Damaged But Not Broken

by Hearts Collective

  “Then I finally forgive you after thirteen years of having no relationship, and move back here so you can help me with my career. You begged me to come home, Daddy! Begged me! You swore you were clean, you promised you had a new life and I believed you!”

  “I was clean!” he insists miserably. “It wasn’t a lie!”

  “Then what the hell happened?”

  My dad sighs and rubs at his eyes. “It happened the second night we were on tour,” he whispers, “I knew going on tour like that would be a challenge. There would be so many temptations while I was out of my comfort zone. No one would know me in those other bars, and I wouldn’t have to show up at the office.

  I keep a rigid routine at home, knowing what my triggers are. But I couldn’t help it on tour. We were always so close to all these other bars. I was drinking every night for a week, and then I went hog wild when I came back home alone. I couldn’t stop.”

  My dad breaks down and actually starts crying.

  “Daddy, why didn’t you ask for help?”

  “I was too ashamed. And I liked it too much.” He shakes his head. “It just tasted too good. It felt too good.”

  “So it’s worth losing me over?” I can’t help ask.

  “No,” he says vehemently. “It’s not!”

  “Well, that’s what you’re doing, Daddy! And Becky has noticed too. You’ve dropped the ball at work and people know something is up.”

  “Fuck!” he exclaims, jumping up. “I don’t know how I let it get this bad so quickly.” He paces around the kitchen and then looks at me, his eyes wild and lost. “I can’t stop.”

  “Well, you have to,” I say simply. “Or you going to lose everything. Me, this house, your label. Honestly, I don’t know if I can be around you even if you do get sober.”

  “Paige,” he says coming to me, and taking my hand. I instinctively jerk it out of his grip. I look away.

  “I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

  I nod. “Throw out all the alcohol you have in this house.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. I’m going to stand here and watch. Throw it all out.”

  “Paige! I – I can’t!”

  “And why not, Daddy?” I demand, placing my hands on my hips. I am so exhausted and I want to be anywhere but here. “I don’t want a drunk and a liar for my dad, so if you’re okay with losing your little girl for good, then fine, don’t throw out your booze. But if you want any shot at saving this fucked up relationship we seem to have, then you better start cleaning house.”

  My dad blinks at me as if he can’t believe everything I just said. Then he slowly moves away from me and grabs a trash bag. He slowly goes to the fridge and dumps all his beer cans in the bag.

  “Pour it in the sink,” I say quietly.

  My dad sighs and starts opening bottle after bottle, and dumps the amber liquid down the drain. After all the beer from the fridge is gone, he goes about, pulling liquor bottles from various places – the kitchen pantry, the coffee table, a bookcase drawer. I follow him upstairs, and I watch him pull out bottles from his bedroom. I shake my head in disgust.

  It takes nearly an hour, but all the liquor is finally gone.

  “I’m going to bed, Daddy,” I say stiffly. “Thanks for doing that. We can talk more in the morning before I have to catch my flight.”

  My dad says nothing, and since we have nothing more to say, I walk slowly to my room. I set my alarm and collapse into bed, forgetting to even call Blake.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Blake

  Worried

  I’m worried as hell about Paige, and I pace nervously by airport security, waiting for her to appear before me. I anxiously awaited to hear from her all night, but the only time I heard from her was when her plane had touched down in Nashville.

  I barely slept, imagining what kind of night she was having with Kenny. I'm so fucking angry with him! How could he start drinking again! How could he do that to Paige after all the shit she went through? I know how hard it has been for Paige to forgive him and move to Nashville, and the son-of-a-bitch threw it all away for a few beers.

  I glance at my phone and see that it’s just after four. Paige’s flight should be just over an hour long, which means that she got to spend most of the day home with Kenny. I can only imagine what went down between them.

  I don’t have to wait any longer, suddenly I see Paige emerge and I barely register how gorgeous she looks, even when she’s stressed. I pull her to me and kiss her hard on the lips.

