This Heart Of Mine

by Susan Elizabeth Philips

Molly was so tired of thinking, so tired of fighting what she wanted so much. She knew it was a lousy reflection on her personal maturity that she needed to believe that the decision had been taken out of her hands. Even crummier to regard Kevin as a sexual predator. But at twenty-seven she wasn’t yet the woman she wanted to be. The woman she intended to be. By the time she was thirty, she was absolutely certain she would have taken charge of her own sexuality. But for right now let him do it.

  They were bump, bump, bumping down the path, passing Fairest Lord Jesus, passing Noah’s Ark. Lilies of the Field lay right ahead.

  She reminded herself of Kevin’s shortcomings as a lover and vowed she wouldn’t say a word to him about them either during or afterward. He wasn’t a naturally selfish person. How was he supposed to know about foreplay when he’d had all those women servicing him? And a little slam, bam, thank you, ma’am would be a good thing. Those feverish nighttime images that had been robbing her of sleep would finally fade in the harsh glare of reality.

  “Inside.” He jerked open the cottage door and gave her a push.

  She had no choice in the matter. No choice at all. He was bigger, stronger, apt to turn violent at any moment.

  Even for an imaginative person that was a stretch.

  She wished he hadn’t let her go, but she liked the way he’d braced his hands on his hips. And his glare definitely looked threatening.

  “You’re not going to start giving me crap about this, are you?”

  This posed a dilemma. If she said yes, he’d back off. If she said no, she’d be giving him permission to do something she knew she should resist.

  Luckily, he wasn’t done being angry. “Because I’m sick of it! We’re not kids. We’re two healthy adults, and we want each other.”

  Why didn’t he stop talking and just drag her to the bedroom? If not by the hair, then at least by the arm.

  “I’m packing all the birth control we’re going to need…”

  If only he’d said he was packing a gun and he’d turn it on her if she didn’t lie there and let him do what he wanted. Except she wanted to do a lot more than just lie there.

  “Now, I suggest you march your little butt right to the bedroom!”

  The words were perfect, and she loved the way he jabbed his finger toward the door, but the expression in his eyes was beginning to look less like anger and more like caution. He was getting ready to back off.

  She hurried to the bedroom. She couldn’t make too much of this, couldn’t let it be too important. She was a beautiful slave girl forced to give herself to the ruthless (but gorgeous) man who owned her. A slave girl who needed to get her clothes off before he beat her!

  She pulled off her top so that she was standing before him in her bra and shorts, which weren’t really shorts but gauzy harem pants. Harem pants he was going to rip from her body if she didn’t take them off first.

  She bent her head and kicked away her sandals. Then she pulled her shorts—harem pants—over her legs and cast them aside. When she looked up, she saw her owner standing in the bedroom door, a slightly befuddled expression on his face, as if he couldn’t believe it was going to be this easy. Ha! Easy for him! He wasn’t staring death in the face!

  She was wearing only her bra and panties. Lifting her chin, she gazed at him defiantly. He might possess her body, but she’d never let him have her soul!

  He moved toward her, his confidence restored. Of course he was confident. She’d be confident, too, if she had an army of guards stationed right outside the door, ready to drag a disobedient slave girl to her death if she didn’t submit.

  He stopped in front of her and gazed down, his green eyes raking her body. If she’d left her top on, he would have torn it off with his dagger… no, his teeth!

  He burned up her skin with those imperious eyes. What if she didn’t please him? Such a merciless master demanded more from her than simple submission. He demanded cooperation! And (she’d just remembered) he’d vowed to have her dearest friend, the gentle slave girl Melissa, tortured to death if he was displeased. No matter how it destroyed her pride, she must satisfy him!

  To save Melissa.

  She lifted her arms and cradled his magnificent jaw between her hands, desperately trying to gentle this barbarian. She leaned forward and pressed her innocent lips to his cruel ones—cruelly, cruelly… sweet.

  She sighed and teased him with the tip of her tongue. When he opened his mouth, she invaded. How could she do anything else when she had poor, gentle Melissa’s life to protect?

