A Sea of Smoke_A Dark Romance

by Karen Lynn

  WEDNESDAY

  LOGAN

  Despite how much he tried to get lost in the sex, drugs, and liquor, nothing helped. The depression still existed, deeper and darker than ever, except now his body was numb. A little voice kept telling him at some point, he needed to pull himself together. Kristen wasn't coming back to him. It was over. Then minutes later, another voice, somewhere in the back of his mind, whispered he couldn't stop fighting for her. No one in the world would ever understand him, would ever put up with him the way she did. No one would ever love him like she did.

  Gina came back into the room, clad in a sexy thong bikini. She sauntered over to him, twirling around in a provocative fashion. Finally, he let his eyes roam her voluptuous body. She played with her thick, auburn hair, lifting it up then releasing it to tumble down over her shoulders in an effort to get a compliment or some kind of positive reaction.

  “I like you better naked.” he mumbled into the pillow.

  Rage rose in her face. She took in his long blonde hair falling across his heavy eyelids. Reaching over with a quick snap, she grabbed a chunk of it in her fist and yanked it back. “Maybe now you can get a better look!”

  “What the fuck? That hurts,” he moaned, rolling out of reach.

  “Oh, poor baby! Why don't you get up and come to the pool with me? I'm bored silly laying around here.”

  That’s easy for her to say, she has no clue how much crap I’ve consumed. Funny, neither do I! The room still gyrated, his head about to pop open, spilling his mushy brain all over her lush white carpet. “I need some coffee or something.”

  He couldn't open his eyes, let alone move.

  “Logan, get in the shower and sober up! Then I'll make some espresso. Otherwise, fuck yourself. I'm sick of the self-pity. Your whining is really getting on my nerves!” Not waiting for a response, she lifted her lean, tanned body from the bed. “It's not even your baby. Why are you crying so much?”

  Still he didn't move or respond. After rattling off a string of profanity in Spanish, she gave up, grabbed a towel and left her apartment.

  “Fuck you, bitch!” he yelled after her footsteps faded and he was certain she was out of earshot. He hoisted his achy, hungover body up from the bed, only to fall onto the carpet. After laying there for a few moments, he crawled to the bathroom.

  KRISTEN/JAKE

  It felt strange opening her eyes and looking into Jake's, especially with his almost clean-shaven face and shorter hair. Everything was so different, yet so beautiful. Rolling onto her back, she held her arms up to him. Without hesitation, he fell into them, kissed her, then laid his face on her chest.

  “Feeling better?” he whispered.

  The previous night was a blur, her last recollection wobbling into the motel room, tossing duffle bags and collapsing on the bed. She took a long, deep gulp of cool air into her lungs. “I'm alive. I think.” But a blush and huge grin provided an honest answer.

  “What time can we see the baby?” His fingertips rolled tenderly across her breasts while she held onto his head. “I'm having a really hard time not making love to you.”

  “We can get in anytime to see him. He's ours, remember?” She laughed. “And who said you can't make love to me?”

  “The doctor! You know what I mean. Don't tease me.”

  “We can't have sex, but we could do everything else, so don't waste any more time!” Gripping his head harder, she pulled him down.

  * * *

  His hands roamed her back as the shower head trickled water onto them. No matter how many hours passed with her beside him, it still seemed like a dream. Even as he stooped down as low as he could so she could gently massage the shampoo through his hair, it didn't seem real.

  “We wasted eight months, you realize that?” he whispered, slipping an arm around her soapy waist.

  “I know. But we're together now, that's what matters.” She laughed watching him squeeze his eyes tight, as the shampoo streamed along his face.

  “I never stopped thinking about you all that time. Do you know that too?”

  “What about all those other women?”

  “What other women? There were only two and they were one nighters,” he blurted, moving his head back under the shower head to rinse off.

  “Two? I thought you said just Tia?” She stepped forward, avoiding the flow of water, her face reddening from the heat and rising jealousy. Despite how much she tried, or as selfish as it might have been, the mere thought of him in another woman’s arms was devastating.

