Carter (The Harlow Brothers Book 1)

by Brie Paisley

  She pulls back as she wipes her tears away. I push her hair out of her face and she takes a deep breath before asking, “Why, Carter? I have to know why you let me go.”

  I swallow, knowing no matter what I say, no matter my reasons, it’ll never make up for what she went through. I hold her cheeks with both hands as I tell her, “I thought I was doing what was best for you. I knew you were putting your life on hold for me, and sitting around waiting for me to finish college. It killed me knowing you wanted to get away and live your life on your own, and I was doing nothing but holding you back.” I slowly drop my hands as her tears start up again. “I was stupid, Shel. When you showed up at my fraternity house that night, and knowing you saw me hanging over that chick, I knew I’d fucked up. I never did anything with her. She was my buddy’s chick, but it doesn’t excuse anything. I shouldn’t have lied to you, or been thinking about myself. The thing is, as I ran after you, something told me it was time to let you go. A voice in the back of my mind kept saying, ‘stop hurting her and let her go’. I shouldn’t have listened. Honestly, I don’t know why I thought it was best for us to be apart, and I swear to you I’ve never stopped wishing I could take it back.” My voice cracks and I step back, knowing there’s nothing I can do to make her realize how much I want to go back and change everything. “Tell me you hate me, Shelby. Tell me how angry you are at me because if it had not been for me being so selfish, you would’ve never met that dick. You would’ve never went through hell and …” My voice breaks again and I can’t find the words I want to say to make it right.

  “I don’t blame you anymore, Carter.” I frown at her words, wondering why she’s not yelling or running. “I did resent you at first for all the reasons you just said. But I can’t hold you totally responsible for that. Yes, you might have been the catalyst, but in the end I choose to stay as long as I did.”

  “You wouldn’t think that if you knew I came after you.”

  “What?”

  I suck in a breath and rush out, “I came after you twice.”

  “I don’t understand, Carter.”

  “The first time was two days after our fight. I rushed home and went straight to your house only to find you had already left. Your mother …” I rub the back of my neck, trying to get through this part. Shelby’s mother is an evil bitch. “She answered the door and let’s just say, she didn’t paint a very pretty picture of me.”

  She steps closer to me and asks, “What did she tell you? Please, tell me, Carter.”

  Clearing my throat I say, “She told me how I’d never be good enough for you, and that you deserved to have a chance to start a life without me. She said you were glad I broke things off, and how happy you were for finally getting out of Columbus. Away from me. I shouldn’t have believed her, but it didn’t take me long to realize how I fucked up, and she hit every insecurity I had.”

  I can tell my words shock her. She shakes her head and starts to clench her jaw. “My fucking mother. I should’ve known. She’s the reason for a lot of things, and I can’t believe she would lie to you. She saw firsthand how broken I was when I came home after seeing you, and I should’ve known she was up to something when she literally pushed me out the door to run off to South Carolina.” She huffs out a breath and adds, “She made running seem easy. Like it was my only option, so I did.”

  “I don’t blame you for running. I knew what would probably happen when I decided to let you go, but I never thought any of this would happen. How are you not angry with me?” I truly want to know. I don’t see how she can forgive me so easily.

  “I was for a long time. But I can’t be angry at you. Even if I don’t agree with your reasons.”

  Walking to her, I pull her to me. Her hands land on my chest, and I run my hand through her hair as she looks up at me and I tell her, “I came for you a second time, too.”

  “Carter, please don’t. Let’s leave the past where it belongs.”

  I want to do as she asks, I really do, but she needs to know. “I have to, Shel. We’re letting all past demons out, and if I don’t it’ll be like I’m keeping things from you.”

  She sighs, then says, “Alright.”

