Ultraxenopia (Project W. A. R. Book 1)

by M. A. Phipps

  I wince when I hear his fist make contact, but at the same time, it seems to work, which I'm grateful for. Ezra falters back, no longer fighting.

  “Listen to me!” Jenner yells at him. “Are you ready to die for revenge? Are you ready to let her die?”

  Suddenly, he’s pointing at me. I glance between them in surprise, amazed by not only the pure fury in his voice but also the impact bringing me into it seems to have on Ezra.

  “I can't save her alone,” Jenner murmurs.

  Ezra’s eyes widen in response to those words. The way he looks at me is unnerving, as if the anger from before has given way to a new emotion.

  An emotion which somewhat resembles fear.

  We all turn at once to the approaching sound of footsteps. They march in time with one another, the noise distinct due to the armor weighing them down. The Enforcers have almost caught up to us. If we’re going to escape, it’s now or never.

  Before I can even blink, Jenner is crouching in front of me. Without hesitation, he picks me up from the floor, lifting me easily into his arms.

  It’s only now that I notice how strong he is, not just physically, but mentally. When everyone else lacks the strength to carry on, he is the one to pick up the pieces. To lead.

  Without a backward glance, he takes off down the hallway. I look over his shoulder, ready to scream for Ezra to follow. Ready to beg him to forget about revenge and come with us. With me.

  But I don’t have to. Relief rushes through my body when I see him sprint after us, trailing Jenner’s steps. He keeps his head down, his eyes turned away from me.

  My heart clenches at the pain that seems to radiate from him. If only there was something I could do. Not to make him forget, but to let him know that we’ll make it through this.

  One way or another.

  Within a matter of minutes, we’re back in the courtyard. We find the hatch easily enough, in spite of the darkness. Fortunately, we make it without any further problems or delays and before the Enforcers can overrun us.

  Jenner sets me down as he struggles to lift the door. It screeches when he pulls, the metal protesting the recent overuse.

  I glance down into the black hole as a bright light shines up to greet us.

  “What the shittin’ hell took so long?” I hear a voice yell up. Duke’s voice.

  “I’ll explain later!” Jenner snaps. He turns back around and shifts my body in front of his, pressing his hands against my waist. “Catch her, will ya?” he calls down.

  I drop through the opening, my stomach flipping on itself right up to the moment I land in Duke’s arms. He reels back when he sees my face, gaping at the blood and the inevitable blackness of my eyes.

  He doesn’t say anything as he places me on the ground beside him.

  Ezra follows next, probably forced by Jenner who likely doesn’t believe he would follow us otherwise. He doesn’t speak. He just stands off to the side, waiting in silence.

  When Jenner comes down, he signals to the others and then returns to my side.

  “Close it up,” he orders.

  Duke casts quick glances between the open hatch, Ezra, Jenner, and me—clearly feeling as if he’s missing something.

  “What about Rai?” he asks warily.

  A lump blocks my throat, and I feel Jenner go rigid beside me. No one speaks.

  “She’s gone,” Ezra says after a moment, his voice lacking emotion.

  He storms past us without uttering another word. He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t look at Jenner. He simply walks past us, proceeding down the tunnel.

  THE JOURNEY BACK TO THE compound is long and silent. No one says anything, too afraid of upsetting Ezra and too consumed by grief ourselves—the harsh reality of the past few hours finally settling in.

  Rai’s gone.

  It’s strange how someone can be there one minute and gone the next, like a flame being extinguished. I suppose I’ve always understood this feeling. After all, my father was taken from me just as suddenly.

  Just as painfully.

  We all give Ezra his space as he trudges ahead of us, barely keeping within sight of the extensive reach of our lights. He never looks back. He just keeps walking forward, his pace steady and unchanging.

