Ultraxenopia (Project W. A. R. Book 1)
Page 24
I once again wonder about fate’s role in all of this. Were we always destined to fall in love? Was I bestowed with this gift so I would know where to find him—so I would be led to the one person I was meant to be with? Or did we only get here because we were forced together—because there are similarities in our past that are too great to ignore?
I suppose it doesn’t matter. Either way, we arrived at this outcome, and I suppose we would’ve found our way here regardless of which path we took. If that’s the case, that means the pain and suffering that awaits us was always unavoidable.
A grimace twists my lips as I try to hold back the tears. They burn miserably—like a fire tearing through me as punishment for what I’m doing. But I have to.
I have to.
I tell myself multiple times not to look back. Yet, despite the voice screaming in my head, I glance over my shoulder, my hand gripping at the metal frame to hold me to the doorway.
A feeling of longing swells inside of me as I watch him for a moment. I can almost feel the heat radiating from his body. Warm and inviting, coaxing me back into bed with him. Begging me to stay, just as he did before.
The temptation grows stronger with every second I waste here, and I find myself doubting my current plan of action. What I intend to do—will he understand my motives, or will he only see it as betrayal? Will what we have now be destroyed as a result, just like what Rai and Richter once had?
Will Ezra turn against me, just as he turned against her?
I suck in a sharp breath as I come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter. If his hatred is the cost for saving his life, then it’s a price I’ll have to pay.
A price I’ll pay happily.
The tears finally spill over, trailing down my cheeks. I bite my lower lip to keep it from trembling, and taking a deep breath, I brush the moisture from my eyes. Straightening up, I grip at the straps of my pack before stepping through the open doorway.
“Goodbye,” I breathe.
I don’t look back again.
It doesn’t take long for me to find my way back to the hatch. Luckily, it’s the middle of the night, and as no one seems to have foreseen this happening, no one’s here waiting to stop me. A part of me expects Jenner to show up at any moment, but then I remember what he said to me before.
“If I can’t get you to stay, what will?”
It occurs to me that he must’ve believed Ezra would be able to—that Ezra would change my mind about leaving.
Why else would he have told him what I was planning to do?
Thinking about Jenner, especially after everything that’s happened the past few hours, only causes my guilt to resurface. I push those feelings away, once again reminding myself that what I’m doing is for the best. Not only for him and Ezra, but for everyone else here.
Including me.
I abandon these thoughts as I grip the wheel on the front of the door, and with a bit of a struggle, I manage to get it open. Thinking about it now, in spite of the horrible events that transpired through this passage, it’s actually fortunate that it’s recently been used. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be slack like it is now. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have opened, and I might have never been able to leave and do what’s needed to save everyone here. At least not without help, which I know I wouldn’t have gotten.
Watching my footing, I climb through the hole, retrieving my flashlight once I’m fully immersed in darkness. The beam of light instantly breaks through the shadows.
I begin to walk along the route Rai led us on previously, my feet splashing in the shallow covering of water. I’m not entirely sure how to reach my destination from here, but I know if I can at least get close to Zone 1, I’ll be able to get there.
As I told myself before, one way or another, I’ll find my way back.
The journey feels longer this time, being on my own. My eyes go in and out of focus, and after a while, I begin to feel tired, lulled by the sound of my wet footsteps. All the while, I remind myself why I’m doing this. It’s like a chant in my head. If I say it enough times, maybe I’ll eventually believe it.
I’m doing the right thing.
This is my only option.
This is the only way everyone will stay alive.
This is the only way to save Ezra.
I continue repeating this until I arrive back in what I think is the general area of Zone 1. My feet then carry me a bit farther in search of an exit like the one back at the compound—on ground level where I can actually make it out by myself.
It only takes a few minutes to find what I’m looking for. A small platform of steps veers off on my left side, climbing up to a secluded, rust-covered entrance.
I use all of my strength to open the door. It gives way after a few tries, leading up through another tunnel that progresses slightly uphill. My breaths are heavy as I trudge forward, but after a while, I make it to the end.
Flecks of dirt and water spray onto my skin when I push against the metal door awaiting me at the exit. As I climb out, I find myself in a shallow stream under a stone bridge in a deserted park.