  I pull away from her and take her hand leading her to the couch. She straddles me willingly, as her hands rest on my shoulders and I hold onto her waist as I begin. “It was two years after not having you in my life, when one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. I knew where you were only from keeping up with you on Facebook, and I caught a plane that same day to come see you. At the time, I hadn’t thought it through. I just knew I needed you.” I pause for a second, not wanting to remember how I felt as though I would die if I didn’t see her. No words can explain how much I missed her, and I had this urge to be close to where she was. Her hand cups my face and I stare deep into her eyes hoping she sees how much I wish I could fix everything. “When I got to the campus, I looked for you for hours it seemed. Then when I’d almost given up, I saw you sitting by a tree. You weren’t alone though. I watched as you laughed and seemed so happy. But when I started to walk towards you, I saw the guy you were with kiss you on the cheek, and I knew I had to leave. I knew my chance was over and I couldn’t bear to take that happiness away from you.” I remember that day all too clearly. I hated seeing her with someone else. I hated I lost my chance to make things right, and how my chest started to ache.

  “Oh, Carter.” I frown as she takes a deep breath. “That was Easton you saw me with.” She looks away for a moment, then back to me. “I wasn’t with him then. I know what day you’re talking about. He tried for a whole year to get me to date him, but I couldn’t let you go. Even when I finally gave him a chance and dated him for years, I never could let you go. I think he knew it too. Maybe that’s why he was so cruel and hateful to me. I don’t want to make excuses for what he did to me, but you were always the one, Carter.” My stomach drops as the words leave her lips. All this time I thought I’d missed my chance, when I could’ve gotten her back. “Finish telling me what you want. I’m ready to move on from this.”

  Nodding, I suck in a much needed breath and tell her, “After seeing you with another man, things got really bad. I started to drink more and I came close to failing out of law school. I pushed my family away, ignoring them and not caring to see them when they came to check on me. I didn’t deserve any of it. I didn’t want their help or their kindness. I wanted to make myself suffer for losing you, and knowing it was all my fault. I was lost and I didn’t know how to move forward.”

  Shelby surprises me when she leans forward and places a tender kiss on my lips. She takes her hand off my face and says, “I know exactly how you felt because I went through the same. Maybe not so much of losing myself in a bottle, but knowing loss is something I’m all too familiar with. But now that time for us is over. We’re together now and I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of living in the past. I’m tired of thinking about it, and remembering every single bad thing that’s ever happened.” I close my eyes as she runs her fingers through my hair. It seems crazy she’s comforting me when I should be the one doing it to her. I open my eyes, gazing at her, and I can’t help but fall more in love with her. “Why is it we can remember all the shitty things we’ve been through, and relive them so vividly?”

  I move my hands up on each of her legs as I say, “I think it’s because those moments define us. They mold and shape us to what and who we are today. It’s because we want to remember so we can learn and not make the same mistakes again.”

  She grins and asks, “When did you get so wise?”

  I smirk and say, “It comes with age, baby.” She laughs and it’s a sound that eases the guilt. It’s still there, but knowing she doesn’t hate me for all I’ve done and she can laugh with me, it helps tremendously. I stop my hands as they caress her face and lean up inches away from her tempting lips. “I am so sorry I fucked up, Shel. Please tell me I can make up for what I did. Tell me I can show you for the rest of my life how much you mean to me, and h
ow much I need you by my side.”

  I watch as she licks her lips and she says softly, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Carter. I need you too much to run away from you again.”

  I sigh in relief and she has no idea how much those words mean to me. I move closer, hovering so closely to her lips as I demand, “Tell me you love me. Tell me how much you need me.” I have to hear her say it. I know she loves me. I know she needs me more than anything, but hearing it and confirming it is exactly what will make me know she’s mine.

  She gazes into my eyes, and my heart drums heavily in my chest as I wait to hear the words I desperately yearn for. She takes a breath and I worry for a second she’s not going to say what I want. “I love you, Carter.” I smile and I rub my thumb over her face as she places her hands on mine. “I need you more than the air I breathe. I need you more than anything, and I can’t see myself not ever needing you. I crave you, Carter.”

  I let my hand fall from her face and place it on her back, pulling her chest to mine. Her arms wrap around my neck as I say, “I love you, Shel. I’ve always loved you and nothing will ever change that.” I close the small distance between us, taking her lips. I hear her sigh and tilt her head so I can deepen our kiss. I take my time with her. Savoring her taste, her smell, and the way she makes me feel. My heart, my soul, my entire being feels complete knowing she wants to be with me and to fight for what we have.