  “I missed you,” I breathe, “Come on, baby. Let me get you out of here.”

  She sags into me, and lets me wrap my arm around her waist. She has no bags except her purse, and we make our way out of the airport and hail a taxi to take us back to the hotel.

  She’s quiet the entire time, and I can’t wait any longer. As the taxi pulls into traffic, I turn to look at her.

  “How bad was it?”

  She looks up at me. “Bad.” She pauses, staring out the window, “I don’t know if I can have a relationship with him. I didn’t sign up for this.” She sighs. “Let’s be honest. I’m not going back to Bristol, but if I can’t be around my dad, I certainly can’t have him represent me. I’m pretty sure I could find someone else represent me, and I could get my own place in Nashville.” She trails off.

  “First things first,” I say quietly. “You don’t need to worry about any of that. I know a number of labels that would kill to sign you now. And you don’t need to worry about where to live. I have an entire house to myself.”

  Paige gives me a weak smile.

  “The real question here is whether or not you want to try to fix things with your dad.”

  “I don’t think I can fix things unless he does something really drastic. Something that really proves that he loves me and is willing to do whatever it takes.”

  “Like what? Give me an example.”

  She’s quiet again. “Thirty days in rehab, to start.” She says finally.

  I inhale sharply. I don’t think she’s being unreasonable, but I don’t know if Kenny would ever go for that. Especially when he has a business to run.

  “I already called Becky,” she says, turning to me, her big blue eyes bright with tears. “I told her that he would be back at work tomorrow and to call me if he doesn’t show. She knows he has a drinking problem, and I alluded to as much without coming out and saying it. I trust her, so I know she won’t say anything. I told her to look for any signs of weird behavior.”

  We spend the rest of the short ride in silence. We get to the hotel, and I lead Paige inside. I pull out her room key from my pocket and take her to her room. I open the door and guide her inside, making sure to be extra gentle with her. I’m not sure if the timing is right or not, but I can’t keep my hands off her any longer.

  “Paige,” I murmur, pulling her to me and kissing her on the mouth. My hands slide up her back and down her arms and she groans softly as she gives into the kiss.

  “How much time do we have?” she asks in a husky voice.

  “About thirty minutes before we need to get ready.”

  Paige pulls back, locks eyes with me, and grabs the hem of her floral sundress. She slowly tugs it up over her body, first revealing her lacy pink panties, then her flat stomach and her bare breasts.

  “Fuck, Paige,” I hiss, drinking in her body. I push her down on the bed, and yank my shirt over my head, tugging my jeans off as fast I can. This time we both feel the urgency between us. Whether it’s because we’re short on time, or because of the events of the past twenty-four hours, I’m not sure. But all I know is that I need to be inside Paige and I can tell she needs me too.

  I kiss her breasts, squeezing her nipples between my fingers and I groan loudly as Paige strokes me in hard, strong movements. She arches her back as I slide my hand between her folds, and I harden even more when I feel how wet and ready she is for me.

  “I thought of you the whole plane ride,” she confesses, a
nd I make a sound deep in my throat as I push two fingers into her. I can’t hold out much longer, and judging from Paige’s panting and heavy breathing, she’s ready too.

  I slide a condom over my dick and in one quick thrust; I’m balls-deep inside her.

  “Argh!” Paige cries, digging her nails into my shoulder and arching beneath me. I slide in and out, slowly at first, but I'm unable to control myself. I start thrusting into Paige with hard, fast strokes and she’s moaning like I’ve never heard her before. It’s incredibly sexy and I close my eyes and focus only on her moans of pleasure.

  I push my hand between her thighs, and rub her clit just the way she likes. Her moans come louder and faster.

  “Don’t stop,” she pants, and I growl her name as I push into her one final time before exploding. I continue to thrust into her as I come, and moments later, I feel Paige clench tightly around me, and then she’s coming too, her eyes closed shut tightly as she revels in ecstasy.