  Oh shit! Turning his back to her, he continued washing, hoping she'd get sick of arguing.

  “What other woman, Jake?” She held on to his wet body for support.

  “It's no big deal, Kris. It was one night! I thought I told you.”

  “No, you didn't. You mentioned talking to Marty, but...” Then it dawned on her. “Please tell me you didn't fuck Marty.”

  He couldn't avoid her eyes any longer. It was hard to tell if her face was wet from tears or the shower spray. “Come on baby, please! It was one time, she—”

  “—Oh my god! You son of a bitch! It was her!” Enraged, she jerked out of reach, slipping and grabbing the shower curtain just in time. Without looking back, she ripped the curtain aside and stormed from the room.

  “Kristen!” He rinsed the last traces of soap from his body, grabbed a towel and ran after her. He found her huddled in a corner, her body convulsing under a heavy blanket.

  “Don't come near me, Jake!”

  He crouched next to her.

  “You're being unreasonable, Kristen. You were with your husband, remember? What the hell did you expect me to do? They didn't mean anything to me!”

  “Why her? Out of the millions of women in New York, you have to screw my best friend! God damn you, Jake!”

  I am not going to breakdown! She buried her face in her arms.

  With a helpless sound, he hugged her, forcing her against him. “I'm sorry. I didn't go out looking for it. She was just there...”

  “Like always, right? I knew from the very beginning she wanted you! That fucking cunt! I'll never talk to her again.” She cried so hard her body rocked his.

  “Baby, it wasn't her fault, she lost Ray, it just happened by accident. We both knew it wouldn't work.”

  Struggling to stop sobbing, she peeked at him. “Why? How did she know? Did you tell her?”

  “Of course I told her. And she could tell how much I love you. Isn't that what really matters? That's the real reason I'm here.” Lifting the blanket from her body, he wiggled in next to her and tossed it back over them.

  “So she knows you're mine then?”

  Her voice was so tiny and innocent he had to laugh and kiss her.

  “Everyone knows that I'm yours.”

  “We better get ready to see Alex.”

  After breaking away from him, she clambered to her feet. He is right, let the past stay buried. He is mine now and I will do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

  * * *

  Jake was busy on the phone with Franky as they entered the hospital. Trying to be inconspicuous, she checked him out through the corner of her eye. A new confidence and peace of mind radiated from him, as if he had been reborn. It was thrilling. So why were her own insecurities surfacing?

  “Franky's in town. I'm gonna meet with him and Henry tomorrow afternoon after we see Alex.” Taking her hand tightly in his, he pressed the elevator button.

  She opened her mouth to ask if she could join him, but something forced it shut again.

  * * *

  “You are getting so big!” Kristen accepted Alex into her arms, happily planting kisses all over his tiny face. “Isn't he, Jake?” she said, breaking the icy silence between them. She felt the silky warmth of Jake's skin against her arm.

  “He's a fighter!” He beamed, unable to believe that he was responsible for creating this adorable creature. “I think he's ready to go home.”

  “That's up to the doctor, not you!”<
br />
  “What's wrong now?” Taken aback, he frowned at her.

  “Nothing, Jake. It's just you think it’s all up to you, but it’s not.” She caught his eye. He moved in close, the musky scent of his hair escaping from the hospital cap.

  Surprise and confusion masked his face. “Where's this coming from? Are you still mad about Marty?” The muscles in his jaw quivered.

  “What difference does it make now? It's done. Don't get Alex upset.” She fanned herself, desperate to cool off.

  It was Jake’s turn to hold Alex and she couldn’t take her eyes off of them. Without warning, guilt and disillusion made her reflect on how she continued to attack him every time he opened his mouth.

  Could it possibly be my actions and animosity are unjustified? No, it’s not entirely my fault. Since the baby things haven’t improved and now this Marty thing, just made it worse. The anger, sadness, crazy jealousy, it’s eating me up inside. I have to do something before it backfires.

