Damaged But Not Broken

by Hearts Collective

  “I didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t know how to explain to Savannah who you were. I’m not sure she would understand why I would want to see you.”

  I can almost understand that. It’s hard to explain the history Blake and I have. Most people would just say we were high school sweethearts and nothing more, but Blake and I both know it was something more. If things had been different, I would have bet everything on the fact that I would have been the future Mrs. Evans, and not Savannah.

  I try hard not to dislike Savannah; I don’t even know her. I’m sure she is as sweet as pie, which I wryly realize probably makes me like her even less.

  “Well, will you tell her that you saw me?” I ask, feeling uneasy again that I'm having lunch with my first love, who happens to be engaged.

  Blake sighs heavily. “Yes, probably. I’ll probably tell her that it was a last minute decision. I’m sure she won’t like it.” He stops and then quickly corrects himself. “Not that she wouldn’t like you, it’s just that she gets a bit possessive.”

  Of course she does; Blake is gorgeous. I couldn’t blame Savannah for that.

  “So how is your mom?” Blake asks, changing the subject. I’m grateful for the subject change and we spend the next hour discussing our families. But there’s a slight damper on the afternoon now that Savannah has been brought up, and I certainly hope that Blake ends up telling her about our reunion lunch.

  I fill Blake in on my mom and Grandma, and he in turn tells me about his parents, and how they were thinking about retiring and moving to Florida in a few years.

  Finally, when it’s almost three o’clock, Blake checks his watch and decides he should get going.

  “So has your dad set up any singing gigs for you?” he asks as I walk him to the door.

  “Yes, actually Friday night. I’m embarrassed to say that I can’t remember the name of the bar.”

  “No problem. I can call Becky in the morning and find out. I’d love to come see you play.” He grins. “It seems only fair since you saw me.”

  I let out a weak chuckle. “Great. I’ll be more nervous.”

  “Don’t be nervous, Paige. You’ll be fantastic.” He takes my hand as he says this, and then quickly drops it. “I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “I just sort of slipped back into old habits.”

  I understand what he means. I have the desire to throw my arms around him, just like I once did, and hold him close to me before he leaves. Except now he’s leaving in his black pickup truck, instead of his red bike, and heading back to his fiancé instead of his parents.

  “Thanks for coming by, Blake. I’m glad we did this,” I say honestly, “It was really great catching up.”

  He looks at me for slightly too long and my heart hammers wildly in my chest. I feel desire surge through my body and it nearly knocks me off my feet. I haven’t felt desire, real physical desire for a man ever since Blake.

  I didn’t think I could ever feel that way again.

  Dazed, I let Blake out of the house and watch him drive away. Once his car has disappeared, I bury my head in my hands. I’m smitten with Blake all over again. And this time he’s engaged to be married.

  I’m more screwed up than I thought.

  SIX

  Blake

  It's Her

  I pull down Kenny Lawson’s driveway, my mind filled with Paige. Seeing her just now was surreal. She was so different, yet still the same girl I remember. As I was leaving, I grabbed her hand out of habit because it just felt so natural. I've been waiting thirteen years to do that.

  She’s not the same carefree girl of summer that I remember, but she is still Paige. Of course what happened to her was bound to ruin her life. Hearing that there wasn’t a man in her life made me happy, yet it makes me sad to think she may never find happiness. But I have a fiancé, I shouldn't be concerned with Paige's relationship status in the first place.

  But sitting there by the pool with her, seeing her in a sundress, it was like we were fifteen years old again and I couldn’t help feeling something for her. And I couldn’t stop my dick from getting hard when she reached over to clean up and I could see down her dress.

  I still remember every inch of her body.

  I didn’t date anyone in high school, and then I had a few girlfriends in college during my short stint. I always dated casually, nothing serious. I think a part of me kept hoping that Paige would return, or contact me, that we could somehow pick up where we left off.