  “Blake! Ohhhhh Blake!” she cries out, her inner muscles fluttering around me, milking me dry.

  When I finally finish, I stay inside her, still hard, and slowly push in and out of her. She moans quietly, her body still except for the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

  “Blake, that’s just what I needed,” she says breathlessly, her nails lightly tracing over the scratch marks she’s left on my arms.

  “Good. I needed it too. It just keeps getting better and better.”

  “I know,” she agrees, a soft smile across her face.

  We lay together, still connected, until I finally need to go back to my room.

  “You should start getting ready,” I say sadly, pulling my jeans on.

  “I know.” She stands up, stretching like a cat, and I wonder how I ever could have thought that Savannah was right for me. “See you soon, baby.” She kisses me and heads to the shower as I leave her room.

  ~~~

  The St. Louis show is great, but I notice that Paige is slightly off. Her voice is just a little too raw; her emotions are just a little too fresh. Of course, everyone loves her regardless, and I’m more certain than ever that Paige is going to become a star.

  We spend the night in her room again, but I make sure it doesn’t turn into a marathon sex session. I know how badly she needs to catch up on sleep. We’re both shocked as we drag our bags into the lobby the next morning and come face to face with Kenny.

  Kenny looks at me and then hangs his head in shame. The man looks like shit.

  “Hi Blake,” he mumbles, “Can I have a minute with my daughter?”

  “Daddy, what are you doing here?” she demands, holding tightly onto my arm.

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Well, whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of Blake.”

  “No, no, Paige. That’s okay. You guys can have some privacy.” I try to pull away from her.

  “I don’t want privacy,” she says stubbornly, “I want you with me.”

  I look at Kenny helplessly, because I don’t want to deny Paige something that she wants.

  Kenny shrugs. “Whatever.”

  There’s a semi-private corner of chairs in the back of the lobby and we make our way there. I set our bags against the chairs, and I sit next to Paige and take her hand. She looks so beautiful that it actually hurts.

  Her hair is braided to one side, and then pulled back in a low ponytail. She’s wearing a simple cream v-neck shirt and dark green shorts. Even dressed simply, she looks like an angel. I want to punch Kenny for hurting her the way he has.

  Kenny clears his throat. “Just tell me what to do,” he pleads, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do, but I can’t lose you again. I lied and drank. I’m pathetic and you have every right to want me out of your life. I’ll give up your contract; I won’t hold you to a word of it, and I’ll give you to the best label in Nashville, no questions asked.”

  I squeeze Paige’s hand, and I see her eyes well up with tears. Fucking Kenny!

  “I don’t know how I can ever trust you again, Daddy. You were drinking right under my nose. You made a promise to me; a promise to everyone that you were going to stay sober.”

  He hangs his head in shame. “I know.”

  Paige is quiet for so long, that I almost gently prod her, but then she looks directly at Kenny.

  “There’s one thing you can do. Only one thing that will allow me to consider fixing our relationship.”

  “What? Anything?” Kenny is so desperate, that I actually feel sorry for the guy.

  “Thirty days in rehab,” she says bluntly.

  Kenny blinks. “Rehab? A month?”

  “Yes. That’s it or nothing. Otherwise, I’ll pack my bags as soon as this tour is over, and you won’t see or hear from me again. I’m sorry to be so harsh, Daddy, but it’s that or nothing.”

  She juts her chin out with resolve, and I can see there is no changing her mind.

  “I – I just don’t know, Paige. I have a business to run,” he flounders.

  “A business that you’ve almost run into the ground again because of your drinking. I’m sure your employees are more than capable of handling things for a month. You can leave detailed instructions.”

  Kenny stares at her again, still reeling from her ultimatum.

  “I need to think about it.” He finally says.

  “You need to think about if you want your daughter in your life or not?” Her voice is hard and her eyes flash. This is a side of Paige that I’ve so rarely seen.

  “No of course not! Of course, I want you in my life.”