  I struggle to keep up with the others, even with Jenner’s help. He holds me close to him, supporting the brunt of my body weight as I gradually regain my strength. Every once in a while, I can sense him glancing down at me, probably checking to see if I’m all right. I never meet his gaze. Not because I don’t want to look at him, but because I don’t dare to look away from Ezra. I’m too afraid of what might happen if I were to take my eyes away for even a second.

  I try to imagine what his face must look like at this moment, but all I can picture are tears. Silent, endless tears—not that unlike the ones from my vision.

  I’m overwhelmed by the memory of it. By the sadness in his eyes as he whispered those three words.

  “I’m sorry, Wynter.”

  It’s difficult to imagine a scenario where he would be apologizing to me, since right now, I’m the one who’s sorry. If only I had seen it sooner, then maybe I would’ve been able to do something.

  Stop it.

  Change it . . .

  Can the future even be changed? If it can’t, then what’s the point of these visions? Why show me something if there’s no hope of altering it, especially the events that I don’t want to happen?

  Of reversing our seemingly fixed fates.

  I think of Rai. There was a goodness in her that was unique in my otherwise uniform life. In the short time I knew her, she made me feel at home, even when I was a prisoner. She made me feel welcome in a world where I had never once experienced that feeling—or expected to.

  She was special.

  She was kind.

  And because of me, she’s dead.

  Tears begin to spill down my dirtied cheeks. I don’t whimper or try to suppress them. I just cry, allowing the heartache to overtake me.

  I let it in.

  The pain.

  The guilt.

  All of it.

  Time passes in a daze until we finally arrive back at the hatch door leading into the compound. Ezra is already through it by the time we get there, and we only catch a glimpse of him disappearing around the corner.

  Jenner lifts me over the threshold to avoid any potential falls in my current condition, but as soon as we’re back inside, he sets me on my feet. He then rushes forward.

  “Ez!” he calls.

  Surprisingly, he doesn’t go after him. He just stands there, staring down the length of the empty hallway.

  I stumble forward. “Maybe I should go talk to him,” I whisper.

  “No,” he says firmly. He rocks back on his heels as he meets my gaze. “What Ezra needs right now is space. We should leave him be.”

  My lips part, ready to protest, but no air rises from my lungs. No words to tell him he’s wrong, because he isn’t. As it stands, he knows Ezra better than anyone. If space is what he’s telling me to give him, then space is what he’ll get.

  Besides, there’s a part of me that’s reluctant to chase Ezra anyway. A very large part that’s afraid he’ll blame me for Rai’s death. After all, that’s why he brought me along, wasn’t it? To warn them?

  To help avoid events such as those that took her life.

  I stare down the empty corridor, afraid for new reasons. Afraid of confronting Ezra.

  Afraid of him hating me.

  A warm hand squeezes my shoulder, momentarily freeing me from my distressed thoughts. I look up to see Jenner peering down at me. There’s a certain tenderness in his expression. Or maybe it’s sympathy. Either way, it makes me feel less alone.

  “Hey,” he whispers. “You’re already starting to look normal again.”

  I flush, all too aware that he’s referring to my eyes. The side effects of my visions always take a while to clear up and return me to a state where I look relatively human. I’m not sur
e why. All I know is that it’s getting worse and that the length of time needed to recover is growing longer.

  “You should go clean up and get some sleep,” he murmurs. “It’s been a long night.”

  Unsure of what else to do, I reluctantly agree. I nod my head, and I’m about to set off when the sight of his expression holds me back. He seems worried about something—like the weight of the world is resting solely on his shoulders.

  “What about you?” I ask him.

  He sighs as he runs a hand through his black hair. It’s the first time I’ve seen him like this. The first time I’ve seen him look genuinely on edge.

  “I have to speak to a few people,” he mutters. “They’re going to want an explanation about what happened out there.”

  I glance at him questioningly, wondering why he seems so uneasy. “Do you mean your superiors?” I ask.

  He nods but refuses to say anything more. Or maybe he’s unable to. Maybe the events of this night have taken their toll on him as well and the extreme strength he conjured up—not only for himself but for everyone else—has reached its limit.