My heart drops when I notice the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon. I don’t want to be seen in daylight. I don’t want to attract unnecessary attention to myself. I don’t want outside influences pressuring me to go back there.
I want to do this on my own.
I want it to be my choice.
I step out from under the overhanging bridge. My eyes scan the area, and at least from my surroundings, I can tell I’m back in Zone 1.
It won’t be far from here anyway.
Using the landmarks as my guide, I compare where I am in retrospect to my surroundings when I escaped. Surprisingly, I find it far quicker than I ever expected to. Maybe because the fear had imprinted the images in my brain.
Either that or a part of me always knew I’d eventually have to come back here.
I hesitate on the opposite side of the street, staring up at the domineering building in front of me. I don’t think it ever occurred to me how something so ominous stands in plain view of our society. It’s sick—as if the State is proud of what they’re doing.
Proud of what they’ll soon be doing to me yet again.
My heart races. I try to find a reason to run away—an excuse to abandon my mission and get the hell out of here. But I can’t. Too much depends on it.
Too much depends on me.
This is it, I tell myself.
There’s no turning back.
As I cross the street, I think of the life I knew before all of this. I think of how different I was. How scared. How weak. How the only thing that seemed to matter was survival. How nothing else even existed to me.
Don’t stand out. Blend in. Remain invisible. Those are the rules I lived by—the rules I thought would keep me alive.
I was wrong.
No matter what choices I make or which path I travel, I will never survive this. I know that now. But maybe, with my sacrifice, Ezra and Jenner can. I have to believe it. I have to believe that I can make a difference somehow.
One way or another, I will change the future.
It all starts here.
Straightening up, I take a deep breath and storm confidently through the revolving glass doors. As if expecting my arrival, Dr. Richter stands in the lobby along with a large group behind him—presumably the same team who worked on me last time. They all wait in a line facing me, with Richter in the middle.
I stop in front of him. He meets my gaze, smiling that same familiar, eerie smile. If I didn’t already know what I was walking into, I might actually think he’s sincerely happy to see me.
“You made the right choice,” he murmurs.
He closes the distance between us and rests an appreciative hand on my shoulder—a gesture that any normal person might mistake for kindness.
But I’m not normal.
“I want you to know,” I whisper. “I will never lead you to him.”
He nods once but say
s nothing, instead allowing his cold gray eyes to speak for him. He then steps to the side, his hand sliding from my shoulder as it motions across the air in front of me, ushering me back into the DSD.
I meet his gaze one final time, the malicious intent there burning like fire.
His smile deepens.
“Welcome home, Wynter.”
First and foremost, I would like to thank my dear friends, Maranda Schoppert and Rebecca Gibson—my original beta readers. If it wasn’t for you, I would probably still be questioning every aspect of this story. Your unfailing reassurance has given me the confidence to pursue a career as a writer, and I will never be able to thank you enough for your friendship.
Secondly, I would like to thank Taylor Ramsay Barger, without whom I wouldn’t have a title for this book. Your experience in the field has been vital to this process, and I am forever in your debt.
I would also like to extend my gratitude to Sarah Davis Brandon, for taking a chance on me, and to the rest of the CHBB family for your unwavering support and guidance. To my editor, Catherine Stovall, who has been vital in making this book into something great, I will never be able to thank you enough. I truly cannot put into words how grateful I am to be a part of such a wonderful publishing house.
To my amazing cover designer, Christian Bentulan. Thank you for bringing this story to life and for putting up with my incessant nitpicking. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next.
To my interior designer, Nadège Richards. Thank you for making my words into something beautiful.
Finally, I would like to thank my family and friends, especially my husband, Daniel. Thank you for working so hard to provide for our family and for always encouraging me to chase after my dreams.
M. A. PHIPPS is an American author who currently resides in the picturesque English West Country with her husband, daughter, and their Jack Russell, Milo. A lover of the written word, it has always been her dream to become a published author, and it is her hope to expand into multiple genres of fiction. When she isn’t writing, you can find her counting down the days until the new season of Game of Thrones.
Visit her online at www.maphipps.com.