“She was glad I lost the baby. And then I thought, well, Penny, you’re no better. You’re sort of relieved. You’re thinking, well, I can go to college now. I can have a life now. You’re a selfish and awful person. And you really aren’t good enough for Jason.”
“That’s ridiculous. How could you even think something like that? And how could you let anything Aunt Sophie said get to you? Why do you let her get to you? Who is she to judge anyone?” Incredulous, Jason just shook his head in dismissal.
But he wasn’t the one who’d had to grow up listening to jokes about her crack-whore mother and being made to feel small because she was being raised by her grandmother and not by two loving parents in a traditional family. Saying she shouldn’t have let any of that get to her was fine in theory. But the cruel things she’d heard growing up had left scars on the psyche.
Penny rubbed her fingers back and forth over the tiny scar above her eye.
She was through pretending she wasn’t damaged. Frankly, it was just too darn tiring. Yes, she had issues. How could she not have them, given all she’d seen, all she’d been through?
“She was your aunt. And she had been making snide comments about Terrill and me from the time we were kids and playing at your house. She always said things to make us feel that we were not fit to play with her nephew.”
“But you two were my best friends. And you were my girl. Mine. I never made you feel like that. Ever. I loved you. And Terrill? I would have laid down my life for him. He was like another brother to me. I don’t understand why he would do this. Why didn’t he try and talk you out of it?”
“But when you thought we had betrayed you, you repeated just about every vile thing your aunt ever said about us, Jason! I know you were hurt, and I know I pushed you away. But hearing those things from you made me feel as if I had made the right decision…That you would have thrown me away eventually anyway, because I wasn’t good enough. And no matter how much I wanted to call after you and admit I had lied, I couldn’t after that.” Penny sighed. She had to finish her confession now, or she never would.
She also had to try to make things right between Jason and Terrill again. If nothing else, she had to do that.
“When Terrill showed up at the hospital, he found me in a horrible state. My hormones were so out of whack, and I was crying hysterically. I guess I must have told him what your aunt said…I don’t know. I felt like I was going crazy at the time. The guilt and sorrow just seemed to be beating at me. I do remember I asked for his help, and he said he’d do anything for me if I’d just stop crying. And then you showed up. And I told you to leave, that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore—”
“And I thought you were just mad because I hadn’t made it to the hospital sooner. I was working, and by the time word got to me that they had to rush you from your job at the mall…”
Penny sighed.
So much hurt, so many wrongs.
“For what it’s worth, Terrill wanted to tell you the truth. He’s wanted me to tell you the truth for years. Even after I told the lie, and the way you reacted…your striking him…God, the way I made you treat your best friend…I don’t blame you if you can never forgive me. I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to forgive myself.
“If you’d like, I can leave now. I can go on back to Big Mama’s house until I get a flight out of here. I just wanted you to know, even though I hurt you worse than anyone ever could, I didn’t mean to initially. I was just trying to let you go, because the guilt was too much and I felt so unworthy of your love. And once I grasped what I’d done, I couldn’t figure out how to go back, how to undo it. But if you can, don’t blame Terrill anymore for it—”
“Don’t blame Terrill? I blame you both! He was my best friend. He of all people knew how much I loved you. He didn’t have to even look me in the eye to know how what you said would break me. And he let me go on for fifteen years…Both of you robbed me of not only my best friends, but the chance to properly mourn my child.” Jason let out a hiss of frustration. He eyes showed heated anger.
“Do you realize what that was like? What it has been like to know you lost something and feel the loss so intensely? To feel that you can’t mourn because you’d been told it was never yours? I loved that child, Pen. From the moment we took the home pregnancy test in the bathroom at Big Mama’s house, I loved our child. And when you told the lie, it became a double loss.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Penny moved to get out of bed. She had to grab her clothes and get out of there.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving. You know the truth now, and I was right all along—you hate me, and it’s too late for us.”
“I don’t hate you, Penny. I could never hate you. That’s the problem. If I could hate you, this would be so easy. I would have been able to say goodbye to you, to us, a long time ago.” He paused and shook his head. “And I don’t want you to leave. I said you can stay until we get Markum behind bars and you sort things out with Carla. I’m not going back on that now.”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?” She realized as soon as the words exited her mouth that it was too much. She had no right to ask such a thing for herself. But she knew the least she could do was to try to right the other wrong she had done. “At least can you see your way clear to forgiving Terrill? He got caught in the middle of all this, and I know for a fact, losing your friendship took a lot from him.”
Jason opened his mouth but then pursed his lips in thought.
Penny was glad for the hesitation. She had a feeling that if he was to go with his first mind on this, he’d say something that would crush her heart. And she wouldn’t be able to fault him for it, either.