  Still, his expression of dread concerns me.

  “I wish there was something I could do,” I breathe.

  Warm fingers graze my cheek, applying pressure under my chin and tilting my face until I’m forced to look up at him. He holds my gaze for a long moment. His hand lingers against my skin.

  I can hear the air as it spills from his lips in small irregular exhalations. I feel uncomfortable beneath his piercing stare, but I can’t find the means to move or speak. Relief courses through me when he breaks the silence, ending the strange and unexpected tension between us.

  “There is,” he says. “Rest.”

  He emphasizes the last word, and I can’t help but feel like a small child being scolded. An unwilling smile breaks out across my lips, and all I can do is accept his command.

  I turn to leave, my shoulders sagging with exhaustion and the weight of everything that’s happened. It’s like a heavy burden that I can’t rid myself of, no matter how desperately I wish to be free of it.

  “Wynter,” Jenner suddenly calls after me.

  I peek over my shoulder. The way he looks at me is dark and unwavering, with something behind his eyes that I can’t quite place. A warning, I think.

  “What happened wasn’t your fault,” he murmurs. “It was no one’s fault. I don’t want you thinking otherwise.”

  A sad smile pulls at the corners of my lips, but all I can do is nod in agreement. Even if I don’t believe him. Even if what happened to Rai was my fault. Besides, he’s only saying this to make me feel better and let me know that he doesn’t blame me, especially when there’s the possibility that someone else might.

  His expression is stern, and I lack the energy to argue. I stare at him for a moment before retreating down the hall.

  The compound is empty as I make my way back toward my designated quarters. Considering the time of night, that should come as no surprise, but the emptiness is still somewhat daunting. It’s as if the entire place has been abandoned. What I imagine it would look like if the day were to ever come when it's no longer safe to stay here.

  A shiver runs up my spine at the thought.

  Let’s hope that day never comes, I pray.

  It’s only when I make it back to my room that I realize just how exhausted I am. Not to mention filthy. With a longing glance at my bed, I turn back into the hall, heading straight for the showers.

  The fluorescent lights flicker on above me. I wince, unaccustomed to their glare after so many hours in the darkness.

  Stumbling toward an empty cubicle, I reach out my arm and grip weakly at the nozzle. A drizzle of mist sprays my face as the water turns on. My fingers tremble as I unstrap my pack and peel off my dirty clothes one piece at a time. They fall to the floor with a dull thud.

  I’m about to step under the gushing water when something out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. I turn, a scream rising in my throat when I see the person staring back at me.

  Blood and sweat are caked on her face and tangled in her wild, unkempt hair. The whites of her eyes are red, as if she hasn’t slept in days. She looks more like a deranged animal than a woman.

  More like a monster than a human.

  I gape at my reflection in horror. It’s too reminiscent of—too similar—to the version of me I saw in my vision.

  Does this mean that moment is creeping closer?

  Does this mean there’s nothing I can do to stop it?

  A sudden and blinding hysteria overwhelms me. In a fit of panic, I turn from the mirror and throw my body under the water as my fingers begin to claw at my skin. My nails bite into my flesh, scratching away the dried blood, eager to be rid of it and the abomination it belongs to. It rushes in streaks down my naked flesh, filling the base of the shower with red.

  I grip at my face as fresh tears spill down my cheeks. Each one brings with it a more severe rush of guilt, growing more intense until I can no longer contain them. The pain is too much.

  My legs give out beneath me. I collapse to the floor, sobbing into my hands.

  I’m not sure how long I sit here, crying in the pool of old blood. The water continues to wash over me, and yet, it’s never able to cleanse the horrific images from my mind.

  All I can see is Rai.

  I picture her face, but as soon as I begin to focus on it, it’s immediately replaced by that ominous splash of red. I can still hear the gunshot. I can still hear the way it rang long into the night.

