Confessions of a Military Wife

by Mollie Gross

  © 2009, 2010 by Mollie Gross

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America.

  Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the Library of Congress.

  ISBN 978-1-932714-76-0

  05 04 03 02 01 5 4 3 2

  Second edition, first printing

  Published by

  Savas Beatie LLC

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  New York, NY 10175

  Phone: 610-853-9131

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  Savas Beatie LLC

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  Our titles are available at special discounts for bulk purchases by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For details, contact Special Sales, P.O. Box 4527, El Dorado Hills, CA 95762, or you may e-mail us at sales@savasbeatie.com, or visit our website at www.savasbeatie.com for additional information.

  All photos courtesy of the author unless otherwise stated.

  Opinions expressed by the author are not necessarily held by others who appear in this book, the United States Marine Corps, or the United States Department of Defense. Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

  This book is lovingly dedicated to my amazing Grandma Ruby …

  for all she taught me, for all the support she gave me,

  and for all the things we share.

  Contents

  Introduction

  Acknowledgments

  Chapter One

  BEFORE

  Chapter Two

  THE DITY MOVE FROM HELL

  Chapter Three

  SETTLING IN: MY FIRST WEEKS

  Chapter Four

  LIFESTYLES OF THE MILITARY

  Chapter Five

  PRE-DEPLOYMENT

  Chapter Six

  DEPLOYMENT

  Chapter Seven

  REUNION

  Chapter Eight

  ON THE L.A.M. (LIFE AFTER THE MILITARY)

  Glossary

  A gallery of photos

  INTRODUCTION

  This book is based on my life in the military as well as jokes from my stand up comedy act, “Mollie Gross, Military Wife.”

  It covers my experiences as a Marine Corps wife, specifically talking about life on base and enduring wartime deployments. To protect their privacy, I have changed the names of some of the women mentioned in the book.

  My husband and I lived on base from 2002 to 2006. During that time, Jon went through two war-time deployments as part of 2nd Battalion 1st Marines. He was an Infantry Platoon Commander and was attached to the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit aboard the USS Tarawa.

  During his first deployment Jon was part of the initial invasion of Iraq.

  His second deployment was to Camp Baharia, just outside the city of Fallujah. At that point, he was a Company Executive Officer and participated in various combat operations within the city of Fallujah.

  This book can be read from beginning to end. But, if you’re like me, you may want to skip around—reading a topic that appeals to you.

  I suffer with Attention Deficit Disorder, so I tend to flip through books stopping to read what interests me.

  This is not meant to be a “How to Guide” to provide wives with resources on base or those offered by the military. There are plenty of those books already. In fact, I have at least five.

  This book is meant to make you laugh and help you understand your situation. Since I believe in the healing power of laughter, I have tried to provide you with a resource for the times when you need a pick me up.

  I have reached so many military wives through my stand up shows, on line videos, and on my MySpace or my website. And they all tell me, over and over, “I really needed that. I needed to laugh!”

  Since this book is an extension of my comedy routine, I expanded on many of the stories I don’t have time to spell out on stage.

  I want military wives to know they are not alone and that wacky things happen. Let’s laugh at ourselves. Or at least laugh at me and know I can laugh at myself.

  All deployments are different; each marriage is unique. I also acknowledge there are differences within and between the branches of the military. This book is written from my perspective, but we share a common thread—the love of country and honor for our spouses who serve.

  My goal in writing this book is to lift the spirits of any wife—no matter the branch of service or her spouse’s rank. I want the Silent Ranks to understand there is no right way to be a “dependent.” It all boils down to support and love.

  To any women considering marrying a military man, I hope this book helps you understand what you’re facing. The role of military wife is a tough one. It demands a commitment not only to your spouse, but also to the service.

  You need to be aware that your needs will be second to the military, that you may be alone for months at a time and will find yourself moving to a new home every four years.

  It takes a special type of person to commit to that. It is not for everyone. Be honest with your needs.

  For civilians reading this book, I offer an honest picture of what it’s like being married to the military. We have our own culture and priorities, but we also have a lot of pride in what we are doing.

  Military wives are described as members of the Silent Ranks. We wear no rank nor do we receive medals or ribbons of achievement for our years of service. We serve silently beside our servicemen.

  At times you will see these women are “not so silently ranked.” They are not women sitting at home crying and tying yellow ribbons around trees.

  We also laugh, thrive, and live.

  I hope this book inspires the military wives to laugh and live. It has been an honor representing you. I encourage you to continue your journey to become your husband’s “independent.”

  Since I had trouble understanding the language of the military, I felt it was important to include a glossary explaining the acronyms used throughout the book.

  Thanks for picking up my book. Here’s to many laughs together.

  Semper Fiesty!

  Mollie Gross

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Years ago during a deployment I told Natalie and Kat, “I’m going to write a book about all this.” Six years later my comedy coach, Bill Word, told me over lunch, “Just write it all ready. You have to just do it.”