  His hands splayed over her bare back, moved up to the clasp of her bra. Her skin quivered. The clasp fell open.

  He gripped her shoulders and took over the kiss. Then he tugged off her bra and cast it aside.

  His mouth left hers. His jaw scraped her cheek. “Molly…”

  She didn’t want to be Molly. If she were Molly, she’d have to grab her clothes and put them right back on, because Molly wasn’t self-destructive.

  She was only a slave girl, and she bowed her head submissively as he drew back and gazed down at her naked breasts, now exposed to his predatory emerald eyes. She shivered and waited. Cotton rustled as he drew his T-shirt—his silken robe—over his head and tossed it aside. She squeezed her eyes shut when he pulled her against him, his conqueror’s chest pressed to her naked, defenseless breasts.

  Tremors swept over the sensitive skin as he began to nibble kisses, like a golden slave’s collar, around her throat, then down to the breasts that no longer belonged to her. They were his. Every part of her body belonged to him! Her knees grew weak and sagged. She wanted this so much, but she needed desperately to hold on to her fantasy.

  Master… Slave girl… His to do with as he wished. Mustn’t anger him… Let him—oh, yes—extend the trail of kisses over her ribs to her navel, her stomach, gliding over her hipbones as his thumbs caught the elastic on her panties.

  Concentrate! Envision those cruel lips! Those cutting eyes! The dreadful penalty the slave girl would pay if she didn’t ease her legs open so he could slip his hand between them. Her merciless master… Her savage owner… Her—

  “There’s a bunny on your panties.”

  Even the most creative mind couldn’t have held a fantasy together against that dark, husky chuckle. She glared at him, then grew uncomfortably conscious that one of them still wore a pair of khaki slacks while the other wore only a sky blue pair of bunny panties.

  “What if there is?”

  He straightened and rubbed his fingers over the front of the panties, making her shiver as he gave the little bunny a pat. “Just wondering.”

  “They were a present from Phoebe. A surprise.”

  “They sure surprised me.” He nuzzled her neck while he continued patting her bunny. “Are these the only ones?”

  She sucked in her breath. “There… might be a few more.”

  He splayed his other hand across her bottom and massaged. “You got the badger dude on any of them?”

  She did. Benny, with his cute little badger mask. “Could you stop… talking… and get back to… ahh… conquering.”

  “Conquering?” He slipped one long finger beneath the elastic leg band.

  “Never mind.” She sighed as he rubbed. Oh, that was wicked. She eased her legs open and let him go where he wanted.

  And he wanted to go everywhere.

  Before she knew it, her panties were gone, along with his clothes, and they were naked on her bed, too impatient to pull down the quilt.

  Their play turned serious much too soon. He gripped her shoulders and pulled her on top of him—the servicing position. She wiggled up his body, caught his head in her hands, and kissed him again, hoping to slow him down.

  “You’re so sweet…” he murmured in her mouth.

  But he was impossible to distract. He caught the back of her knees and spread them over his hips. Here it came. She braced herself for his thrust and bit her lip to keep from yelling at him to take his time, for Pete’s sake, and sto
p acting as if the ref just blew the two-minute warning!

  She’d promised herself she wouldn’t criticize, so she sank her teeth into the hard muscle of his shoulder instead.

  He made a low, hoarse sound that might have been pain or pleasure, and the next thing she knew she was on her back and he was hovering over her, those green eyes wicked.

  “So the bunny lady wants to play rough?”

  With two hundred pounds of muscle? Oh, I don’t think so.

  She started to tell him she’d only been trying to distract him so he wouldn’t be so quick on the trigger, but he shackled her wrists and made a dive for her breast.

  Ahhhhh … It was torture. Agony. Worse than agony. How could one mouth cause so much havoc? And she didn’t ever want it to stop.

  He brushed his lips over the slope of her breast. He grazed the nipple, moved to the other breast, where he did the same. Then, without warning, he began to suckle__

  She writhed against him, but he didn’t release the wrists he’d imprisoned in one hand. Leaving the other free to roam.