  “It’s all my fault,” I mutter.

  It’s all my fault . . .

  It feels like days or even weeks before I step out of the shower. My eyes are red and raw from weeping, but my tears have run dry now. There’s nothing left within me. Nothing but the numbness and the empty shell holding it inside of me.

  Nothing but the memory of unimaginable pain.

  I peer down at where my clothes lay in a heap on the wet tiles. I don’t bother to grab them. They’re dirty and I’m clean, so what’s the point? Leaving them there, I walk out of the room, lacking the ability to care about my nakedness. There’s no one around to see me anyway.

  My thoughts are foggy and distant as I walk back to my quarters. Controlled by the desire to escape reality, I collapse onto the bed and cocoon myself in the sheets. I can barely breathe through the material covering my face. But I don’t care.

  My eyes squeeze shut, keen to escape into unconsciousness. I can feel the buried emotions working their way back to the surface, and I know I won’t be able to survive them this time. I plead with my body, but sleep evades me, leaving me to suffer through the images in my head.

  Fresh tears burn my eyes as it all hits me once again. I cry, over and over, until the darkness finally takes me.

  I hardly notice it happen, since the world beyond waking is just as grim. Just as lonely.

  The scene of destruction and despair greets me, welcoming me back to the place where all of this began. The debris sweeps past my feet where I stand at what feels like the edge of the world. It might as well be, since the world as we know it is gone.

  Or at least it will be soon enough.

  I’m alone, just like I always have been. Just like I should be. No one else has to die. No one else has to be hurt because of me.

  This is my curse to bear and mine alone.

  This is how it should be.

  I know it can’t last. He’ll appear. He always does. The one person I want to save more than anyone else.

  “Ezra . . .” I whisper.

  I blink, but nothing happens. Everything around me remains the same. Yet, I can’t escape the feeling that something feels different.

  This isn’t the same vision I’ve grown so used to seeing.

  A faint noise startles me, and I turn in place, hesitant but determined to discover the source of it. My heart begins to pound when I see the people standing before me. One by one, they seem to rise up from t
he ground—staring at me with cold, dead eyes.

  I gaze back at the many faces, trying to make sense of who they are. I realize almost at once that these aren’t strangers that I’m seeing. They’re the PHOENIX members living in the compound.

  All of them are here.

  All of them except for one.

  My eyes search the scattered crowd. Face after face. Lifeless expression after lifeless expression.

  I don’t understand what’s happening.

  Why are they here?

  Why . . .

  I stop short. My heart drops when I see a familiar face.

  “Jenner,” I gasp.

  He stands out from the group like a beacon of light in the darkness—drawing me to him with a pull I can barely resist.

  I take a reluctant step forward, reaching out to him. However, my movement seems to act as a sort of trigger, causing a chain reaction to spread out from the exact point where I’m standing. One by one, screams erupt around me. One by one, the people I’ve only just begun to know start to die.

  Blood coats the dust-covered ground. Bodies collapse into the dirt. Only a few die quickly. The others aren’t as fortunate. All the while, their cries rage on, agony apparent in each shrill note.

  I stare in horror, encompassed by the endless sound of their screams as well as by the question of why this is happening.

  Why! I want to cry out, but I'm unable to speak.

  The screams continue, taunting me with the cruel reality of my helplessness. My hands cover my ears to drown them out, but one sound manages to break through it all.

  “Wynter . . .”

  I glance up when I hear Jenner's voice, but my name is cut short by the violent spurt of blood that spews from his mouth. His eyes creep downward, and despite the fear rushing through me, I follow his gaze. We both gape at the red spot positioned in the middle of his chest—at the red stain that grows larger with each second, revealing the gaping hole that was hidden until now.

  His eyes rise to meet mine before death inevitably takes him. I can feel the pressure surround us both, increasing with intensity until it escapes me in a rush of power, lashing out at one of the only people I ever wanted to protect.