A Sea of Smoke_A Dark Romance

by Karen Lynn

  “Kristen! Did you sleep with him again?”

  “No.” It was the truth—she hadn’t slept much. The irony of it brought tears to her eyes when she laughed. Or was it the pain? “Can you please? I wouldn't ask if I didn't need you.”

  * * *

  Alicia gave her a pitiful look as they entered the hospital. She hadn't seen anyone so consumed by a man since high school. The fact that It brought back painful memories, made it very scary.

  “Why would you even consider having sex with him when the doctor said not to? Sweetie, I'm so worried about you, you know that?”

  In an effort to control her jumbled emotions, Kristen clasped her hands together tightly. Recognizing that familiar severity in Alicia’s eyes, she decided to defend herself. “I had too much wine but at least we didn’t really have intercourse. Isn’t that good enough for you?”

  Considering how hard-headed Kristen was, all Alicia could do was shrug and change the subject. “Did you call Jake at least?” When it was apparent she hadn't, she persisted, with a suspicious glint in her eyes, “What does that didn’t really have intercourse crap mean anyway?”

  Kristen gave her an innocent smile, and picked up the pace, determined to block her out and concentrate on getting to the baby. “It means exactly what it sounds like.”

  Alicia clutched her head and scurried after her.

  The nurse was already feeding Alex by the time they'd scrubbed down and walked in. Kristen bit her lip, trying to compose herself. He was only a few days old and she already had let him down. Thanks to Logan. But she had to admit it was also her fault. How is it possible to have mental strength with everything but him?

  “Do you want to burp him, honey?” The nurse smiled, handing the baby to her.

  At first, Kristen’s hands shook so violently, she doubted her ability to hold him in her arms. As soon as she caressed his silky skin and gazed into his shining eyes, her nervousness disappeared.

  “When can I take him home?”

  “The doctor hasn't given us instructions yet. I'm guessing by the end of next week, but ask her,” the nurse responded, rushing to the baby at the next incubator.

  “Are you bringing him to the condo?”

  “I'm not sure. We haven't spoken about it yet.” Her face rested gently against Alex’s hair. She inhaled his sweet scent and sighed.

  “Kristen! Isn't that more important than fucking right now?” Alicia whispered, her eyes furious.

  “Alicia, I will, just give me a break! I don’t want to discuss this now; I just want to relax. And I told you we didn’t do it.” What she really wanted to do was cry and laugh simultaneously, but held back aware that the nurse or other mothers nearby might overhear her.

  The unprovoked outburst simply increased Alicia’s irritation. With a huff, she rose, leaving Kristen alone with her guilty conscience and dark thoughts.

  Upset by Alicia’s abrupt departure, she kissed Alex’s little head, clinging to him to relieve the sadness.

  I had to set her straight, Alex. You don’t need to see how messed up mommy is. Unfortunately, you’ll find out soon enough.

  * * *

  Logan woke up groggy and horny. When he reached over to find Kristen’s side of the bed cold and empty, it pissed him off big time. He stumbled out of bed, went to pee, then quickly padded around the house, calling out to her.

  Where the hell is she now?

  At least she brewed coffee. After two cups, he found himself functional enough to check his phone. Nick left a long message about another meeting for the office deal. No messages from Kristen. Wringing his hands in mounting frustration, he decided to give in and phone her.

  “Where are you, Krissy? I miss you,” he moaned as soon as she answered. His thoughts roamed to the previous night. It was good, even though she had resisted and wouldn’t let him penetrate her. He refused to accept the fact that she had done a lot more than she was supposed to and he may have been a little too insistent. It had been too damn long for him to refrain any longer. In his mind, he hadn’t crossed the line and was vindicated.

  “I'm at the hospital with Alex,” Her head pounded, it wouldn’t stop. Maybe I should've stayed in bed with him instead, had some breakfast.

  “Who took you?” He was already annoyed and had his suspicions.

  “I couldn't wake you Logan, so I asked Alicia. I didn't feel good enough to go alone—”

  “—Fuck, Kristen, why? You didn't try hard enough.”