  My hands travel down her body, and place them under her legs picking her up. My mouth doesn’t leave hers as I start walking down the hall to my room. I hold her making sure to keep my grip tight, as I push the door open with my foot. I blindly feel for the light switch as I walk in the room and flip it on heading to the bed. Laying her down gently, to hover over her, she smiles at me as she holds onto my arms. I feel like the luckiest man alive.

  As I caress her cheek, my heart beats rapidly in my chest knowing I’m about to finally make her mine.

  Forever.

  Carter stares down at me and I can see the lust and desire burning within his honey brown eyes. I reach up and take a hold of his neck pulling him down to me. I’m sick of waiting for him to take me. I know he’s been waiting and being patient, before we took our relationship to the next level, but I’ve been more than ready. I knew from the moment he made me feel bliss in the back of his truck there was no going back.

  Not now, not ever.

  His mouth takes mine again and his kiss is so tender, full of passion, and I moan as his tongue caresses mine. I let my hands roam through this hair loving the feel of it against my fingers. Carter’s hand runs up my leg, under my shirt, and he stops when he touches my bra. I arch my hips encouraging him to keep going, and to make me cry out with the pleasure only he can make me feel. He pulls his mouth off mine. I suck in a much needed breath, and turn my head to the side as he places hot kisses on my neck. His other hand grabs mine and he squeezes it, moving it above my head. It doesn’t seem possible, but I can feel our connection. I can feel his love pouring into me, and he’s barely touched me. My entire body zings with a delicious tingling sensation, and I slowly wrap my legs around his. There’s no part of us not touching, or not being connected, and I want more.

  I crave it.

  I need it.

  Just like I told him before, I have to have him like the air we breathe. After not feeling this kind of passionate love for so long, it’s almost unbearable. He gently caresses my breast with his hand over my bra and I arch my back, trying to find more of his touch. He’s turning me into a wanton woman, but thoughts of stopping his hands, or his body from not being this close, isn’t even an option. I’d forgotten Carter’s kind and loving nature. I’d forgotten how it felt to be loved by someone who truly cares and wants to spend every waking moment together. It’s a powerful feeling. One that makes my heart flutter and makes my stomach dip.

  When he bites my collar bone, I cry out but not in pain. No, Carter would never hurt me the way Easton had. My cries turn into a deep moan, and when his hips meet my aching pussy, I want to beg him to fuck me. I don’t want him to take his time savoring me. I want him now. I need him now, and I don’t think he knows just how much I do. “Carter, please.” I moan with an unrecognizable voice. It doesn’t sound like me. But I don’t really think much about it. I’m already too far gone to care.

  He nips at my earlobe, and with a husky voice he whispers, “I’m not rushing this, Shel. I have to savor you.” He nips my lobe again. “To touch you in every way I can.” I suck in a breath as his hands roam all over me attentively. “I have to have my fill of you and trust me.” He raises up and we lock gazes as he says, “It’s not going to be over any time soon.” Fuck me. I don’t know how to respond and he takes it as his cue to continue devouring me. He carefully moves down, and patiently pulls my shirt up. He leaves it covering my breasts, and my stomach jumps as I feel his breath tickling my skin. It’s as if my body is hypersensitive, and every little caress is going to send me over the edge.

  He plants sweet and tender kisses starting on my ribs, and I place my hands back in his thick hair as he moves around over my stomach. Hands are added to his kiss, and I lick my lips as I take in his warmth. All I can hear is the blood rushing to my brain. The familiar thump, thump of my heart and the ache, the need, shoots through me causing me to jerk him up to my mouth. Gone is his sweet and tender kiss. Carter takes my mouth like he’s starving for me. Like he can’t get enough and never wants it to end. His tongue dips in clashing with mine. Our teeth hit and when he pulls away quickly, he suddenly takes off my shirt. He tosses it off the bed and I don’t look away from him to see where it lands. Fuck the shirt. Fuck the clothes constricting us from touching skin to skin.