  “Then it’s really quite simple, Daddy.”

  Kenny sighs and buries his head in his hands. “Alright. You win. I’ll go.”

  TWENTY-THREE

  Blake

  Continued...

  I watch Paige with complete amazement as she pushes her emotions aside, and begins to handle Kenny’s trip to rehab with the skills of a seasoned businesswoman. I didn’t know she had it in her, and I think Paige is just as amazed with herself.

  Kenny decides against staying with us for a day or so because there are too many temptations, and he gets back in his car and drives home. I can see that Paige is devastated, but she keeps it together.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask for what seems like the millionth time as we pick up a rental car to drive to Chicago. Paige wants privacy as she makes her phone calls to set up Kenny’s rehab.

  “I’m fine,” she says stoically. “This is what I wanted. I’m just still trying to cope with the fact that my father is a drunk and a liar.”

  I’m not sure how to respond, so I keep my mouth shut. Ten minutes later, and we’re situated in our small rental car. I pull out onto the freeway, and Paige whips her phone out and begins her research.

  “I don’t think I want to send Daddy to a rehab near Nashville. I think he has too great of a chance to run into people he might know from the music industry and I think that would hinder his recovery.”

  I nod slowly, realizing she’s right. She’s quiet for a while as she scrolls through sites on her phone and I refrain from asking her what she’s found. I don’t want to interrupt.

  “I think I’ve found it,” she says a while later, almost sounding triumphant. “There’s a quaint, secluded clinic outside of Atlanta. They cater to alcoholics and they are very confidential. Sounds like the perfect place for Daddy.”

  Before I can respond, she dials the number and I listen to her side of the conversation as she begins asking questions and jotting down information on a notepad balanced on her lap. In five days we have another day off for travel, and I hear Paige make plans to admit her father on our travel day.

  She hangs up and looks over at me. I see the pain in her eyes, and I silently reach for her hand.

  “Thank you,” she whispers.

  We don’t say anything for a long time, and we both stare straight ahead as we make our way to Chicago.

  “I’m going with you.” I say. "This time it�
�s not up for debate."

  I know Paige, and I know she’s going to need support, especially after she drops her father off.

  She nods, continuing to stare out the window. “I’d like that.”

  “You’re strong Paige, and so is your dad. You’re both going to get through this. Both of you have been through a lot worse,” I point out.

  “I know.”

  Sighing heavily, she pulls her phone back out and calls Becky. Paige doesn’t use the word ‘alcoholic’ but she says just enough to make it clear to Becky that Kenny is dealing with an addiction and has to take a month-long sabbatical from work. Paige rattles off dates and other things, and from the way her shoulders slightly relax; I can tell that Becky will be able to handle everything just fine.

  By the time we reach Chicago, Paige has arranged for Kenny’s rehab visit, sent payment via online, managed his work affairs, and set up our own travel plans so that we can take Kenny to the rehab facility ourselves.

  “I’m exhausted,” she admits, as we drop the car off conveniently at our hotel.

  “Want to lay down and rest?” I ask, as we check in and get Paige’s room key. The rest of the tour group has already checked in.

  “Nope,” she says coyly, as we get into the elevator. The doors slide shut and Paige shimmies up to me, sliding her hand up my thighs and cupping me through my jeans.

  “Paige!” I gasp, groaning with pleasure. “You can’t be serious?”

  “Oh, I’m serious,” she purrs. She flashes me a devilish grin, before pulling out the emergency stop button on the elevator.

  “Paige, we’ll get caught,” I can’t help saying as she unzips my pants and drops to her knees. “This is reckless!”

  “I need reckless,” she says seductively, tugging my jeans and boxers down. “After all the planning and responsibilities I just took on, I need to do something rash and irresponsible.”

  I want to protest again but I can’t because Paige takes me into her mouth and I stiffen completely. My hands instinctively reach out, and I support myself against the cool metal walls of the elevator as Paige works me over inside her warm mouth.