  “I did try. Besides, I didn't think you'd want to.” She motioned for the nurse to take the baby as her dizziness increased.

  “Are you okay, Kris? You look so pale!” Alicia crouched next to her.

  “I think so. Logan, I have to get some food. I feel very shaky...”

  “Don’t move, wait for me there, I'm leaving now!”

  “It's okay…” Before the words came out, he'd already ended the call.

  * * *

  When Logan arrived at the hospital Kristen and Alicia were just finishing in the cafeteria. Like usual, he acted like Alicia was invisible. She returned the favor ignoring him until she couldn’t hold back a lethal scowl any longer.

  Sneering back at her, Logan trapped Kristen in a tight embrace. “Feeling better?”

  “A little bit.” She tried breaking away from him without success. Frustrated and weak, she tired of fighting and gave Alicia a helpless look.

  “Let's go then.” Logan shook her arm, forcing her attention back to him.

  “Well if you have a ride Kris, I guess I'll take off.” Alicia rose. Kristen wanted to follow and hug her, but Logan had her boxed in.

  “I'll call you later. Thanks for bringing me, Alicia.” She smiled, hoping Alicia could tell how sorry she was.

  “Why do you have to have her around all the time?” he complained after Alicia left. Before she could answer, his lips covered hers.

  “She's not always around, Logan. But I can always count on her, unlike you!”

  “I told you to wake me! I despise having her around. I never get to be alone with you anymore.”

  “Well you better get used to it because the baby will be out soon. And she's helping me, remember?”

  “When's he out?” He sounded alarmed.

  “Next week.” She lied, watching him closely. “And I need to know if we are staying with you.”

  “What? What kinda question is that?” His voice rose to a feverish pitch, then lowered. “What do you think?”

  “You keep avoiding the question, that's what I think! You never told me.”

  “Ok. Let's talk about it outside.” Springing to his feet, he held out his hand and pulled her up.

  When they returned to the apartment she brought it up again.

  He bowed his head. “Bring him.”

  Suspicious of his hasty decision, she continued pressing him. “So, you are okay with it even though—”

  He cut her off “—It's his? If that's what it takes to keep you, yeah. I'm okay.” He adjusted his stance, preventing her from seeing the malice in his face.

  She stepped in front of him, searching his eyes, the iciness she found, alarming. “I don't know where you're coming from, Logan. Are you going to be a father to him or not?” She moved closer.

  “Why? I never had one... I'm fine!”

  “But I did and we were very close. I want the same for my son.”

  The passion in her voice made him shudder. She picked up on it stiffening uncomfortably. Motivated by her distress, he cupped her face, delving into her eyes. “I know that, Krissy, I was there for you when you needed me. I remember everything about your crazy family. Do you?”

  “I don’t want to go there Logan, you know that!”

  He seized the opportunity, sensing her fragility. “I can try to be what you want Krissy. I’ll do whatever you want, for you and you only, on one condition.” He paused, waiting for her eyes to meet his. “Promise you will never leave me.”

  She froze, speechless.

  “Un
less of course you want to give your son to him to raise instead.”

  “Are you insane? I will never give up my baby!”

  He disregarded her protest, his eyes crazed.

  “And if he doesn’t want him, there’s always adoption, then we can make our own—” His arms fastened onto the wall on both sides of her, pinning her in.

  “—No, that’s not happening Logan! You are not going to trick me into believing you want a family, just like that, out of the blue after all these years! I will never give Alex up, ever and If that's your plan, you better let me go!” Her voice rose to a frantic, hysterical pitch.

  “You're not going anywhere! If you try to leave me again you will regret it!”

  Her eyes fell on his hands clenched into fists. In a blind rage, his arm rose. She cringed.

  Stop, calm down! Stepping back and blinking rapidly, he shook his head over and over as if seeking clarity that refused to come. “Never mind that now. I know you need to rest.” A strange, faraway look filled his eyes as he withdrew his hands and gently brushed strands of hair out of her face. Their eyes locked. He broke the stare, walking slowly away.

