by Karen Lynn
He felt like crap, sleep-deprived since Sunday. His hair hung limp and greasy around his face. He felt dirty. After a beer, he would take a nice hot shower, get some food. Then he could lay down, try to relax, and call Kristen. His eyes teared. He pictured her face, how distraught and petrified she looked after the shooting. How comforting it felt to kiss her after they'd handcuffed him. He couldn't fight his emotions any longer. He never needed her more than he did at that moment.
KRISTEN/JAKE
They were finally settling down for the evening. The recorded statements were done, and they were free at last. Unsure what that really meant for them, Kristen could only hope it was positive. She sat in the living room with Alex in her arms, burping him after his bottle. Jake was in kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. She gazed at him, her eyes filled with affection. He never avoided helping her; anything he could do, he was right there.
“Did you hear that one babe? I cannot believe such a tiny boy can burp so loud! You are such a silly little man!” She giggled, kissing Alex's nose. He always looked so happy, his dreamy brown eyes smiling.
“Don't say it! I know, he's just like me!” Jake laughed, throwing himself down next to her. He loved watching her with him, especially when she was aglow with happiness, like she was now. “Every time I look at him, it amazes me how he came out of my tiny woman!” He nibbled her neck, his eyes gleaming.
“I'm not that tiny! You fit in just fine, don't you? What are you saying?” she teased, jerking her head out of reach before he could bite her cheek.
“That's true! And we both know how gigantic I am, don't we? That's amazing too!” He flushed with pride, continuing to laugh. “Want me to put him to bed?”
“I'll do it. You're always stealing him from me! You can come with us though.” She smiled, lightly slapping his hand away. “Oh, and its put him down!”
“What? That sounds vicious. I’ll say it my way!” Jake smiled, squeezing her butt before she could pull away.
His phone started beeping. He stopped in his tracks.
“It's Henry. I better take it babe. Think I'll start tomorrow, okay?” He winked at her, grabbing the phone and flopping back on the couch.
As she put Alex in his crib next to their bed, she heard her phone ringing in the living room. Not wanting to interrupt her special moment with him, she tucked him in, kissed him, and let it ring. When she returned to the living room it was ringing again. Jake was deep in conversation with Henry. Not in a rush, she strolled to the phone. Her eyes widened in astonishment. Logan. Frowning, she glanced at Jake, then picked it up.
“Hey, are you home?” she whispered, tiptoeing into the bedroom out of earshot.
“Yeah. The bail was $10,500.”
“I know. But as long as you go to court when you're supposed to, I think you only pay the bail people their percentage.” She paused listening for Jake. Until the case ended, he would have to learn to deal with her talking to Logan. But if she could avoid him being part of the conversation, it would be a lot easier.
“Thank you Krissy. For everything.”
It was unexpected and brought tears to her eyes. “Logan you helped me. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm glad you're out. Are you okay? Did Micky call yet?”
“Whatever it takes? I like that.” He was quiet for a minute, then continued. “Micky didn't call yet. You know, I would be a lot better if you were here. You don't know how much I miss you…” His voice trailed off.
Her heart raced, she closed her eyes, willing the feeling to go away. Then her thoughts flew back to the day of the shooting, making it worse. It must be so hard for him being back in the condo. I’d be freaking out.
She wondered if they cleaned up the blood.
“That’s good.” Choosing her words with care in case Jake approached, she walked deeper into the bedroom.
Why did I tell him that? I can’t lead him on.
“Do you feel bad about her?” It had been bothering her ever since the recorded statement.
“About Gina? I guess. I didn't really think about her until I came home. Then it freaked me out. She should've stayed away from me like I told her, it's her own fault.” After a brief pause, “Kristen, I want to talk about us, not her.”
She froze, speechless. “I don't think that's a good idea. And I can’t talk now.” The hairs on her arms rose, she couldn't risk Jake seeing it or hearing.
“It is a good idea. It's the only idea and we both know it. Don't deny you love me, Krissy. It was all over your face when they arrested me. That's why you called that lawyer, isn't it? You don't want me locked up either.”
“We'll talk tomorrow, okay? I can't do this now...”
“Only if you admit I'm right.”
“I can’t. Goodnight.”
The phone shook in her hand as she ended the call. Why am I doubting my feelings again? Is it because he’s going to prison for me? Or because I’m afraid of losing him forever?
Her eyes closed the minute she sank to the floor, defeated and breathless.
Jake held the phone to his ear, his face alive with enthusiasm. He glanced at her when she wandered into the room, motioning for her to come to him. Trying to steady herself, she crept to him. He pulled her down on his lap, wrapping his arms protectively around her. She could feel his heart beating in anticipation against her back. Henry's voice blared through the handset. It sounded like he was planning to start working tomorrow after all.
WEDNESDAY
KRISTEN
Micky Sedakis was in town and texted her about a needing a meeting with Logan right away. Of course he wanted her to go along. The instant she read it, an indescribable rush coursed through her body. As she started to calm down and think straight, the awkwardness of the situation became apparent. Why did he want her there? Still, it was the perfect excuse to meet Logan without lying to Jake. Maybe even a good idea, just to ensure their stories still coincided. As long as Jake was working and wouldn't insist on going along, she would be fine.