  By the time Savannah came into my life, I had just about given up on ever reconciling with Paige. And I was a dude. What the hell was I doing pining after some girl from nearly a decade ago? With Savannah, everything just clicked. Not in that easy kind of way that Paige and I had clicked, but in the kind of way where you know that it’s not going to get any better than this and you feel like you need to settle down.

  That sounds bad. I didn’t settle with Savannah. I just knew that I needed to move on with my life and Savannah seemed like the right person to do it with.

  I had never really doubted my life with Savannah. Until now.

  Yes, I get frustrated with Savannah, and she annoys the shit out of me sometimes, but isn’t that normal? She’s the only girl I’ve lived with, so I don’t have much to compare it to.

  As I cruise through the streets back towards our house, my stomach flips when I think of what the hell I am going to tell Savannah about this afternoon. It’s not going to go over well when I tell her that I had lunch with Paige.

  Savannah doesn’t know much about Paige other than we were high school sweethearts. She knew that Kenny was Paige’s father, but I don’t even know if Savannah knew about Paige’s attack. I never shared it with Savannah, and unless Savannah was following the news twelve years ago, she wouldn’t have known.

  I still have a couple hours before Savannah comes home, so I can work on my explanation. The fact that I even have to work on my explanation annoys me. I try to imagine how I would feel if Savannah went out with an old flame to catch up. It worries me that a part of me wouldn’t care. I can’t imagine Savannah having someone in her past that meant as much to her as Paige meant to me.

  Does Paige mean anything to me now?

  I don’t want to face the answer to that question , all I can think of is how badly I wanted to reach out and kiss her while we were together this afternoon.

  What am I thinking? I’m getting married for Christ’s sake!

  As I pull into my driveway, I decide that the only thing I can do is avoid Paige. Which I can’t do because I’ve already promised to come out and see her play Friday night. I’ll just go out Friday and hear her play, support her as a friend, and then keep my distance. I don’t want to hurt her, but I can’t jeopardize my relationship with Savannah.

  Feeling this strongly about Paige is dangerous, and I need to tread carefully.

  Once in the house, I lock myself in my music room, which also doubles as my office. I call Becky to find out where Paige is playing and then I look over some of our band information. Kenny is good about handling things, but I like to keep track too. Money is tight and I really need this tour to come through or I might find myself being forced to put on a suit and work for Jeffrey Devlin at his investment firm.

  I shiver at the thought. I’m not a suit and tie person.

  Just as I begin to wrap up, I hear the front door bang open.

  “Suuuugar!” Savannah sings out, and I hear her heels clicking along the floor.

  “Be there in a sec!”

  I close my laptop, force Paige from my thoughts again, and head out to greet my fiancé.

  The refrigerator door is wide open and Savannah is bent over, fishing for a water bottle in the back. I pause a moment, drinking in her long legs in her red heels, and her ass which is practically hanging out in her short black skirt.

  “Dang, baby. Don’t you think that skirt’s a little short for work?”

  I can feel her smiling even though her back is to me. She slowly rock
s her ass back and forth and turns around to me, a lazy, sexy grin across her face.

  “Don’t you like it, sugar?’’ she croons, slowly moving towards me, running her hands along her red top to draw my attention to her boobs.

  It works.

  “Yes, I do like it,” I admit. “I don’t like that all your coworkers can like it, too.”

  “Sugar, you know I work with mostly women.”

  “Mostly.” I repeat.

  “Nothing wrong with giving the guys a little show. Let them have a peek at what they’re never going to get.”

  I feel a surge of jealousy at the idea of other men ogling Savannah in her skimpy clothes. And then I feel like a bastard because I spent the afternoon with another woman, and have been fantasizing about her since I ran into her last night.

  Savannah sprawls across a kitchen chair and takes a long drink of her water.

  “What did you work on today?” she asks.

  “I did some management stuff for the band and had to talk to Becky about a few things.” I try to stand non-committal. “I also stopped by to see an old friend who is back in town.”

  “Oh? Who’s that?” Savannah says, her tone rising and octave.