“I honestly don’t know, Penny. For the past fifteen years, I’ve been telling myself all I needed was to find proof that you’d lied. I kept thinking, if you had lied and you really still loved me all along, then things could be fine between us again. And now that I have exactly what I’ve wished for all these years, I’m still plagued by the fact you lied to me and the two of you stole something very precious from me. The memory of my child, and the right to properly mourn him or her.”
Penny’s heart broke, and tears started to fall down her cheeks again. But her chest felt ten pounds lighter with the truth out. And she supposed that was more than she deserved.
She nodded. “I understand.”
“I think I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight, Penny. I need to sort some things out. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Penny felt a small gasp escape her lips, and she balled up into a knot on the bed. She curled up tight, trying to hold it all together on the outside when she was falling to pieces on the inside.
Chapter 14
The next morning, Penny and Jason went through the motions of being cordial. He gave her a key. That way, if she had to go out and run errands, she wouldn’t have to wait for him to return from work to get back in.
The tension of the lie was gone, but it had been replaced by another tension. The truth had done exactly what she’d thought it would do.
Jason hated her now.
Oh, he said he didn’t. But his distance and disappointment were palpable. After taking a shower and making a series of business calls, Penny decided to call the airlines and see about getting an earlier flight back home to Los Angeles. She purchased a ticket for Carla, too. She was able to get them both out on a red-eye that evening.
Things were going to work out fine.
She was about to call Carla to let her know she had gotten her wish and would be moving to Los Angeles, when the doorbell rang. She looked out of the peephole and saw Jason’s aunt Sophie standing there. In spite of her desire just to let the evil woman go away, Penny decided at least to see what she wanted.
“Jason’s not here right now.” Might as well cut to the chase, Penny thought as she opened the door without so much as a hello.
Sophie came in anyway, seeming to tur
n her nose up as she walked past Penny.
“Then why are you here, Penny? Are you trying to ruin his life yet again? No doubt you’ve used your sluttish ways to woo him back into bed. I hope you haven’t picked up any diseases from all those rappers and musicians you’ve been messing with. At least I hope you’re using protection this time. Surely you don’t need to trap him by getting pregnant now. You must have plenty of other men out there in California who can pay you child support. What about Terrill?” Sophie kept talking as she walked into the town house.
Stunned, Penny closed the door and followed her in. “We used protection back then, Sophie. The condom broke.”
“You shouldn’t have been having sex, then. And you certainly shouldn’t be having sex now. Didn’t your grandmother just die? Shouldn’t you be grieving, or at least paying attention to that crackhead mother of yours, so she doesn’t have a relapse in this time of loss? I mean, really, Penny, your priorities have never been great, but this is, well…” Sophie had the nerve to have an expression of concern on her face.
“Jason’s not here, and I don’t have to listen to your insults. So you need to leave.”
“You can’t make me leave my nephew’s home.” She paused for effect and puffed out her triple-D chest. “In fact, I think you should leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Jason wants me here.”
Okay, that is a bit of an overstatement. But she doesn’t know that…
“He’s even given me a key. So I’ll ask you again, nicely, to leave.”
Sophie harrumphed, glared at her and then kept walking, right on into the living room.
Penny followed her and folded her arms across her chest.
“Maybe I should call the police,” Sophie said. “There are so many family members on the force, it would be fairly easy to have you locked away like the trash you are.”
“That’s your prerogative, but I can tell you this much. There won’t be too much more name-calling from you.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“Call it what you want, Sophie. But I’ll say this, even though my dear sweet grandmother raised me right and taught me to respect my elders. I’m still my mother’s daughter, as you are so fond of bringing up every chance you get. And just how long do you think she would sit up here and make nice with you while you hurled insults at her?”
“Gutter trash! I always knew it!” Sophie hissed.
“Gutter trash that is about five seconds off of your old evil behind. Now, keep testing me…” Penny counted to ten because, no matter how much she felt the old miserable woman deserved a butt-kicking, she knew she was not going to stoop to that level.
But she was only human, and the restraint required to deal with Sophie Hightower was more than she had in reserve. She counted to ten again.
“You know, you have been looking down your nose at me from the time I was a kid. You always made snide comments about me and Terrill and how we weren’t good enough—”
“You weren’t. You little no-class street urchins weren’t good enough! He picked up all kinds of bad habits hanging out with the two of you. That no-class, common-behind sister-in-law of mine allowed you two to come over and practically become part of the family. And then the unthinkable happened and his head was turned by that slutty little body you started to get. And I know you tried to trap him…But God is good and thank the Lord you lost that baby. Jason’s life would have been ruined.”
“Get. Out. I don’t believe you have the nerve to repeat those horrible words again!”
“No, I—”
Penny grabbed the older woman by the arm and started to pull her toward the door.
“Let me go. I’m going to press charges.”
“Be my guest! But you are about to leave here. Now.” Penny opened the door. “Get out!”
Sophie’s back straightened and she threw her head up as she walked out of the door. “I’m going to tell my nephew how you treated me, and believe you me, missy, you will be out of here before—”
Penny slammed the door in her face and slouched down in front of it. She let out a heavy sigh and waited for the tears to come.