He was in the kitchen, the baby on his lap, when she strolled in. The wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee greeted her. With a bright smile, she went to him.
“Just in time for the burping!” He grinned, giving her a light slap on her butt. Alex's eyes were already glazing over from drowsiness. “You want the honors?”
The happy glow that always took over her face when she held the baby in her arms was brighter than ever. Jake kissed her head, getting up to bring her coffee. She nuzzled her face against the baby's silky curls, soothed by his delicate scent. She wanted to get right to the point with Jake, but dreaded a confrontation. The serenity was tangible; it would be devastating to break it.
“What's up for you today, baby? I'm gonna get ready for work.” He sat next to her, his hand warm and gentle on her bare thigh. She tapped Alex's back looking for the perfect burp while allowing herself to be drawn into the temporary solace of Jake's eyes. The tapping grew more rigorous, as her worry over the easiest way to tell him increased.
“Jake, I was thinking about meeting with Micky. He texted…”
Alex’s loud burp drowned her out. Humored by it she giggled and glanced at Jake. This time, he wasn’t laughing. Without a word, he reached for the baby, and disappeared into the bedroom.
Here we go again. The flip flopping in her stomach picked up speed. She took a nervous gulp of coffee. Before she could suck in a breath, he re-appeared, the table vibrating from the tautness of his arms pressing forcefully down on it.
“What are you saying, Kristen? Is that why he's helping Logan? An excuse to see you again?” He exhaled, his face so close she felt like she was stealing the air from his body.
“No! You want me to be honest with you, so I am! It will probably be all three of us.”
“Three of us? Meaning me or... Logan?” The heaving of his chest intensified.
She jumped out of reach, trying not to hyperventilate. How did the conversation go from bad to disastrous so quickly?
Her voice drop
ped to a whisper. “Not with you.”
He slammed his fist down on the table, sending her coffee cup crashing to the floor. His eyes darted to the mess on the floor, bugging out. With a slow, methodical movement, he crouched to pick up the shards of broken glass, his hands shaking. After dumping it in the trash, he returned with the broom and dust pan to clean up the rest. Satisfied, he turned his attention back to her.
“Do whatever you want Kristen, you always do anyway.”
An unusual and frightening calm radiated from him as he went to her. Instinctively inching back farther, her back hit the sink.
With a tiny grin curling his lips, he placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and kissed her. “I trust you.”
“I shouldn't be out too long. It will probably be a lunch meeting, and only if Cassandra or Alicia can watch the baby. I wouldn't go if I didn't think it was important Jake.” Looking deep into his eyes, she found the pain he couldn’t hide.
“Oh I know that Kristen, it is extremely important to you. I also know you'll do what's right—for all of us.” His fingertip brushed her lips, then he turned away. “I have to get ready. If you have anything else to tell me, feel free.”
A devastating chill slithered along her spine. She stared numbly after him as he left the room.
KRISTEN/LOGAN
They were meeting at La Seca Cafe. Micky was already seated at the bar when she pranced in. He couldn't contain his elation, bouncing up to greet her.
“Hey doll, you look beautiful, as always! Motherhood has never looked better!” He pulled her tightly against him.
Much to her astonishment, it thrilled her to see him, but her nerves were out of control. “I didn't remember if I told you or not. I was really on edge when I called you. And you look as handsome as ever, although you could use some sun. Not that I should talk, between me and Logan it’s hard to say who looks more like a ghost!”
“That’s your opinion. Maybe he does, but not you! And I'll gladly work on my tan if you go with me!” He laughed. She managed a weak smile, hoping he wasn't on one of his tireless rolls.
“So what's going on with you and Logan. I take it you dropped the divorce?”
“It's complicated, the pregnancy was totally unexpected. I tried as hard as I could to make it work with Logan, but he never wanted a baby.”
He nodded. “Life is complicated. What about Jake? You mentioned he's out here?”
“The baby's his. As soon as he found out, he came down here. We're living together now.” She paused, forcing herself to look in his eyes despite the surprise she knew she’d find there. “It's been rough enough and now this.”
“And to make it even rougher, Logan won't let go.”
Her eyes said it all—she expected him to be the answer to her prayers—the ever reliable miracle worker, juggling Logan's life in his hands. And from the distress in her face, her life and future as well. “What can I get you to drink?” He smiled.
She studied him for a second. He looked tired. The past year had taken its toll, but he still had that undying spunk. “Just iced tea. You know I can't drink and drive.” Where the hell is Logan? He always has to be late, even when his own life was on the line.
It was proving too uncomfortable being alone and discussing her messed up personal life. It wasn’t as if Micky was an impartial bystander.
A sudden strange sensation came over her, forcing her to spin around. Her eyes landed on the entrance just as he strolled through the door. Blushing, she snapped her head away, hoping any evidence would disappear before Micky noticed.
Logan’s eyes fixed on her the minute he entered. He picked up his pace, heading to the bar.
Once at her side, he hugged her close, his lips lingering on hers before trailing to her ear. “Where are we going after this, Krissy?”