  It meandered from breast to belly, then lower, brushing through the curls. But that proved to be a tease because he quickly moved on to her inner thighs.

  They fell open.

  He stayed where he was.

  She twisted, trying to force those tantalizing fingers away from her thighs to the part of her that throbbed so much she thought she would die.

  He didn’t take the hint. He was too busy tormenting her, too busy playing at her breasts. She’d heard that women could have orgasms just from this, but she hadn’t believed it.

  She’d been wrong.

  The shock wave caught her by surprise, thundered through her, and pitched her into the sky. She didn’t remember crying out, but she heard the echo and knew she had.

  He slowed. She shuddered against his chest, breathed him in, tried to understand what had happened to her.

  He stroked her shoulder. He kissed her earlobe. His whispered breath tickled her hair. “A little quick on the trigger, aren’t you?”

  She was mortified. Sort of. Except it had felt so good. And been so unexpected. “An accident,” she managed. “And it’s your turn.”

  “Oh, I’m not in any hurry…” He picked up a lock of her hair, drew it to his nose. “Unlike some people.”

  The sheen of perspiration on his skin, the way he pressed against her thigh, told her he was in more of a hurry than he wanted to admit. A very big hurry. Funny… she hadn’t remembered that about him. Not exactly. She remembered that it had hurt. And now that she thought about it, there’d been a moment when she’d thought she might be too small.

  No time like the present to find out if that was true.

  She scooted on top of him.

  He scooted her back off. Dawdled at the corner of her mouth. When was he going to get to the slam, bam part?

  “Why don’t you just lie back and rest for a while?” he whispered.

  Rest? “Oh, I definitely don’t—”

  He caught her shoulders, nestled his thumbs in her armpits, started that trail of kisses again. Only this time he kept going.

  Before long his hands were at her knees, pushing them far apart. His hair brushed her inner thighs, so sensitive now that she quivered. And then he claimed her with his mouth.

  The gentle suction… the sweet thrusts… She couldn’t breathe. She caught his head, pleading. Her hips buckled as the waves seized her once again.

  This time when she’d calmed, he didn’t tease her. Instead, he grabbed the condom she’d forgotten about, eased his body over hers, and gazed down with those green eyes. His skin was hot beneath her hands, and the blaze of late-afternoon sun streaming through the window burnished him with molten gold. She felt his muscles quivering beneath her palms as the effort to hold back became too much for him. Still, he gave her all the time in the world.

  She opened… stretched to accept him.

  He filled her slowly, kissing her, soothing her. She loved him for the careful care he was taking, and slowly, her body accepted his.

  But even when he’d buried himself, he didn’t ram at her. Instead, he began a slow, silken thrusting.

  It was delicious, but it wasn’t enough, and she realized she no longer wanted his restraint. She wanted him free and wild. She wanted him to luxuriate in her body, to use it for his pleasure. Wrapping her legs around him, she grasped his hips and urged him on.

  The leash he’d held on his self-control snapped. He plunged. She moaned and met his thrust. It was like being burned in a fire of the senses.

  He was too big for her, too strong, too fierce… Absolutely perfect.

  The sun burned hotter until it exploded. They flew together into a brilliant crystalline void.

  He’d never made love to a woman with a bunny on her panties. But then, there was a lot about making love with Molly that was different from anything he’d experienced. Her enthusiasm, her generosity… Why should he be surprised?

  Kevin slid his hand over her hip and thought about how good it had been, even though she’d acted strange at first, almost as if she were trying to convince herself to be afraid of him. He remembered the way she’d stood before him in her bra and bunny panties, with her head high and shoulders back. If an American flag had been waving behind her, she’d have looked like a very sexy Marine Corps recruiting poster. The few, the proud, the cottontailed.

  She stirred in his arms and snuffled her nose against his chest, burrowing like one of her storybook pals. But despite the snuffling, the burrowing, and the bunny panties, Molly had been every inch a woman.