When they didn’t, she got up, brushed herself off and got ready to leave before being thrown out. Because she was certain that when Jason heard she’d bodily put his aunt out of the house, he’d really be through with her.
It was time to go get her mother and get out of Jersey once and for all.
Jason sat across from Joel, unable to believe that his brother—no, make that his former brother—was laughing at him. He’d just told him about all the lies and deception his two former best friends had put him through. He’d just bared his soul about how he’d spent the past fifteen years hoping for exactly this and how he felt so confused now that he’d gotten what he’d hoped for.
And his brother was just cracking up. When he finally finished laughing, Joel actually had to wipe tears from his eyes.
“You mean to tell me you came down to the firehouse to tell me you finally got what you wanted and you don’t know what to do? I mean, seriously, bro, you have been pining for Penny since she left here, and now she’s back and she even said she still loves you…and you don’t know what to do?”
“I have not been pining. I have dated plenty of beautiful women.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re the player of the year. Blah. Blah. Blah. But you’re also on some ole Michael Jackson tip right about now.”
Jason frowned. He had no idea what Michael Jackson had to do with anything.
Joel started singing “Never Can Say Goodbye” off-key.
“Whatever, man. I don’t know why I even bothered coming to talk with you,” Jason said.
“Because you know after I finished laughing at you, I would give you great advice,” Joel replied. “Lawrence would just laugh at you and tell you to stop acting like a chump. And Patrick would laugh at you, call you pathetic and tell you love is for suckers.”
“Well, when are you going to get to the part where you give out the good advice?” Jason frowned. “I don’t have all day.”
“When I’m done laughing.” Joel burst out laughing again, slapping his knee. “Nah, seriously, bro. Here’s the thing. She messed up big-time. But it sounds like she did it for reasons she thought were right. She thought she was doing it for you. She loved you. She still loves you. How can you walk away from that, especially when you love her, too?”
Jason’s cell phone rang and he answered it. It was just the call he’d been waiting for. He finally had a lead on Clyde Markum.
The man had been sighted a little too close to Big Mama’s neighborhood for his taste. But at least Penny was at his town house and not in any danger.
He paused at the realization that he truly cared about what happened to her. He wasn’t exactly ready to face what Joel was talking about. But he figured he would have more clarity once he got rid of the Markum threat.
“Gotta go, Joel. I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, baby bro. Just remember, I’m the best man at the wedding. I don’t care if you and Terrill are cool again. I’m your brother and I’m the one who talked some sense into you.”
Jason shook his head and decided to ignore Joel. He didn’t know if there would ever be a wedding. And he certainly didn’t know if he and Terrill would ever be cool again. All he knew for sure was, he had to do what he could to protect Penny and make sure she was safe. That meant getting Markum.
Penny entered Big Mama’s house and searched every single room. Carla and Gerald were nowhere to be found. She had no idea where they could be, and she was starting to get worried.
She was on her way back out of the house, calling Carla’s cell phone, when she ran smack into a hard muscular form.
“Seems like I lucked out and found the little baby slut instead of the mama slut. You’ll make the perfect lesson to send to that druggie whore and punk father of yours.”
Penny looked up into the glaring face of Clyde “C-Money” Markum, an
d a cold jolt of fear ran through her body.
Chapter 15
Carla didn’t even know why she’d let Gerald talk her into going to the Puerto Rican restaurant on Lafayette Street for a bite to eat. She guessed she must have been getting a touch of cabin fever.
Not that she didn’t like being hauled up in the bedroom with Gerald making love to her the way he did. A woman could get used to that kind of loving, real quick.
But when they weren’t making love, he wanted to talk. And when they talked, he wanted answers.
She was tired of everybody blaming her, especially since she’d already confessed to the fact that she’d made a mess of things.
She wanted to make a new start. But it didn’t look as if that was going to happen. If it was then God wouldn’t have let C-Money get out of jail at the same time Gerald was cleared.
When she was with Gerald, it was easy to make herself believe they could have a future.
But C-Money wasn’t going to let that happen.
So she had to put distance between them.
Gerald didn’t like the distance; it put him on edge. His being on edge caused him to snap at her and say some stuff you just couldn’t apologize for and take back.
So she left his behind in the restaurant and walked home alone. He could sit there mad forever, for all she cared, and she didn’t even care if C-Money was waiting at the house to finish the job he started. At least she wouldn’t have to deal with Penny and Gerald and their accusing copper eyes, their mean words.
She looked behind her, didn’t see Gerald or C-Money and let out a sigh.
So maybe she wasn’t in that much of a rush to run into C-Money’s fist again, but still.
The door to Big Mama’s house was open and she knew she’d locked it. Her first instinct was to run as fast as her feet could carry her. Then she saw those fancy strapped sandals Penny always wore dangling, and she screamed.
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