  He was right and so was the timing. I had had enough time to recover from the deployments and could rationally process my thoughts again. I had piles of notes and stories scratched down on notepads. Many of the comedy events were already being played out on stage. So, I began to write.

  At the same time I also started touring military bases using an hour of material I had written. I launched a MySpace account, which gained me a fan base that spread across the world and in every branch of the military. Six months later, I had a finished manuscript. Thanks Bill!

  There are so many people to thank. One of the first is my comedy writing partner Andy Salamone, who helped me decide what is funny, or showed me how to make certain material even funnier. Just hearing Andy’s voice makes the creative wheel in my brain start cranking at full speed! We are a great team.

  Many thanks go out to the military wives in all different branches who read my manuscript and encouraged me to approach topics no other military wives have ever discussed.
They kept me focused on what was important and what needed to be confessed—as brutally honest as it may be. Their feedback was priceless.

  Writing a book is one thing. Getting it published is an entirely different experience. Meeting Melody Abshear at Camp Pendelton was my first gift from God. She is my muse and as Type-A as I am! Melody always fills in the blanks and heads me in the right direction. I can’t really get by without her. She put me on the right track to getting this book published and helped me put together my proposal.

  I cannot thank my husband enough for his hours of commitment to my book. From spell checking to proof reading (which was not easy to do when it’s his wife’s story about the deployments he put her through), from his cutting and pasting, dealing with my frequent outburst and tantrums, researching online to find proposal copies and templates, finding resources, and then the right publishing house, he helped with it all. It was a team effort. He is a good man.

  Finding Savas Beatie (or did they find me?) was a perfect fit. Managing Director Theodore P. Savas and I hit it off instantly on the phone. I was so impressed by what Ted and his company had done with their other books, especially Nick “Gunny Pop” Popaditch’s Once a Marine: An Iraq War Tank Commander’s Inspirational Memoir of Combat, Courage, and Recovery (2008). Reading Nick’s story was incredible. What was even more incredible was when my Marine husband told me he was pretty sure he knew “Gunny Pop.” When he was in Fallujah he heard about an “eccentric Gunny tank commander.” When Gunny Pop was hit in the head by a rocket and blinded in April of 2004 during the First Battle of Fallujah, my husband helped medivac Gunny to Camp Fallujah. The world is indeed a small place. The pieces for my book were falling into alignment.

  Meeting Gunny Pop and his wife April at one of my shows was amazing. I felt like we had known them forever! I know that moving forward with Savas Beatie is the best fit for Confessions of a Military Wife.

  Ted understands and supports all I am trying to do for military wives and their families. I deeply appreciate it. Not many people shed light on the “Silent Ranks,” and Ted is helping to bring them right out front and center. Thank you, Ted, for not only giving me this opportunity but also for allowing me to reach these women.

  Ted assigned Gloria Beverage as my editor (AKA: “genius extraordinaire”). “G”, as I nicknamed her early on, is a wordsmith with the ability to cut through 100 words of ADHD gibberish and make it into two sentences that make sense. When I was way too in my head, she explained my thoughts fluidly. Thank you for your patience, especially when I would not let go of a topic that I just had to include. Thank you for assuring me that, “Yes, Mollie, it’s still funny.”

  Sarah Keeney, Savas Beatie’s Marketing Director, kept me focused and directed. Her patience has been greatly appreciated during this process. Thanks for answering all my questions! Thanks also to marketing assistants Tammy Hall and Veronica Kane, who are doing wonderful work to help make this book successful.

  Indrek Mändmets of Indrek Mändmets Photography brought my idea of combat boots, dog tags, and heels to life. His attention to detail is superb! James Zach of ZGrafix, assigned to the project by Savas Beatie—and the same great designer who did the stunning jacket cover for Once a Marine—took this idea and created a book cover that had me screaming with excitement! The hot pink sent me over the top! I could not have imagined anything more perfect. Thanks, Jim!

  Henry Ho is the genius behind my marketing, press kit, and web site. His skills and creativity synced everything together and the outcome was streamlined. Henry brought me to the level of professionalism I had been striving for. If I have the idea, he can make it happen. He gets me focused and tolerates my midnight emails.

  To my attorneys Michael and Scott at Loeb & Loeb (who I drive nuts): thank you for letting me have my way.

  Special thanks to Christi Smith, who designed and created “Semper FIesty” for my tour! I love your positive energy! “Semper FIesty” encapsulates the energy and pride all military wives should feel. There are so many military wives, military small business owners, veterans, and friends who have done so much for me as far as getting the word out there about what I do—from taking pictures of me on location to writing something up on me for the newspaper or an online blog.

  Special thanks to “KK” and my biggest fan Hank Salmans at Devil Dog Brew. Your encouragement kept me going.

  To our parents and family, thank you for all your love and support, especially during those tough years. We love you.

