The Daughterhood

by Natasha Fennell

  I’ve always loved to travel and I have been very lucky to have had Natasha as a travelling companion over many years and to many places. In Australia we travelled for a week with two boys who were only in their early twenties and we all got on very well . . . the only hiccup happened when I refused to eat in McDonald’s and the generation gap suddenly became apparent!

  My relationship with Natasha is very close. In many ways she is the rock of the family and has become my touchstone. Her energy is palpable and she has an abundance of common sense. I talk to her about decisions or choices I have to make in regard to everything from choosing paint colours and recipes, to how I should react to certain circumstances. Advice is there but never judgements; I am left to make my own final decisions which she accepts. She doesn’t take my power from me. She organises holidays for us, rings virtually every day and I’m always welcome in her house in Dublin.

  I feel very blessed. I love my children unconditionally and have seen them grow into adults who are ethical, hardworking and what I like to call ‘decent’ human beings. I haven’t had to see them go to war, become drug addicts or jailed for any crime. My relationship with each is different, naturally, but I know they are always there for me. I finally accept that they love me.

  And let me finish with Kahlil Gibran: ‘Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; for love is sufficient unto love.’

  POSTSCRIPT

  Maeve had a daughter and Lily’s expecting!

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  We would like to thank Kerri Sharp of Simon and Schuster UK for believing in this project from the start and for all her support during the writing of this book. We’re also very grateful to our editor Jo Roberts-Miller for her eagle eyes and warmth towards the book. We really appreciate the time taken by all the women who responded to our callout for daughters at the very beginning of this project. But, above all, we are eternally grateful to the women who joined The Daughterhood and shared their stories with such honesty, courage and great humour along the way.

  I – Natasha – would like to thank Róisín for being the perfect collaborator on The Daughterhood. I’ll always remember the often moving, more often hilarious, and deeply fulfilling evenings we spent in my kitchen obsessing over all things mother/daughter. Thank you to Ivan Mulcahy of Mulcahy Associates for backing this idea from the very beginning. I owe a deep gratitude to my many friends, in particular, Fiona Slevin, Joanna Gardiner, Rosetta Herr, Susan Heraghty, Sadhbh McCarthy, Adelaide Nic Charthaigh, Cathy Higgins, Claire Molloy and Veronica Cosgrove. They allowed our regular coffee and dinner dates to morph into mini Daughterhood forums and their stories were a constant source of inspiration.

  I couldn’t have written this book without the support of my family. My father, Desmond, was a constant source of encouragement while my sister, Kate, gave loads of support over Skype from her home in Turkey. My eldest brother Oisín, the backbone of the family, made sure I didn’t leave this idea on the back burner. A very special thank you to my sister, Sorcha, whose clarity of thought and insights were particularly valuable during the occasional wobbler. I’m deeply indebted to my brother and business partner, Cilian, for his infinite belief and confidence in me and this book. His unique perspective is a constant inspiration to me. A Mhamaí, buíochas ó chroí as do thacaíocht, do gháire agus do ghrá.

  Thank you to all at Stillwater Communications who helped at various stages of The Daughterhood: Rebecca Bury, Lisa Madden, Úna Ní Chárthaigh and Sinéad Ní Bhraoin.

  And, finally, I want to thank all the women I spoke to on planes, trains and anywhere I could start a mother conversation. Hearing what you all had to say about your mothers and the willingness with which you spoke confirmed for me that the world needs The Daughterhood.

  I – Róisín – would like to thank Natasha – for your friendship, for the laughs and for coming to me with this brilliant idea. Thanks also to my colleagues at the The Irish Times, especially Kevin O’Sullivan. I am so lucky to have Faith O’Grady, agent extraordinaire, of the Lisa Richards Agency in my corner. Thanks Faith. Thanks to all my great friends who have supported me in so many different ways, especially Amanda Brady, Patsey Murphy, Paul Howard, Trevor White, The Pot Luckers, Rosita Boland, Alison O’Connor, Una Mullaly, Sarah Francis, Fiona O’Malley, Aisling McDermott and Lisa Kehoe. Thanks to all my brothers and sisters for your love and tolerance. Special thanks to Joya and Priya for being the kindest, funniest, most loving and bestest daughters a mother could have – I want to shake it off with you forever. Biggest thanks go to my lovely Jonny for making sure I had the time and space to work on this project and for loving me, which can be hard sometimes. Finally to my mother Ann Ingle for everything – I owe you lunch, Ma (yeah, I know, AND the rest).