  I feel my face flush as he gazes down at me seeing how much he appreciates my body, makes all my insecurities vanish. He slowly takes his forefinger, touching my necklace, moving down my chest over my racing heart, and slowly traces down between my breasts. My stomach is next, and his eyes follow his steady movement. Hungry and lustful eyes meet mine once he stops, and I swallow down a moan. I reach up to rid him of his shirt, but instead he takes both of my hands in his. He gently pulls me up and places me in his lap and my legs straddle his. I wrap my arms around his neck as he lets go of my hands, and my back arches instinctively when he runs both hands up it. Our eyes never waver as he brushes my hair out of my face, and I know I’m affecting him just as he is me. I hear his panting and see his chest rising and falling. I feel his hard cock against me, and I rock forward to make his cock touch my clit through our constricting clothes. The pressure is amazing and he groans as he closes his eyes. No words are needed because I know he wants me. I see it as he opens them and gazes at me adoringly. I’ve missed this look. I’ve missed the way my stomach flutters seeing him stare at me with such love and compassion. I move my hands down his chest taking my fill, and stop once I reach his waist. I wait to see what he does next, realizing the anticipation is really turning me on.

  He cups my cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth, before slowly sliding his hand down my neck. His touch is light, gentle, and he pushes my hair off my shoulder as he says softly, “You’re so beautiful, Shelby.” I close my eyes taking in his tender caress as he unhurriedly takes my bra strap and pulls it down. I feel the brush of his lips on my shoulder, and as he leaves small pecks following down where my strap hangs. His fingertips delicately run down my arm, leaving goosebumps behind. “I could spend all day showing you how much I love you.” I can’t stop the moan that escapes my lips hearing his words. Carter knows just what to say to make me fall even more in love with him. Just knowing he feels the same way as I do, thrills me unlike anything I’ve ever known before. I’ve never stopped loving Carter. Even if we were apart for so long, my feelings never changed. People say you never forget your first love, and I wholeheartedly believe that. I never thought he’d still care for me after learning some of the things I went through, but I should’ve known better. Carter’s the most genuine person I’ve ever met, an
d he’d never turn his back on me. Especially when I need him the most. When he told me he loved me back, I felt my whole body let go of all the pain and suffering I’d experienced.

  His love is all I’ve ever needed.

  I open my eyes and keep them on him as he uses his other hand to tilt my head to the side, doing the same sweet and loving caress on my right arm. I cherish his touch, his caress. I shiver with pleasure when his hands roam to my back again, and he unsnaps my bra clasp. It slowly falls down as I pull my hands off his waist and he reaches to my front, grabbing the lacy bra tossing it on the floor. Before he can touch me again, I grab the bottom of his shirt quickly taking it off him. He grins at my sneaky and bold move, but I need his warmth touching me in every way I can get it. My breath catches in my throat as I stare at him, and even though I’ve seen him more than once with his shirt off. Being this close and feeling the sexual tension surrounding us, it seems as if I’m dreaming. I reach out my hand placing it over his fast pacing heart, just to be sure he’s here. Looking up at him, he takes a hold of my hand and brings it to his lips. He presses light kisses all over my fingertips and pulls me to him. I place my hand on his shoulder as he takes my mouth again, and Carter’s hands glide all over my upper body. When he cups my breast with both hands, he groans and I let out a squeal as he quickly flips me on my back. I don’t have time to even get adjusted to the new position as he claims my mouth again, still kneading my breasts.

  He hovers over me and one arm is placed beside my head holding himself up. Wrapping my legs around his waist, his other hand caresses my left breast firmly as I run mine up his back. His tongue dips into my mouth, and I twirl mine against his, loving how he tastes. When his hand moves to my other breast, I arch my hips, seeking the much needed attention to my aching clit. He presses his hips to mine, causing me to moan into his mouth, and I use my hands to pull him closer. Carter gives me a final peck on my lips, then moves down to my chin, slowly to down my neck, leaving me burning hotter than before with his kiss. He nips at my collar bone then kisses the sting of his bite away, before moving to my breasts.