not far away, and a hawk soared above the lake. She watched the rise and fall of his chest.

  “She showed up once when I was sixteen. Must have been a slow time in Tinsel Town.” He opened his eyes and sat up. Molly expected him to get up and walk away, but he gazed out at the lake. “As far as I’m concerned, I had one mother, Maida Tucker. I don’t know what game the bimbo queen thinks she’s playing by coming here, but I’m not playing it with her.”

  The word “bimbo” stirred old memories inside Molly. That used to be what people thought of Phoebe. Molly remembered what her sister had told her years ago. Sometimes I think “bimbo” is a word men made up so they could feel superior to women who are better at survival than they are.