Startled, her eyes widened, she gazed up at him. Unable to stop herself, her fingers lightly traced the ugly scab transforming into a long scar across his cheek. The scar inflicted by Jake’s rage. All of the misery in Logan’s soul seemed to pour out of it when she touched it. As she absorbed it, everything they had ever done to hurt each other vanished, along with the rest of the world.
Micky stood transfixed and confused by the obvious chemistry between them. His eyes narrowed, following her fingers to the wound, trying to make sense of it all. As his discomfort grew, he cleared his throat, shaking Kristen's arm to jolt her back to the present.
“You remember Micky, don't you Logan?” Astounded by the ferocity of her emotions, her body tautened. Blinking herself back to reality, she held Logan's gaze as his right hand roamed up and down her back.
“Logan, how's it going?” Micky thrust his hand out to Logan. With a vacant stare, he gripped it with his left hand, pulling her even tighter against him with the other. She couldn't breathe.
Micky had no idea what was going on, but applied his usual professional discretion to mask it, leading them to their table.
After they ordered, Micky delved right into it, hashing over the major details of the case and sharing his opinions. The entire time, Logan focused on Kristen, his leg glued to hers while running his fingers along the inside of her thigh. Every so often he brought his eyes to Micky, but he never heard one word he said.
Gulping, Kristen did her best to stay alert and keep Micky from veering off track. The heat spread rapidly from her body to her face, intensifying. She knew Micky saw it, sensed his discomfort.
I hope he doesn’t think it’s because of him. Oh well, either way I look like fool.
Without warning, she rose to her feet, excused herself, and ran to the restroom.
She staggered to the sink. Supported by the countertop she took deep, desperate breaths. Things were definitely not going the way she expected. Her brain was mush; it was impossible to think let alone comprehend one word that Micky said. And when she made an effort to focus by staring directly at him, it made her terribly uneasy. All because of Logan, the magnitude of her reaction to his touch, maddening.
I have to overcome these desires. I have to forget our steamy history. I have to behave like a logical, responsible woman. A mother.
The self-talk didn’t help, her face was still bright red. Growing more distressed, she splashed cold water on it over and over.
I never should've agreed to this! Who the hell am I trying to fool?
She sighed, holding her trembling hands in front of her. With a frustrated cry, she clasped them together rubbing vigorously until they finally settled down.
Logan waited for her outside of the ladies’ room. Before she could utter a word in protest, he pinned her to the wall, his lips crushing hers, his tongue rammed in her mouth. The room spinning, she clung to him, her hands clasped in his hair. Time stood still and she was lost in him.
Wait! Everything is wrong, already out of control and we haven't even eaten yet. Pulling her hands from his head, she pushed him away.
“We can't do this Logan.” She stopped to take a breath. “You have to take this seriously.” Still breathless, she sucked in more air.
His eyes glimmered, fading to a paler shade of blue “I am very serious!” He reached for her face.
“I mean your case! You know what I mean!” In a struggle to control the volume of her voice and blood pressure, she found herself failing on both and let out an exasperated sigh. “Let’s go back. He's waiting.”
“Not yet,” he moaned, sinking into her.
Her eyes ablaze, she gave him a hard shove. “You want him to charge you extra? Come on! This is your life you're playing with!”
“I can't help it if you're so irresistible!” He chuckled, rushing to kiss her before she could resist.
“And you are very drunk!” Grabbing his arm, she dragged him back into the dining area. Not letting the silly grin dissuade her, she steered him back to the table.
Micky raised an eyebrow, trying to hide his annoyance. After downing his second beer, and ordering another round for all of them, his demeanor changed and he wen
t on to tell them about the possibility of a plea bargain. This time, he had Logan’s undivided attention.
“One to two years in prison? Is this a fucking joke? No, no way! She broke into my house!” Troubled, he stared at Kristen expecting a magical fix.
“What are his chances of getting off completely if he goes to trial?” Aware she needed to brace herself for the worst possible scenario, she surrendered to the beer, finishing half of it in one long gulp.
Micky’s focus drifted to her lips on the bottle. Once she dropped the bottle on the table, he regained his train of thought.
“There's always a risk of losing and getting more time. Let me get with the D.A. and I'll have a better idea. The longer it takes, the riskier it gets. Especially if she doesn't pull through.”
Kristen's heart throbbed with a debilitating ferocity. Logan's jaw dropped, he paled staring at him without blinking. After downing some more beer, Micky locked on Logan, hoping to avoid further distraction. “I heard she's still in a coma.”
Logan and Kristen had a simultaneous outburst. “A coma!”
“Fuck! You mean she could die?” Logan grabbed his head in disbelief.
Micky nodded, gesturing for more drinks.
Kristen twirled around to face Logan. The color in his face had drained to a lifeless chalk white hue. His hand searched under the table, gripping hers. She slid her leg next to his.
How could this be? With the utterance of one devastating word, the bad dream had turned into an inescapable nightmare.
* * *
Logan’s car was already in his spot, when she pulled into the parking garage at the condo. 3:00 p.m.—much later than she had thought. Where had the time gone?