  Stunned, her mouth dropped as she watched him leave. In a panic, she rushed onto the balcony and called Alicia. They arranged to meet in front of the building.

  * * *

  “What am I gonna do?” She couldn't hide the desperation in her voice.

  The sun was sinking in the sky, creating a brilliant orange glow across the horizon. She tried to still the shaking by concentrating on the soothing coolness of the sand sifting between her toes. It didn’t work.

  Alicia observed her. “I would get the hell out of there right away if I were you. Did you ever call Jake?”

  Kristen rolled her eyes. “No. I was too confused. I think I was hoping for a miracle, wishing somehow things would go right with Logan, but now I know…” With a disgruntled huff, she shook her head in resignation. “He's back to his old tricks acting really weird and screwed up all over again.”

  “No kidding. That's normal to him. It was just a matter of time.” She frowned. “You have to call Jake, Kris—it's his son. Give him a chance, maybe he'll come up with a plan and help you out. If you keep lying to him...”

  Jake only said he would never let Logan raise Alex if he was his. He never promised we would work it out together did he? What if he doesn’t want me anymore?

  “Kristen! Snap out of it! This is serious!”

  Startled, her eyes widened. “I know, it's just so, so final,” she grumbled as Jake’s words faded from her mind. Everything seemed so ridiculous, she couldn’t stand it and had to turn away.

  “It has to be. Come on sweetie, you need to end this once and for all! Forget him! He's gonna bring you down really hard this time.”

  Kristen pouted, no longer strong enough to argue.

  “You know I'm right, then?”

  When Kristen brought her eyes up to Alicia’s they were red and filled with anguish. “He started to get really crazy. He's not gonna make it easy for me to leave him Alicia.”

  “What? You mean divorce-wise?” Alicia sat on the edge of the bench now, her eyes wide.

  “I mean in general. I couldn't tell if he meant it or not. I'm really getting freaked out. If I tell Jake... I don't want either of them to get hurt. I mean physically.”

  Alicia's mouth fell open. “Holy shit. Is Logan threatening you or Jake?”

  Kristen took a long, deep breath. “Kind of.” A sudden feeling that they were being watched came over her. She quickly looked back.

  “You can't keep living like this, Kristen. Does he know where you are now?”

  “No. I just left the house.” As if on cue, her phone beeped. A text from Logan. “He's looking for me,” she said as her face grew sullen.

  “You better answer it. Don't set him off. You have to play his game, make your plans, and get away. If anyone gets hurt, let it be him, not you or Alex.”

  She’s right. Kristen texted back telling him she was outside with Alicia, hoping that would keep him away.

  “Call Jake, right now!” Alicia urged. “Come on, just do it!”

  “Okay, okay,” she dialed him, too exhausted to worry about what she'd say.

  * * *

  Jake fumbled for his key, groaning. It slipped through his fingers clattering to the floor. Cursing under his breath he retrieved it, grabbing his phone just before it stopped ringing.

  “Hey Kris. I just came back from a run. Are you okay?” The loud background noise made it difficult to hear her. “Are you outside?” He finally unlocked the door, pushed it open with his foot and entered the apartment.

  “Yeah, I'm at the beach with Alicia.” She hesitated. Alicia nudged her.

  “What's going on? How's the baby?” The bad vibes creeped up on him, making him anxious. He strode to window, his eyes vacant as he peered outside. Something is wrong.

  “Tell him,” Alicia whispered.

  “Who's that?” His eyes narrowed at the sound of an indiscernible voice.

  “Jake. I had the baby a few days ago...” She couldn't continue.

  “What? Why didn't you call me right away, is everything all right?”

  “Yes, but I had an emergency delivery. A C-section.”

  Jake held his breath, falling onto a chair. “And…” the words were lost in his throat. He closed his eyes, bracing for the worst.

  Kristen, gulped, glancing at Alicia for moral support. She gave her an enthusiastic nod. “And, he is your son, I’m sure of it. I'm sorry, I was recovering and couldn't call you.”