  “Kenny’s daughter. Paige.”

  Savannah isn’t fooled.

  She narrows her eyes. “Paige as in your high school girlfriend?”

  I roll my eyes to try to show it’s not a big deal. “If you can call it that. She moved away when she was fifteen.”

  “You lost your virginity to her,” Savannah points out.

  Damn. Chicks always remember stuff like that.

  “Well, yeah. I swear, we had sex maybe a handful of times before she moved away.”

  Which was true. It had only been a couple weeks after we both lost our virginity when Paige moved away suddenly.

  “So what, you just 'caught up'? Talked about the good ol’ days when you were screwing each other?” Savannah’s voice is hard and I know this is far from over.

  “Savannah, don’t be that way. I told you we were friends before. She was my first friend when I moved to Nashville. I haven’t seen her in thirteen years. I just thought it would be nice to stop by and say hello. Especially since I’m signed with her dad’s record label.”

  Savannah seems somewhat mollified when I remind her that I work for Paige’s father.

  “You said she is ‘back in town.’ What do you mean by that?”

  “She’s apparently a singer. It seems that Kenny has been trying to get her to Nashville for a while so he can help start her music career.”

  “She’s a singer too?”

  Savannah definitely doesn’t like this.

  I shrug again. “I guess. It’s the first I’ve heard of it.”

  Savannah finishes her water, and licks her glossy lips. “I don’t like it,” she says bluntly. “If she’s going to sign with Kenny, then you’ll be seeing even more of her.”

  I feel a swell of hope, but quickly cover it up. “I doubt it. How often do I see Kenny’s other groups?”

  Savannah nods. “I guess so. Hopefully your tour will start soon.”