  I know there are others out there, and if I forgot to mention you, please know I know how much you meant to me and this project. Each relationship I have made along the way means so much to me. I keep you all in my prayers every night. Thank you again for your support while I am on tour, writing, or just trying to lift your spirits on line!

  Chapter One

  BEFORE

  A noise startles me awake. I look over at the clock on my nightstand and see it’s 2:00 a.m. My heart starts racing. I reach out for my husband—seeking comfort and safety—but realize he’s not there. My Marine is in the field, which means I’m on my own.

  I hear more noises and now I’m sure an intruder is in my house. While I’m scared, I’m also pissed. As the wife of an infantryman who is always gone, I have had to learn to fend for myself.

  I slowly reach for the Taser under the bed, but can’t find it. Now I’m in complete panic mode and begin to move quickly.

  “Where is the damn mace?” I wonder as I crawl along the floor headed for the bathroom. That’s when I realize the mace is by the front door.

  Adding to my rising anxiety, I am now on the opposite side of the room. I’m too far away from the phone to be able to quickly call for help.

  I hear someone rummaging through our cabinets! I take comfort in the fact that we survive on a meager $400 a week, which means there is nothing worth stealing in this house.

  Still, I am chilled to the bone with fear. I try to take comfort in the fact that I live in base housing, which is guarded by men carrying guns. I’m one of the few who continues to lock my doors. I know anyone who really wanted to could get on base.

  I grab a can of generic strawberry body spray and hold it in front of me in a defiant gesture of self-defense as I slowly move down the hall.

  I find myself thinking, “Why did I leave South Carolina to be here by myself all the time? My husband is never around to protect me; he’s too busy fighting for other people! Why didn’t I marry a banker? Do banker’s wives have to fight off intruders by themselves in the middle of the night?”

  By now my breathing is so shallow that I have become dizzy with fear and a lack of oxygen.

  I creep into the laundry room, where I hear the intruder. I hold up the can, ready to fight him off with body spray. There is someone in the room with me.

  I flip on the light and come face-to-face with a nude man! As he spins toward me I see his camouflage-painted face and we both scream. I spray him directly in the face with a generous amount of my special strawberry and cream repellent before taking off running down the hall.

  Within seconds, a pair of muscled arms grab me around the waist and I begin yelling “RAPE!” I turn to face my attacker. His black, brown, and green face is staring at me just inches from my own.

  That’s when it registers. The face with the strange colors belongs to my husband. By now his eyes are swollen and he’s coughing.

  In unison, we ask, “What is wrong with you? What are you doing?”

  He’s the first to answer.

  “We got done in the field early, so I thought I’d surprise you.”

  “Some surprise,” I respond angrily. “You’re lucky I keep the mace by the front door.”

  Relieved, I escort my nude and very dirty Marine to the bathroom, where I spray him down to get all the dirt and camo face paint off.

  As his smile emerges, my fear and anger begin to melt away. I haven’t seen him for days, and realize how good it is to have my love home.

&nbs
p; My anxiety melts away as he takes me in his arms. I feel safe and whole again.

  We laugh and then I kiss lips that still smell of strawberries.

  As we head for the bedroom, I think, “Let those other women marry bankers. I’ve got myself a Marine.”

  FINDING LOVE AT A FISH FRY

  Jon and I met at a fish fry. My roommate was dating a graduate from the Citadel, a military college in South Carolina. His mother decided to host a company party at the end of the summer to reunite the boys of Hotel (H) Company.

  I wasn’t interested in going to the party. I already had a date with another Citadel graduate I had picked up while driving my car down Rosewood Avenue.

  Plus, I was, well, boy crazy. As my mother put it, “blink and you might miss one” of my boyfriends.

  So I had other plans for that night and they didn’t involve a fish fry in the country. However, my girlfriend begged me to come with her so she wouldn’t be the only girl there. She cinched the deal by assuring me there would be plenty of cute boys to flirt with throughout the day.

  As we were getting ready for the party, she pulled out the Citadel yearbook so I could check out some of the guys who would be at the party.

  That’s when my eyes settled on 2nd Lieutenant Jon Gross. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen—a great tan, dark hair, and gorgeous hazel eyes.

  I couldn’t contain myself. “Who’s that,” I screamed.

  “Jon? He joined the Marines right after college, but no one’s heard from him since. He won’t be attending the party,” she assured me. I was bummed.

  “He’s too quiet for you anyway, Mollie,” she explained. “He never had a girlfriend in college—spent all his time studying instead.”

  At the fish fry I did my best to flirt with all the guys, but my heart wasn’t really into it. (I had been raised in the South, so flirting comes naturally.)

  While I was eating, I looked up and caught my breath! Walking up the driveway was the guy from the yearbook—Jon Gross.

  As the other guests cheered his arrival, I knew my mystery cutie from the yearbook had walked into my life.