  Jake flew out of the seat, his hand wildly grabbing his head. The phone slipped out of his hand; he saved it just in time. “Wow! Really, are you sure, how can you tell?”

  “He looks exactly like you, that’s how!” Tears of joy streamed down her face. Alicia slipped her arm around her shoulders.

  For a few seconds he was speechless. All she could hear was his harsh breathing. He’s not happy!

  Kristen’s heart pounded.

  “Jake…aren’t you gonna say something—are you happy?” She gave Alicia a helpless look. Alicia’s brow creased in confusion.

  “Of course I’m happy—I don't know what to say! Are you? Where is he?” Unable to think clearly, he marched across the living room.

  “Yes! He's so gorgeous! You have to see him, baby!”

  “I will, I will. Is he with you now? Are you going back to his apartment?”

  As he calmed down a little the questions bombarded him; they flustered her.

  “No, the baby’s fine…but since he was born prematurely the doctor wants to keep him a few more days.”

  Speechless again, the weakness in his knees sank him to the floor. “But he's healthy right?” Afraid of the answer, he squeezed his eyes blocking out the light.

  “Yes, it’s just procedure.” Sensing she had to reassure him, she rushed to continue, getting more and more energized as she spoke. “He's really big too, and really strong, just like his daddy. He almost broke my fingers!” She laughed, whisking away the tears with her fingers.

  “When did I break your fingers, baby?” He laughed, choking back his own tears. “I'll be in Miami next week. I can't wait to see both of you. Can you send me a photo? Where are you staying?”

  Suddenly Kristen couldn't speak. She pushed the phone at Alicia. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Hey Jake, this is Alicia. Sorry about that. She's too emotional to talk.”

  “Is she okay? She told you about me?”

  “Oh yeah! I know all about you. They're both fine. He's so cute!”

  Kristen grabbed the phone from her. “Jake—”

  “—Baby, are you sure you're okay, what about Logan? I need you to tell me where you’re staying.”

  “I just want you to come here, okay?” She paused to take another deep breath. “I have to leave from here.”

  “Okay, okay, are you sure? Do you need me sooner? I can come in the next few days.” He rose to his feet, anxious ag
ain.

  “No, do what you have to. Alex is still in the hospital anyway.”

  A sharp twinge hit Jake’s chest; his eyes blasted wide open. “Alex? That's his name?”

  “Yes… do you like it?”

  She froze. What if he doesn’t? I never asked him.

  He wanted to ask her what made her pick that name, but feared he would break down. “My dad’s name.”

  Although the words were muttered under his breath, she heard every syllable. “Are you upset about it?”

  I can’t believe she remembered! The flutter of wings against the window pane, knocked him out of the daze. His gaze strayed from the pigeon perched on the ledge, to the street.

  “I love it!”

  Her sigh of relief made him smile. He wiped away a stray tear. “Kris, I miss you.”

  “I love you...” Strangled by panic, she couldn't finish. Turning her head in slow motion, she saw Logan heading in their direction. Alicia followed her line of vision, alarm taking over her face.

  “Jake, I have to go, I'll text you with everything later. Don’t worry, everything's fine.” Without breathing, she hung up before he could answer.

  * * *

  She is up to something! Logan felt it in his bones the second she texted him back. That was after numerous texts and calls to her that went unanswered. At first he thought it was that she needed someone to bitch to about him. Seeing her face go deathly pale as he approached changed his mind.

  It’s Jake! I’m positive.

  Determined to trap her, he struggled to hide his suspicions.

  Ambling over, he kissed her, ignoring Alicia and her frown.

  “Hey. What are you up to?” In his peripheral vision, he caught her fumbling to put her phone away.

  “Just hanging out.”

  He nodded, forcing himself to keep up the casual attitude. “Hmm. It's beautiful out here. Going for a walk?” He held her gaze.

  She lifted her eyes to Alicia and shrugged.

  What the fuck? She thinks for her now? Hoping to provoke Alicia to leave, he moved closer to Kristen, his lips lingering against her cheek as he slipped his arms around her waist and drew her close.