  And he was in big trouble. In one afternoon, he’d undone everything he’d been trying to accomplish by ignoring her.

  She slid her hand from his chest to his belly. Here and there the last shafts of sunlight glazed her hair with little reddish sprinkles like the ones she’d used on yesterday’s sugar cookies. He forced himself to remember all the reasons he’d tried so hard to keep her at a distance, starting with the fact that she wasn’t going to be part of his life much longer, which could very well piss off her sister, who happened to be the owner of the team he intended to take to the Super Bowl this year.

  He couldn’t think about all the ways a team owner had of making it tough, even for her star player, not right now. Instead, he thought about how much passion had been locked up inside the small, quirky body of this woman who was and wasn’t his wife.

  She snuffled again. “You’re not a bust-out. As a lover, I mean.”

  He was glad she couldn’t see his smile, because giving her even the smallest advantage generally meant he ended up swimming in the lake with his clothes on. He settled for sarcasm. “I sense a tender moment coming on. Should I get a handkerchief?”

  “I just mean that—Well, after last time…”

  “Don’t tell me.”

  “It was all I had for comparison.”

  “For the love of—”

  “I know it’s not fair. You were asleep. And unwilling. I haven’t forgotten that.”

  He tucked her closer and heard himself say, “Maybe it’s time you did.”

  Her head shot up, and she looked at him with a million emotions on her face, the main one being hope. “What do you mean?”

  He rubbed the back of her neck. “I mean, it’s over. It’s forgotten. And you’re forgiven.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “You mean it, don’t you?”

  “I mean it.”

  “Oh, Kevin… I—”

  He sensed a speech coming on, and he wasn’t in the mood for any more talk, so he started making love to her all over again.

  Chapter 19

  Yes!

  Notes for Chik article,

  “Do Jocks Only Want One Thing?”

  Molly sat in the gazebo staring out at the cottages and daydreaming about last night instead of getting ready for the community tea she’d invited everyone to attend on the Common that afternoon. She’d driven into town after breakfast to buy
an extra cake along with some soft drinks, but refreshments were the last thing on her mind. She was thinking about Kevin and all the delicious things they’d done.

  A car door slammed, distracting her. She looked up to see the paragon he’d been interviewing settle behind the wheel of an aging Crown Victoria. Molly had caught a glimpse of her as she’d arrived for her interview and hated her on sight. Just one look at the no-nonsense reading glasses dangling from a chain around her neck told Molly this woman’s cookies would never burn on the bottom.

  Kevin appeared on the front porch. Molly automatically waved to him, then wished she hadn’t because it made her seem too eager. If only she were one of those sublimely mysterious women who could control a man with the flicker of an eyelash or a single smoldering glance. But neither flickering nor smoldering was her strong point, and Kevin wasn’t a man to be controlled anyway.

  Roo saw him coming across the Common and scampered to meet him, hoping for a game of catch. Molly’s skin grew hot just watching him. Now she knew exactly what every part of the body underneath his black polo shirt and khaki slacks looked like.

  She shivered. She didn’t doubt he’d enjoyed making love with her last night—she’d been pretty darned good, if she did say so herself—but she knew it hadn’t meant the same thing to him that it did to her. He’d been so… everything—tender, rough, thrilling, and more passionate than even her imagination could have invented. This was the most dangerous, the most impossible, the most hopeless crush she’d ever experienced, and last night had made it worse.

  Suddenly Kevin stopped walking in midstride. She saw right away what had caught his attention. A nine-year-old boy stood on the edge of the Common holding a football. His name was Cody. His parents had introduced him yesterday when they’d checked in to Green Pastures.

  Kevin might not know they finally had younger guests. Between going up in the glider in the afternoon, then locking themselves in the bedroom at the cottage, he wouldn’t have seen the children, and she hadn’t thought to mention it.

  He began walking toward the boy, Roo following along. His stride picked up as he got nearer, until he stopped in front of the child. Molly was too far away to make out what he was saying, but he must have introduced himself because the boy froze up a little, the way kids did when they found themselves in the presence of a well-known athlete.