  It seems the worst is over and I take the opportunity to change the subject to dinner. I suggest taking Savannah out which makes her happy. I hope that’s the last we talk about Paige, but as I look at the sparkling diamond on Savannah’s finger, I can’t help wondering what it would look like on Paige’s hand.

  ~~~

  Friday rolls around quickly, and I conveniently forget to tell Savannah that I’m heading out to the club Clipper to see Paige play.

  “Where are you going again?” Savannah calls from the bathroom as she dolls herself up. She and Abby are going to have a girls night, while Ryan and I go see Paige. Ryan doesn’t actually know we’re seeing Paige either, he just thinks we’re heading out to the Clipper for drinks and live music.

  I hesitate not wanting to disclose our location in case she decides to stop by and surprise me. “Umm, I have to check with Ryan. I forget.”

  “I thought I heard you say the Clipper when you were on the phone with him.”

  Shit.

  “Oh yeah. Maybe that was it.”

  This lying makes me feel like an ass.

  “Whatever." She says. "Just curious.”

  “Where are you and Abby heading?”

  “Don’t know. Dinner out and then maybe we’ll go dancing.”

  She comes slinking out of the bathroom, dressed in sky-high electric blue heels and a short black dress.

  “Damn, baby. You’re going dancing like that?”

  I can’t help it. Savannah looks like she’s on the prowl.

  “What’s wrong with it?” she asks innocently.

  I’m no fool. When Savannah goes somewhere she wants to be the center of attention. She dresses to impress. Her hair is perfectly styled and loose down her back, and she has full makeup on.

  She blows me a kiss so as not to mess up her lipstick. “See you later, sugar. Don’t wait up if you get in before me.”

  “Alright. Have fun. Don’t do anything stupid.”

  Savannah rolls her eyes and walks out of the room.

  Once the bathroom is free, I take a quick shower and a little over an hour later, Ryan and I are walking into the Clipper. I see Kenny at a table with some other business people, and I wave.

  “Did you know Kenny was going to be here?” Ryan asks.

  “No but you know how he is. He’s always out at these places.”

  I look over and see Kenny nursing a club soda. He seems to be keeping his shit together since his label nearly tanked. I remember Kenny being a big drinker when Paige and I were kids, and it only seemed to get worse after Paige left.

  We order a couple of beers and take a seat at a small table. A few minutes later, someone taps Kenny on the shoulder and Kenny nods and gets up. He walks onstage and grabs the mic.

  “I’ve got a bit of a surprise for all of you,” he purrs into the mic in his drawl, “I’m happy to say my little girl has returned home, though she’s not so little anymore. And she’s one hell of a singer and guitar player. I'm proud to introduce my daughter, Paige Lawson!”

  The crowd claps their hands and cheers in response. Kenny has a big goofy grin plastered across his face as Paige walks out onstage.

  “Holy shit! Did you know about this?” Ryan asks, drinking in Paige. Ryan and I became friends after college, but I never told him about Paige.

  “I knew a little,” I admit, “Paige and I used to know each other as kids.”

  “Damn!” Ryan says appreciatively, shaking his head. “I’m glad you’ve got Savannah now. I’m going to be all over this.”

  “You better watch it,” I growl.

  Paige takes the mic. "Thank you all for coming tonight, it's great to be back in Nashville." She says in her soft, sexy voice.

  Ryan eyes me carefully. “What’s it to you?” he asks.

  “Nothing,” I manage to say, “It’s just that Paige has been through some serious shit. I’m a little protective of her.”

  Ryan takes a long drink of his beer, and leans back in his chair as his eyes rove over Paige’s body.

  She’s dressed in a simple dark blue dress that highlights her eyes. It’s short enough to reveal her killer legs without being trashy. It dips across her chest without showing too much cleavage, but let's everyone know that she has one hell of a rack.

  Her hair is curled a bit, not long and straight like it was the other day, but it looks great. Kind of messy. It reminds me of what she looked like after we would finish fooling around. Still gorgeous but messed up just a little.

  Ryan is still admiring her body and I feel a wave of anger and possessiveness over Paige. She was mine first, and I don’t like anyone looking at her in that hungry kind of way. Ryan is a great guy, but he knows how to work things with the ladies. He’s slept with more women than I can count. He is smooth and charming, and half Mexican which gives him a bit of an exotic dark features look.

  I
don’t want Paige anywhere near him.

  But then all my thoughts leave me as Paige starts to sing. I’m blown away by her voice.

  I know instantly that Paige is destined to be a star. She has a vulnerable, sexy quality about her that makes her instantly likeable. She’s real. And her voice is flat out amazing. Powerful but tender, with an almost soulful quality. She could rival any current female country star.

  I look over at Ryan whose jaw is hanging open.

  “Shit, man! Did you know she could sing like that?” he asks.

  I shake my head in disbelief. I glance over and see Kenny Lawson grinning from ear to ear, glowing with pride.

  Paige does a total of five songs and people jump to their feet clapping and whistling for her when she’s finished. She thanks everyone, clearly embarrassed by the happy reaction and then hurries off stage. I see Kenny disappear after her.

  “Are we going to stick around for a bit?” Ryan asks, finishing off his beer, still looking somewhat shell shocked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Cool. I’m going to get another beer and check out who’s at the bar.” His eyes slide longingly to the stage door where Paige will eventually emerge. “I need to bide my time,” he grins.

  “I mean it, Ryan. She’s not right for you.”

  Ryan winks. “I can show her the ropes.” He saunters off for another beer.

  I sit and stew over Ryan's intentions with Paige. I’m glad I came to see her, and I’m proud as hell of her, but I know in the pit of my stomach it was a mistake. When I saw her the other day, I knew I was in big trouble the instant all of my old feelings started coming back.

  After seeing her perform just now, I know I've only made it worse. And now that Paige is here in front of me, back in my life, I don’t know how I'm possibly going to forget about her.

  I know I should get up and walk away. I should leave right now. Not even congratulate Paige, just grab my keys and run like hell out of the bar. Avoid her at all costs because I'm in love with Savannah and we're getting married. But I know myself, and I know that I can’t do that. I can’t walk away from Paige now.

  It scares the shit out of me.