  Alex gurgled, his large brown eyes bright. Jake's fingers caressed his back as he held him to his chest. He knew Kristen was spying on him and allowed himself to sneak a peek. Since the baby she glowed, more vibrant and beautiful than ever. He couldn’t help admiring her, the love apparent on his face. Hiding a grin, he bit his tongue, shut his mouth and made the decision to let her win, right or wrong.

  LOGAN

  It was difficult coming back to the real world and Nick’s obvious irritation didn’t help. Another surprise visit had Logan amazed and put off by his persistence. This particular encounter threatened to be worse than the rest. The constant, aggravating foot tapping and belligerent attitude had Logan on the verge of insanity.

  “Logan, what the hell is up with you? You look liked you died. Where's Gina, where the fuck you staying, huh? I hate having to track you down all the time!” He glared at him like a distraught parent at a rebellious child.

  “Hah?” Logan refused to come out of his disoriented state. Numbness was far more comfortable than dealing with Nick’s crap. His intoxicated eyes stared dully into space, increasing Nick’s infuriation.

  “What the fuck, man? What's happening with you and your wife, when's that baby due? Shit! What don't you understand?”

  “Everything, Nick! I fucking don't understand any of it!”

  Nick rolled his eyes, pausing to light a cigarette before returning his attention to Logan.

  Logan shrugged. “She's leaving me.”

  “What are you talking about? What about the baby? Logan, fucking snap out of it!”

  “It's his, not mine, she's with him.” He was too messed up to worry about his ego and took refuge behind his hands.

  Nick jumped up. “Who the hell is he? Logan, look at me, you're not making any sense!” He yanked Logan’s hands away from his face.

  “Some piece of shit she shacked up with in New York and she had the stupid baby already.” He squinted at the ceiling light, whined and closed his eyes.

  “So you're gonna let him get away with it?” Nick glared, getting in his face.

  What the hell does he expect me to do about it? “It's her choice. What the fuck can I do? It's not my kid, I don't want it. Let him have her and her stinking baby, I don’t give a shit, they can all die for all I care. Fuck them!”

  “What've you been taking? Huh?” Nick smacked Logan’s shoulder.

  “I don't know, mainly Percocet...” Logan winced, furiously massaging his temples.

  “Mainly? God damn it, you're gonna have to clean up, Logan. I told you she was good for you, didn't I? This one here, what’s her name?”

  Nick stared at Logan waiting for an answer. Logan smirked, finished off his beer and tossed the bottle on the carpet.

  “Gina, that’s it! She's a good fuck, but trouble. Didn't I tell you that before? Hmm? Why'd you let Kristen go?”

  Close to a serious meltdown, Logan lost control. “I thought we were fixed, then she had his stinking baby and now he’s here and I don’t know...” Shaking his head, self-pity took him down. The unexpected urge to get away from Nick, drew him to the couch. In a dramatic gesture he flung his body backwards onto it, burying his face under his arm.

  Seeing how distraught he was, Nick decided to take a more laid back approach. After taking a few more drags, he hurried to join him.

  “What's he gonna offer her? What's he do anyway?”

  “He's a bartender at that club with Jonny.” Logan muttered from under his arm.

  Nick roared with laughter. “How's he gonna take care of them, huh? Did either of you even think about that? Hey, you may not believe it, but I know women. She'll come to her senses once she finds herself starving in a slum somewhere.”

  “I know. That's what I told her.”

  “I'm gonna get you in with my doctor to wean you off that shit. That's the first step, cleaning up. And you can't give up on her. Keep after her. You know deep down she's steaming for you, even if she doesn't know it herself. Take advantage of that. Don't be such a pussy.”

  “I tried, it didn't work out too good.” His mind stalled on the hospital incident and Alicia, both big mistakes. “I can't get next to her with him around now. It’s not that simple.”

  “Logan, everything is simple if you make it simple. And every asshole has their weakness and a price that will take care of it.”

  “—Forget it. I’m not paying for her.”

  “What the fuck? Forget it then—we talk to Jonny. If the asshole’s chronically unemployed, that should change her mind pretty damn fast.”

  “What the hell can he do?” Logan peeked at Nick.

  Nick smirked. “He has his connections in Miami and if they go back there, he’s toast.”

  What the fuck? Why didn’t I think of that?

  Stunned and seething with anger, Logan turned away.

  Nick picked up on his astonished expression. “Use your brain not your dick for a change, Logan, You gotta stay put in the condo man! Don’t let her bring him in to take over your life. Get your lazy ass outta here, get cleaned up and let’s get some dinner.”

  As implausible as it all sounded, at least there seemed to be a glimmer of hope. Finally infused with some positive energy, Logan dropped his arm from his face, lifted himself off of the couch and headed to the shower.

  KRISTEN

  After dinner, Kristen called Alicia. While Jake watched TV, she moved her conversation to tiny balcony, hoping he wouldn't come out.

  “What's wrong?” Alicia asked as soon as she heard the sound of Kristen's disenchanted voice.

  “I found out Jake had sex with my best friend in New York.” Once she got it off her chest, the burden lightened.

  Dead silence on the other end. That didn't help. Kristen began pacing like a caged tiger.

  “How did you find out?” Alicia finally spoke.

  Kristen came to an abrupt halt. “He accidentally spit it out! The fact he wasn't even planning to tell me that it just happened makes it worse!” Oh my God! I am losing it again! A squeaking noise startled her. She held her breath, listening. It was from the street, not Jake. Exhaling couldn’t control the nervous energy as she waited for Alicia to continue.

  “That really sucks, Kris, but still, he's much better than Logan. Maybe now that he's a father and you left Logan for him, he'll calm down. Didn't you say he was faithful before?”

  “Yeah, but we were only together three weeks.” It sounded insane. Why does it seem like years?

  “Oh. Well you could dump both of them and move in with me.”

  Is she joking? And then what? It never occurred to Kristen to avoid men altogether. “Right!” She laughed, turning to look through the glass door into the room. “The baby is getting big. I think we can take him home this weekend.” Then what? A motel room? Depression started sinking in. The plan she had carefully devised in her head, the one where she would talk to Jake, make it right, deal with her suffocating jealousy and pre-occupation with what he’d done in the past, was history.

  “T
hat's great! Are you getting an apartment or what? You're not staying in the motel when he comes out, are you?”

  “No way! That would be crazy. But we haven't looked yet. I don't know, maybe we'll be here a few days. It's kind of up in the air.” A wave of self-doubt washed over her. Sliding into a chair, she buried her face in her hands. “What do you think” Because I sure as hell am not doing a good job.

  “Me? I think find a month to month place as soon as possible. Then take it from there. Give it a chance. He's getting an art gig out here, right?”

  “Supposedly. He's meeting the guy tomorrow. Alicia, he didn't even ask me to go with him or what I thought. It's like he thinks he owns me already.” A noise from the room made her jump to her feet.

  “You okay out there, Kris?” Jake stood at the opening of the sliding glass doors, hesitant to go to her. She couldn't help admiring him or the warm tingling along her skin as she took in the taut angular planes of his face and lean, muscular body glistening in the waning evening light.

  “I'm fine. I'll be in in a second.” Once we can make love again I can get past all of this. Sex always cured everything before.

  With a wink, he returned to the room.

  “Does he care that you're talking to me?”

  In a sudden trance, Kristen was speechless.

  “Kris, did you hear me? What’s wrong?” Even through the phone Alicia felt the tension.

  Taking a deep sigh, Kristen, found her voice. “Yeah, I think I am.”

  “You think you are? What does that mean? What’s going on? There has to be something you’re not telling me.”

  “I just feel so weird and out of control. Is this normal? Why is everything so catastrophic?”

  “Because it is! You’ve been through a lot of trauma. All the crap with Logan, and now you have Jake and the baby to get used to. It takes time to adjust after a baby. Lots of women have the blues after giving birth. And with everything you’ve been through, I’m not surprised.” Alicia didn’t want to bring up postpartum depression fearing she’d upset Kristen even more.